It’s been a long time coming for a game that counts in the regular season standings but we’re here and it’s great. [mutes TV] I’ll provide my own ball-washing should I feel the need, thank you very much! A few little notes and then I’ll wax elephant regarding the tilt on offer.
-Darius Slay, no doubt influenced by folks on twitter, said some dumb, ill-informed things about Sao Paolo and is now walking it back. No doubt influenced by folks on twitter, he’s saying all nice things about the country and how he can’t wait to play there. Fucking dumbass.
-The Steelers essentially replaced Matt Canada with Arthur Smith (a real American name, damnit!) and one might be inclined to believe the results may be nearly the same. Also, Russell Wilson has an ankle owie but I’m sure he’ll be fine to start.
-The teen that shot Niners rookie wr Rickey Pearsall was mighty contrite at his arraignment, saying he was “very sorry”. Well, that just about wraps that up-silly kids and their gun-related shenanigans, have you ever?
To The Game!
Ravens/Chiefs:
-If you’ve the memory of a gerbil like me, these squadoos met in the AFC Champeenship and we know how that went down.
-Many a Baltimore fan was angry and perplexed that their team ran only 11 times after the 1st quarter that day, seemingly wandering away from their strength. Are they going to lean even harder into the run game this year? A certain signing would leave one to believe so.
-Lamar is 1-4 vs Mahomes but guess what, most everybody is. Something I did not know-he finished 4th in both passer rating and yards per attempt. The gossip was that he really worked on his delivery/throwing motion and that bore fruit.
-The other (huge) piece, King Henry enters his age 30 season and I’ve no doubt he’ll have a monster season barring injury. Though one must say that age 30+ rb’s that are effective are a rare breed. I think back to John Riggins, Adrian Peterson, Ottis Anderson, Frank Gore and Ricky Williams. The thing that those guys had in common though was that they missed entire seasons or didn’t play regularly for long stretches of time so had escaped the thousands of hits they’d otherwise rack up.
-Proppage-Isiah Pacheko is marked down at 80.5 combined yardage and with Clyde Edwards-Helaire out at the moment this looks like a gimee. Also, Rashee Rice looks like he’s going over his 5.5 receptions number unless Kelce decides to turn into a ballhog.
Welcome back, we’ve missed you!
Alex Morgan is hanging it up.
Just finished watching the game and initial observation is if this is the Baltimore offense, Lamaar ain’t making it to week 8.
I get that this is the Chiefs and he’s trying to make a point but dude.
Decent game with way too many penalties especially the new “emphasized” offensive line shit.
I’ll watch.
I’m glad the season is off to a stupid start. And I’m even more glad I’ll be watching the silliness with yinz. Now I have to get Paramount+ for tomorrow.Hopefully that won’t be an epic shitshow.
Indeed. They have the full catalog of the Cult on there
So now we all know what the season holds…
LAWYERBALL, MOTHERFUCKERS!
If that’s the sign of things to come, the next year is going to be exciting but ultimately end in disappointment.
“Not even that.”
— Deanna F., MS
llamar not spiking the ball
harbs not telling him to spike the ball
llamar not hitting a wide the fuck open receiver
harbs probably was gonna lose the game on that impulse 2 point try
dumbasses wasting a super bowl window in real time
So close!
Suck it, Baltimore!
ravens were gonna lose with harbs stupidly going for 2 anyways
what a bunch of dipshits that deserve one another
That would have been a WAY MORE FUN way for them to lose though
SO LAME
Going for 2? Oh my!!!
GOING FOR 2! WOO!
Lamar poops his pants yet again.
That’s likely out of bounds
That’s a fractured entire right arm.
Or not I guess.
I’m going to collect the entire mass of my medical knowledge and blindly guess dislocated shoulder that magically popped back in
#NawtThatKindofDoktor
Likely is likely out for the game.
Likely not!
Shit, that’s a horrible end of game for Likely
spike the ball you dumbass
now there’s only 10 sec left and an injured wr
It’s been just over a quarter and already want to mute Chris
Seriously: Spanish broadcast. Even if you don’t speak it
Thank fucking Christ you all fucking shut up about politics now that football is back
Talking politics during football is harder than JD Vance in a La-Z-Boy store
talking politics during football is harder than jd vance looking at a girl with the last name of davenport
I stopped to get gas in Canada yesterday and was subjected to an unprompted 5 minute rant about ‘Merika politics from a Manitoban. We need to nuke Canada from orbit.
Can you find us on a map?
ratbirds LOOOOVE finding defensive players that do dumb penalties
so instead of having 7 touchbacks a game the new rules now will limit them to *does math* 6 per game!
By Week 3, they’ll either steal the Rouge from the CFL or the endzone net from the AFL.
if we gonna be stealing canadian shit, make it brittney slayes from unleash the archers
That’s the first kick-off I’ve seen.
