Another Thursday Night And I Ain’t Got Nobody: An Open Thread

JK-I’ve got this lamp, this butt keychain that Balls sent me, this really sharp carving knife, this Blackfly vodka lemonade, this eventual Doug Ford victory, this bag of limited edition Spicy Citrus Doritos…-but aside from that I got nuthin!

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/44026249/woody-johnson-gets-f-grade-jets-players-nflpa-survey

Some folks were chatting about this in the super secret back channel that hardly anyone knows about and I thought I might make some snarky observations. First things first though-there’s little to no criteria offered for these grades and we’ve not a clue as to how many players for each team filled out the survey. This report card is on a par with a gossip session but hey, who doesn’t like a wee bit of that here and there?

Bills: They had B’s across the board but an F- for travel. I’m guessing that returning back to Buffalo after every away game skewed this grade down quite a bit.

Raiders: Nothing but A’s across the board-Tonight’s Girlfriend must have gotten word on which players did the grading.

Cards: D- for food. How hard is it to hire a dude that runs a Mexican food truck and have it parked outside the facility?

Carolina: Of course ownership was given a D-. There was no other option.

Cincy: Surprisingly, lot’s of A’s and B’s but an F- for treatment of families and another F for food. [insert Skyline Chili joke here]

Browns: An F- for locker room-is that just considering the environment there given Watson is still around?

Dallas: Grades were good otherwise but training room and training staff were given C’s. Somebody getting fired by Jerrah.

Jets: Flipping things from the Cowboys grades, New York got horrible marks all across the board but the strength coach and the dietician were the only categories that got as much as a B. This is probably a “Good Person Hired By Accident” sorta situation.

Texans: This one struck me as odd. There’s nothing but A’s and B’s here even though Cal McNair is the owner. He’s a big game hunter and a Trumpist and a dude that said “China Virus” back when but he only took over last year from his mother. I’m willing to bet that next year these grades take a nosedive.

Chiefs: This is a puzzling one. There’s a few B’s but a lot of really bad marks in a number of categories. It’s very obvious that no money is being spent on facilities as they enjoy this ridiculous amount of success/profitability.(Losing in the Super Bowl is still an enormously successful season with respect to added revenue) So ownership gets a C- while Reid gets an A+. I’m guessing a beloved player’s coach papers over a lot of deficiencies in an organization. (would like to hear your input here)

Commies: Could ownership get anything else but an A when the bar was so low?

Have at it.

 

 

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I regret to inform you that the Polaris lounge at Dulles has swapped out the Lagavulin 16 for Lagavulin 8. What’s even the point of having Trump and Elon do all this evil stuff for rich white guys if this is how they treat us?

Brick Meathook

That’ll teach you to fly United.

Also, even though I fly out of National, Dulles is the greatest airport in the world.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The good news is that it had a negligible impact on the delicious snack that is Archer-esque scotch and gummy bears

Brick Meathook
SonOfSpam

Gage and DeSoto were heroes.

Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait

Beat me to it.

Redshirt

Good news! Musk just outlawed Tornado Warnings! The loud noises the Civil Defense sirens were making was giving him a headache.

Cole Hood: “I just got fired from NWS . This email is all I know. Read if you want.” — Bluesky

SonOfSpam

Well, tornados only affect blue states, so that should show us wokesters.

WCS

Just tell the tornado THE GEYS and TRANS aren’t allowed to run on the high school’s track anymore. That’ll stop it. If that doesn’t work, the tornado obviously rigged the wind pattern, terrain features, and smuggled 2000 illegals made entirely of fentanyl and Green New Deals to prevent it from tornadoeing all over the Oklahoma, because those are really who’s at fault.
Ironically, the tornado’s about to destroy the same high school track the gay 16-year-old can’t use because it’s WOKE. That’s how this works, right?

Brocky

Say no more fam

I always liked the quick and the dead

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BugEyedBoo

A favorite of mine.

WCS

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If you’ve seen Crimson Tide, how accurate is it, Brick?

Redshirt

Quick glance at TV Tropes shows some issues, but nothing to sneeze at when compared to other films.

