I had a brief respite from throwing together the Thursday nighter as Rev handled things last week, ably guessing up a storm as the draft unfolded and for that I’m grateful. (can’t believe he didn’t see that Penix pick from a mile away) Let’s do some random stuff.
Wasting Away in Draftville:
Yes, ESPN put together the complete waste of time that is a 2025 mock. The fact that I read it says more about me than I wish to know. Anyhoo, the first pick is Georgia QB Carson Beck, going to the Giants. (it was a tradeup, don’t get all excited about the WWW supposing that the Giants are going to land flat on their faces yet again. There are lousier teams out there as long as David Tepper is an owner) Meanwhile, over at SBNation the same Beck is their 16th ranked player in a D heavy selection process. It’s all meaningless detritus until the Bears grab a punter for the 2nd year in a row.
The Holiest of Holies:
I was reading my favorite pamphlet, The Daily Ablution, when I realized that this is a special day. Yes, it’s LEAFS ELIMINATION DAY! They’re on the ice tonight for Game 6 vs the Bruins and the magic should happen. Why? Let me list a few things:
-Matthews is a no-show again tonight
-The team has tallied all of nine goals in five games
-They’ve lost six straight playoff games at home
-They have one playoff series win since 2005
-Four years in a row they’ve tanked at home to end a series
-Coach Sheldon Keefe is a tepid 5-14 at home in the postseason since taking the reins in 2019
Heartless in Pittsburgh:
Steelers management has declined the 5th year option on both Najee Harris and Justin Fields. All the former has done is start his career out of the gate with three straight 1,000 yard seasons and set personal bests in YPC and TD’s in his fourth season. The company line is that they can still be signed but they need to perform in the Nepo Baby’s (Arthur Smith, for those who aren’t accustomed to my bile) completely unimaginative, moribund offense. Good luck with that year in no-man’s land fellas.
Have at it.
Anyone else have the Coach Beard part of this medley stuck in their head this morning?
https://youtu.be/16dc0NiaaZA?si=tqCSbLgWnJzjclRl
https://youtu.be/N7FDhGJOnG0?si=8CMU_ip_bseS-FPf&t=5951
/Door is casually opened
/Senor Weaselo walks in, and goes to the closet to put away his suit
/After a minute…
/Closet door flies open, revealing Timbs and a Knicks bandana around his wing-wang
Wooooooo! Suck it Kelly Oubre, you wanted the smoke? You can’t handle the smoke!
It’s so difficult to be all gangsta using today’s AI, autocorrect communication devices. When I say Yo Dog… I do not mean your dog.
I can’t stand autocorrect.
Sometimes when I go back and look at the message I think Dude it would have made much more sense if you just included my misspelled words.
We need to get with JJFozz and find out his secret. May have something to do with excessive alcohol.
I legit think you can turn it off on your phone.
It’s off on mine. I’d rather make my own mistakes, even if we can’t edit anymore to fix them. Speaking of creative spelling, I saw a boneappletea on reddit today that made me giggle. Dumb bunny said something was “meaty ogre.”
Did somebody say Meaty Ogre?
Bonus meatiness:
THIS UPCOMING KNICKS-PACERS PLAYOFF SERIES LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT DOGGYSTYLE BECAUSE SOMEBODY CALL SNOOP DOGG ITS 1994 ALL OVER AGAIN
Broke up with my girlfriend tonight, so you fuckers are going to be stuck with more of me.
(That was actually the reason, I said “baby, I need to spend more time with my make believe internet friends.” She understood.)
Hope you dont live in Texas right about now
Sorry to hear. Hope you’re doing alright
Oh, I’m good, thanks. There were things I’d been ignoring until they were staring me in the face and I realized this wasn’t right. And she didn’t exactly try to talk me out of it. So while it wasn’t exactly pleasant, it wasn’t too acrimonious.
That’s good. That’s about as good as you can get for a breakup.
Yeah, they are never easy, but they can range from awkward to off the charts crazy. I’d much rather deal with slightly uncomfortable than…dramatic.
We are always happy you are here Dunstan. Hopefully your princess will come ( she’s probably hoping for that too!) Lick your wounds, and then get back in there [PHRASING!]
Stupid Bruins. The one time I need them to win. It is … NAWT FA-YUH!
Oh man, Edwards is out after tonight. Hope he regains his health and never returns to announcing. Because man did he suck when he was healthy.
as ive said before
boston losing is the best possible outcome
leafs losing is the funniest possible outcome
saturday nights already for god-tier schadenfreude
Saturday night’s all right for laughing!
HAHAHAHAHA fuck off into retirement, Edwa…oh, wait, the Leafs have to win once more? In Boston?
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Oh fuck yes. Leafs in a game 7!
/remortgages the house to bet on Boston.
This happens to certain NBA and NHL teams this time of the year.
Just finished 20 minutes on the peloton, AMA
Why?
Because I’m fat
You play Aussie Rules. You’re not fat.
Post hoc ergo propter hoc
Sounds like you’re talking with a doughnut in your mouth.
The fact that’s credible is the problem
Zymm’s off somewhere doing mysterious Zymm things. She was probably our best bet to know what that non-pig latin is. I’m too lazy to operate the google machine.
perfect amount for one episode
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVdEuDQeL-U
Thank you for reminding me of that, it was so delightful.
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
An African swallow?
Under advice of counsel, I am invoking my fifth amendment rights and I decline to answer the question.
Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?
Next to the Sleetlivingrooms of tomorrow
THESE NEW YORK KNICKS I CALL THEM THE RAIDERS UNDER JOSH MCDANIELS BECAUSE THEY ARE IN THE PROCESS OF BLOWING A 20+ POINT LEAD.
…and they have successfully blown it.
We would also have accepted Sasha Banks, and something other than points.
Jesus God. Five minutes of listening to that asshole Jack Edwards as turned me into a Leafs fan. Whatever gets Edwards to retirement the fastest I am all on board for.
https://ibb.co/3zsfVbx
“Aaron J. Aaronson”
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWgYVeCqJ-8
Absolutely one of the funniest bits ever in cinema.
The Leafs got a hella veiny logo.
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: The good thing about being gone all day is that the dog hasn’t been in the house, so we don’t need to mop as much.
— thirty minutes later —
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [starts mopping]
She did say, “AS MUCH”.
That’s on you.
i know greek freak is hurt and dame time is a tad broken but…lol bucks really, really fucked the dog and eveybody tried to warn them
Pat Beverley threw a ball at a fan. He missed, but unfortunately he hit another fan – a woman – in the head. His original target gave him the ball back and he threw it again and missed again (sort of; he hit the fan in the midsection).
boston’s trying to defeat the maple leafs with as little shots on goal as humanly possible for maximum emotional damage and i can respect that
THAH PAAHHHNNNN
0 shots on a PP.
You might be on to something
ok now theyre ramping up their shot production. i guess the plan was only play half the game for the maximum emotional damage
whatever the case, it is no longer working
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbkjO0a3xJQ
Never gets old.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJN9mBRX3uo
It was expected that Fields would not get the extension. He’s on a tryout, essentially. If he works out, he’ll get a new cap-friendly contract.
Najee is a running back. As such, in modern NFL terms, he’s disposable. He’s essentially on tryout too. He’ll get a cap-friendly contract offer if he plays well with a good line.
The problem with him has been that other running backs in Pittsburgh have performed just as good as him. It’s like wide receivers now in that the Steelers can afford to let him leave and they can pick up another one that can do just as good.
But, we’ve got a new offensive tackle!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzxC3S1FEHQ
My brother and I still randomly quote this.
And a Center! And a Guard!