Why in hell are 5 guys on the kicking team running as fast as they can down the field when the ball has been kicked through the end zone?
/Mahomes falling down after that tap out of bounds
mahomes has yet to inherit goodell’s roughing the brady firing squad
That wasn’t Goodell. That was Satan
Any commercial featuring Myles Garrett that doesn’t show him walloping Mason Rudolph with a helmet is a failed commercial.
‘Likely’ is such a good name
“likely scores!”
no, he actually did!
Likely a catch
Collinsworth trying to talk up an unnecessary penalty and inadvertently pointing out the home cooking the Chiefs are getting.
Andy Reid is fat
Tito’s straight from the bottle like God intended
Pain is weakness leaving the body.
My favorite Taylor Swift joke?
🎶I knew you were trouble when you walked in🎶…..
…… but it’s still YOUR FAULT!
case keenum in a commercial. that money coulda been spent on literally anyone or anything else
Currently early morning Italian television has on a movie short called Paris something or other. It has consisted of naked attractive ladies doing sexy things. This game is losing my attention. And the run is probably going to be late since I am off today. Damned modern problems.
Times like this demand modern solutions. I suggest XHamster or XVideos – retro “Private” porn from 1999-2003. It was MY Golden Age, damn it.
2000s was the peak of teh pr0n. the downfall of the internet and society can be traced to the exact moment erica campbell stopped doing porn
2009.
I’d say mid-2010, but, yes, actually. You’re right.
Bengals fans when they see Perine in KC Red
You were the chosen one! – YouTube
Lots of people getting excited for Marvin Harrison Jr. But I’m here to point out Ravens SB champ, Anquan Boldin, in his inaugural game.
https://x.com/NFLLegacy/status/1170087697282732032
that shit against the fucking lions, tho
That Warren Moon back there? Throwing Anquan death balls across the middle from day 1 smh
gritty running back alert!
Oh for fucks sake with the Taylor Swift shit
Ravens looking to set Mark Andrews up with Katy Perry
I’ll take a bunch of Katy shots.
“Breaking news, Mark Andrews was found shot to death by several arrows.”
Some people aren’t gonna like what you say, but I say you should keep saying it.
“It’s delivery, so there’s no couch”
/JD Vance hurls a brick through his TV
I feel like there’s a joke in there about the Indian sand mafia and Vance being on the take but Tito isn’t letting me focus enough to make it
Colorado School of Mines with an 80-yard punt.
https://x.com/cjzero/status/1831882392027668668
I’d expect the punter from CSoM to know how to dig a hole for an opposing offense.
The punter from CSoM would also know how to machine-gun women and children and get away with it.
Am going to go watch this from bed. See you all tomorrow for some hate watching on the Streaming Cock
Collinsworth amazed that the Chiefs got an extra 8 seconds after forward momentum was stopped to shove the RB into the end zone.
In Kansas City.
Stay at this level of rage until you read my next-week’s post! I know I will!
RUGBYDOWN
SCRUMptious!
I didn’t get my fantasy team set up until just now so no points from big dollar Kelce this week.
Hope Jac Collinsworth learns health and wellness tips from Bolsonaro
Dungy should’ve shared more parenting tips with Cris.
I don’t. Bolsonaro is still alive.
Brazilian gangs won’t even kidnap him because they know no one will pay the ransom.
Favela Gang: “50K or you’ll never see Jack again!!”
NFL Fans: “Here’s $70K. Kill him quick and make sure there’s proof.”
It’s a good thing Mrs. Horatio wanted to have sex before halftime, because there is no chance I’d have risen to the occasion after seeing Tony Dungy’s goblin visage sliming it’s way across my TV.
Anyway, now I have to go make her hot chocolate. The things some people will do when Starbucks closes at 9.
Is this exactly why you got Lowratio?
You may have missed it earlier but he has the night off for the Leprechaun marathon SyFy is running.
The Lowratio canon is becoming increasingly complicated.
Hey, YOU said he’s Orthodox….
Funny how they all play the sex card when the game is on.
I’m fine with it.
Not like Dallas is playing.
I don’t know how anyone could get it up with Dallas playing.
Watching Dallas get ravaged makes me hard.
Have you used the goblin visage line before? I remember a screen shot of a similar comment years ago
I’ve definitely called Dungy a goblin before, but I’m hardly the only one.
A USC QB is about to have their first start in the NFL?
RIP, bozo.
Yep.
Funny how many handsome socal guys who suck have made it through Mike Bidwill’s training room with the toilet cams.
I’ve been to the Cards front office. The cameras would be knockoffs of shit you wouldn’t even find on Temu.
Why were you there? Was the training room selling slop to the public for $35/tray?
Law school field trip (no shit)