Down The Stretch They Come!: Tuesday Open Thread

Four games left. No more byes. No place left to hide for a whole lot of coaches on the hot seat.

Let’s go.

-Lions vs. Bills is gonna be BananaCakes. The Bills are not great against the run, while the Lions run the ball very well. The Lions kind of suck against the pass (especially if you stay away from safety Kerby Joseph), while the Bills’ offense is a Whack-a-Mole proposition for any defense. I don’t buy any of the bullshit Super Bowl Preview hype, because God hates us both real bad. But it’s gonna be real hard for the Sunday evening game (Packers at Seahawks) to live up to the afternoon slate.

-I find it very disturbing that we are celebrating Jerry Jones’ suffering as his lovingly-curated team continues to shit the bed in extremely public and deeply embarrassing ways. This is a human being, a person with thoughts and feelings and dreams just as valid as anyone else’s. Haven’t we, as a society, grown beyond our baser instincts like schadenfreude? Instead of celebrating, we should all be turning our energies toward coming together and solving the deeper problems.

See how stupid that sounds?

-The last quarter of the season also means a bunch of coaches trying desperately to save their jobs. Three coaches down (with none of the interim coaches likely to stick) and I’m looking at four more likely to be shitcanned in the absence of a tremendous late run:

Doug Pederson: dead man walking. He couldn’t make hay with Trevor Lawrence, and has no chance to show progress in that area.

Brian Daboll: The Maras already waited a year too long for this decision. Josh Allen and Daboll had magic in Buffalo; the evidence is now clear that Daboll was not the key part of that relationship. Yes, they are probably going to draft a quarterback high (or trade for JJ McFuckface- see below), but it’s not like Daniel Jones was an end-of-career albatross that Daboll was saddled with. If Daboll could develop a young quarterback, Daniel Jones wouldn’t be wearing purple right now.

Antonio Pierce: “Players’ Coaches” only get slack if the players actually play hard for them. The Raiders don’t want to be out there. Desmond Ridder isn’t going to save anyone. The concept that Aidan O’Connell beat out anyone on an NFL depth chart is utterly damning. Nepobaby Carter Bradley (son of Gus Bradley) is likely your QB2, which is less of a personnel move than a cry for help. Mark Davis thinks he can get Deion Sanders, which means Pierce would probably be out even if he were competent.

One of the Mikes (McCarthy or McDaniel): McCarthy is the more obvious, because he’s now an embarrassment to Jerry and keeping him makes the Jones boys look weak and indecisive. But don’t sleep on McDaniel. Dolphins owner Stephen Ross is 84, and not a patient man to begin with. Remember, the Dolphins were supposed to challenge the Bills for the AFC East this year. Tua’s injury notwithstanding, don’t be surprised if McDaniel gets the boot if they don’t make the playoffs.

-What to do with Sam Darnold? He’s been The Answer for Minnesota this year. He’s obviously comfortable in Kevin O’Connell’s offense. He is the Bird in the Hand versus JJ McCarthy’s Two in the Bush (giggity). McCarthy looked good in camp and he’s cheap for now, but the field of history is littered with the corpses of young quarterbacks who looked good in camp. Darnold is going to be expensive, but he’s also going to be 28- likely to still be in the best part of his career for the length of his next deal. There are rumblings that some of the teams who passed on a quarterback last draft (Giants, Tennessee, Raiders, New Orleans) like McCarthy more than any of the top passers in this year’s class. That leads to an unlikely but possible situation where the Vikings recover a higher draft pick than the one they used to pick McCarthy. Fun developing story.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; aloof yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
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Doktor Zymm

And can’t forget the satay
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Doktor Zymm

And roti prata!
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Doktor Zymm

Chee Cheong Fun really is fun!
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Doktor Zymm

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I hope this becomes a trend in the US sometime soon

Doktor Zymm

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mmmmm lor mee

Doktor Zymm

Just booked the return flight and hotels for my Feb trip, Singapore, Brisbane, Cairns, and 2 week cruise to Papua New Guinea and the Solomon Islands. I am gonna eat so much in Singapore, although turns out there’s a place in Chicago where I can buy a tub of kaya jam which is pretty awesome

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We have so much uneaten kaya left over from our trip to Singapore. Got way out over our skis on that one.

Doktor Zymm

That seems remedyable? I bet it would be great to drizzle on xmas cookies

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should have said “had” – we chucked it after five years or so.

blaxabbath

That’s dope.

blaxabbath

Final Justice is on MST3K.

It’s great.

