Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned [in bed].
Maya Angelou

I’ll never question a nap.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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My only choice today, because there is a story here. Pope Paul VI.
2Pack

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Someday I will tell the epic, and profoundly stupid tale of how Gumbygirl finally escaped the desert. Today is not that day, but I will tell you that my house finally sold, closing on Friday, dog willing and the crick don’t rise. Now I’ve done jinxed it, the buyers will die in a freak accident in the next three days. Bet on it!
Gumbygirl

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I just want to live in a quaint Spanish village at the feet of the Pyranees, drive to the coast of the Mediterranean, eat a fig, drink my enemies’ tears from a martini glass, take a nap in the sun, and never pay for anything again. Is that so much to ask?
Alex_Demote

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My father passed away this morning.
Redshirt

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Spotted in the wild
If you approach it, I bursts into flames
LoL

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Today’s my 30th wedding anniversary.

Are there still any of those Hallmark stores? I think a musical Snoopy windup thing and a card might get me to second base.
SonOfSpam

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Smartest thing I ever did during law school was be an extern for a federal judge. Cured me of any desire to be a litigator pretty much instantly.

That said, if I had to pick the particular straw that broke my camelback, it was the filing (supported by a 10-page memo of points and authorities) where a bona fide attorney at law cited a case that stood for literally the exact opposite of what he was arguing. But the not terribly clever bastard solved that problem by taking “not” out of the key sentence and giving us the ol’. . . instead.

And it would have worked if it wasn’t for me and Scooby and Velma (Fred and Daphne were fairly useless as always). Any, yours truly, another extern and an actual clerk had to check all the cites in the filings and I discovered the bullshit at the end of an afternoon of this boring ass work. I was so pissed at the waste of time that I wrote a memo on why Attorney Ellipsis needed to be sanctioned. Judge disagreed, noting that would lead to more hearings and he did not want to waste due process on this asshole; instead, he mocked him in open court on the record while denying his motion.

Even with that comeuppance for the jerky boy, it was the least satisfying few days I think I’ve ever spent on the planet

/tl;dr version: don’t let your babies grow up to be Cowboys or litigators.
Downfield Matriculator

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If the AFL were going to expand by two teams, in which markets would they be placed?
blaxabbath

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Jim Irsay dies. Just another grave to piss on added to my list.

Fuck that guy.

Fuck that family.

Fuck them for eternity.
jjfozz

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Given his family history, you’d think that Jim Irsay would have left everyone in the middle of the night.
scotchnaut

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Jim Irsay died as he lived, an asshat nepobaby. He will be missed by his dealer.
SonOfSpam

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So this person, who I can kindly describe as stupid fucking twisted dipshit asshole fuckface, decided we should shut down one of our main channels of communication at the beginning of our busy season.

A stunning display of ego, ignorance, and just plain “because I said so.”

Some people deserve to be soaked in bbq sauce and tossed to rabid wolves.
jjfozz

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Halftime and it’s almost midnight. I should 100% go to bed…
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I’m feeling blue, folks.

Princess said some things that were accurate, stuff I need to improve on. She’s absolutely correct, too. One of the reasons I’m so found of her is how direct she is. She would be a good coach, if she had any interest in sports. That is a big ol’ no.

I’m not looking for a pity party; I know she’s right. I’m not mad, angry, or upset with anyone but meself. I hate my compulsiveness, one of the main sources of all my biggest, deepest flaws. I have a very difficult time telling the devil on shoulder to piss off. I know that’s a big problem, the one I need to focus on the most.

Folks, I really am in love with her. I care deeply about my kids. Tomorrow is Lil’ WCS’s birthday, so I hope yinz all brought presents and cake, by the way. They are my inspiration, but I need to start acting like it more. What I mean is, I never have any money to spare. Like, ever. It’s because I’m already in enough debt, but I can’t control my spending sometimes. “Fool and his money,” and what not.

I love you folks. I can’t articulate how I feel to most of people in my life. My parents have never understood me, my friends all have so many of their own issues I don’t want to add to it, and the only person I can talk to is meself and the cat. I already know what I’m to say, and the cat is too busy licking his butthole.
Thanks for letting me just get this out there.
WCS

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My house closed today, huuuuuuuge sigh of relief. I lost almost 4000 bucks on it, but I’m happy to be out from under the damn thing finally. My expenses are about to go down dramatically, I’ll make up that 4k in a few months.
Gumbygirl

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My dad passed last night. He’d had enough. On a plane now heading to Florida to be with Mom, my brothers. Make phone calls, make arrangements. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. TSA screening about scared me to death. I had a half day of school left and I was supposed to meet everyone in Michigan. He got too sick to fly, though.
I hope everyone has a tremendous Memorial Day weekend and all your bets hit. Sorry if subsequent posts today are a bit melancholy. Love you guys.
Fronkenshteen

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We went down to watch professional rugby (yes, it’s a real thing) in Irvine and while there we stopped at an Aldi’s. In the parking lot on the way out the woman who had been in front of us in the register line – fortyish, Asian – was cracking open one of the beers she had just bought. “Can I party with you?” I would have asked her, if I were a bit more fancy-free.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I loved John Starks so much! The dude played at three obscure Oklahoma colleges and was a training camp body for the Knicks at the age of 25. On the day he was going to be cut there was a scrimmage and he said, “fuck it”, and tried to dunk over Pat Ewing. He fucked up his ankle while failing to do so and the team couldn’t release an injured player. While he was at the end of the bench a few guards got injured and he was “forced” into a 6th man role. He took it from there. Kinda unbelievable.
scotchnaut

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Bars are starting to close, so bring on the DUIs and overdoses!

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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