Oh lord – where to begin?

When the season started, I had a cautious optimism going in. If you read my award-adjacent preview, you knew that I was excited for the season to get going, even if I was reserved about their chances for actual, on-field success.

They had a soft series of teams to kick things off – Broncos, Patriots, the Tua-less Dolphins – so the 3-0 record they built up was nicely expected. It also didn’t hurt that the weather was great and the home games I attended both ended with me delightfully buzzed. The road loss to the Lions was somewhat expected, so being 3-1 after a month felt good, especially since the 49ers stumbled out of the gate, and the Cardinals looked like the Cardinals of usual.

In Week 5, I selfishly chose to join WineWife on her business trip and scout the Rams in person.

A few Modelo tall boys later, I surmised that the stadium was delightful, the Rams were dogshit and beer prices were outrageous.

Also helping my mood was the fact I wasn’t in person when the Seahawks lost to the Giants as a result of a blocked field goal & return for a TD. Knowing that they played the Niners four days later all but guaranteed a 3-3 record.

When they went to Atlanta, I feared that the slide would continue, but they surprised everyone by beating down Kirk Cousins 34-14.

I did like that.

The loss to the Bills was somewhat expected at this point, so 4-4 heading into the Rams game still left me hopeful that a wild card spot might still be within reach.

It started ugly enough. The first quarter alone was six punts, one horrific Geno-ception, and so many commercial breaks – each change of possession is a very long 2.5 minutes. Those seven changes of possession added almost 20 extra minutes to the length of the quarter, which my watched tallied at 50 minutes in total length from kickoff to whistle.

The second quarter started no better – two more punts – but at least the Rams got a field goal at the ten-minute mark, which everyone hoped would pop the cherry of scoring action. Four minutes later, the Seahawks had a 13-3 lead and everyone was in a good mood going into the halftime corgi races.

SCREW YOU, GOODELL!

You knew the fix was in when you saw one of the dogs belonged to a SeaGal. Still, going into the afternoon session people felt that everything was headed in a “pawsitive” direction.

Then the wheels fell off. The Rams did all the scoring in the third, bringing the game to a 13-13 tie going into the fourth.

As Unsurprised can attest, because it all happened in front of him, the wheels fell off the Geno-mobile for a bit in the fourth. That 103-yard Geno-ception for a touchdown was preceded by me taking a photo of the play start & WineWife saying, “don’t curse it”. Well, GUESS WHAT?!

You could feel the air leave the stadium as Kinchens ran that thing all the way back. Dude earned that celly.

People started to leave. Not a lot, but enough that you could feel the murmur amongst others wondering if they should join the parade. But not Beerguy! Even though it was nearing 4:30, there was still eight minutes to go, and the Seahawks had shown the ability to rescue games before, so surely this could be another. 

———————————————-

Now, to prepare you for what comes next, the usual Beerguy afternoon Seahawks game experience involves the following routine:

• Hit the border by 9:00 AM
  • 8:00 AM if someone other than WineWife is going. She’s got NEXUS too!
• Wendy’s, Jack, or the King along the way
  • Just like with construction, you need a solid foundation to start on
  • NO McD’s. I don’t need the gas.
• Park the car by 11:00
  • 10:00 is preferred; can park closer, and for free on the street
• Beer in hand by 11:10
  • 2-3 is the standard
• Inside stadium by 1:00
  • Grab 1-2 for the seat
• Exit stadium between 4:00-4:30, depending if 1:00 or 1:25 kickoff
  • It usually takes 40-50 minutes from game-end to exit & get back to the car, because there are fewer exits after the game because they’ve closed some of the entrances. It all depends on how many people left before the end & how close I can find street parking.
• Costco by 5:30
  • Gotta get that Chicken Bake in to help offset all the booze
• On the road by 6:00

———————————————-

Hope seemed eternal when they blocked that punt & started what everyone hoped would be a game-tying drive inside the Red Zone (™). Four plays and another Geno-ception later, I uttered a phrase I may have only said two other times in the 15 years I’ve had season tickets:

Fuck it. We’re done.

It was 4:30 when we left our seats. We were able to get out & back to the car in 18 minutes, by which time they’d tied the game. In the car I could hear (Steve) Raible losing his mind over what had transpired. We pulled into the Costco lot just as the Rams kicked off for the overtime. Based on the groans coming from the TV section, it was over by the time we got to the pet section.

If we had stayed, we never would have made it. Quite frankly, it would have just made the whole day feel worse. Given that we were out Costco’s door within 10 minutes of the game ending, we skipped the food court & hit the highway, hoping to beat the rush to the Express Lane. Getting on the other side of the U-District before everyone else meant saving another 20-30 minutes in Seattle’s notorious traffic jams.

My reward for cheating the traffic – a big bag of Dicks,

We were home by 9:05, feeling like we had completely wasted our time. Because THAT’S what you want from a road trip – regret.

So, what have the “professionals” said about the season so far?

• Benching Geno Smith Would Only Exacerbate Seahawks’ Problems
• Our Backs Are Against The Wall, And We’ve Got To Go
• Macdonald: ‘Everything’s on table’ to change Seahawks. What that likely does, doesn’t mean
• John Schneider’s mistakes in assembling the Seahawks’ 2024 roster
• It’s not that Seahawks kept DK Metcalf. Now it’s: Will they keep him beyond 2025?

———————————————-

What does Beerguy think? After all, he’s paid to go to the games.

Answer: Shithawks once again. 

Right after the second fourth quarter Geno-ception, BeerBrother texted me to say, “This is why Geno’s teammates break his jaw.” In that moment, I couldn’t really disagree.

This season has been a frustrating experience to watch. The strong September became a slide towards irrelevancy once they started playing teams with a pass rush. It doesn’t help that the O-line is hot garbage, but Geno’s pass selection has been atrocious. Those interceptions in the Rams game were all avoidable, and the complaints about a one-dimensional offence belie the fact that Kenneth Walker THE THIRD! has been having a fairly good season.

I’m still kind of upset they didn’t draft a QB in 2024. Now they have to wait the season out to see where they land & who might be available. Geno is an answer, but he’s not the solution. Watching Tua carve up the Rams on Monday Night didn’t help assuage my mood  

The defence has been improved but still shows many of the same problems as last year. They can’t stop the run unless they stack the line. They don’t get many sacks. They can cover the deep routes pretty well but consistently get burned on crossing routes and dump offs. This won’t get better as the season goes on.

Coming out of their bye they play three of four on the road, heading to Santa Clara to get pasted by the Niners, and then go Cardinals (h) – Jets – Cardinals before wrapping up their home season against the Packers and Vikings. (They finish on the road against the Bears and Rams.)

Will I go to the remaining three home games? Likely – the Cardinals game might be a pass, but the Packers (with WineWife) and the Vikings (with Wine Brother-in-law) promise to be a fun viewing experience from a “fan of the NFC North” perspective.

That 11-6 record I hoped in the preview for has long-since passed into the ether. But will they finish at least above .500?