*Your weather may vary.
I do love the Harris’ campaign throwing Trump and his acolytes off-balance. The latter were not even remotely prepared for this approach.
No sense lollygagging like Blax-let’s get into a few observations about yesterday’s action.
-That Carolina/Buffalo game was pretty interesting given what it was. Frank Gore Jr, son of Frank Gore The Compiler acquitted himself quite well yesterday, crossing the 100 yard barrier and adding a TD as well. He’s an UDFA which is a bit surprising because the NFL hive mind loves the offspring of former players and he ran for 1,000+ yards in his last two years at Southern Miss. Perhaps his 4.69 40 time came into play while his assessment was done? Anyway, to my untrained eye his play speed is much faster than that.
-The NFC East took a beating yesterday. The Eagles had their doors blown off 26-3, the Cowboys took the L and qb Lance threw 5 picks and the Giants put all of two field goals on the board and DeVito was sacked three plays in a row. It’s preseason but still.
-My prediction of Atlanta being sneaky good this year? They lost 31-0. It’s preseason but still.
To The Games!
TEN/N.O.:
-Juwan Johnson is a nice streaming option if that’s the way you want to go. He had 7 scores just two years ago. Maybe a better best ball player.
-The Titans finally (finally!) put some resources towards their wr room and it shows. Calvin Ridley can be a difference-maker and was held back by Prison Girlfriend imo, Hopkins’ best years are behind him and he’s injury-prone (though he did play all 17 games last year) but he can still get open and move the chains and the uber-dependable Tyler Boyd was always under rated in Cincy.
ARI/DEN:
-This is Bo Nix’s team I’ll have you know! Them Broncs have been starving for adequate qb play for years now and I think they’re just one or two seasons away from finally seeing it.
-Folks in the fantasy community are done with Javonte and think that Jaleel McLaughlin Group is the answer as the three down back that Payton covets. He doesn’t have the build of an every down back though.
-The Cards receiving/tight end group is very talented and very young. They could be Mentos in a Coke bottle as soon as this year.
N.E./WAS:
-It’s going to be weird seeing Ekeler in a Commies uni. Sure, players jump to different teams all the time but this one hits different.
-The uniquely-named Olamide Zaccheaus (please, someone come up with a nickname for this guy so that I never have to type that again) wowed everyone in training camp and with Dotson gone, has secured himself a starting role. Kudos to him-I had him pegged (snorts) as a wr on the fringe of rosters as long as he was in the league.
Let’s do this…
Seems to be slow* time in Hawaii. I’m camped at the bar. Which is a treat to me because people are always like, “you gotta work in service!” and I’m like, “no.”
Anyways, couple at end of bar has obnoxious husband and submissive wife. He’s been going for the 90mins over been here. He can’t reach me so I’m loving life right now.
Tonight’s special is Ono. That’s a seafood animal, I contend from menu subtext.
*Sam Darnold
With that punishment out of the way, I will remind everyone that all six seasons and the movie for Homicide: Life on the Street are available on Peacock.
I see there is also a movie where Nathalie Emmanuel plays a leather-clad assassin directed by John Woo.
Oh. THIS is the Killer remake people were whining about. Still.
And, naturally, it wouldn’t be Woo without a shootout in a church, a graveyard, and a Mexican Standoff.
Punchable face alert. Neppo Baby Wolf
The Patriots brain trust hard at work
Speaking of schadenfreude and inspired by a twitter thread earlier this week – that word would never have entered the lexicon if not for The Simpsons.
https://twitter.com/manuclearbomb/status/1826343351811264798?s=12
https://x.com/voicesbyzane/status/1826733029043437852?s=12
I don’t know if they invented it, but I love the :character leaves screen: then you hear all the sounds leading up to a car peeling out and pulling away.
Brilliant storytelling.
At the two-minute warning, Chris is going to run down to the field with just a bottle of baby oil and a hard-on
Best line I have read today which describes a chaotic mess of people – it’s like watching two monkeys try to jerk off a coconut.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsSuueEGQSM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvqegVZMfvo
“Monkeys trying to fuck a football.”
https://x.com/YouWager_FF/status/1827896555317109187#m
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvgt9y_o2tw&list=OLAK5uy_n3dedD4CFk-dQ1aijgJiukJd7Z1JMQeX0
No more Diet NFL, please. Can we have the real thing now? I’m asking politely.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4AX2CGYl7Q
I’m ready to be whelmed again, Steelers. I know Jets fans are ready to have their souls shredded again, too.
