Your December 1st NFL Football Open Thread

At the very least all the football since Thanksgiving has been eyeball worthy in one way or another. Whether you like upsets, great performances or wonky plays, football has provided. And now for the latest iteration.

To The Games!

Chargers/Falcons:

One thing about Harbaugh not leaning on Herbert earlier in the season is that the latter’s INT’s (which are usually double digits-10, 15, 10 again) are now down to just one. Atlanta has lost three of their last five but still lead their division. That’s the NFC South for you.

Steelers/Bengals:

Joe’s doing his part-could the Cincy D (aside from Hendrickson) step up for once? It’s last gasp time in Dumb Spaghetti Land. I’d like to see them muddy up the division a little. I’d also like to see Chase catch three TD’s today because that would mean that he would have half of the team’s 30, which would be insane.

Cards/Vikes:

Arizonny having a winning record this late in the season is disorienting. May as well take advantage of Kyler before the December Swoon takes hold which is coincidentally the same time as all those new games are released for the Christmas season. Minny is sitting pretty as they enter the stretch run because they have three straight home games and are 4-1 there.

Colts/Pats:

With the Texans faltering Indy has an outside chance of being a factor if they can cobble together a few wins but that’s a big ask. They’ve lost four on the road but New England has lost four at home. Does that number symmetry add up to a win? Magic 8 Ball says, “Huh?”.

Seahawks/Jets:

Woody’s Bumbling Carnival of Fools and Fact Contrarians are 1-7 over the last two months and the bleeding just won’t stop. The dysfunction is so obvious that even the hot-takers can’t think of a “what if?” scenario that would result in the Jets being competent, never mind having a winning record.

Titans/Commies:

Just three weeks ago Washington was 7-2 and the talk of the NFL. Now they’re that number of games behind Philly in the division. A timely win here and a Baltimore win (more on that in the late window, natch) would get them back in the conversation again as a serious team.

Texans/Jags:

Speaking of teams that need a leg up, Houston is 1-3 lately and looking very shakey indeed. A bad loss to the Jets, a three point loss to the Detroit Juggernauts, a thrashing of Dallas and a head-shaking 5 point L to the Titans tells you that maximum effort isn’t being expended on a weekly basis. Or is it a gameplan problem? The talent is certainly there.

Do that thing you do.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
216 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Gatoraids

Big Man March In Seattle

Unsurprised

I think the Seahawks may be cursed

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!!!!

Redshirt

I don’t care if this is a 9-8/8-9 team, Burrow deserves to be in the MVP conversation.

Spur

you get hit in the head during that OSU/MICH fight? ‘Cuz your talking crazy. MVPs win games.

Redshirt

He’s the reason why they’re not 4-13 at best.

Mr. Ayo

Stupid not real hawks. What a joke.

Spur

Fucking Seahawks! letting the Jets have positive half

Brocky

Cj stroud, i mean this in the nicest way but….

If you don’t throw for multiple touchdowns against the league’s worst pass defense, I am traveling to Houston and desecrating your lawn

Mr. Ayo

RIP his Mexican non union equivalent groundskeepers.

Redshirt

Reasonable

Gumbygirl

My butt is getting whooped in the Lowratio League this morning. Yeah Right is crushing my dumb ass, Righteously. Yeah.

Fronkenshteen

Stuck with nothing but this Commies blowout till 4:00. Time to grade some Econ homework assignments, I guess.

Fronkenshteen

Oh god. Titans turn it over AGAIN.

Unsurprised

Find a stream in the east of Red Zone

Redshirt

Taunting on Pickens? Huh, that’s of character.

Redshirt

*out

Gumbygirl

You were correct the first time.

Unsurprised

I spent an assload of money on Function to have it tell me I am fat.

As the new month rolls around, I have found myself being nickel and dimed more than normal. So I’m particularly spicy about money.

Spur

Commies beating up on the weak. Just like old times

Unsurprised

If Washington had been tougher on Tennessee back in the day, things would be much better today. So I have no problem with this.

Spur

What the Fuck Seattle?? Its the Jets and Rodgers cant move anymore. You should be up by 2 TDs already.

Mr. Ayo

Blocked XP! HOX!

Fronkenshteen

And a Geno Smith revenge game! WHAT THE SHIT INDEED?!

Redshirt

What can Brown do for you?

Spur

Leave! – MAGA

King Hippo

In the holiday mood, if it’s properly labeled Nofucksgiving

Spur

Drake Maye is loose!

comment image

Spur

I thought Jonathan Taylor retired? Am losing it.

Unsurprised

I keep thinking it’s Jonathan Taylor Thomas because my brain is irreparably broken.

Spur

Joy in Cincy!

Mr. Ayo

The BUNGLES!

Charmslinger charms Cincinnati!

blaxabbath

While writing a joke about the Ravens once, I learned the nickname for Baltimore is Charm City. Which the east coasters probably know — but also east coasters use “Charm” to describe Baltimore so you can see why they come off as a little out of touch to me.

