The annual NFL Combine has come and gone, without any major controversies.
No freakouts threatening medical personnel.
No leaked stories about how poorly Jaxxsxxyon Dart did on MindBrain’s latest miracle neuropsychocraniometrical testing regime.
Jerry Jones did ask one guy if his mother was still a whore, but he was just asking because he had a free evening.
NFL NEWS: Busybusybusy. Teams are locking down their rosters and tightening their sphincters ahead of free agency next week.
-Saquan Barkley got paaaaid. Two year extension to his previous three year deal. $41 million in new money, $36 million guaranteed.
-Davante Adams got cuuuut. Turns out an inconsistent showing and $38.2 million cap number is a combination so bad even Brick Johnson can see it.
-Osa Odighizuwa got…mostly paid. The Dallas DT came off the final year of his rookie contract to score 4 years, $80 million ($58 million guaranteed) and more importantly avoided the franchise tag. Given that he has not made a Pro Bowl, that’s good money right there.
-Not so lucky? Tee Higgins. Second year in a row he’s been tagged ($26 million this time) but at a time when the Bengals have two other stars needing contracts and a shitload of holes everywhere else, this seems deeply short-sighted unless a long-term deal is imminent.
-Sam Darnold got…a phone call from the Vikings? As expected by anyone sane, Darnold was not tagged-for-trade by Minnesota. However, they are apparently still in talks for a long term deal. JJ MCFUCKFACE TO THE RAIDERS!
WHAT TO WATCH:
Space Ghost: Coast to Coast!
Voice of Space Ghost George Lowe has passed away, so pour one out for one of the great deadpan absurdists of our time.
Me: “How’s Trump’s speech.”
Dadshirt: “Terrible.”
Me: “Yeah, I’m sure it sounds better in the original German.”
WTF is with this still cold in the morning shit. C’mon spring move yer azz…
Aaron to RAAAAIIIIDDDEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSS!
That would be HILARIOUS
Was watching an old game on NFL network and it occurred to me that I would love to hear a game announced by Nick Offerman.
No idea if he even gives a tin shit about football, just think his voice would be well suited for the job.
IIRC he is a sportsball guy, and you are right he has the perfect voice for it.
I thought this post was going to be about the Hughes Three Cone Drill bit for petroleum exploration. Now that would have been interesting.
https://ibb.co/p6GkRGxr
How will this speech affect the Leafs road to the Cup?
Is Ellie May Musk there? Did he bring the chainsaw?
Fuck that fat fucking fucktard. Here’s Weird Al on Space Ghost
https://youtu.be/R9u0KL3vm04?si=GhT1efnwG0MC9sPk
This speech is getting me depressed. I’m going to watch stuff to cheer me up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SlKD2tfKTo&pp=ygUUam9lIGJ1cnJvdyB0ZWFycyBhY2w%3D
Like all remakes, this shit is worse than the original. My apologies to Adolf Hilter and the rest of the Nazi Party. You deserve all the pitchforks and flames of Hellfire for all eternity but you don’t deserve this.
Starting a list of things I’d rather watch than this traitor’s speech.
1) George Takei giving a rough but sensual handy to Scott Baio
2) #1 a second time
3) Dr. Phil describing #1 in lurid detail
4) Oprah jilling off to #3
5) The Aristocrats!
I was going to make a joke about Donald Trump tossing Putin’s salad. You can use that as 6.
Joke?
Like he’d ever do anything purely for someone else’s pleasure.
“If the Democrats were more organized like they are tonight, we’d be watching a President word salad herself through a speech instead of watching a President toss Putin’s salad through a speech.”
Turns out? Losing one’s country/planet/all hope really bring a Hippo down.
Can’t even bear to follow TPM’s coverage of the Reichstag event.
With you. Wife is streaming last week’s White Lotus, and I am into that. For now.
Two episodes into Season 1, because my hairdresser insisted that I finish at least that first season before next appt. Daddario FTW.
I got a really good haircut in Singapore, first time getting my hair did since before Covid
That was the only thing I “broke the rules” for in COVID times. I went 2 weeks over my normal 5 and I looked like a twink version of the GEICO caveman.
I’ve known her for over 30 years now, so one really could just call it “favor for a friend”
On the bright side, all these standing ovations has to lead to some heart attacks for the older Republicans.
I gave up my tickets to the Bobby Hurley Send Off Game tonight. Too much driving to make a 9p start then got work etc back here tomorrow.
I’ll be glad to get this stupid business sold or whatever.
…and whoever had Al Green as the first Democrat to be removed, please report to the cage to collect your winnings.
Too bad, they should all stay together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXx6RDzR6eM&pp=ygUIYWwgZ3JlZW4%3D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxnpY0owPkA
I’d like to address this joint session of the commentariat: RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!
Roger that
AFL people. What is going on with this Round zero thing? Is this the equivalent of the NFL just having 6 teams play week 1?
It’s a thing they tried out last year. It’s going over about as well as one of my chili cheeseburger farts.
So I’ve read. Apithe cyclone might cancel it as 2 games are already done.
The other games are in Sydney. They probably won’t get cancelled.
Oh man
That’s EXACTLY what I was referring to, but I didn’t think any non-SoCal peeps would understand.
Been a long time for me. Must fix that.
Mrs Spam is probably appreciative of that time gap…
Yes, it does make for a rough late evening atmosphere.
Been putting salsa on my burgers instead of ketchup, much much better flavour
Also, 2 of the 4 games have been cancelled thanks to Typhoon Elroy or Cyclone Roger or whatever.
Oh, I am sooooo glad I clicked on that link in the post and read the comments. If you haven’t, do it! Our spiritual leader had an awesome story. I don’t have testicles, but I am in sympathetic pain where they’d be dangling!
I feel like at least once or twice every season a player accidentally moons everyone getting pantsed in the pile. Incidentally, ‘getting pantsed in the pile’ is what Lowratio calls Tuesday
Condolences to Bjork in this time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVMPL56mdGg
In good news:
https://www.youtube.com/live/yyU_7VBW6Xo?si=OdaGymu0toAlDqKo
Guys, your president seems a bit lost. Supposedly he is flip flopping on these here tariffs. They have done the impossible though and made the Quebecois proud Canadians. Wild stuff.
He is the great unifier.
I did enjoy Trudeau’s speech though. It was a very polite and educated way to tell someone “va te faire foutre”.
Is ‘a bit lost’ how the kids are saying ‘imbecilic buffoon that couldn’t find his own ass with both hands and detailed verbal directions’ nowadays?
Lost? Is that Canadian for “a fucking moron”?
I apologize immensely for fucking up The Canadia’s economy. On the plus side, maybe we saved y’all from Lucky Pierre.
AND, of course, we’ll all likely be ded soon.
Hopefully not voting in Pierre would be the only good thing that’s happened so far in 2025, but nawt expecting that to happen
It’ll maybe be like Kamala, get JUST close enough to give one false hope of disaster avoidance. But can’t get that last 1-2% of idjits
Short-sided is the Bengals’ middle name
Their theme song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qURZuWb5UCQ
Bullshit! We’re too cheap for a middle name.
It’s just a middle initial and it’s the sad face emoji
I just have an initial. I had a middle name ( Grace) but I went to the first letter of my maiden name, because my married name begins with G too, and it doesn’t look good on a monogram to have two letters the same. I was 22, that seemed important back then.
It would be extra important if your first name started with ‘E’ since you would have ended up with the monogram of EGG 🥚🍳🍳
That’s real username / comment synergy, GG.