Your Sunny* Sunday Afternoon Open Thread (plus small amount of political content)

*Your weather may vary.

I do love the Harris’ campaign throwing Trump and his acolytes off-balance. The latter were not even remotely prepared for this approach.

No sense lollygagging like Blax-let’s get into a few observations about yesterday’s action.

-That Carolina/Buffalo game was pretty interesting given what it was. Frank Gore Jr, son of Frank Gore The Compiler acquitted himself quite well yesterday, crossing the 100 yard barrier and adding a TD as well. He’s an UDFA which is a bit surprising because the NFL hive mind loves the offspring of former players and he ran for 1,000+ yards in his last two years at Southern Miss. Perhaps his 4.69 40 time came into play while his assessment was done? Anyway, to my untrained eye his play speed is much faster than that.

-The NFC East took a beating yesterday. The Eagles had their doors blown off 26-3, the Cowboys took the L and qb Lance threw 5 picks and the Giants put all of two field goals on the board and DeVito was sacked three plays in a row. It’s preseason but still.

-My prediction of Atlanta being sneaky good this year? They lost 31-0. It’s preseason but still.

To The Games!

TEN/N.O.:

-Juwan Johnson is a nice streaming option if that’s the way you want to go. He had 7 scores just two years ago. Maybe a better best ball player.

-The Titans finally (finally!) put some resources towards their wr room and it shows. Calvin Ridley can be a difference-maker and was held back by Prison Girlfriend imo, Hopkins’ best years are behind him and he’s injury-prone (though he did play all 17 games last year) but he can still get open and move the chains and the uber-dependable Tyler Boyd was always under rated in Cincy.

ARI/DEN:

-This is Bo Nix’s team I’ll have you know! Them Broncs have been starving for adequate qb play for years now and I think they’re just one or two seasons away from finally seeing it.

-Folks in the fantasy community are done with Javonte and think that Jaleel McLaughlin Group is the answer as the three down back that Payton covets. He doesn’t have the build of an every down back though.

-The Cards receiving/tight end group is very talented and very young. They could be Mentos in a Coke bottle as soon as this year.

N.E./WAS:

-It’s going to be weird seeing Ekeler in a Commies uni. Sure, players jump to different teams all the time but this one hits different.

-The uniquely-named Olamide Zaccheaus (please, someone come up with a nickname for this guy so that I never have to type that again) wowed everyone in training camp and with Dotson gone, has secured himself a starting role. Kudos to him-I had him pegged (snorts) as a wr on the fringe of rosters as long as he was in the league.

Let’s do this…

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blaxabbath

Seems to be slow* time in Hawaii. I’m camped at the bar. Which is a treat to me because people are always like, “you gotta work in service!” and I’m like, “no.”

Anyways, couple at end of bar has obnoxious husband and submissive wife. He’s been going for the 90mins over been here. He can’t reach me so I’m loving life right now.

Tonight’s special is Ono. That’s a seafood animal, I contend from menu subtext.

*Sam Darnold

Unsurprised

With that punishment out of the way, I will remind everyone that all six seasons and the movie for Homicide: Life on the Street are available on Peacock.

Unsurprised

I see there is also a movie where Nathalie Emmanuel plays a leather-clad assassin directed by John Woo.

Oh. THIS is the Killer remake people were whining about. Still.

And, naturally, it wouldn’t be Woo without a shootout in a church, a graveyard, and a Mexican Standoff.

Recovery Whiskey

Punchable face alert. Neppo Baby Wolf

Recovery Whiskey

The Patriots brain trust hard at work

Unsurprised

Speaking of schadenfreude and inspired by a twitter thread earlier this week – that word would never have entered the lexicon if not for The Simpsons.

Unsurprised
blaxabbath

I don’t know if they invented it, but I love the :character leaves screen: then you hear all the sounds leading up to a car peeling out and pulling away.

Brilliant storytelling.

Unsurprised

At the two-minute warning, Chris is going to run down to the field with just a bottle of baby oil and a hard-on

ArmedandHammered

Best line I have read today which describes a chaotic mess of people – it’s like watching two monkeys try to jerk off a coconut.

WCS
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BugEyedBoo

“Monkeys trying to fuck a football.”

Unsurprised
WCS

No more Diet NFL, please. Can we have the real thing now? I’m asking politely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4AX2CGYl7Q

I’m ready to be whelmed again, Steelers. I know Jets fans are ready to have their souls shredded again, too.

Senor Weaselo

Bold of you to think I still have a soul when it comes to the Jets.

Gumbygirl

So, let it rip then?

ballsofsteelandfury

Good fartin’!

