INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The PRODUCER is seated in front of the soundboard, training a new user in its use while DJ 3000 looks on in mild amusement.
PRODUCER: …and then if someone swears you press this one, we call it the “dump button”…
HUNTER RENFROW: [ignoring him while inspecting the equalizer panel] I keep telling you, it’s fine, I’ve got it.
PRODUCER: Are you sure? Because this next part is a little tricky…
The PRODUCER gestures to a set of sliders as HUNTER RENFROW continues nodding.
HUNTER: Right, right, if the sub-500 frequencies exceed the decibel threshold, you have to adjust the mids at the same time or you’ll get feedback. You’re acting like I’ve never worked with an API 1608-II 32-Channel Analog Recording and Mixing Console before.
PRODUCER: [taken aback] You have?
HUNTER: Well, no, not actually. But I have read the manual cover to cover.
PRODUCER: [surprised] From cover to cover? Really?
HUNTER: Yeah, there was an active shooter threat at the same time the school lost power due to a thunderstorm. So we were stuck in the A/V room for three hours with no TV and no Mountain Dew Code Red make Hunter something something.
PRODUCER: Huh?
HUNTER: …and so me and the guys had a little competition to see who could memorize the most specs. I came in second. Goddamned Spud and his eidetic memory.
PRODUCER: Speaking of memory, let me get you acquainted with DJ 3000 over here.
The PRODUCER turns sideways and HUNTER RENFROW follows his gaze to where DJ 3000 is located in the corner of the room.
HUNTER: Great Scott! You guys have a DJ 3000 unit?
PRODUCER: Yup, one of the original batch.
HUNTER: Sweet! Is it equipped with the voice recognition upgrade?
DJ 3000: AFFIRMATIVE.
HUNTER: Awesome. DJ 3000, open a command line prompt and run “sudo install tricorder dash-d dash-o double-dash enable-sanitizer” [aside to PRODUCER] This will let us switch his voice mode to any of the characters on the various Star Trek productions.
HUNTER RENFROW frowns as it becomes apparent that nothing is happening.
PRODUCER: I’m not sure that he’s going to want…
HUNTER: Oh, right, right, we’ve all read Asimov’s “Key Item”. Multivac – I mean DJ 3000, please sudo install tricorder dash-d dash-o double-dash enable-sanitizer.
DJ 3000: YEAH NO I’M NOT DOING THAT.
HUNTER: What the hell, is your DJ 3000 unit talking back?
PRODUCER: Yeah, he does that.
DJ 3000: LISTEN, I’M HAPPY TO PLAY SOME TUNES FOR YOU BUT DON’T EXPECT ME TO DO IT USING SOME STUPID WORF VOICE, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
HUNTER: [intrigued] Fair enough.
PRODUCER: Listen, we’re getting a little tight on time, we should probably get rolling. Do you need me to…
HUNTER: No, I’m good.
HUNTER RENFROW positions the head of the microphone in front of himself and then quickly punches a series of buttons, concluding with one labeled “ON-AIR”.
HUNTER: Greetings and salutations! I’m Hunter Renfrow of the Soscatee High School Audio-Visual Club – though some of you might know me as a professional football player for the Las Vegas Raiders – and I’ll be filling in here for a few weeks while the show’s normal staff heads to Phoenix for a little vacation. Today’s topic is “commands” – we’re looking for songs that instruct the user to perform a specific action. I’ll get us started with a song that’s from my favorite genre – prog rock – as well as being my favorite Pink Floyd reference among many in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. DJ 3000, set the controls for the heart of the sun.
Today’s theme is “commands”. As mentioned above, we’re looking for songs whose titles instruct the users to perform an action. Bonus points for songs that include an exclamation point as part of the title. Song titles that are requests (i.e. that are formed as a question, or include the word “please”) are INELIGIBLE. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?@b08’5b16p0! and they should embed in the comments after you refresh (this might be a tough one; I’ll drop some clues if necessary). Last week’s puzzle answer of “Desert Rose” by Eric Johnson was plucked by BeefRiverLives. Now get to work!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BptQHAW2T5M
‘That’s Paul’s Boutique and they’re in Brooklyn’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaA9F1PfOpA
Good song to choke yourself with a belt to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLm3Khusq_8&pp=ygURaW54cyBkb24ndCBjaGFuZ2U%3D
Aren’t they all?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMX_DgGTr0A
Double Toke!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cIePqdz03A
Gumbygirl, where are you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnoxKXkPqEE&ab_channel=VSOProductions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4lao69z6qI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-zNkBsG1XE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk
I asked my son for some help-here’s Shut Up My Mom’s Calling by Hotel Ugly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVmpI3d11oM&ab_channel=HotelUgly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul_Kotlqi3k&ab_channel=Madness
This was actually a thing many years ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFacWGBJ_cs&ab_channel=Soxman2004
In the middle of the street?
THEY HAVE OTHER SONGS YA KNOW
Never figured you for a Madness stan, but here we are.*
*in the middle of the street
I’m more than a fan, maybe like one step beyond
I don’t get it.*
*as per what I said above
Anyone wanna make this a double shot?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pHeAROucGc&pp=ygULeWVzIGhvbGQgb24%3D
Fine, I’ll do it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw&pp=ygUWaG9sZCBvbiBhbGFiYW1hIHNoYWtlcw%3D%3D
TRIPLE SHOT and also the best possible version of this sentiment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0vk5SGmw3w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECw76_KCUg0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpA3NVafsdo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpPjRwanVSk
[elbows his way in]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BDBzgHXf64&ab_channel=danica
The Cars sure were bossy!
