TGIF! Unless you’re in the path of Helene. Then hope you’re staying safe by taking advantage of those free flights to Istanbul they seem to be handing out.
Survival – Personal Edition
Let’s learn some sword fighting. No, actual swords, like an epee or foil in fencing, weirdo.
Ready Position
- At rest you should keep the sword in a ready position. Both hands on the handle, sword in front of you and perpendicular to the ground. Also keep the point tilted slightly forward. From this position you can block or strike quickly in any direction.
Defend
- When facing an attack, step into the blow with your arms held against your body. By moving closer you reduce the power of the blow. And by keeping your arms close your counter attack will have full power.
- Use your sword to push against the blow. For blows aimed at your head, hold your sword parallel to the ground and push it above your head toward the blow. Make sure the blow impacts the center of the sword instead of the end. Blows aimed at your side, keep the sword perpendicular to the ground and push it toward the blow, again taking the blow to the center of the sword.
- If facing a lunging attack, swipe their sword to the side and counter-attack. With a lunge they will be off balance, and double so when you swipe their sword so you should have an easy counterblow on them.
Attack
- Make sure your strikes are steady and quick. Your strikes should only be from the top, bottom, or either side. Do not stab, or slash diagonally as you will expose yourself to a counterblow.
- As much fun as it looks, don’t raise your sword above your head for a huge downward blow. You’ll only end up with a sword in your torso.
- Hold your position. You can’t attack effectively while backing up.
- If your attacks aren’t effective, stick with it. Hold steady, block, counterattack, and wait until they make a mistake. Then pounce.
There’s the basics. Hopefully you still have all your limbs and don’t have a bunch of sword shaped holes in your body.
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
Obviously I’m hammered so I’m sure there’s like fifty songs I’m not thinking of but “Bring on the Dancing Horses” by Echo & the Bunnymen and “Once in a Lifetime” by the Talking Heads are the two absolute best new wave songs of the 80’s that come to mind right now.
https://ibb.co/WBY27B4
That’s not quite the right liquid. Good luck anyway!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONLOQ7wrumE&list=PLFi9V6EFsFIkuSpLRIWCO1kp6EjBkqLjJ&index=25
slappin’ dat bass
I’m not going to post it because I’m trying to stick with relatively obscure stuff, but I’m not the only one who thinks that “Twilight Zone” by Golden Earring should be like forty minutes long, right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JGjTA3MRKE
Wrong link?
Extremely, but won’t change.
Okay fine but it’s still not long enough. The intro should be like 20 minutes longer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c21f6zhQHuY
Should last for the whole drive from Glendale to Redondo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO1HC8pHZw0
Good video, leaders should be forced to fight instead of sending others.
OH? If we’re leaning THAT hard…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUC2EQvdzmY
Speaking of things that start with a U and end with an X…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJeWySiuq1I
Here’s the original
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jL4S4X97sQ&pp=ygURYmlsbHkgam9lbCB2aWVubmE%3D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JGjTA3MRKE
Something completely different. However… wowzers, Sox.
53 games out of first place; 21% of the season.
To think I could have seen them lose one of these games for just $1.
Couldn’t happen to a better team.
Fuck the South Side.
I love specific-city-area hate.
It’s ingrained.
Not Belfast ingrained but one accidental murder away.
Let’s go Cubbies!
Never ventured south of the loop (except for Midway).
Cubs-Angels World Series 2025!
(yeah been drinking shut up)
I’ll buy you a beer when we get there.
Looking forward to my never-beer!
[is still looking forward to butterbeer] – Eli Manning
35th and Sheilds is a hard motherfucker of you ain’t used to the South Side of Chicago.
Honestly, nothing but love for their fans.
They’re golden.
But still, Fuck the Sox.
Fuck the East Hills of the 412.
Now we’re speaking the same language.
’twas nawt the reaction I anticipated
Good know that EVERYONE knows Monroeville is pointless.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1B6LrOmNsg
Echo and the Bunnymen are so fucking good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbqMD7YrGGQ
I don’t know why John Oliver quit making music, he’s really good at it.
Yeah, but his HBO show is pretty successful too.
Again with the bunching. Check out what follows Pure:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuHcBsg_OMA
Followed by:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GndSz_0fB8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RLTUguVO8g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW9iOaNaO7A
You know we dog on Uproxx a lot because of what they did to KSK but a lot of times when I search youtube for songs their Indie Mixtape channel is the one hosting the video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftTOEJfzdq0
I’ve got a mid 80’s 91X vibe running all through me.
Fucking hell, I didn’t realize they had existed that long. They were still great when I lived in San Diego in the late nineties.
91X was such a tease because we couldn’t really get it in the OC
ha ha stupid orange county losers with your bmw’s and perfect beaches and hot slutty suburban chicks
not slutty enough dammit
well you could say that about the chicks in any location
Johnny Marr played this for the 2nd song.
He was really great.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMykYSQaG_c
Someone needs to do a 4k edit of this and upgrade the sound quality.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ-eLq2ZV4s
THIS BMX BIKE I CALL IT HER CELLMATE’S FACE BECAUSE LORI LAUGHLIN IS RIDING IT.