Unsurprised

Bravo

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WCS

https://youtu.be/MIypX5dDobg?si=AEsK16925rD5Y-Cd&t=79

Thought Krusty went to Princeton.

Unsurprised
blaxabbath

This will make them all better….

….Checks notes….

Health Insurance CFOs.

Doktor Zymm

The late window is great this week, also have E v W Pennsylvania. Surprised they’re not flexing one of those to Sunday night or Monday

litre_cola

Plus Bills and Lions in the afternoon window.

Two trashbag games Monday night too.

ballsofsteelandfury

Just finished episode 2 of Hard Knocks AFC North.

I really like Burrow and Chase. Good dudes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re just saying that because Joe Burrow hires Sports Illustrated swimsuit models as housesitters.

ballsofsteelandfury

It certainly doesn’t hurt

WCS

Next week’s episode features a guest appearance from noted billionaire Bruce Wayne. Burrow can’t just go to a local Ford Store to get his ride back.

I think.

Redshirt

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna183666

(Door Flies Open and slam shut; deadbolts door; closes blinds and checks if followed)

(slowly turns around; out of breath)

“Hey, guys. What’s up?”

WCS

I thought you were here all day, which is why I only jerked off twice.

Redshirt

That reminds me, how was that model that Burrow is employing and in no way screwing? She wasn’t too scared was she?

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/nfl/bengals/2024/12/10/joe-burrows-cincinnati-home-broken-into-during-monday-night-football/76891926007/

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image?width=800&height=1200&fit=crop&format=pjpg&auto=webp

SonOfSpam

You were here the whole time and also can I see what you got?

Redshirt

(nervous laughter)
“What are you talking about?”

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BeefReeferLives

/Parked right outside clubhouse in No Parking zone.

Redshirt

Hey, it’s not my fault that some quintuple parked the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. Again!

WCS

Stop calling me about that, too. It’s way out of my jurisdiction, and I don’t caaaaaaaaarrrrrrreeeeeeeeee.

/takes cigarette from Jay’s pack
//he’s curled up asleep under a bed, anyway

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, you can be putting that weiner there!” – parking enforcement official or Joe Burrow’s fiancee – YOU MAKE THE CALL.

EDIT – damnit, “can’t”. Spoiled my own damned joke.

Last edited 13 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BeefReeferLives

If I was a pro athlete, I think I would start having one of my chums or relatives sleep in the guest room with a 12 gauge when at away games.

BeefReeferLives

Also, can I have a ride?

“Joe Burrow, the star quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals, has made headlines off the field with his purchase of an ultra-exclusive $3 million Batmobile-inspired vehicle. The car, a functional recreation of the iconic Tumbler from The Dark Knight trilogy, is one of only 10 ever produced by Wayne Enterprises”

https://autos.yahoo.com/joe-burrow-buys-3m-1-130000670.html

Redshirt
Doktor Zymm

At least they’re waiting until the players are gone. No Sean Taylor situations

blaxabbath

What fucking monkey paw did this dude cross?

Brick Meathook

I went down to my local little post office in Playa Del Rey to do a mail hold but it only has one employee so it was closed for an hour. To kill time I went next door to my favorite little sushi restaurant and got one of their specials.

Miso soup to start with:
https://ibb.co/xMpV8W9
Then the 5 piece Sushi Chef Choice Combo:
https://ibb.co/L90BS7h
Then my 2 choices of Chicken Teriyaki and a California Roll, plus the included salad, rice, and Sunomono:
https://ibb.co/NFPD7KT

All this for 29 bucks plus 3 more for the hot tea. At a sushi restaurant a price that low is pretty good; you could spend that for lunch at Dennys.

ballsofsteelandfury

Considering how much food you get, that’s a pretty good deal!

Brick Meathook

Sushi Beluga, right next to Mo’s and across from The Harbor Room. Also right next to the post office.

https://www.sushibeluga.com/menu/

ballsofsteelandfury

The special is definitely the way to go. Lots of quality options!

2Pack

Yeah but are the waitresses cute?

Brick Meathook

Sort of!

litre_cola

I will post this for Balls’ taek.

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ballsofsteelandfury

You can take ’em!!

litre_cola

Doubtful as they are mid season in Feb. Plus in reality their payroll is 10x ours if not more

ballsofsteelandfury

They didn’t do that well this season…

ballsofsteelandfury

McCarthy better than Cam Ward??

No fucking way.

WCS

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“Mandatory two-days leave to be used by end of calendar year, 2024”

No creepy late-night weirdness for me until Saturday.