Your December 1st NFL Football Open Thread

At the very least all the football since Thanksgiving has been eyeball worthy in one way or another. Whether you like upsets, great performances or wonky plays, football has provided. And now for the latest iteration.

To The Games!

Chargers/Falcons:

One thing about Harbaugh not leaning on Herbert earlier in the season is that the latter’s INT’s (which are usually double digits-10, 15, 10 again) are now down to just one. Atlanta has lost three of their last five but still lead their division. That’s the NFC South for you.

Steelers/Bengals:

Joe’s doing his part-could the Cincy D (aside from Hendrickson) step up for once? It’s last gasp time in Dumb Spaghetti Land. I’d like to see them muddy up the division a little. I’d also like to see Chase catch three TD’s today because that would mean that he would have half of the team’s 30, which would be insane.

Cards/Vikes:

Arizonny having a winning record this late in the season is disorienting. May as well take advantage of Kyler before the December Swoon takes hold which is coincidentally the same time as all those new games are released for the Christmas season. Minny is sitting pretty as they enter the stretch run because they have three straight home games and are 4-1 there.

Colts/Pats:

With the Texans faltering Indy has an outside chance of being a factor if they can cobble together a few wins but that’s a big ask. They’ve lost four on the road but New England has lost four at home. Does that number symmetry add up to a win? Magic 8 Ball says, “Huh?”.

Seahawks/Jets:

Woody’s Bumbling Carnival of Fools and Fact Contrarians are 1-7 over the last two months and the bleeding just won’t stop. The dysfunction is so obvious that even the hot-takers can’t think of a “what if?” scenario that would result in the Jets being competent, never mind having a winning record.

Titans/Commies:

Just three weeks ago Washington was 7-2 and the talk of the NFL. Now they’re that number of games behind Philly in the division. A timely win here and a Baltimore win (more on that in the late window, natch) would get them back in the conversation again as a serious team.

Texans/Jags:

Speaking of teams that need a leg up, Houston is 1-3 lately and looking very shakey indeed. A bad loss to the Jets, a three point loss to the Detroit Juggernauts, a thrashing of Dallas and a head-shaking 5 point L to the Titans tells you that maximum effort isn’t being expended on a weekly basis. Or is it a gameplan problem? The talent is certainly there.

Do that thing you do.

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Spur

Cincy hanging around to prolong the pain. Redshirt seen searching for a high bridge.

Redshirt
Mr. Ayo

Fun fact. Redshirt died in 2005 after Carson Palmer got his leg broken.

Redshirt

Fake news! It was when Tim Krumrie broke his leg in the Super Bowl, and I’ve been dying over and over against ever since.

Senor Weaselo

Whatever nothing is, this team deserves less.

Spur

Geno gets his revenge and Rodgers gets put on his ass all game.

Fronkenshteen

For true Jets fans, it doesn’t get any better than this. Marino could suit up for Miami and beat this piece of shit right now.

Redshirt

(before Week 1)
“I wish the Bengals offense would average over 30 points a game and Joe Burrow to put up amazing numbers.”

Monkey’s Paw closes two fingers

Spur

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ArmedandHammered

One of these days, I want AAron to yell “Stop making me look bad!” at his own teammates and the other team’s players.

Spur

Seahawks better not blow this.

Mr. Ayo

LEONARD WILLIAMS REVENGE GAME!!!

Horatio Cornblower

NE should go for the psycho-long FG, what do they have to lose?

And they’re gonna!!

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t believe that pussy missed a 68-yard FG.

Mr. Ayo

NAWT FAYUH!!! NAWT FAYUH!!! NO ONE UNDAHSTAHNDS OWAH PAIN!!!

Gumbygirl

That was a nice try!

Spur

Finally someone gives it a try.

Redshirt

That Jailbreak Blitz play was the 2024 season all condensed into one play.

Redshirt

Okay! Now all we need is for the Bengals to sneak 11 fans from the stands onto the field and dress them in Bengals Defense Numbers and we have a chance.

Horatio Cornblower

Go for 2, Indy!

Horatio Cornblower

NAWT FAYUH!!! NAWT FAYUH!!! NO ONE UNDAHSTAHNDS OWAH PAIN!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Done and done.

ArmedandHammered

They heard you baby!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Listen, when an attorney tells me to do something, I do it.” – Robert Kraft

Redshirt

Hat Trick by BLEERGH on that play.

ArmedandHammered

Cousins has truly returned to form.

Mr. Ayo

lol Cousins

Again.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t realize the Falcons were subscribed to the ShieldAssist™ program.