Last edited 22 hours ago by blaxabbath
Redshirt

Let Russ Pick!

Fronkenshteen

Brian Robinson. Un-fucking-touched.

Spur

I got a horseshoe hanging around my neck.

Got told a few months ago my company was being acquired, unknown if we’d get job offers for the managers. About 3 weeks ago it was confirmed, sell would happen on Nov 30 and I’d only get a 1 month contract for December to help with the transition with the new company. I got serious about looking and landed a job after 2 weeks of looking. Work is with a large multinational, still doing Ops and a small raise.

I feel bad because rest of the mangers who have been looking for month were telling me they haven’t had any luck. I think I still got a angle to get some compensation from the new company. I’ll the only on file manager for Nevada. I can report to Nevada am no longer with the new company and they wont be able to sell product in Nevada until a new manager is on file. the manager has to live in Nevada and this new company is based in Carolina. I’m going deal that card tomorrow.

blaxabbath

You should take that horseshoe to Nevada and gamble.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I take it you didn’t get the memo that a “hanging horseshoe” has been revised from a symbol of good fortune to one of pride that is misplaced by so much that it actually becomes shame.

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Patriots throwbacks are the fahckin’ best!

NO ONE DENIES THIS!!*

*I do. For me it’s Bucco Bruce, but the Pats are a very close second.

King Hippo

I hate to give that organization credit for fuckshit…but agreed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Jets throwbacks were pretty good until they became a permanent thing. And who doesn’t love the Baltimore Ravens throwback uniforms?

comment image

Fronkenshteen

A three-man booth for Commies-Tits? Push that mute button all the way to the floor.

Forcing millions of American citizens to endure the subpar intellect of ex-athletes for hours on end has gone a long way towards shaping such a stupid electorate.

At some point, we should get a smart, funny option to enjoy in peace. If the fucktards don’t get the jokes and references, they can go back to Moose Johnston and Tiki Barber for comfort.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kevin DeBruyne heard us talking about wickets and decided to go for the croquet shot.

Redshirt

Please mercy kill this season, Steelers. I’m tired. So very tired.

King Hippo

You had no idea you’d feel like a full-fledged Demmycrat so quickly, didya?

Fronkenshteen

Our Lady of No Injuries…PRAY FOR US!!!

[breaks huddle]

[runs blindly through Jaycees support banner]

[violently t-bones hapless marching band]

[suffers fifteen simultaneous high-ankle sprains]

(Best of luck today!)

IMG_1867.png
Doktor Zymm

They’re used differently, I would have to check, but could be he lines up off-wing and the adjustments defenses have made to Kingsbury are benefiting him

Fronkenshteen

Went back and forth between those two.Went with yardage over completions. Will probbo live to regret.

Spur

Picks this week

Dallas -3.5 (Win)
Saints +2.5
Bucs -5.5
Seahawks -1.5

Mr. Ayo

HOX!

Horatio Cornblower

Who else is spending their Sunday going through 1,627 pages of abdominal surgery records because it’ll never get done during the actual work week thanks to a never-ending stream of emails and conference call requests?

“Go to law school” they said. “It’ll be fun” they said.

Filthy liars, every one of ’em.

Horatio Cornblower

You may not.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They never said it’ll be fun, they said it would be lucrative.

King Hippo

Better than digging ditches (on both fronts), that’s all I can say to the good

Unsurprised

They never said that to most of us.

blaxabbath

I think the only way we fix this mess is to make being an attorney so putrid that people start leaving the profession in droves.

Personally, I’ve found lawyers to be simple, cheap, and quite disposable. I’ve never needed serious review of abdominal surgery records but, as with all professions, I’m guessing the bulk of the expendable attorneys wouldn’t be up to this particular task anyways. We’ll call yous “one of the good ones” — but that’s only assuming we will ever get the chance to separate the wheat from the chaff. And burn the chaff alive. And much of the wheat.
I’ve got a gluten thing actually. So burn all the wheat too.

Unsurprised

There are too many lawyers and also too much unmet need. The entire profession is broken.

Not my problem (It is my problem).

Horatio Cornblower

As long as my paycheck clears every two weeks I do not give a fuck.

I may be part of the problem.

Brick Meathook
Spur

Best thing about yesterday besides Ohio State losing was watching that fight in 4k. I was shocked the Fox cameras didn’t pull away or go to commercial. Instead we got to see Ohio State lose again after the game.

Spur

Morning Folks.

Horatio Cornblower

Why? Did he put in Daniel Jones?

/this joke would have killed, (possibly me, possibly literally) two weeks ago.

Horatio Cornblower

Mo Salah* missing that goal proves that Islam (rest of commented deleted)

Autocorrect twice changed Salah to ‘Salaam,’ indicating that autocorrect is racist as fuck.