Bold of you to think I still have a soul when it comes to the Jets.
So, let it rip then?
Good fartin’!
Full Fucking Grossman
GrossmanFartman<div class=”tenor-gif-embed” data-postid=”8594066″ data-share-method=”host” data-aspect-ratio=”1.76″ data-width=”100%”><a href=”https://tenor.com/view/howard-stern-fart-fartman-gif-8594066″>Howard Stern Fart GIF</a>from <a href=”https://tenor.com/search/howard+stern-gifs”>Howard Stern GIFs</a></div> <script type=”text/javascript” async src=”https://tenor.com/embed.js”></script>
Now I know how princess got pregnant.
Everything makes so much sense now.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKHG-_d-luc
Nosferatu looking motherfucker needs to fuck the fuck off.
That fan reaction will make a fine recurring gif.
That is pretty great. Love the reactions of the fans behind him, too…
Especially the lady pointing and laughing. That’s some prime Pats shadenfreuda right there…
My enjoyment of the game went way up when I muted the sound
Last comment about this WYTS
God could’ve done the funniest fucking thing that evening.
How the fuck does Ludacris mispronounce his own sobriquet?
Mariotta is the Commie backup QB!?!??
I just saw that and started laughing.
Why the Hell doesn’t Washington has a burgundy on gold pattern?
Also, to quote Joe Biden, you ain’t black [uniforms]. Steelers wear black. This is like the Steve Martin Father of the Bride when everyone is asking him why he’s wearing navy blue at his daughter’s wedding.
https://www.commanders.com/news/4-things-to-know-about-the-washington-commanders-new-uniforms&lang=en
Mrs. Cola’s 1 of 2 drafts is in a half hour. Female only league, I just got day drunk with the season champ, my best friend. My wife is happy for my efforts to unfocus her.
She has #2 and does not want to know about people’s shit lives. She will go with Tyreek..
https://tenor.com/view/well-waiting-caddyshack-gif-5385414
BLEERGH needs her preseason sacrifices! FLAGS FOAR THE FLAG GOD!!!!!!
This is funny, from WYTS 2024
Link fixed to non-Google non-cancer API frontend.
I cannot imagine being a black man and succeeding Darth Hoodie as the Pats head coach.
Fuck you WEEI, or whatever the letters are, do you now regret insisting we get rid of Bill! – R. Kraft
The watchmans depicture of the Tulsa Race massacre comes closest
Massissippi Burning
I don’t even hate Belichick. I just hate that he wasn’t MY team’s head coach (not that I had a team after Synder bought the D.C. football team).
Goddammit Freo.
I’ll watch the Grand Final but see you next year AFL.
Still wearing my Dockers shirt.
Did Carlton finish their David Carradine yet?
They did their best but Freo let them off the hook
My good pal, Insomnia, and I watched that this morning. I’m not exactly sure what was going on, but it was an interesting and enjoyable watch.
It’s such a fun game
fanatics now wants marvin harrison sr, too
for those waiting for fanatics to go to hell, the time has almost come
https://awfulannouncing.com/nfl/fanatics-lawsuit-marvin-harrison-sr-jr-fraud.html
Just don’t agree to meet them at one of their car washes, Fanatics lawyers.
Nice non-block, shithead
The Commies uniforms make them look like they’re the Great Value Steelers.
They’re not bad. Actually, I would prefer those over the bumblebees.
I like the bee uni’s!
Give me five bees for a quarter! – Jerrah, forgetting which century he’s in
And they’re definitely better than the uniforms with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you.
Is it perfect timing that I remembered football just in time for kickoff of WAS-NE, or am I cursed?
Yes.
The teats of mother hope have run dry.
Have we waited all day for Sunday night?
Nope, I hate Sunday night, have to work the next day, the start of another soul sucking day for my wife, my job is not that bad,
My annual tradition of nawt watching any preseason games continues again this year. Don’t think I’ve even caught any highlights
I’ve had the games on as background noise, and I have to say, I really enjoy when I get to hear the local broadcast crews just be absolute homers for their teams instead of the bland sports speak and Goodell (*spits*) mandated “narrative” the national booths bombard us with.
i thought patriots vs commies was decided in 1991
llws won on a bunt
happiest day in ned yost’s life
A miracle! Was it Cuban Jesus or Dominican Jesus?