Unsurprised

Full Fucking Grossman

Unsurprised

Grossman Fartman

<div class=”tenor-gif-embed” data-postid=”8594066″ data-share-method=”host” data-aspect-ratio=”1.76″ data-width=”100%”><a href=”https://tenor.com/view/howard-stern-fart-fartman-gif-8594066″>Howard Stern Fart GIF</a>from <a href=”https://tenor.com/search/howard+stern-gifs”>Howard Stern GIFs</a></div> <script type=”text/javascript” async src=”https://tenor.com/embed.js”></script>

WCS

Now I know how princess got pregnant.

Everything makes so much sense now.

BeefReeferLives

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Gumbygirl

.

facebook_1627424441001_6825912842592834991_46727426531235 (1).jpg
ArmedandHammered

Nosferatu looking motherfucker needs to fuck the fuck off.

Unsurprised

That fan reaction will make a fine recurring gif.

BeefReeferLives

That is pretty great. Love the reactions of the fans behind him, too…

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BeefReeferLives

Especially the lady pointing and laughing. That’s some prime Pats shadenfreuda right there…

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ArmedandHammered

My enjoyment of the game went way up when I muted the sound

Unsurprised

Last comment about this WYTS

The surprise, though, came when it turned out nobody much wanted him, precisely because he was Bill Belichick. He was either too old, too crusty, too set in his ways, or not Raheem Morris enough. That thought alone made Comrade Magary sing, “I Am Sixteen Going On Seventeen” at karaoke night in Satan’s Workshop Tavern, and he still wears that red gingham dress to this day.

God could’ve done the funniest fucking thing that evening.

Unsurprised

How the fuck does Ludacris mispronounce his own sobriquet?

LemonJello

Mariotta is the Commie backup QB!?!??

ArmedandHammered

I just saw that and started laughing.

Unsurprised

Why the Hell doesn’t Washington has a burgundy on gold pattern?

Unsurprised

Also, to quote Joe Biden, you ain’t black [uniforms]. Steelers wear black. This is like the Steve Martin Father of the Bride when everyone is asking him why he’s wearing navy blue at his daughter’s wedding.

https://www.commanders.com/news/4-things-to-know-about-the-washington-commanders-new-uniforms&lang=en

litre_cola

Mrs. Cola’s 1 of 2 drafts is in a half hour. Female only league, I just got day drunk with the season champ, my best friend. My wife is happy for my efforts to unfocus her.

LemonJello

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litre_cola

She has #2 and does not want to know about people’s shit lives. She will go with Tyreek..

Unsurprised
LemonJello

BLEERGH needs her preseason sacrifices! FLAGS FOAR THE FLAG GOD!!!!!!

Unsurprised

This is funny, from WYTS 2024

In Javon Baker’s FaceTime interview with Steve Smith, while answering a question about his propensity for dropped passes, he dropped his phone.

Link fixed to non-Google non-cancer API frontend.

Unsurprised

I cannot imagine being a black man and succeeding Darth Hoodie as the Pats head coach.

ArmedandHammered

Fuck you WEEI, or whatever the letters are, do you now regret insisting we get rid of Bill! – R. Kraft

Gatoraids

The watchmans depicture of the Tulsa Race massacre comes closest

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Massissippi Burning

Unsurprised

I don’t even hate Belichick. I just hate that he wasn’t MY team’s head coach (not that I had a team after Synder bought the D.C. football team).

yeah right

Goddammit Freo.

I’ll watch the Grand Final but see you next year AFL.

Still wearing my Dockers shirt.

King Hippo

Did Carlton finish their David Carradine yet?

ballsofsteelandfury

They did their best but Freo let them off the hook

Last edited 2 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
LemonJello

My good pal, Insomnia, and I watched that this morning. I’m not exactly sure what was going on, but it was an interesting and enjoyable watch.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s such a fun game

fleshwound_NPG

fanatics now wants marvin harrison sr, too

for those waiting for fanatics to go to hell, the time has almost come

https://awfulannouncing.com/nfl/fanatics-lawsuit-marvin-harrison-sr-jr-fraud.html

LemonJello

Just don’t agree to meet them at one of their car washes, Fanatics lawyers.

Unsurprised

Nice non-block, shithead

LemonJello

The Commies uniforms make them look like they’re the Great Value Steelers.

ballsofsteelandfury

They’re not bad. Actually, I would prefer those over the bumblebees.

Gumbygirl

I like the bee uni’s!

Unsurprised

Give me five bees for a quarter! – Jerrah, forgetting which century he’s in

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And they’re definitely better than the uniforms with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you.

Last edited 2 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Unsurprised

Is it perfect timing that I remembered football just in time for kickoff of WAS-NE, or am I cursed?

LemonJello

Yes.

Unsurprised

The teats of mother hope have run dry.

LemonJello

Have we waited all day for Sunday night?