  • Artistic License – Military:
  • In real life, the command to launch nuclear weapons cannot be countermanded once confirmed, precisely because of what happens in the film. For that same reason, the Alabama would never have received a conditional order to launch at some indeterminate point in the future. Rather, they would have been directed to get into position, but the final order to launch would be withheld until the desired time. Though if they did that, there would be no story.
  • Multiple members of the crew, including the command staff, are heavily overweight, in one arguable (and plot-relevant) case lethally so. While the Navy’s fitness standards aren’t extreme, they’re not that permissive.
  • In the extended cut this issue is addressed in COB Walter’s case at least. Captain Ramsey asks Hunter to have a word with COB about his weight, rather than chastise a long-serving and faithful subordinate himself. During their talk COB acknowledges to Hunter that he’s overweight, then ruefully adds that he can’t seem to stop eating. Being on his last tour and an old shipmate of a legendary captain explains how COB has gotten away with his lax fitness standards.
  • Zig-zagged in that the stereotype of chief petty officers (and senior and master chiefs) in the US Navy is that they are obese while chasing down their sailors about fitness standards, often to the ire of their juniors.
  • Subverted in that a look around many modern navy bases reveals sailors who look roughly these sizes, and though they might be outside height and weight standards, they are being retained for their time in contract (while unpromotable) due to the need for bodies to fill boat seats. Additionally in 2024, the Navy removed the ability of commands to punish sailors directly for failing fitness tests, potentially exacerbating this issue. While it’s unclear if this body type was common in the 1990s, it’s certainly been common in the succeeding years.
  • During the discussion on whether the Russians have already launched their missiles, Zimmer claims (in somewhat more colorful language) that one doesn’t prep nuclear missiles without the intent to immediately use them.note  This ignores the entirety of the Cold War, where both sides armed their missiles at various points but never used them.
  • No captain, regardless of how well-respected they are, would ever be allowed to have a pet (least of all a dog) onboard their submarine.
  • Running a weapons drill during an actual fire emergency is also a huge no-no.note 
  • Though the Ohio-class is not nearly as cramped as older submarine models, it still does not have crawl spaces large enough for Hunter and co. to sneak around in.
  • An SSBN would not be called upon to conduct the kind of nuclear strike the situation calls for, due to the very communications issue we see happen.
  • As much of the film tries to present the situation as both sides having a point (including the final court martial), the reality is that Ramsey committed greater crimes for the sake of performing his assumed orders than Hunter did. Ramsey violates at least three articles of the Uniform Code of Military Justicenote ; Hunter, on the other hand, certainly didn’t threaten to kill anybody.
  • American SLBMsnote  use solid fuels that do not require fuelingnote , but the fueling sequence allows for a better Race Against the Clock.
  • Being unable to answer the question of who played the enemy commander in The Enemy Below is not an acceptable reason for pushups or punishment of any kind, and so Dougherty would be facing punishment himself. Superiors of any rank are never permitted to arbitrarily punish junior sailors with physical exercise such as a basic training drill instructor would do. This is considered abusive treatment, an illegal order, and the subordinate is not obligated to obey. Further, the officer can be reprimanded for misusing their authority.
  • Picking Hunter as XO of a SSBN would not be by just the Captain through a simple interview, as implied in the film, but by a Navy board or even the SSBN squadron commander, senior to Captain Ramsey. It’s possible, though, that the “job interview” in the film is actually just Ramsey’s way of meeting his new XO before they serve together for the first time.
  • Alabama is repeatedly referred to as a “ship”. US Navy nomenclature for submarines is “boat”.
  • “Naval” is spelled as “Navel” in the title card for “U.S. Naval Headquarters Pearl Harbor” which is a spelling error usually reserved for double entendre jokes about the priorities of sailors in their free time.
  • What’s another term for a lifeguard stand? A “navel” observatory.
Brick Meathook

Terrible. It’s among the least realistic submarine movies ever, down there with Hunt For Red October. I’m sure they are entertaining for civilians, but they are pure fiction. But hey it’s just a movie.

Sharkbait

down there with Hunt For Red October

Wait, submarines DON’T routinely pick up people dropped into the water from a Seahawk helicopter???

Also what is the most realistic submarine movie?

Last edited 5 hours ago by Sharkbait
Redshirt

Next, you’ll tell me the Soviet Union only has one Political Officer and not several undercover amongst the crew save for one GRU agent in the galley on the off chance the entire senior staff defects condemning their family and friends to a lovely stay in Club Gulag on the ship with a drive that somehow defies the Laws of Physics and/or Acoustics.

Gumbygirl

Gumby always said it was the one with Kelsey Grammer.

Brick Meathook

To me Das Boot is the best, but lots of bubbleheads swear by Periscope Down, which I’ve never seen.

Brick Meathook

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Gatoraids

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ballsofsteelandfury

My choice!

2Pack

I’m not exactly sure what my
life’s purpose is, but l’m starting to think testing out beaches in different countries might be it.

WCS

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If and when princess and I are able to visit her ancestorial region (Verona-ish), you and I need to meet.

2Pack

We certainly do. Verona is a beautiful city. Older daughter went to the university there.

WCS

All of my children are free to do likewise. I don’t know who’s going to pay for it, but, have it, kiddos!

2Pack

Actually a year at a university here is only a few grand. Daily transportation (bus & train) are another grand but its very affordable.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Isn’t you visiting her ancestorial region how you got a kid?

WCS

And that’s why Richard Donner was a great director!

Gumbygirl

He was great in that

Redshirt

Only Gene Hackman could pull that off. Kevin Spacey, despite his many failings, knew he couldn’t pull it off, so he only went Half Hackman (in my opinion the best part of that movie which Gene also gets the credit for that since its his Luther).