This song is so perfectly representative of the 80’s it’s giving me the shakes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUcRFTD_KEE
This ain’t on First Wave near ’nuff:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pi_egc6qkY
The whole “Catching Up With” album (more accurately, cassette) is just gold.
Sadly, I did nae know of their glory before I obtained a CD player.
I’m impressed NC got it before 2010 honestly.
Also I really hope you don’t live right under a dam. Seems like a bad time today.
The thing that’s great about this collection is that it bunches things together remarkably well in many spots. Example:
392. The Sisters Of Mercy – This Corrosion
393. Krokus – Long Stick Goes Boom
394. Judas Priest – Turbo Lover
Like, whoever put this together knew pretty well what they were doing:
We saw Krokus live in the Quad Cities and they rocked the shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UC4RqKSZE4
Needed more meteor.
but enough about life this century
JV BLEEEEERGH!
…and on the more obscure side…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxUv79hejRU
SPIRITUAL DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eoqz6GfjTM
This is pretty close to a perfectly constructed pop song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9ml3nyww80
I’d sword fight any mofo tryin to mess with my lady number 3 Ayo. I’d let Barbara here call the match Cuz she’s real pretty on the TV.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ro8-ngA8gs
This Cuba Libre is running low. Hmm. What’s next?
Don T rum, I’m thinking.
Yeah, this was a good choice. Thank you Don T!
BOOBA LIBRE
which I think is a variation of a Slippery Nipple
Football talkin’ guys hyping up this Miami Quarteredback, saying he’s gonna be the next U qb to be drafted.
Me: Yeah, if China finally decides to invade Taiwan!
Papier mache’ dummy with a picture of Louis CK’s face taped to it: “…”
Me: Oh, you always say that about my jokes!
I really, really loved the show Louie, and his Me Too shit just absolutely ruined it for me. More often than not I can separate the art from the artist but for some reason with him I can’t.
Nope, he’s awful now and it sucks.
But it sucks much worse for the women he traumatized.
Of course, Coach Trestman, it fits tonight’s theme quite nicely.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQGvqGqVmWo
(slaps along rhythmically)
-J. Sandusky
Hey, the AFL Grand Final (or Super Bowl or whatever) is tonight at 9:30 Pacific on FS1.
Watch or die, can you do no less?
WOOOOOOOO!!!!
This is no place for loafers!
Wing tips only.
No Carlton, No Party
What a powerful sponsor!
AWESOME-A POWER!
Better than watching the irrelevant Mariners.
When you said irrelevant mariners I thought you were talking about the crew of the Titan submersible.
Irrelevant, not irreducible
also hamburgers not mariners
Thank you for the tip!
Recording for tomorrow.
It’s comical how much I despise both of these schools.
– Eli Manning, referring to elementary and middle
Eli still gets wedgied at high school reunions.
Renfrow… that poor bastard still gets swirlie’d.
Bastard Man ain’t even told us to BOW DOWN! once tonite!
/knows this is the other fixture
Ok, here’s Aimee Mann’s husband
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zamAK-NIeEY&pp=ygUabWljaGFlbCBwZW5uIHRoaXMgYW5kIHRoYXQ%3D
How funny, I ran into this song not long ago – not sure how – and was really digging it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hox7UOaQffI
Hey, that’s good! You have earned another drink.
This song is so fucking good. I hadn’t heard it for ages until they used it during So You Think You Can Dance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sG37S8C9lyw
Sure thing Senator Vance, I’ll give it a spin…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_DVS_303kQ
“I’d fuck me!”
-JDV, looking in the mirror as he’s modeling his Halloween couch costume
“He wants to make a couch with tits on it.”
“He wants to make a couch with tits on it.”
Now I’m just thinking of the poor Gump from return to oz
Honestly there’s probably an entire post’s worth of material to worth with.
Maybe it’s because I’m drunk but honestly it all comes together perfectly.
Yes, it’s definitely because I’m drunk. There’s no way I could possible put what’s in my head into words that were even remotely coherent.
“He covets. Duvets. Yes, those two words rhyme.”
-Hannibal Lecter’s less gifted brother Harvey
You know Mark Robinson has this song on his “naughty” playlist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FJF4Swq_PU
Does Ctrl-Alt-Delete jump start a Tesla?
“I’m sorry. Did you mean to dial douche-1-1? I’ll transfer you.”
“You really can’t get to Mars fast enough, Mr. Musk. For everyone’s sake.”
Long as it’s one-way, I’ll donate.
He has already said that the trip would be one way.
The first x number of trips would have to be,
Anyone volunteering for that is as sharp as anyone volunteering for his brain implant.
I don’t know, I feel like dying while trying to colonize Mars is a pretty noble way to cash out your chips. It’ll get you in the history books, at least.
True, but for many reasons I’d lose my mind so that whole thing seems like a specific hell.
Oh, like you have a mind to lose.
I mean, the Titan crew is in the history books, too.
