Back In The Saddle Again-Your First REAL Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread of 2024

It’s been a long time coming for a game that counts in the regular season standings but we’re here and it’s great. [mutes TV] I’ll provide my own ball-washing should I feel the need, thank you very much! A few little notes and then I’ll wax elephant regarding the tilt on offer.

-Darius Slay, no doubt influenced by folks on twitter, said some dumb, ill-informed things about Sao Paolo and is now walking it back. No doubt influenced by folks on twitter, he’s saying all nice things about the country and how he can’t wait to play there. Fucking dumbass.

-The Steelers essentially replaced Matt Canada with Arthur Smith (a real American name, damnit!) and one might be inclined to believe the results may be nearly the same. Also, Russell Wilson has an ankle owie but I’m sure he’ll be fine to start.

-The teen that shot Niners rookie wr Rickey Pearsall was mighty contrite at his arraignment, saying he was “very sorry”. Well, that just about wraps that up-silly kids and their gun-related shenanigans, have you ever?

To The Game!

Ravens/Chiefs:

-If you’ve the memory of a gerbil like me, these squadoos met in the AFC Champeenship and we know how that went down.

-Many a Baltimore fan was angry and perplexed that their team ran only 11 times after the 1st quarter that day, seemingly wandering away from their strength. Are they going to lean even harder into the run game this year? A certain signing would leave one to believe so.

-Lamar is 1-4 vs Mahomes but guess what, most everybody is. Something I did not know-he finished 4th in both passer rating and yards per attempt. The gossip was that he really worked on his delivery/throwing motion and that bore fruit.

-The other (huge) piece, King Henry enters his age 30 season and I’ve no doubt he’ll have a monster season barring injury. Though one must say that age 30+ rb’s that are effective are a rare breed. I think back to John Riggins, Adrian Peterson, Ottis Anderson, Frank Gore and Ricky Williams. The thing that those guys had in common though was that they missed entire seasons or didn’t play regularly for long stretches of time so had escaped the thousands of hits they’d otherwise rack up.

-Proppage-Isiah Pacheko is marked down at 80.5 combined yardage and with Clyde Edwards-Helaire out at the moment this looks like a gimee. Also, Rashee Rice looks like he’s going over his 5.5 receptions number unless Kelce decides to turn into a ballhog.

Welcome back, we’ve missed you!

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blaxabbath

Alex Morgan is hanging it up.

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yeah right

Just finished watching the game and initial observation is if this is the Baltimore offense, Lamaar ain’t making it to week 8.

I get that this is the Chiefs and he’s trying to make a point but dude.

Decent game with way too many penalties especially the new “emphasized” offensive line shit.

I’ll watch.

Gumbygirl

I’m glad the season is off to a stupid start. And I’m even more glad I’ll be watching the silliness with yinz. Now I have to get Paramount+ for tomorrow.Hopefully that won’t be an epic shitshow.

Mr. Ayo

Indeed. They have the full catalog of the Cult on there

2Pack

So now we all know what the season holds…

Unsurprised

LAWYERBALL, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Unsurprised

If that’s the sign of things to come, the next year is going to be exciting but ultimately end in disappointment.

WCS

“Not even that.”

— Deanna F., MS

fleshwound_NPG

llamar not spiking the ball
harbs not telling him to spike the ball
llamar not hitting a wide the fuck open receiver
harbs probably was gonna lose the game on that impulse 2 point try

dumbasses wasting a super bowl window in real time

WCS

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JimU

So close!

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TheRevanchist

Suck it, Baltimore!

fleshwound_NPG

ravens were gonna lose with harbs stupidly going for 2 anyways

what a bunch of dipshits that deserve one another

Doktor Zymm

That would have been a WAY MORE FUN way for them to lose though

Doktor Zymm

SO LAME

TheRevanchist

Going for 2? Oh my!!!

Doktor Zymm

GOING FOR 2! WOO!

Mr. Ayo

Lamar poops his pants yet again.

Mr. Ayo

That’s likely out of bounds

WCS

That’s a fractured entire right arm.

WCS

Or not I guess.

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to collect the entire mass of my medical knowledge and blindly guess dislocated shoulder that magically popped back in
#NawtThatKindofDoktor

Last edited 1 month ago by Doktor Zymm
TheRevanchist

Likely is likely out for the game.

fleshwound_NPG

Likely not!

Doktor Zymm

Shit, that’s a horrible end of game for Likely

fleshwound_NPG

spike the ball you dumbass

now there’s only 10 sec left and an injured wr

Game Time Decision

It’s been just over a quarter and already want to mute Chris

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Seriously: Spanish broadcast. Even if you don’t speak it

Unsurprised

Thank fucking Christ you all fucking shut up about politics now that football is back

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Talking politics during football is harder than JD Vance in a La-Z-Boy store

fleshwound_NPG

talking politics during football is harder than jd vance looking at a girl with the last name of davenport

Mr. Ayo

I stopped to get gas in Canada yesterday and was subjected to an unprompted 5 minute rant about ‘Merika politics from a Manitoban. We need to nuke Canada from orbit.

Game Time Decision

Can you find us on a map?

fleshwound_NPG

ratbirds LOOOOVE finding defensive players that do dumb penalties

fleshwound_NPG

so instead of having 7 touchbacks a game the new rules now will limit them to *does math* 6 per game!

Redshirt

By Week 3, they’ll either steal the Rouge from the CFL or the endzone net from the AFL.

fleshwound_NPG

if we gonna be stealing canadian shit, make it brittney slayes from unleash the archers

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s the first kick-off I’ve seen.

Why in hell are 5 guys on the kicking team running as fast as they can down the field when the ball has been kicked through the end zone?