Gatoraids

used referral code KC Masterpiece

Game Time Decision

The cheque bounced

Redshirt

Wow! The Steelers have a punter?

ArmedandHammered

Fuck, Tomlin must have sacrificed a whole herd of goats. Birra for all tonight!

Mr. Ayo

THE BUNGLES!

Or VooDoo?

ArmedandHammered

Why not both?

Redshirt

Don’t blame voodoo on this!

ArmedandHammered

C’mon, a Mass Weaken or Mass Confusion spells are obviously in his repertoire.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cousins with the risky throw…

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Redshirt
Horatio Cornblower

Walter Johnson said that?

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King Hippo

Dingleberry SZN!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A tribute to Philip Rivers with that float.

Redshirt

Money Mac needs to start aiming at the right upright. He is slicing to the left BIG time.

WCS

3rd an 21? NFL BLITZ!

ArmedandHammered

Hypothetical here for WCS – if you as a member of the law enforcement for your area became aware that someone, say a friend, friend, yeah, that’s the ticket, is smoking a substance that is illegal in another state, say SC and mary jane. Are you required to report them to their local law enforcement? And yes, I am stoned

Redshirt

Bengals Special Team did a…good?

ArmedandHammered

Cousin’s pick six – so great how old things become new again

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, but it’s the same old Chargers.

ArmedandHammered

Well, you have to have a steady baseline for comparison.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s called a ‘control group’.” – resident data scientist Doktor Zymm

Mr. Ayo

lol Cousins

King Hippo

if only Grimace Touched My Butthole was close enough for that 13-pointer (Clips D/ST) to matter

Redshirt

Tackle for Loss? We can still do that?!

Redshirt

How is that not Taunting?

Mr. Ayo

It was!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Almost crossed all the way over into stick & stones territory.” – Elisha

ArmedandHammered

*giggle* throw behind booty *giggle*

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS HOUSTON TEXANS LINEBACKER AZEEZ AL-SHAAIR I CALL HIM INIGO MONTOYA BECAUSE HE ELICITS A FENCING RESPONSE FROM HIS OPPONENTS.

ArmedandHammered

oh snap

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What happened to Prison Girlfriend is horrible but this is no fairy tale world.

ArmedandHammered

Agreed, he should be out of the league, and that name is familiar, has he done shit like this before?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Absolutely. Even Texan fans (if such people existed) are content for the league to hand down a pretty harsh punishment.

Mr. Ayo

SNOW GAME!!!!

Brocky

The Houston punter is on pace to break his season high for number of punts.

In week 13.

Can’t make this shit up

ArmedandHammered

Darnold has regressed again.

Redshirt

He progressed?

ArmedandHammered

He has had some good games, today is not one of them.

Redshirt

Bengals are nickeling and diming themselves to Playoff Elimination.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is so proud of them right now] – Mike Brown

ArmedandHammered

Austin is going to be autistic at this rate.

Unsurprised

Damn it. I wanted the Tits to get blanked.

Fronkenshteen

That was a dime.

Redshirt

Make up call

Fronkenshteen

Hey NFL. You want to run gambling ads all over your product? Get that Texans safety out of the league. Because how do the gamblers know that ridiculous cheap shot didn’t come with a paycheck attached? They don’t.

Spur

Prison Girlfriend not allowed to be back on the yard for the day.

King Hippo

Bring your soup tributes to the infirmary ward

Mr. Ayo

*soap

Fronkenshteen

Is Noah Fant on the field? I notice he has no attempts his way. He’s fresh off IR, but they don’t activate these guys unless they’re ready to play, right?

Mr. Ayo

IN-COM-PLETE!!!1!!1!!

King Hippo

Fat Man Enjoys RedZone With Grandson

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Last edited 19 hours ago by King Hippo
Unsurprised

That’s a handsome cat

King Hippo

I love the crazy, bloodthirsty fucker!

Unsurprised

He has the focus of a hunter that would eat the slowest players

Redshirt

Steelers just flippity-flopped themselves a Personal Foul penalty

Spur

It’s not a real fight until the Columbus PD pepper spray the players.

Spur

Prison Girlfriend got killed.

Unsurprised

Muslims? vs. Aryans?

Mr. Ayo

Suspend Al-Shaair for the remainder of the season. No excuse for that.

Redshirt

He was on Epstein Island?

Unsurprised

FAT(ish)SIX

Col. Duke LaCross

Big guy TD!

Spur

Rodgers pick six!!! Fatman TD!