Hey. Busy?
It can wait.
Week 6 of tWBS Memorial Fantasy Football is over. Shall we take a look at the standings?
No, you don’t have a choice. Freewill? **Scoffs**
Let’s look first at Freezer Vodka League:
There’s a four way battle atop the standings between Musical War Propheteers, Lowratio’s Couch Fetish, Sofa Loren and JD’s Chesterfield Dreams, all with 5-1 records. No undefeated teams remain in the FVL. But don’t start savoring that shitty vodka and Big Turk just yet, there’s still a lot of imaginary football to be played.
Currently dancing in the Relegation Zone we have Dead Hobos, Free Thursday Night Points, Big Bag of Suck, and The Schlitzstains, all with 1-5 records. Unnatural Gas sits at the Darnold end of the spectrum with a record of 0-6.
Remember, bottom four in Freezer Vodka have the dubious honor of relegation to Lowratio League!
Speaking of everyone’s favorite Sex Dwarf, its a short hop over a really low ottoman to Lowratio League’s standings.
Duke’s Chicago Waffles maintains their iron grip on the top spot in the league at 6-0, the only remaining undefeated squadoo. Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks is within striking distance at 5-1 with Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses, War and Peace, and Rod Rust never sleeps all with 4-2 records and tussling for the last two promotion spots.
And like the OceanGate Titan, we have A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge sitting at 0-6. Welp, nowhere to go but up, right?
**crickets chirp**
Well, okay then.
Reminder: the top 4 in LL get the coveted promotion to FVL next season. Who makes it? Who misses out? What should the championship prize for Lowratio League even be?
Until next time!
Hold up… I’m in 1st?
lol
Ind..Guardians.Commercials: “Go to the polls and make your voices heard!”
Voters: Preparing to go to the polls:
Shit — I forget my team name.
But I think I’m one of the 4 and 2 squads.
I think one fact Harris has done a poor job highlighting — when Trump comes back, so does his asshole kids like Don Jr.
This is Gumby’s third place punt pass and kick trophy from 1969
That’s awesome! Did he beat Andy Reid?
That’s a grown- ass man!
What was his 40?
King Cobra
https://youtu.be/-IK_E68vtXM?si=hqlVh4yfUX16a79X
see also Evil Abed!
I just want to point out that teams with names mocking JD Vance are all doing pretty well. We should all mock him more often and with the vigor he saves for a pristine velour soft furnishing for continued prosperity in life
All except mine. Every Thursday night it seemed I was the couch of his dreams
“Good Lord, Amazon Prime on Video! At least spit some upholstery restorer on my back if you’re going to fuck me between the cushions like that every Thursday!”
-Sharkbait, Ohio person
Next time I take a trip with the Dr. Mrs., remind me to keep a journal of some of her more choice quotes. Things like “hey, let’s keep all our food in the same bag with the dirty laundry!”
Does that make it more or less likely that Bears will get into your food?
Probably depends on down and distance
Oh yeah. You definitely want to just be keeping a written log of things about her. She’s totally going to behave reasonably when she goes through your shit and finds it.
I think it’s pretty obvious what the prize should be for the Lowratio League winner:
That’s a lot better than a roughly used fleshlight keychain
We have a winner.
Well, now I’m properly motivated.
I think I need to be even more stoned next year on draft night. Yeah, that’s the ticket!