Holy shit, all the food at this cocktail hour. I did not have enough time in ten minutes to gorge myself, but I had a representative number of meats and the requisite water and Coke to get me through.
/In separate glasses.
Senor Weaselo, dramatic re-creation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCi91CU4AUk
“I learned this in France”
Nickname? Keep it simple. O. Z. works fine, plus that’s what we called a big bag o’ dope back in the olden days. Now get off my lawn, whippersnappers, I’m trying to take my nap!
Florida LL coach seems like a real asshole. Rooting for Chinese Taipei.
You’re coaching 12-year-olds, my good man; there is no reason for a grown-ass adult to be acting the way you are.
another bad base running call. game would be over if florida man did not exist
So the latest conservative swipe at Walz is that his website listed him as having received an award from the Nebraska Chamber of Commerce, when it turns out in truth that the award was from the Nebraska Junior Chamber of Commerce. Can’t wait to see what they come up with next:
“Governor Walz, how do you respond to allegations from Owatonno High School that your football players, at your instruction, engaged in a formation that suggested that they would play a basic cover-2 defense, but instead employed a green dog blitz package instead?”
the way the gop has attacked a former defensive coordinator you know this man will be punching them in their dreams very soon
Guy who “broke” that “story” got absolutely crucified on Twitter. It was pretty funny.
On the other hand, the Republicans actually using actual facts instead of alternative facts is surprising hopeful?
Facts never apply to THEM.
Say what you want about Conservative Cults, but don’t drag Northern Irish Rock bands into this!
Them (band) – Wikipedia
Van Morrison is an asshole. A prodigiously talented asshole, yes, but still an asshole.
Ahem, I believe you mean the Conservative *Cure*.
“A Green Dog Blitz Package?! That’s it, he’s lost my vote!” – Various Defensive Coordinators and Coaches
Mrs. Horatio (At the ALS fundraiser) (Comes back to table after circulating, as real estate agents do): Aw man, I ran out of business cards to hand out.
My Brother (Just Fucking Immediately): Don’t worry about it; your name’s already on both bathroom walls.
Guess who’s walking home?
I got a ride home but I did have to buy dinner tonight.
I like your brother.
llws title game 1-0 in the bottom of the 6th
florida coach invoking the lord in the mid-inning pep talk
The Lord: “Keep My name out of this and maybe next time you have the bases loaded and one out be a little more aggressive on the base paths.”
SUCCESS!
He wasn’t invoking the lord. He was just calling out a couple players.
the other day was the 5th anniversary of andrew luck saying fuck off to the fat humps
if/when she does the same and leaves for a (much, much) better franchise i will absolutely die of laughter
https://x.com/CClarkReport/status/1827667252801409047
Come to L.A.
they are almost as bad…but this changes if they win the tankers for bueckers sweepstakes
Just wait until Cameron comes back.
I’m eating a pork belly burger ( NOT carnitas. That place was sold out.). A+
Also, if you’re getting a spray tan, you should not be wearing anything.
Michigan receives NCAA notice of allegations in Connor Stalions’ sign-stealing investigation – CBSSports.com
IT BEGINS – Barney – YouTube
I have no idea who is good. Fantasy football is going to be ridiculous. I may be the first to get relegated.
I’m not even gonna be there, so I know I’m in trouble.
Olamide makes me think of thalidomide babies, take that for what you will.
this was in reference to the need for a nickname – the mutant?
Ok, that’s a start.
We had to watch a film in biology or health class about those babies and there was a lot, I mean a lot of pictures of those poor infants. Very effective means of instilling fear of childbirth into teens, at least no one said “Wait, that one looks like my cousin!”.
“That’s okay, I think of things with flippers all the time too.” – JD Vance
Spencer Rattler. That is all.
I’d pick Rattler at the end of a serpentine draft, for sure.
skerry snek!
I dunno, you throw a thick T-shirt over his head and he’s basically helpless.
(Seriously, do not do this; guy in CT tried to catch a rattler this way recently and last I knew he’s still in a coma)