Maybe but I just know them as a bunch of idiot billionaires that got crushed like a bug on the highway. No idea what their names were.
Same will happen with everyone board that first disaster to Mars. Elon’s name will never go away regardless, but in a decade, no one will remember the rest of the crew.
Can you name another astronaut on Challenger beside Christa McCaulliff? Mike Smith was the pilot, Dick Scobee commander, Ron Jarvis, Judy Resnick, and the Japanese guy. See, even I can’t remember everyone, and I’m a NASA nerd.
Point is, it’ll be poetic justice when it happens for Space Karen and whomever rich enough to afford that suicide booth.
Buy the ticket, take the ride. Literally.
And the only reason anyone remembers Christa is because of the jokes.
Teenage boys were/are the worst
“Take that back!” – Marc Trestman
“Well, let’s hear this out…”
— Matt G., FL
This is certainly true, but they weren’t the first humans to attempt it. Just the most foolish ones.
i mean come on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF76C2ZEF3k
He’s so earnest, he almost makes me believe. But now he’s dead, and that sucks.
Fine, then I’m gonna play my weirdo music, too…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9acDoDUnEdg&list=PLFi9V6EFsFInH1_Q86JxepTUe_d19SqxG&index=21
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es5gOaeHT9k
Shockingly, there’s no Love and Rockets on this collection. I guess they couldn’t get the rights?
Too bad.
yeah, how think that
how do you think that feels?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBDe9BGNBnM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZXxmhok1AU
God I love that song.
“Eh, not a fan.” — Matt Gaetz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm35ZUMzDWk
Okay, it’s only 7 pm; I can’t start getting into shoegaze just yet. Galaxie 500, I promise I will get to you later.
I’m here all night.
Can’t decide between these two, so I’m gonna make this a DOUBLE SHOT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDMCwSP5nf0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRHetRTOD1Q
So you’re saying that sin is always on your mind?
I’ve mentioned this 800-song collection of 80’s tunes before (I actually gave copies of it to Balls and BFC) and I’m going to play some excerpts from it this evening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZlGrjk1Msw
In what format is said collection?
MP3’s.
Did anyone else embrace U of Miami in the 80’s simply because they were raised on a steady boring diet of Penn State, Ohio State, Notre Dame, Michigan, USC, Nebraska, etc.?
YUP. I enjoyed how much they irked Paterno and Osborne especially. Then Vinny Testaverde had to shit himself that Orange Bowl.
Why not SMU? All the drugs and hookers of Miami, but the same great religious favor of Notre Dame!
They were the Chiefs of five years ago in the early 80s. By the early 90s, they were the Chiefs of now.
tuff butt FARE
’tis true. I hated them, then I hated them even more.
I remember ND vs The U. “Catholics vs. Convicts.”
I was maybe… six, and I remember watching that game. Most likely my first college football memory of any kind.
Funny Facebook Memory:
I’m just back from playing tennis (pretty well; my hot streak continues!), and sadly #3 was not present for me to ogle in person.
As I mentioned in Sharkbait’s post, tonight is a DRANKIN’ night. As usual, the drankin’ will feature musical accompaniment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzsA4TDMh0w
Man, I miss playing tennis on the regular. Too bad you like all the way yonder in COMMIEfornia.
/also I suspect you are waaaaayyyyyyy better than Hippo
I’ve been waiting for the pendulum to swing back for two weeks now. A month ago my neighbor and I lost ten straight games to another neighbor and his guest from London. Today we went like 9-2 or something in games against that same neighbor and a different guest from London who was objectively a little better than the first guest. It’s fun when it’s all working; worth writing down so I can look back on it fondly when my game goes to shit, as is inevitable.
The three of us neighbors are actually really well-matched, so it’s usually a lot of fun, and today was no exception. It’s a shame the fourth guy was from out of town, cause he fits in well.
What’s left of the meniscus of my knee just self-immolated reading that.
.
Grumblelord’s failson got a haircut, now he ALMOST looks like he has some human DNA!
no wait, false alarm – it’s tied into a ponytail ewwww
/went for a swim after sunset
because I’m pettyto prove a point//I’ve told some folks that it’s warmer in the middle of the lake than it is closer to the shore and I always get pushback
Me: “The sun doesn’t shine in our bay so it’s really cold when you jump in the water and gets warmer as you swim to the middle of the lake.”
Several People: [roll their eyes] “It can’t be warmer in the middle of the lake-it’s so much deeper there-it has to be colder!”
Me: “But, but-the sun shines all day in the middle of the lake, the surface and two feet below is warmer!”
Several People: “You’re just getting accustomed to the temperature.”
Me: “If I was getting accustomed to the temperature it wouldn’t be warmer!”
Cashier: “Sir. SIR! Debit or credit?”
/FIN
You’re clearly right and they clearly either failed or didn’t take elementary physics/thermodynamics.
[gently sets down perpetual motion machine]
Friday nite, OF COURSE both hands on teh sword!
#9 is giving me all kinds of inspiration…
You spelled ‘perspiration’ wrong.