We’re going camping this weekend.
I hate camping.
My ancestors camped for 40 fucking years in the desert because they were complaining dickholes who reverted to idolotry at the drop of a hat. Camping was punishment, and the intervening 3000 years of Jewish history have been a relatively steady march away from that shit and toward things like Buildings and Plumbing and suchlike.
You want to know why American Ashkenazi Jewish society tends to highly value education and career achievement? Because those are the things that keep us out of tents!
But as with the idols thing, subsequent generations keep revisiting the folly. My wife was convinced by our best couple-friends that it would be Fun For The Kids. Sigh.
And so we will traipse out to Rural Illinois and pitch our tents and explain to the four year olds in the group why we are sweating our tits off in the midst of Cicada Orgy 2024, smack dab in the overlap between Brood XIX (the Great Southern Brood) and Brood XIII (the Despoilers of Hope). “Why, Daddy?” they will cry, “What happened to our homes and our stuffed animals and our air conditioning? What sins have we committed to be cast out of Eden?!?!”
And my fellow father and I will tell them The Truth: it is because you keep waking up in the middle of the night and coming into Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom during Special Time.
Little cockblocks…
Then we will roast marshmallows, and hardship shall be forgotten until one of them wakes up freaking out that there is a werebear in the trees.
Pray for me.
NFL NEWS
-The Bills signed wide receiver Marquez Valdes-Scantling to a one-year deal. MVS, formerly of the Chefs and Packers, brings some speed along with a distinguished history of Dropping the Fucking Ball. He joins Curtis Samuel, Mack Hollins and Chase Claypool in the competition for the Bills’ “Day-of-Game Waiver Pickup For Your WR3 Spot” position.
-The Lions have agreed to piss away $212 million over four years for Jared Goff’s continuing services. In fairness, although reports are that $170 million of it is guaranteed, I haven’t seen anything indicating what portion is fully guaranteed versus only guaranteed for injury, salary cap, etc. Maybe there’s a Derek Carr-style escape hatch that lets the team bail after two years of regression toward the mean.
I know Goff has taken off since coming to Detroit and has bee near the top of the league in many statistical categories. I mean no disrespect when I say he reminds me of the late 90s, when we had a run of guys like Steve Beuerlein, Elvis Grbac and Brad Johnson near the top of those same tables. Good quarterbacks who had good years, but not Pay Them Like Top 3 In The League guys. They don’t last. Dude’s mid-flight on the Blake Bortles-Jay Cutler arc, and it’s downhill from here.
Maybe I’m wrong. I fully cop to an anti-Detroit bias. Not because I dislike the team- far from it, under its current regime. But the team is shrouded by the same Dark Energy as the Bills: good things can happen, but like a karmic rubberband, the Universe will only let them stretch so far before they get snapped back. Wile E. Coyote. Giant slingshot. Etc.
-Antoine Winfield Jr. got paaaaaid by the Bucs. 4 years, $84.1 million, roughly half guaranteed in at least some form. Well deserved, although it’s a pity he’ll be stuck in Tampa.
With this signing, seven of the eight franchise tagees have signed multi-year contracts. Tee Higgins seems determined to either force a trade or play out the year in Cincy.
-Apparently Justin Fields and Nick Foles hated each others’ guts while in Chicago. Significant friction when Foles tried to “mentor” Fields, and Fields wasn’t having it. No word on whether the phrase “dick measuring contest” was literal or figurative in this instance.
WHAT’S ON TONIGHT?
NHL
Boston vs. Florida, (7:00 Eastern on ESPN)
Vancouver vs. Edmonton, (9:30 Eastern on ESPN)
Whelp, I’m ambivalent on the first game. Watching the Bruins flame out miserably is always a joy, stretching back to the Cam Neely asshole era. On the other hand, the Panthers’ very existence is an insult: birthed from the same rotting womb as the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, nutured in the semi-swampland of Miami, where no seeds of ice hockey should grow. Fuck’em both.
I have no opinions on Vancouver, but cannot watch Edmonton without being reminded of the NHL changing the Draft Lottery rules to cheat Buffalo out of its hard-won (hard-lost?) place at the top of the Connor McDavid. So fuck him, fuck them, go Vancouver
NBA
Indiana vs. New York (8 Eastern, TNT)
Minnesota vs. Denver (10:30 Eastern, TNT)
I guess go Indiana? My default is to root against any team claiming New York City, Tom Thibideau has ruined so many careers through coaching malpractice, and James Dolan manages to stand out among the godawful swamp of humanity that is NBA Ownership as the Asshole’s Asshole.
I think I’m pro-Minnesota in the second game. Stan Kroenke has already had to many good things in his life. Glen Taylor is no saint, but anybody who fucks over Alex Rodriguez and Mark Lore can’t be all bad.
I hit send too soon.
All three are from a cafe called La Societe that was in one of the high-end hotels, but I can’t remember which one. This was the day they closed all the bars due to Covid; but through some loophole hotels were exempt. I was sitting at this table when I said fuck it and booked a flight back to L.A.
