Welcome back once again to this thing we have going on here. It’s the second day of December, is your tree up yet? We’ve got a pretend one that is a beast and assembling/decorating it is a two day affair. Fun! Wifey stopped asking asking me for help a few years ago. I married her because she was so smart! Off we go…
Minutiae:
-Injury Report: Hey McCaffrey, here’s your hat, why are you leaving? I’ve not seen anything but sketchy reports about the injury and plenty of talk about shutting him down for the year. Update: He’s been placed on IR. At 28, his window as an effective, featured back is fast coming to a close. But thank god you picked up Jordan Mason. Umm, I’ve got some bad news there as well.
-Trevor Lawrence is another dude that we’ll likely not see again this year if smart minds prevail. Hey, at least Aziz Anzari apologized for the hit.
-Taysom Hill is also done, just two weeks removed from an awesome outing when he was on everyone’s bench. Prediction: The sports media’s stories about the future 35 year-old’s laborious yet heroic comeback will make you want to throw up. Also! He’ll contribute nothing next year.
-Jets In Disarray-Part The Nth: Oh, how The Immunized have fallen-Interim Deer in the Headlights Ulbrich was forced to say to the media that Rodgers would be the starter next week because his play was so shitty. Piling on some more, the Jets committed 12 penalties including eight in the 4th quarter yesterday.
-For Those That Have Given up the Ghost: The current draft order for 2025 is Jags, Raiders, Giants, Pats and Panthers.
To The Game!
Browns/Broncos:
-Hooked on BoNix: Denver’s rook qb has 6 INT’s total but has just one in his last 5 games. This progress reeks of a coachable kid that does his homework and pays attention in the film room.
Juedy in Disguise: (timely reference, huh?) He’s currently playing the part of a not-bust. He’s averaging nearly 100 yards per game since Winston became a starter. Weird.
-Denver is currently sitting in the very last playoff spot.
-The Browns only wins this season…[squints at screen] Huh. Wow. The Browns only wins this year are vs the Steelers and Ravens.
-Cleveland doesn’t travel well as you may have suspected-they’re 4-14 in Denver.
-“The Whipping Boy is Back!”: Kadarius Toney has been elevated from the practice squad because there were no developmentally- challenged feces floating in the toilet bowl at club headquarters.
Have at it.
Someone needs to do a wellness check on Brocky.
*dials 912*
Updated:
He’s a literal meme that wished to become a real person.
497 yards, 6 TDs for 2 teams. Just Jameis Things
Everyone in the greater Denver area is deadbolting their crab legs tonite
Even the Rocky Mountain Oysters are under lock and key
Dear Glod, could Bo Nix BE any more clean cut?!
“Could I BE any more overdosed on ketamine?”
Wait, where is “Glod” placed in the divine pantheon?
He’s a Terry Pratchett dwarf reference deity
There are white people in Bessemer? I never saw any, except at the Bright Star restaurant.
Nix is from Pinson. Both are greater Birmingham, but nowhere near each other.
Trust the Process.
Jameis truly is our new Rex Grossman.
sex cannon pokemon evolved into a smokin’ winston
Like clockwork
yep, famous jameis was waaaay overdue for this shit
That’s way too much Winston
Put him in the HOF
https://bsky.app/profile/benjaminsolak.bsky.social/post/3lcetku6v6c2u
I mean, crown his ass. This is great content.
https://bsky.app/profile/billbarnwell.com/post/3lcetrz6kjk2s
He’s somehow Forrest Gumping himself through NFL history.
Hahahahahahahaha Brownies!
Unlike DeShaun Watson, Jameis Winston just won’t take yes for an answer.
BLEERGH
Cleveland has so much dead cap they should be called the Zombies
Listen, if Cleveland needs a QB who’s going to force something in there, that guy’s hurt.
Someone say Big Chunk?
Troy said Jameis has to start forcing it. Bad Troy!
Factory of Sadness doesn’t give a shit about tariffs!
This actually hurts my chances, more garbage time points
……
!&^@&ga_×yav<
Aioqqo1p!&×^+&[![!(@;@&×&1[+[*@;@^×^×<×@<×<2828192[×
you may be a prophet
The Full Winston!
What is this fucking farm this actress is operating on a credit card? Am I supposed to believe that operating a farm is a simple side-hustle made possible by the power of easy short-term credit? Oh yeah — Americans can’t get enough apples picked by white people, I’m sure.
I looked it up. Basically organic baby food.
Her kids likely all have measles.
She’s trying to infect the Affleck out of them somehow
winston has been too good up to this point, need a game ending turnover to even things out
Like an exoskeletal shell-breaking INT?
I approve!
YEP
ARE YOU A WITCH?!
Got any lottery numbers you’d like to share with us?
1 2 3 4 5 Powerball 1
Aww, man. I already play those.
Lathe of Fate
There it is!