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ArmedandHammered

Nope, I hate Sunday night, have to work the next day, the start of another soul sucking day for my wife, my job is not that bad,

Game Time Decision

My annual tradition of nawt watching any preseason games continues again this year. Don’t think I’ve even caught any highlights

LemonJello

I’ve had the games on as background noise, and I have to say, I really enjoy when I get to hear the local broadcast crews just be absolute homers for their teams instead of the bland sports speak and Goodell (*spits*) mandated “narrative” the national booths bombard us with.

fleshwound_NPG

i thought patriots vs commies was decided in 1991

fleshwound_NPG

llws won on a bunt

happiest day in ned yost’s life

Unsurprised

A miracle! Was it Cuban Jesus or Dominican Jesus?

Senor Weaselo

Holy shit, all the food at this cocktail hour. I did not have enough time in ten minutes to gorge myself, but I had a representative number of meats and the requisite water and Coke to get me through.

/In separate glasses.

LemonJello

Senor Weaselo, dramatic re-creation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCi91CU4AUk

Unsurprised

“I learned this in France”

Gumbygirl

Nickname? Keep it simple. O. Z. works fine, plus that’s what we called a big bag o’ dope back in the olden days. Now get off my lawn, whippersnappers, I’m trying to take my nap!

Horatio Cornblower

Florida LL coach seems like a real asshole. Rooting for Chinese Taipei.

You’re coaching 12-year-olds, my good man; there is no reason for a grown-ass adult to be acting the way you are.

fleshwound_NPG

another bad base running call. game would be over if florida man did not exist

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So the latest conservative swipe at Walz is that his website listed him as having received an award from the Nebraska Chamber of Commerce, when it turns out in truth that the award was from the Nebraska Junior Chamber of Commerce. Can’t wait to see what they come up with next:

“Governor Walz, how do you respond to allegations from Owatonno High School that your football players, at your instruction, engaged in a formation that suggested that they would play a basic cover-2 defense, but instead employed a green dog blitz package instead?”

fleshwound_NPG

the way the gop has attacked a former defensive coordinator you know this man will be punching them in their dreams very sooncomment image

Horatio Cornblower

Guy who “broke” that “story” got absolutely crucified on Twitter. It was pretty funny.

Redshirt

On the other hand, the Republicans actually using actual facts instead of alternative facts is surprising hopeful?

Gumbygirl

Facts never apply to THEM.

Redshirt

Say what you want about Conservative Cults, but don’t drag Northern Irish Rock bands into this!

Them (band) – Wikipedia

Gumbygirl

Van Morrison is an asshole. A prodigiously talented asshole, yes, but still an asshole.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ahem, I believe you mean the Conservative *Cure*.

Redshirt

“A Green Dog Blitz Package?! That’s it, he’s lost my vote!” – Various Defensive Coordinators and Coaches

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio (At the ALS fundraiser) (Comes back to table after circulating, as real estate agents do): Aw man, I ran out of business cards to hand out.

My Brother (Just Fucking Immediately): Don’t worry about it; your name’s already on both bathroom walls.

Gumbygirl

Guess who’s walking home?

Horatio Cornblower

I got a ride home but I did have to buy dinner tonight.

fleshwound_NPG

llws title game 1-0 in the bottom of the 6th

fleshwound_NPG

florida coach invoking the lord in the mid-inning pep talk

Horatio Cornblower

The Lord: “Keep My name out of this and maybe next time you have the bases loaded and one out be a little more aggressive on the base paths.”

fleshwound_NPG

SUCCESS!

Unsurprised

He wasn’t invoking the lord. He was just calling out a couple players.

fleshwound_NPG

the other day was the 5th anniversary of andrew luck saying fuck off to the fat humps

if/when she does the same and leaves for a (much, much) better franchise i will absolutely die of laughter

https://x.com/CClarkReport/status/1827667252801409047

Unsurprised

Come to L.A.

fleshwound_NPG

they are almost as bad…but this changes if they win the tankers for bueckers sweepstakes

Unsurprised

Just wait until Cameron comes back.

Unsurprised

I’m eating a pork belly burger ( NOT carnitas. That place was sold out.). A+

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, if you’re getting a spray tan, you should not be wearing anything.

ballsofsteelandfury

I have no idea who is good. Fantasy football is going to be ridiculous. I may be the first to get relegated.

Senor Weaselo

I’m not even gonna be there, so I know I’m in trouble.

ArmedandHammered

Olamide makes me think of thalidomide babies, take that for what you will.

ArmedandHammered

this was in reference to the need for a nickname – the mutant?

ArmedandHammered

We had to watch a film in biology or health class about those babies and there was a lot, I mean a lot of pictures of those poor infants. Very effective means of instilling fear of childbirth into teens, at least no one said “Wait, that one looks like my cousin!”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“That’s okay, I think of things with flippers all the time too.” – JD Vance

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Fronkenshteen

Spencer Rattler. That is all.

King Hippo

skerry snek!

Horatio Cornblower

I dunno, you throw a thick T-shirt over his head and he’s basically helpless.

Horatio Cornblower

(Seriously, do not do this; guy in CT tried to catch a rattler this way recently and last I knew he’s still in a coma)