are you ready for…THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING HARBAUGHS! A Double-Heading NFL Football Open Thread

I’m 10 days early but that scary day is coming fast. Some games yesterday brought it, others didn’t-as always, the NFL is a mixed bag. Let’s take a wee peek at some of the goings-on.

Fallout:

Injuries, injuries, injuries-Deshaun is done with an Achilles, Jay Daniels got hit in the ribs but will probably play, Pharma willing. Xavier Newman was released from the hospital so that’s good. Aiyuk is gone with a torn MCL/ACL double play. McConnell has a fractured thumb. (hey, I had one of those!) Tua’s cerebellum is coming along wonderfully.

What The Hell, Dell?: My favorite Tank (screw off, Bigsby) was held to nothing yesterday. This despite Stroud going to him twice in the end zone early and once along the sideline but nothing connected. Stroud ended up 10-21 which for an accurate passer like him seems like an outlier. I think Nico is the key to this offense no matter what Diggs thinks.

The Jets are 2-5 just like the Giants. New York, New York, it’s a helluva town!

Enjoy the second-best season of Saquon’s career! A balanced offense guarantees that he won’t reach the heights of his rookie season but if he doesn’t get 1800 scrimmage yards I’ll be surprised.

Dave Canales has to be consoled by the fact that there was no locker room to lose. Everyone, including Dave is just treading water this year. He was that trendy guy but when a team is this far into the doldrums, I don’t think he’s got the strong, over-riding personality to pull this team into semi-mediocrity.

Jared Goff, that QB that had to be managed carefully, is averaging 12 yards per pass attempt so far this year. That’s insane and the Lions O is bananas right now.

To The Games!

Ravens/Bucs:

-As of this week Lamar is second in career rushing yards by QB’s.

-Henry has scored in every game this year [jumps into crystal ball] including this one.

-Evans and Godwin are so consistently successful I don’t think they’ll get their proper credit until 10 years down the road. As far as post-2000 pairings they’re right there with Harrison/Wayne, Jimmy Smith/McCardell, Fitz/Boldin and Holt/Bruce.

-What with Bucky Irving and Sean Tucker asserting themselves recently, the Bucs have the most wonderful of problems-three rb’s with a ton of talent.

Chargers/Cards:

-Arizonny has been doing a Jeckyl/Hyde thingy offense-wise-their first two tilts they went for 28+ but in their last three of four they’ve scored 14 or less.

-Them Chargers are the only team in the league to allow 20 or less points in all their games. Harbaugh has one side of the ball figured out and if I’m going to be truthful, he did it way faster than I expected.

-One preview I read was gushing that Herbert threw for a season high of 237 yards! Oh, how the mighty have been knee-capped by the emphasis on the running game!

-Fantasy-wise, has anyone else been sitting on Kimani Vidal? He popped last week but Dobbins has been very stubborn in that he hasn’t been injured just yet.

Hit the keyboard running!

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Horatio Cornblower

Man, I thought I had a chance against Duke’s Chicago Waffles but my God did LaMAR! just run train on my team.

Col. Duke LaCross

Thought my luck had run out this week. Every other one of my teams shat the bed.

Horatio Cornblower

My fault for figuring Cooper would need a week to adjust to a new team and that Whittington would do, well, anything.

Horatio Cornblower

“Marvin Harrison, Jr. has had a quiet game….”

OH I AM WELL AWARE OF THAT, SCOTT HANSON!!!

Mr. Ayo

Godwin ded too? RIP Bucs.

Doktor Zymm

Evans should be back, just needs enough time to let the hamstring heal. Godwin didn’t look good though, seems like more ACLs than normal this year

Redshirt

Tell me again why they couldn’t have done a double-box for the Manningcast?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Olivia said it would keep Eli up all night

Redshirt

Scott Hanson with Football Updates on a Monday?! That’s it I’m voting for Biden…’s Understudy.

Sharkbait

2 more Harrison catches pls

Redshirt

Peyton and Eil are also doing Chargers-Cardinals? What about Eli’s bedtime?!

Gatoraids

They’re going to bed and leaving Just Scott and Olivia covering it under Red Zone Diaries

blaxabbath

Man I want LAC to win this game so Cardinals Talk guest can be like, “We gotta get a defensive minded Head Coach!” and then maybe Rex Ryan comes to the desert in a tank top.

Redshirt

What’s the point of getting an Onside Kick only to have your next four plays end up being tackled in bounds?!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THE BUCSTOCRATS!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we get a JJ Fozz & Ed Reed podcast?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THAT BUCS FAN I CALL HIM TURD FERGUSON BECAUSE HE’S WEARING A HAT THAT’S MUCH BIGGER THAN A REGULAR SIZED HAT

blaxabbath

RIP Norm

blaxabbath

“Do you hate the people you hang out with?

Fireball.”