Well…
Are you a prophet?
guys, this is not fucking rocket science
this is famous jameis serving up yet another freshly baked turnover from his bakery at the worst possible time, yet again
In these colorful Division Standing graphics, the Raiders shouldn’t have even been lit up.
“This is one of those times you launch yourself headfirst into the defender and try to get the conversion or a flag.”
GO FOR IT FATTY!
-Jerry Jones to Mike McCarthy, while tossing a box of Twinkies out a 4th floor window
And as the scaredy cat kick boomed I scribbled GAME OVER in my notebook.
I’m not sure I’d take advice on when to take a hit from Troy Aikman and the aftereffects of his eleventythirty concussions.
That’s exactly right, Jim.
Err, Jay.
No wait, Jerry.
Um, June.
Ok, Jelly.
My Name Is Joe.
Nice to meet you Joey!
https://www.facebook.com/reel/534030289469396
“We’ll see if Sean Payton tries to take advantage of it.”
-Troy watching Sean Payton looking at a baby holding a piece of delicious candy
If the Browns win, they be 4-8. The Bengals are 4-8. The Browns have a better Division Record, so with Tiebreaker Rules that mean the Browns will be in 3rd place over t-
(projectile vomits all over Clubhouse)
That’s why we added an 18th week to the regular season.
Think of the left tackle Mike Brown can overlook in the draft in that position!
Gotta say, I was not expecting an entertaining game tonight.
I fucking hate fantasy football
You’re not dead yet!
Scotchy I just want you to know i blame you for this
Nothing feels better than being right, huh?
The South Stands seems as cool as The Black Hole.
Brockmire fell off a lot towards the end, but the first season is fantastic viewing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=2E7yQ-ciiqk&t=13s
That one season is television gold. If I wrote something that good, I’d just Chappelle off.
They probably should have. I eventually finished it, but they never touched the first season quality again.
THIS BRONCOS D I CALL THEM VINCENTE MINNELLI BECAUSE THEY’RE COMPLETELY IGNORING JEUDY AND HITTING ON OTHER GUYS INSTEAD
I mean, checks all the ‘true’ boxes….
Banner this.
And bedazzle it, too.
I watch non-Bengals games to forget about the Bengals porous defense, not be reminded of it, thank you very much!
The Bengals also wear orange!
I didn’t know West Virginia was in Denver
There’s at least one Denver, WV.
But his name was John DENVER. Get it?
There’s a lot of shit you’re about to not know. West Virginians are running the Dept of Education.
Punt6!
Punt Pick (stupid voice to text!)
Why would the crowds in the Rocky Mountains sing a John Denver song about West Virginia instead of, say, a song about the Rocky Mountains?
Wait, did they just call someone Fatty Hall? I am high!
ESPN had to delay that slow-mo replay to give the van time to crop the ref out of the shot who was standing right there when Winston took a headshot that knocked off his helmet.
I have to respect Aikman and Buck for calling out some unbelievably shitty refereeing here.
Too bad about the upcoming fatwa Herr Goddell is about to issue.
First time seeing Broncos new uniforms. So they responded to the complaints of “We’re tired of the blue, bring back the orange” with a duller blue?
Hey!
These are just the colors Old Glory had available at the factory.
“Because fuck you, that’s why”
-Stan Kroenke, probably
Joe Buck talking about Hank Azaria reminds me of Buck’s finest moment, replying to a question from Hank’s character in ‘Brockmire’ with “I’m from Florida; of course I’ve had a finger up my ass.”
dammit, don’t make me not hate him
No no — it’s praise for Azaria making any fucker look halfway funny.
I like that Homer is leading the Cowboys.
I really want to know why they didn’t animate this game.
Too high of stakes, obviously.
Yeah, that tracks…
Hopefully, they’ll have a bit with Mr. Burns drinking Johnny Walker Blue & getting a blowjob from a stripper…
That is the visual definition of gormless.
My submarine ball cap on the left (with Canadian poppies) and my Uncle George’s WWII pilot’s cap on the right. He wrote 30 features and 300 TV episodes, including an original Star Trek.
https://ibb.co/bsSh2Mt
Anything for In Living Color?
He already tapped JLo when she was a Fly Girl, what else does he need?
Oh. So…you gotta BE a pilot to WRITE a pilot?
/buys Flight Simulator
//buys floppy disk USB peripheral
///renews AOL account
////crashes Cessna into Flatiron Building, gets B- from Judge Jihad
Eh, defense is overrated anyway…
I love how Aikman keeps finding ways to circle the conversation back so he can continue to trash DeShaun Watson.
Bo Nix, ROY?
Settle down. He had one good throw and now they’re back to just running.
No, it’s “Bo” you had it right, why question yourself
Hippo agrees.
If I had Jeudy for Lamb and Williams for Geno… it would be canceled out by the people Balls had on his bench.
If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, Balls would fuck the candy right in the ifs.
I just scared the cat laffing!
lol you’re so high, good
Yes I am, and yes, it’s good!