Good morning, reprobates. Scotchy had some fresh hobos to skinfamily bidness to take care of, so y’all stuck with me. You get paroled for SNF, when Litre takes over. To the action!
Vikings (-3.5) at Bearistocrats (Fox)
Touch of Downs continues to show signs of hard regression to the paste-eater we all know and mostly tolerate. Will he go full-you-know-what against the surprisingly competent Chi**** pass defense? Will the home crew score enough points for it to matter?
Lions (-7.5) at Fat Humps (Fox)
I wanted to try and sell this as a potential banana skin, but couldn’t keep a straight face. Runaway NFC freight train continues unabated to the Lombardi.
P*ts (+7.5) at LOLfins (CBS)
Finally, a home favoUrite, and Tua seems to be getting a bit of his mojo back. Though let’s not make him think too hard about that stuff. Drake Maye has been doing his best “Bad Josh Allen” impression, which is still a whole lot better than the Massholes faithful have been used to seeing under centre. Sleeper good matchup.
Bucs (-6) at Vertically Enhanced Persons (CBS)
OK, fine. I can’t think of anything nice to stay here. Good news, Jerseyites! You are free of the Dimebag boogeyman. The bad news is…everything else. MRSA Men have a very soft defense to welcome Dr. Mantiss Toboggan back to the active roster.
Non-Gendered Cowpersons (+10.5) at Commies (Fox)
No seriously, this is a game that will actually happen. Just be thankful it wasn’t cemented into the SNF window or sommet. Cooper Rush is gonna have a bad time. Dok Zymm will have quite the opposite.
Chefs (-10.5) at Black Panthers (CBS)
Ah, the universe snaps back into balance, with a 10.5-point road dog to balance out the Commies rawdogging of the ‘Persons. Let’s just hope Wee Bryce doesn’t die, and that KHunt gets me lots of evil fantasy points. Spoiler – the first part is far likelier than the second. Pacheco Truthers have to wait another week to see if his leg falls plum off.
Tits (+7.5) at 500s (CBS)
Classic Surly Duff matchup here, and I have low scoring vibes. Sooner or later, Tennessee will successfully keep its opponent down in the muck for 60 minutes. Or dare we hope 70, and Most Glorious Draw?
Holy shit! I woke up at exactly thr right time!
Nope
COMMIES > GOTTDANGED STARS
Holy shit Bears think they’re people!!
Great. More Bearenscheisse. Their humiliation in OT is going to have to be legendary given last week.
if anyone can fuck it up more than the bears, it is the vikes
Bears recover only the 2nd onside kick since the stupid rule chances. This is gonna be brutal when it goes Bears up
lol vikes
LOL VIKES
Tits up, Bears down.
Tough day for Buddy.
SUDDEN CHANGE?
NOT SO FAST!
Free football!
Did Stroud just execute The Orlovsky?
Looks like it!
Two PI calls on KC?
Did the ShieldAssist check bounce or what?
.
“Because FUCK YOU is why”
1:46 and three timeouts for Mahomes?
At least you made in cromulent, Black Panthers.
There+needs+to+be+more+black+mage+on+fj+_7b39746472fe5b98efefd526adb65d1a.jpg
Had a nice nap in my hammock. Looks like it was a good use of my time
Woke up just in time to see the Panthers stoke the hopes of all the poor bastards stuck with that game
YYYYYEEEEEHHHHHAAAAAWWWWWQ
If only Carolina’s offense could do its job
In profile, the Texans’ coach looks like one of those heads on Easter Island.
Is Darnold pooping? Why is Mullens in?
He has very special injury to his leg.
he got an owie
Cooper Rush is having his Matt Flynn game today.
HE’S MAH NEXT GOTTDAMN STAR, I’LL TELL YA WUT! SIGN THAT BOY TO TEN YEARS, $100 MIL! YEEEHHHHAAAWWWW!
Dan Snyder curse?!?!?
I won’t be able to show up to Thanksgiving if the Commies lose.
Early Final Score!
Closer than I expected.
Will Levis is basically a speedball in human form. Up, down, back up again….
Eat shit, Mahiomes.
And set up 2FA on your phone, dumbass.
I’m starting to think Richardson needs his nap.
hes overdue for his annual injury, that nap is coming
a coma really is a KIND of nap…
It’s like someone put a curse on Washington.
The Assassination of Terry McLaurin by the Coward Kliff Kingsbury
maybe the hail mary killed TWO teams
The real Hail Mary was inside us all along.
Actually, there was no curse. The poor talent and decision making was inside them all along.
Oh, now THERE’S some prime Bearenscheise…
I started Stroud over Tua this week, because I am too stupid to live.
So is Tua, but you’re still here nonetheless.
Those “concussions” were used to reprogram Tua to be focused on football only.