Top: Croque Madame
Middle: Bonus French onion soup!
Bottom: Coffee
That’s a nice amount of cheese on the soup. I hate when they’re stingy with it. Gruyere me, baybee!
Nice!
Mother’s Day/spouse’s birthday. My MIL wanted to go to Red Lobster. I’m not snooty about restaurants (FFS I eat at Waffle House), but Red Lobster is good for the cheddar biscuit and that’s about it.
Today we went to Cap City Diner. Not a destination restaurant, but I do like their meatloaf. Every time I don’t get it, I think, “I should have got the meatloaf.”
Finally, Graeter’s strawberry ice cream cake for the missus.
Meatloaf:
Ice cream cake:
No raspberry chocolate chip?
I’m intrigued.
Here you go. The strawberry is very light for an ice cream cake. This…is not. Haven’t tried it but I bet it’s pretty good.
I’m going to go ahead and make a movie recommendation.
“Swiss Army Man” with Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe.
It’s from The Daniels. The same two who made Everything, Everywhere All at Once.
It’s on YouTube TV and MAX.
I was thoroughly entertained. It’s very… different but it has a great heart.
I think there is a solid faction of folks here who would enjoy it but it may be a tad bit divisive.
This will likely blow your mind.
Look at these absolutely gorgeous cakes and pastries. They are in the case at a patisserie in Montreal. At the end I’ll tell you where it was.
It was in a subway station.
And dammit I wish I could remember which one it was.
Sherbrooke Station!
https://ibb.co/2PM7HDS
So Padre Weaselo is hanging out with Jordan Rudess. Like, right now as we speak, they’re at a pizzeria somewhere on the Island.
Yeah, after seeing St. Vincent’s ranking in one of those things, I’m kinda skeptical of…
Ah. That will do nicely. Cool, I hope they have a good time!
A tale of three hot dogs:
First, a plain one that will get mustard in a second or two. But note the bun; I don’t know what they’re called but they’re also used for lobster rolls. It’s my favorite type of hot dog bun but they are hard to find.
La Banquise, Plateau Mont-Royal
Next, also at La Banquise, is a hot dog dressed “Montreal Style”
Finally, good ol’ Costco, Pointe-Saint-Charles. Note the Quebecois word for hot dog is “hot dog”
It’s a form of brioche I think?
Nope, just the same bread as any bun. But it’s a sliced loaf with a slit. Look at the sides. Toast both sides in butter for maximum impact. You could probably make your own with a wide loaf of Italian bread; it’s all in how it’s sliced.
When I was a kid we made cinammon toast with hot dog buns, that was tasty, especially with lots of melted butter. Butter is magic
Paula Dean – you have learned well Grasshopper…
A good (not stale) olive oil is pretty amazing too
Yeah actually we are like 95% olive oil everything. Butter very occasionally.
Now that is a properly civilized locale.
Nice thing about France, the butter/olive oil border runs right through the middle so good production of both!
That’s very Italian. The French are all about beurre.
Gotta admit though there are dishes where it’s just gotta be butter. Lookin at you pancakes. And baked potato.
If I get a big enough olive crop this year I think I’ll try making some oil.
Make it extra extra virgin
Let us know how it turns out!
Roger that.
I made garlic bread in the toaster oven with hamburger buns tonight. I had 2 left, needed to use them up.
They’re called either New England style, or split top buns.
thx!
Available at most supermarkets, at least here in Ohio.
I can never find them in L.A. I once ordered some online.
There’s a Costco story, where the bean counters tried to talk the CEO out of the $1.50 hot dog meal. The CEO told them something to the effect of, “I will fucking KILL you if you take the hot dog off the menu.” So life found a way, and Costco actually increased profits by making (and selling) their own 1/4 lb dogs.
The price of a Costco hot dog has remained the same since forever, and that’s intentional. I read that they sell more hot dogs than all MLB stadiums combined.
A tale of two onion soups:
La Vieille Creperie Brettone Ty-Breiz, Plateau Mont-Royal
This place I can’t remember:
My mom loves French Onion soup
Your mom clearly has excellent taste
“grumble grumble she sure does” — Bill Belichek
Both look delicious. French onion soup is my favorite soup
I judge a restaurant by its French onion soup.
We each had some at Top of Binions in Vegas.
Solid but there are better versions.
That’s right!
I’ve never been camping. Mrs Sharkbait has and says it’s fun. I could be talked into it if I can Ron Swanson it and do some fishing while I’m there
Bring a hammock or air mattress and you’re good for sleeping
They used to pay me to camp.
Besides, you need to teach kids how to pitch a tent, otherwise they’ll be totally unprepared for multi-day music festivals when they get older
“Oh, sure, but when *I* show kids how I pitch a tent, people get all dramatic about it.” — Jared Fogle
For the festivals we just had a lounge chair, a shit load of alcohol and a blanket.
And many more substances to be named later.
Yeah! That’s like camping.
And we can exhale. And then inhale for the Rangers tomorrow.
Thursday. But they need to get their shit together ASAP.