Doktor Zymm

The 4th Quarter guests always seem to be the best

Gatoraids

good reason to stay during blowouts like tonight and also helps to not show up other guests, sometimes ESPn is thinking right unlike putting the other game on ESPN_+

Gatoraids

though maybe only movie lacking a porn parody

WCS

Genuine, Bulgarian miak!

jjfozz

Oh boy, vodka reallly meks my world go wroudnd

Brick Meathook
Gumbygirl

The song was awesome. The touchdown, not so much.

Mr. Ayo

TRACTORCITO!!!!!

(Sorry Gumbygirl)

Sharkbait

Dear GAMBLOR!, May I please have 5 more Herbert yards and 3 Harrison Receptions tonight?

Doktor Zymm

I’m digging this Ed Reed clip show

blaxabbath

Cardinals: The Chargers want to grind this out but we got hot shot Kyler Murray!

Also the Cardinals: back to back sneaks on short yardage–> turnover on downs.

Sharkbait

STOP TEASING ME DERRICK!

Gumbygirl

He needs to sit down, he looks tired.

Col. Duke LaCross

Ed Reed has done a couple zaps tonight.

Gatoraids

couldn’t help himself watching the contagious Flacco energy in the 3rd

Col. Duke LaCross

I did snicker at “Dull Magazine”

Gumbygirl

Uncle Ed has a good buzz on, bless him!

WCS

Ed Reed, Jim Tomsula, Todd Marinovich, and JT O’Sullivan, ridin’ the rails of life.

Doktor Zymm

It’s Ed Reed!

Mr. Ayo

Quoth the Raven: SHIT..more.

Doktor Zymm

Wow, Baltimore’s offense blows at tackling

WCS

Baker’s turnovers need a quarter to warm, but they’re hot and fresh now.

WCS

This was supposed to be a response to Dok.

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Doktor Zymm

Baker dual-threat QB, interceptions AND facemask penalties!

Brocky

Belichick looking nonplussed is great

Sharkbait

Ugh. I hope the Ravens try and force a Henry TD

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No way Peyton Manning would admit to having a tanning bed. Like always, he’ll say it’s Ashley’s.

Sharkbait

First steroids, then a tanning bed. When will it end???

Gumbygirl

White suit at the Super Bowl?

jjfozz

VODKA INTAKE AT LEVEL 5

WCS

VODKARBLE (?) ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCK-ED COMRADE

Mr. Ayo

Someone finally released the parking brake on Tractorcito.

Doktor Zymm

About time!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tractorcito not stuck in the garage

Brocky

We need that joe flacco dull magazine cover

blaxabbath

The Ravens are going to absolutely dominate the Browns next week to the point that the Browns players will feel uncomfortable but forced to oblige the Ravens’ players subtle-then-forceful demands for handjobs.

SonOfSpam

Like an ASU frat party.

blaxabbath

One that is highly attended because Sun Devil for Life Kyle Rittenhouse is in attendance, probably crying.

Sharkbait

I need the Ravens to hold on, a Tractoritodown, 3 more Harrison catches and 57 more herbert passing yards

Brocky

Touchdown

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blaxabbath

Jonathon Gannon punted to pin LAC near the end zone under two minutes.

I think it just took them two plays and about 16 total second off the clock to get back to the 50.

blaxabbath

They kicked a FG. 1 point game at the half.

Gatoraids

Tuning fork’lar

Game Time Decision

DOINK

blaxabbath

I might need to look into ESPN+ now that all hockey games are out of market games.

Gumbygirl

Doink! Thank you, my good man.

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!!!

Game Time Decision

Flacco a surprisingly decent guest on the Manning cast

Col. Duke LaCross

DOOOOOOONNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Unsurprised

Flacco being legit in saying he wishes every other team could lose. Genuine competitor.

I wouldn’t know what that’s like so I’ll show myself out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

To go back to blax’s point from the previous post, I really hope Harris wins by exactly the number of registered GOP voters that died of COVID

blaxabbath

You can hope but Trump gonna win this. He’s “generic traditional republican” to all the not paying attentions.

Now I gotta go read stupid Project 2025, I guess.

Brocky

Eli manning roasting his brother will never not be funny

Gatoraids

like watching a bug zapper seeing his drool cup face light up with a barb

jjfozz

I can now punch myself in the balls and not worry about my fertility, as I have been neutered

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Congrats?

jjfozz

The shattering pain helps make the darkness slightly easier to deal with

Gumbygirl

Two words: frozen peas.

Sharkbait

No joke. They work.

jjfozz

When I got my vasectomy, the doctor cut something, it flew out onto the floor and he said, “Yeah, we’ll get that later.”

Gumbygirl

I heard Gumby scream from out in the waiting room. The doctor told him that nine out of ten men feel nothing, one in ten feels like a horse kicked them in the nuts. Guess which one he was?

jjfozz

All my friends said, “Dude, you won’t feel a thing.” You know what? I felt something tugging at my nuts for an hour. And it wasn’t Michelle Pfeirfer.

blaxabbath

I’ve been telling chicks that since I was 23.

They just want an excuse.