Hey, you’re not alone! Just replace Stroud with Mayfield in my case.
DonT nicotine intake intensifies
I hope he is getting some oxygen.
It’s been embargoed by the Jones Act.
so are the Cowboys
Commanders playing down to the opponent like they’re hoping Trump will legislate them back to [Redacteds].
Department of Offensive Efficiency
Do you guys shop Rakuten?
wife does, why?
Just saw a commercial.
By name, if feels like they’re gonna steal my identity.
Everybody probably has it, the genie has left the bottle. She has been using it for a long time, no complaints.
oh and she is a lawyer who specializes in privacy and contracts for medical practices, so she ALWAYS reads the fine print.
It’s been around for at least a decade and is totally legit
KC trying to three peat. So they hit guys in the head on 2-pt attempts.
Is this what Pederson is coaching down in JAX?
Tommy Cutlets, more like Tommy Cutmywrists according to everyone in Bergen County
Trey Lance has taken the field! This is not a drill, people!
I got home from barber and just turned on CAR/KC.
PLEASE LET BRYCE YOUNG GET THIS WIN!
Motherfuck KC. I hope Carolina kills them, and I imagine that every player currently has that bloodlust
Not the CAR defense
Touché
These games are only barely counteracting my desire to nap
That’s a bit better
I chose caffeine, because I am stoopid
guys are expecting the ball to hit a certain gap…
HFX2 (Hippo Fade Hedge Fund) is waaaay up!
I can get you an extra fat/unflattering picture for the prospectus cover, if you’d like!
Damn it, Blue
Watching the Giants always reminds me of an old Gilbert Gottfried joke:
“When Rock Hudson died he didn’t have a single friend, but he had Nabors up the ass”
sha-ZAM!!!
It’s nice to see the guys I sat in fantasy are doing better than the guys I started.
GM skills like that are going to get me both relegated in the [DFO] league & hired by the Jets.
Did the Patriots defense not watch any game film? Miami has been painfully predictable and they’re just killing the Patriots like they’re Ashli Babbitt
Knowing what they are doing is one thing, being able to actually do anything about it?
Hippo REALLY needs y’all to maintain the clean sheet (or more specifically, Grimace Touched My Butthole really needs such)
So I’m a big fan of Cormac McCarthy’s writing, and it turns out that when he was in his 40’s he got involved in a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old, (he’d met her when she was 16 and had been writing her erotic letters for a year before they ran away to Mexico), all of which is very much NOT GOOD.
The guy that broke the story wrote it for Vanity Fair and the writing is so bad that it will actually distract you from the fact that one of the greatest American writers was banging a teenager, and also doing it while married to someone else, and having a kid with that someone else.
Here’s a link to the article, which I have read so that you don’t have to.
https://www.vanityfair.com/style/story/cormac-mccarthy-secret-muse-exclusive?srsltid=AfmBOoo39RMsrC5sYLu98wahp3Gb5-aaGL2iFtKB0Ni2Yoxbgypfc3eb
If you’re interested in McCarthy, it’s probably a must read. If you want to see just how bad a Very Important (TM) story can be, you’ll also want to read it.
If you don’t care about either thing, or just find stories about grooming abused teenagers icky, probably skip it.
Defector did a hilarious recap of the article too.
https://defector.com/can-someone-please-write-normally-about-this-fascinating-woman?giftLink=ab1c3c57f62d98ff7fab3d8a8912c6b6
The stuff they highlight about his descriptions of landscapes is the same stuff that almost got me thrown out of the gym, I was laughing so hard.
Looking forward to his upcoming tenure as Chairman for the National Endowment for the Arts.
(I realize McCarthy is dead, but I am presuming that they will call up Christine O’Donnell and get her to cast some kind of spell that resurrects him)
I assumed you meant the article author
OMG. That cannot be good for the kid.
What the Hell is wrong with Washington today?
bourgie wreckers obvs
nothing Cooper Rush cant fix
Trump got elected and everyone’s in a panic and…
Oh.
never mind.
Don’t know but I hope they fix it
Flipping to the Cowboys game every ten minutes to see if they’ve found a new way to kill McCarthy.
Congrats to Ayo, assuming he’s still using “bet against what Hippo thinks” strategy
seeing more blockage than a Kansas City cardiologist
What really needs to be blocked in Kansas City is Britt Reid, from driving, amirite?
/holds up hand for high-five
//gets runs over
///by Britt Reid
I’m not gonna make the joke about who leaves you hanging.
(It’s Bourdain, because he was a snob and would’ve talked mad shit about KC)
Tits game seems to be the only competitive one
Well, fuck me
Across the league that’s two blocked field goals and a blocked punt. Perhaps BLAPPPT can gain some adherents today after all!
Being a good window for blocked kicks!