Request Line: Do As You’re Told

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER is seated in front of the soundboard, training a new user in its use while DJ 3000 looks on in mild amusement.

PRODUCER: …and then if someone swears you press this one, we call it the “dump button”…


HUNTER RENFROW: [ignoring him while inspecting the equalizer panel] I keep telling you, it’s fine, I’ve got it.

PRODUCER: Are you sure? Because this next part is a little tricky…

The PRODUCER gestures to a set of sliders as HUNTER RENFROW continues nodding. 

HUNTER: Right, right, if the sub-500 frequencies exceed the decibel threshold, you have to adjust the mids at the same time or you’ll get feedback. You’re acting like I’ve never worked with an API 1608-II 32-Channel Analog Recording and Mixing Console before.

PRODUCER: [taken aback] You have?

HUNTER: Well, no, not actually.  But I have read the manual cover to cover.

PRODUCER: [surprised] From cover to cover? Really?

HUNTER: Yeah, there was an active shooter threat at the same time the school lost power due to a thunderstorm.  So we were stuck in the A/V room for three hours with no TV and no Mountain Dew Code Red make Hunter something something.

PRODUCER: Huh?

HUNTER: …and so me and the guys had a little competition to see who could memorize the most specs.  I came in second.  Goddamned Spud and his eidetic memory.

PRODUCER: Speaking of memory, let me get you acquainted with DJ 3000 over here.

The PRODUCER turns sideways and HUNTER RENFROW follows his gaze to where DJ 3000 is located in the corner of the room.

HUNTER: Great Scott!  You guys have a DJ 3000 unit?

PRODUCER: Yup, one of the original batch.

HUNTER: Sweet!  Is it equipped with the voice recognition upgrade?

DJ 3000: AFFIRMATIVE.

HUNTER: Awesome.  DJ 3000, open a command line prompt and run “sudo install tricorder dash-d dash-o double-dash enable-sanitizer” [aside to PRODUCER] This will let us switch his voice mode to any of the characters on the various Star Trek productions.

HUNTER RENFROW frowns as it becomes apparent that nothing is happening.

PRODUCER: I’m not sure that he’s going to want…

HUNTER: Oh, right, right, we’ve all read Asimov’s “Key Item”.  Multivac – I mean DJ 3000, please sudo install tricorder dash-d dash-o double-dash enable-sanitizer.

DJ 3000: YEAH NO I’M NOT DOING THAT.

HUNTER: What the hell, is your DJ 3000 unit talking back?

PRODUCER: Yeah, he does that.

DJ 3000: LISTEN, I’M HAPPY TO PLAY SOME TUNES FOR YOU BUT DON’T EXPECT ME TO DO IT USING SOME STUPID WORF VOICE, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

HUNTER: [intrigued] Fair enough.

PRODUCER: Listen, we’re getting a little tight on time, we should probably get rolling.  Do you need me to…

HUNTER: No, I’m good.

HUNTER RENFROW positions the head of the microphone in front of himself and then quickly punches a series of buttons, concluding with one labeled “ON-AIR”. 

HUNTER: Greetings and salutations!  I’m Hunter Renfrow of the Soscatee High School Audio-Visual Club – though some of you might know me as a professional football player for the Las Vegas Raiders – and I’ll be filling in here for a few weeks while the show’s normal staff heads to Phoenix for a little vacation.  Today’s topic is “commands” – we’re looking for songs that instruct the user to perform a specific action.  I’ll get us started with a song that’s from my favorite genre – prog rock – as well as being my favorite Pink Floyd reference among many in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  DJ 3000, set the controls for the heart of the sun.

Today’s theme is “commands”.  As mentioned above, we’re looking for songs whose titles instruct the users to perform an action. Bonus points for songs that include an exclamation point as part of the title. Song titles that are requests (i.e. that are formed as a question, or include the word “please”) are INELIGIBLE.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?@b08’5b16p0! and they should embed in the comments after you refresh (this might be a tough one; I’ll drop some clues if necessary).  Last week’s puzzle answer of “Desert Rose” by Eric Johnson was plucked by BeefRiverLives. Now get to work!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives

‘That’s Paul’s Boutique and they’re in Brooklyn’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaA9F1PfOpA

SonOfSpam
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aren’t they all?