Jesse Eisenberg tried to go Full Hackman. Mere mortals don’t go Full Hackman.

Sharkbait

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SonOfSpam

I’d probably talk myself into this being good, then feel completely stupid by week 1 halftime.

Gumbygirl

Spam, you ignorant slut! I don’t think there’s enough weed in California that wouldn’t make me long for a double achilles explosion every time he touched the ball. They could dig up the corpse of Roman Gabriel and I would be hella rooting for his bones before I ever cheered for that obnoxious wanker.

SonOfSpam

(drops head in shame, knowing I’m an ignorant slut)

Gumbygirl

You are my favorite ignorant slut! Don’t tell the others, which would be pretty much all of them!

litre_cola

Mrs. Cola wants no more dogs for now, yet sent me a listing for a 1 eyed pug who needs rescuing….

litre_cola

Eggo waffles are an incredible anytime snack

BugEyedBoo

Wife and MIL like blueberry eggos with blueberries on top of some sort of berry preserves. Too sweet for me for lunch.

BC Dick

With cheez whiz you got a winner

Gumbygirl

I like peanut butter and sizzurp.

BC Dick

Like the peanut butter. Never added syrup but it goes well with the whiz. I think Canadian cheez whiz is different though.

WCS

Canadian cheez whiz is different though

That’s the heroin the manufacturers add.

Sharkbait

Did I miss the butts keychain giveaway? Sadface

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ballsofsteelandfury

You want one? I’ve got light blue, green, red, purple, and white.

Sharkbait

I was only joking about the giveaway, but(t) fuck it. Why not? I’ll take a green one

ballsofsteelandfury

Sweet! I’ll reach out on slack

SonOfSpam

(sigh) Celtics fans

Brocky

I miss having slack.

Gumbygirl

I love my purple one.

Horatio Cornblower

(Grimace blushes)

((no one can tell))

litre_cola

Tell you what, I will take a picture from my colonoscopy in a year and make a keychain with it and send it your way.

Brick Meathook

Route 29 (Lee Highway), Fairfax Virginia

This is easily going for $1million+, just for the land.

https://ibb.co/217cY9XP

Jimbo

Fairfax Virginia, no gracias.

Last edited 8 hours ago by Jimbo
SonOfSpam

Well, Pa Ingalls can fix it up real nice.

Jimbo

But Pa is dead.

SonOfSpam

Uh how bout a spoiler alert?

rockingdog

Found a funny:

me: does it smell like updog in here?

hospice nurse: *sighs and looks at watch*

Brick Meathook
ballsofsteelandfury

And now y’all know why some major LA streets have the names they do.

Jimbo

Where’s the hammock district?

ballsofsteelandfury

On third

litre_cola

I have stepped on the same damn dog bone twice in an hour! Fucking hell.

ballsofsteelandfury

I would think the dog would be more pissed off than you…

SonOfSpam

If it lasts more than four hours, call a veterinarian.

litre_cola

The rocket only comes out when my female friends are here.

SonOfSpam

Great, now I have LitrePug boner info in my brain, probably at the expense of a physics equation.

Gumbygirl

I told you we went to a party, and the hosts, who were quite insane, showed us a video of their pug mating. Chicka Pow.
Snoodles had game though, he pleasured his lady orally before the rocket was launched. Good boy.

SonOfSpam

not gonna ask any follow up questions

Gatoraids

good article interviewing about this scene and how reluctant and hard it was to get it right and some others and his career in general

https://www.filmcomment.com/article/interview-gene-hackman/

King Hippo

Beating up the Kluxer sheriff in Mississippi Burning

WCS

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SonOfSpam

I enjoyed the Chargers and Rams giving wildly different grades on the facilities.

It’s, um, the same place.

Jimbo

or is it? Maybe ppl forget it’s not San Diego and St. Louis

Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of the back channel, (closes door, locks it, bolts it, puts up “not that one, Balls” sign), I haven’t been able to get into that for months now. So if I missed anything, um, sorry?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Draft suggestion: Sex Comedies. Porky’s, Animal House, American Pie, etc.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Draft suggestion: Simpsons Celebrity Guest Characters. If you use this I will take Dustin Hoffman as Mr. Bergstrom

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Draft suggestion: (gonna just keep shoveling these in here as they come to me) Goldfish cracker flavors. Real and/or imaginary.

Jimbo
ballsofsteelandfury

From the site (https://nflpa.com/report-cards/2025):

Steelers- Mostly C’s but Head Coach A and Ownership D.

Yikes!

Gumbygirl

Not good.

WCS

What’s the problem? It’s not like Dan Rooney inherited a flagship franchise, and he doesn’t know what to do. Look at some examples: Jim Irsay, Mike Brown, HI I’M MARK DAVIS, Jed York…
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(this post took much longer than it should have, especially since no one’s going to see it)

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m glad you got the keychain! How do you like it?