Last edited 23 hours ago by Horatio Cornblower
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, that’s very poor by Salah.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My shoulder is improving by the minute, which is awesome, but also a complication because now I have to sell my malingering to the Dr. Mrs., who will revise her expectations of my chore-doing abilities the instant I stop groaning and writhing in pain.

Perhaps some lessons can be gleaned from the players in this soccer game.

Brick Meathook

Top is National Airport, Dulles Airport, and Baker Street Station London; middle is LAX, Arlington VA, and then national Airport again; bottom row are all Arlington again.

https://ibb.co/b70nmbk

Doktor Zymm

Glad you call National by its proper name

Unsurprised

Hoover?

Doktor Zymm

These are only correct if a right handed person is batting. And they claim American football is too complicated?

FB_IMG_1733071677236.jpg
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Silly mid-on is my favorite because it’s basically if the third baseman in baseball positioned himself about fifteen feet away from home plate.

Doktor Zymm

All the silly positions are called that because there’s a good chance of getting hit by the ball

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, and a cricket ball will fuck you up. Those things are harder than Miami Dolphins doctors think Tua Tagovailoa’s head is.

2Pack

I always go for the deep cover point.
It never fails me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY 2PACK I CALL HIM REX GROSSMAN BECAUSE HE IS GOING DEEP.

Horatio Cornblower

Cricket is definitely a sticky wicket.

2Pack

Napoli wins remaining on top for another week.

Mr. Ayo

Pic didn’t load?

2Pack

Just testing you guys…

dac168f736f42f65d1f81e787b4dbf28.jpg
clint greasewood

Get Fucked you lesser Manc fucks, Up the Reds

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MOST GLORIOUS KOMMENTIST PARTY UNITE!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Qué golazo!

Doktor Zymm

As long as Kliff don’t kill Jayden in body or soul and keeps the rest of the injuries to the contractually obligatory league minimum I’m fine with them losing every game except the Cowpersons for the rest of the season

Brick Meathook
Mr. Ayo

BOOP!

Brick Meathook

Another great single take scene. The death of Little Bill from Boogie Nights (1997) director Paul Thomas Anderson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFX-qfYbHKg

King Hippo

Boogie Nights was very close to a perfect moviefilm. That, and O Brother, Where Art Thou?

yeah right

“My wife’s in the driveway with an ass up her cock.”

Horatio Cornblower

Supposedly Nina Hartley and her partner in that scene started to actually fuck and had to be reminded that Boogie Nights was a movie about pornos and not actually a porno.

Is that a true story? No idea, but it’s a story I’ve heard, and it is funny.

Unsurprised

It happened multiple times. It was easier to fuck than to pretend to fuck. Or so she said.

Brick Meathook

Here’s a great “single take” scene, from Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie (1980), directed by Thomas Chong.

The side players in this scene are all from The Groundlings comedy group. Nothing happening here is accidental. Enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ggl72wOwoQE

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s the guy from the Police Academy movies!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

With my bum shoulder, today is going to be a true test of my TV-watchin’ and commentin’ prowess.

King Hippo

Can’t the Mrs. go hit up the neighboUrs’ medicine cabinets for ya?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My neighbor is a doctor and another one works in music/entertaiment. My housing complex (artist’s conception):

comment image

King Hippo

That’s livin’ RITE!!

Brick Meathook

I am bored. Please entertain me and I will will return the favor.

Redshirt
Mr. Ayo

Have you had your morning dose of prescription vodka and opiates?

Because I have.

Brick Meathook

oh heck yeah and I have more prescription vodka being delivered.

I love Los Angeles. you can get anything here.

Brick Meathook

And I’m packing for my flight on Wednesday. Delta first class via Minneapolis.

King Hippo

On SUNDAY morning?? How does COMMIEFORNIA explain themselves to JESUS!!!????

Brick Meathook

How? COMMUNISM coupled with the 6th largest economy on the planet.

Doktor Zymm

Jesus’s love encompasses Bloody Mary Magdalens

bk109

GOAL – Man Utd 4-0 Everton published at 14:51 Greenwich Mean Time14:51 GMTJoshua Zirkzee

Hippo… your guys had one JERB DAMN IT.

bk109

I’m not sure how much more misery Everton fans can take. It’s a horrendous run of fixtures they have coming up and Sean Dyche doesn’t look like he has the answers anymore.

Thinking Sean Dyche is the answer… Ok, sure, but then what’s the question, then? “How to make one long for the Lampard and Benitez eras?”

Brick Meathook

Hi bk109! How’s things going? I’ve missed you.

King Hippo

We’ve been on the dole for ages, lad. What’s a job??

bk109

Eh, it’s a place that slowly drains the life outta you, while stealing the best years of your life and slowly turning you into a jaded arsehole… So basically, like a bad marriage, but one where you actually get paid for the misery.

2Pack

Ciao tutti

FB_IMG_1732420690694.jpg