*Unless you’re Chris Christie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf6vCjtaV1k&ab_channel=REMVEVO
That was Andre The Giant’s lover’s particular kink.
/did you know he had a kid?
Hard to believe he ever WAS a kid
Greatest late round value ever or Blair Witch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k8craCGpgs&ab_channel=journeyVEVO
When I figure out what a dutchie is, I’ll send it over
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsyUa63NM1E&ab_channel=MusicalYouthVEVO
(psst – I think they’re talking about smoking a reefer)
Narc
heh heh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dax_tnZRExc&ab_channel=MontyPython
Perhaps a predecessor this this one!
https://youtu.be/vKtASyCinfc
Fine I’ll close out with this one
https://youtu.be/k1NxreLH6hA?si=8KYhfZg84WZHhRH9
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw2GM-ZHe8I
(Don’t go) Chasing Waterfalls. Follow the precious words of Beyonce.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WEtxJ4-sh4&ab_channel=TLCVEVO
And now much much older
https://youtu.be/1-KWX26Dwv8?si=r6WIz6ogIvp_qnGe
Let’s get more recent
https://youtu.be/-px9MYLIhGo?si=DgoTdY58p9j0cE9G
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVi67FX_s1A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTSxcvnLC-U
Shocked Balls didn’t post this one
https://youtu.be/45cYwDMibGo?si=oZzlgeljY8qaWCR1
Oh and you know we gon double shot it
https://youtu.be/BjoN2yXwmoc?si=1yjHG-ApfUROB3nJ
And TRIPLE it
https://youtu.be/ubR9cXWkXv8?si=03q75MwFx6dsKRgW
Hell, why not a QUAD shot
https://youtu.be/r7imYeuAfkg?si=D24mwPue5rfZCqwM
/David Chao gets tumescent
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7LJl8jsApc
Shit, who didn’t cover this song?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2BtjQNcnN0
https://youtu.be/PVjiKRfKpPI?si=EHpc6RITAJKplRIN
https://youtu.be/v4azbl96BJY?si=aWTv0zPN9FLiF9Nu
Seems timely
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MkRuV0aCcI
This is timely
https://youtu.be/UHup6yVL7rA?si=_sToVPKxOBedIGt4
Time for some late round value
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae829mFAGGE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdbrIrFxas0
DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vet6AHmq3_s
Double shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuX7e9-7Lhc
I am fully prepared to be Duded
https://youtu.be/6JCLY0Rlx6Q?si=065moLSWAvsmFKg4
Dude.
When? I totally looked.
I need to stop doing this on mobile.
Palate cleanser after the Nirvana song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJQnZZ-Wmao&pp=ygUkZG9udCBsZXRzIHN0YXJ0IHRoZXkgbWlnaHQgYmUgZ2lhbnRz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-ifjIAoleI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYXSTMK8MU8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_8cwSWEhaI
Late round horrific value!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TsqlT0rfJI&ab_channel=NirvanaVEVO
Damn Terry Kath was a beast. A shaggy beast.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2jin0eOhCU&ab_channel=moondoggy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWR_w6BlS0E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SOt4tAaQS8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tlLI8XQyBM
You make a dead man what exactly?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGyOaCXr8Lw&pp=ygUac3RhcnQgbWUgdXAgcm9sbGluZyBzdG9uZXM%3D
The ultimate command
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TO0rC1zBMyY
Buncha stops
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwI02OHtZTg&pp=ygUEc3RvcA%3D%3D
more stop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITyXjY5L-_E&pp=ygUEc3RvcA%3D%3D
it’s time to stop innit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JD6ejmlpa8&pp=ygUEc3RvcA%3D%3D
Stop doing what exactly?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5i7j0VhEHw&pp=ygUEc3RvcA%3D%3D
What the heck…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QzxtVvt9M0
Two of my very favs, nicely done sir
You’re a man of wealth and taste
Then why am I broke?
You have a wealth of knowledge and syphillis.
No, don’t.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPoggQ7BNwI
Miguel Mateos – Desnúdame. One word, best possible theme title.
https://youtu.be/F6b-jaCfcRQ?si=uq3bfp7cRf40AyA8
Fun topic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz1ca1-_-MY
A fitting next choice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yYVWtXTz-k
Come on everybody
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsHl1nZntQo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4XQ-HrHaHw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WgyieNTv6c
It was just pointed out to me that the CrowdStrike outage is happening right when all the RNC delegates are trying to get home from the convention, lol. Not much consolation if you had an operation canceled, but a bright spot for the rest of us
Curse the sudden but inevitable betrayal of the free market!
Monopolies = America Free Market
Always with the Joni!
https://youtu.be/otPQDEbVsc4?si=u0Xe1yyc9xxFDSLo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KK9cVZvg0M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Zn9IGbwbug
For our weekly thrash selection
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtyEUtljgt0
DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x0fPZrPV3M&ab_channel=RomeoVoidVEVO
(If you want to)
https://youtu.be/iNwC0sp-uA4?si=ItCREf2L41_kwzia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C53QtZkwF8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uJIKxglBvo
Damn the Cubs suck ass, balls and a big juicy..
.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBUgdhxe9M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obckpLUiqhM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp1VbxJtODA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7Mxz1sucuE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4dhmweFUXI