Shit, you’re right. I can’t remember dates this month for some reason.
I like camping, but only with the right equipment. Campfire food can be damn tasty. Gotta do the baked potatoes in the ash
Fire pit out back on the patio works too… just sayin…
Cast iron Dutch oven.
You can Pickard your friends, and you can Pickard your nose…
“Yeah, but too hard and you end up with a nosebleed.” – Eli Manning
Bacon, egg, & cheese sandwich with lettuce
Wait, did you say lettuce? On an egg sandwich? I sure did, and I thought they were nuts. And then I tried it. It’s a perfect addition, like why isn’t lettuce on all egg sandwiches. Try it!
Cafe Bloom, Pointe-Saint-Charles
Goddammit, now I have to get off my ass and make dinner.
STONE HIM! Also it is one word.
/Doesn’t like egg enough to order a BEC
Adding crunchy water to sandwiches is the raison de etre of iceberg lettuce
While researching disc golf courses, I came across one at a farm. I went to the farms website and they had a note they were looking for Woofers for the crops and that great views and camping are available (I guess ILO 401k, Health).
What’s a Woofer?
Maybe the crops grow better with the addition of heavy bass?
Ugly girlfriend?
Found a funny:
an orca patiently sitting through a Geico commercial before it can watch a boat sinking tutorial on youtube
Advertising needs to be reeled in.
yeah of course this guy says nothing about the orcas YOU’RE ON THEIR SIDE, AREN’T YOU?
I am totally on their side, orcas are awesome
“Nobody who read Startide Rising would say that.” – Hunter Renfrow
Sure looks like the cops are now using the bear spray that felled them on January 6th, doesn’t it?
I don’t care about who wins banner quote but I wholeheartedly endorse this comment .jpg as DTZM’s back tattoo.
For as liberal as I am (or at least like to think I am), events like October 7 and September 11 certainly do a very fine job of getting up the “exterminate the brutes” lobe of my brain to light up like a Christmas tree.
I’m not sure liberal or conservative comes into it, both factions are capable of supporting war crimes and disproportionate retribution in certain circumstances
The crime of war is not exterminating your enemy so you don’t have to keep putting resources towards post-war losers defense maintenance.
The crime of war is not making the real one interesting enough to get a few good movies out of it.
Sure, that’s the nuanced view of things, but that part of my brain has a hard time viewing groups of terrorists who murder thousands of civilians at a time as “factions”.
I was referring to liberals and conservatives as the factions there, although when you have two groups that are both committing crimes against humanity in a neverending cycle of revenge I suppose you could call them factions as well since the term just refers to groups that are in opposition.
I’m a humanist, so I’m generally against killing thousands of children, torture, depriving civilians of the basic necessities of life and so on, for any reason. There’s always an option that doesn’t require that, and the most peaceful option is usually the most effective as it breaks the cycle of retribution.
To be cliche about it, if two wrongs don’t make a right, millions of wrongs aren’t gonna do it either.
As a former professional camper, who also recently tried glamping, I say with some experience… There’s no place like home. Or a nice hotel room.
The Indiana Pacers are Jetsing right now.
I didn’t know JJ Frankie JJ did national anthems, but here we are.
Camping in random parts of Illinois? Starved Rock?
Land belonging to an aunt and uncle of our friends. Part of The Family Farmstead of a couple generations back.
Well, a too many men on the ice penalty has never hurt the Bruins in the playoffs before….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zs5ya9nw__g
Diner food in Montreal:
Eggs Benedict at the Greenspot, Saint Henri District
Fried eggs at the Greenspot:
Do you whip out the tripod and that big round circle light for all these food shots?
Here’s the set-up rt here:
Bigger crash and burn this off season: Rashee Rice or Harrison Butker?
I mean what’s the point of having a debate, nobody is ever going to top 2021’s winner.
Camping is indeed punishment. I see no need for it when there are perfectly good beds and air conditioning.
Tridents Up!
Ooh, fancy seats in the shade!
We used to go to M’s games in the Kingdome. You could hear people’s conversations across the field, it was so empty.
I had an absolutely horrific dining experience today at Union Station in Washington DC today. That’s probably an exaggeration but it was less than ideal. I do not care to go into it.
However, due to an unrelated project, I’ve been going through all my old Montreal photos. Dang there’s a lot of food porn in there. I probably posted some of these before a long time ago (pre-pandemic). Encore time.
Schwartz’s Charcuterie Hebraique (Schwartz’s Deli):
Oh man, if the Bruins lose a goal on this challenge after getting fucked yesterday it will be a travesty.
And endlessly hilarious.
My wife’s idea of camping is staying in 4 star hotel. And I’m totes fine with this. Not sure my body can handle sleeping on the ground anymore
I used to do a lot of camping. Now I am over 55: I hike, and then I go find a bed to sleep in. The ground hurts.
Just rock some Mitchell.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXQITWfsSd0
Tell them they are safe from werebears since they don’t harm cubs. Werewolves and werepanthers are a different matter entirely.
Samsquantches, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBflQqaw0hU