Horatio Cornblower

/Mahomes falling down after that tap out of bounds

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fleshwound_NPG

mahomes has yet to inherit goodell’s roughing the brady firing squad

Unsurprised

That wasn’t Goodell. That was Satan

Horatio Cornblower

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Doktor Zymm

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Horatio Cornblower

Any commercial featuring Myles Garrett that doesn’t show him walloping Mason Rudolph with a helmet is a failed commercial.

Doktor Zymm

‘Likely’ is such a good name

fleshwound_NPG

“likely scores!”

no, he actually did!

Game Time Decision

Likely a catch

Horatio Cornblower

Collinsworth trying to talk up an unnecessary penalty and inadvertently pointing out the home cooking the Chiefs are getting.

Unsurprised

Andy Reid is fat

Unsurprised

Tito’s straight from the bottle like God intended

WCS

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Unsurprised

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

Brocky

My favorite Taylor Swift joke?

🎶I knew you were trouble when you walked in🎶…..

…… but it’s still YOUR FAULT!

fleshwound_NPG

case keenum in a commercial. that money coulda been spent on literally anyone or anything else

Brocky

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2Pack

Currently early morning Italian television has on a movie short called Paris something or other. It has consisted of naked attractive ladies doing sexy things. This game is losing my attention. And the run is probably going to be late since I am off today. Damned modern problems.

Unsurprised

Times like this demand modern solutions. I suggest XHamster or XVideos – retro “Private” porn from 1999-2003. It was MY Golden Age, damn it.

fleshwound_NPG

2000s was the peak of teh pr0n. the downfall of the internet and society can be traced to the exact moment erica campbell stopped doing porn

Unsurprised

2009.

I’d say mid-2010, but, yes, actually. You’re right.

Redshirt

Bengals fans when they see Perine in KC Red

You were the chosen one! – YouTube

blaxabbath

Lots of people getting excited for Marvin Harrison Jr. But I’m here to point out Ravens SB champ, Anquan Boldin, in his inaugural game.

https://x.com/NFLLegacy/status/1170087697282732032

Last edited 1 month ago by blaxabbath
fleshwound_NPG

that shit against the fucking lions, tho

herodotus450

That Warren Moon back there? Throwing Anquan death balls across the middle from day 1 smh

fleshwound_NPG

gritty running back alert!

2Pack

Oh for fucks sake with the Taylor Swift shit

Gatoraids

Ravens looking to set Mark Andrews up with Katy Perry

2Pack

I’ll take a bunch of Katy shots.

Senor Weaselo

“Breaking news, Mark Andrews was found shot to death by several arrows.”

herodotus450

Some people aren’t gonna like what you say, but I say you should keep saying it.

Horatio Cornblower

“It’s delivery, so there’s no couch”

/JD Vance hurls a brick through his TV

Unsurprised

I feel like there’s a joke in there about the Indian sand mafia and Vance being on the take but Tito isn’t letting me focus enough to make it

Horatio Cornblower

Colorado School of Mines with an 80-yard punt.

https://x.com/cjzero/status/1831882392027668668

blaxabbath

I’d expect the punter from CSoM to know how to dig a hole for an opposing offense.

Unsurprised

The punter from CSoM would also know how to machine-gun women and children and get away with it.

Spur

Am going to go watch this from bed. See you all tomorrow for some hate watching on the Streaming Cock

Horatio Cornblower

Collinsworth amazed that the Chiefs got an extra 8 seconds after forward momentum was stopped to shove the RB into the end zone.

In Kansas City.

blaxabbath

Stay at this level of rage until you read my next-week’s post! I know I will!

fleshwound_NPG

RUGBYDOWN

Doktor Zymm

SCRUMptious!

blaxabbath

I didn’t get my fantasy team set up until just now so no points from big dollar Kelce this week.

Gatoraids

Hope Jac Collinsworth learns health and wellness tips from Bolsonaro

Unsurprised

Dungy should’ve shared more parenting tips with Cris.

Unsurprised

I don’t. Bolsonaro is still alive.

ballsofsteelandfury

Brazilian gangs won’t even kidnap him because they know no one will pay the ransom.

Horatio Cornblower

Favela Gang: “50K or you’ll never see Jack again!!”

NFL Fans: “Here’s $70K. Kill him quick and make sure there’s proof.”

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a good thing Mrs. Horatio wanted to have sex before halftime, because there is no chance I’d have risen to the occasion after seeing Tony Dungy’s goblin visage sliming it’s way across my TV.

Anyway, now I have to go make her hot chocolate. The things some people will do when Starbucks closes at 9.

WCS

Is this exactly why you got Lowratio?

Horatio Cornblower

You may have missed it earlier but he has the night off for the Leprechaun marathon SyFy is running.

The Lowratio canon is becoming increasingly complicated.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hey, YOU said he’s Orthodox….

2Pack

Funny how they all play the sex card when the game is on.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m fine with it.

Not like Dallas is playing.

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t know how anyone could get it up with Dallas playing.

Unsurprised

Watching Dallas get ravaged makes me hard.

Brocky

Have you used the goblin visage line before? I remember a screen shot of a similar comment years ago

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve definitely called Dungy a goblin before, but I’m hardly the only one.

Unsurprised

A USC QB is about to have their first start in the NFL?

RIP, bozo.

blaxabbath

Yep.

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Funny how many handsome socal guys who suck have made it through Mike Bidwill’s training room with the toilet cams.

Unsurprised

I’ve been to the Cards front office. The cameras would be knockoffs of shit you wouldn’t even find on Temu.

blaxabbath

Why were you there? Was the training room selling slop to the public for $35/tray?

Unsurprised

Law school field trip (no shit)