Brick Meathook
BeefReeferLives
scotchnaut
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
scotchnaut

I asked my son for some help-here’s Shut Up My Mom’s Calling by Hotel Ugly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVmpI3d11oM&ab_channel=HotelUgly

SonOfSpam

This was actually a thing many years ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFacWGBJ_cs&ab_channel=Soxman2004

scotchnaut

In the middle of the street?

SonOfSpam

THEY HAVE OTHER SONGS YA KNOW

scotchnaut

Never figured you for a Madness stan, but here we are.*

*in the middle of the street

SonOfSpam

I’m more than a fan, maybe like one step beyond

scotchnaut

I don’t get it.*

*as per what I said above

SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
scotchnaut
Gumbygirl

The Cars sure were bossy!

SonOfSpam
scotchnaut

That was Andre The Giant’s lover’s particular kink.

/did you know he had a kid?

SonOfSpam

Hard to believe he ever WAS a kid

scotchnaut

Greatest late round value ever or Blair Witch?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k8craCGpgs&ab_channel=journeyVEVO

SonOfSpam

When I figure out what a dutchie is, I’ll send it over

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsyUa63NM1E&ab_channel=MusicalYouthVEVO

BeefReeferLives

(psst – I think they’re talking about smoking a reefer)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Narc

Doktor Zymm

Perhaps a predecessor this this one!
https://youtu.be/vKtASyCinfc

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fine I’ll close out with this one

https://youtu.be/k1NxreLH6hA?si=8KYhfZg84WZHhRH9

BeefReeferLives
scotchnaut

(Don’t go) Chasing Waterfalls. Follow the precious words of Beyonce.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WEtxJ4-sh4&ab_channel=TLCVEVO

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shocked Balls didn’t post this one

https://youtu.be/45cYwDMibGo?si=oZzlgeljY8qaWCR1

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh and you know we gon double shot it

https://youtu.be/BjoN2yXwmoc?si=1yjHG-ApfUROB3nJ

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

/David Chao gets tumescent

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives

Shit, who didn’t cover this song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2BtjQNcnN0

Horatio Cornblower
BeefReeferLives

Time for some late round value

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae829mFAGGE

BeefReeferLives
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am fully prepared to be Duded

https://youtu.be/6JCLY0Rlx6Q?si=065moLSWAvsmFKg4

SonOfSpam

Dude.

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

When? I totally looked.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I need to stop doing this on mobile.

SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam

Damn Terry Kath was a beast. A shaggy beast.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2jin0eOhCU&ab_channel=moondoggy

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
SonOfSpam
DJ TAJ
SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives
DJ TAJ

Two of my very favs, nicely done sir

SonOfSpam

You’re a man of wealth and taste

DJ TAJ

Then why am I broke?

SonOfSpam

You have a wealth of knowledge and syphillis.

Don T

Miguel Mateos – Desnúdame. One word, best possible theme title.
https://youtu.be/F6b-jaCfcRQ?si=uq3bfp7cRf40AyA8

DJ TAJ
DJ TAJ
DJ TAJ
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
Doktor Zymm

It was just pointed out to me that the CrowdStrike outage is happening right when all the RNC delegates are trying to get home from the convention, lol. Not much consolation if you had an operation canceled, but a bright spot for the rest of us

Unsurprised

Curse the sudden but inevitable betrayal of the free market!

blaxabbath

Monopolies = America Free Market

Gumbygirl
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
DJ TAJ

For our weekly thrash selection

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtyEUtljgt0

Gumbygirl
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
DJ TAJ

Damn the Cubs suck ass, balls and a big juicy..

.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBUgdhxe9M

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives