Mundialito Fever

¡Buenos días, damas y engendros! Which I extend with heartfelt sincerity. Broke out the ¡ and everything.

King Hippo kindly ceded the spot this AM and the cat in the picture is my way of saying: Hippo, you rock and are 100% right in so many things. One example, the thorough awesomeness of cats, which I corroborated the past few weeks. More on cats tomorrow PM, because Imma hijack this spot for top, flight, fútboooool. But first, let’s address some topics. Starting with

THE CLUB WORLD CUP IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT,

said many folks I respect who know about, and enjoy, teh lesser. Let’s got through some of the gist:

It’s an Infantino vanity project (yes),

funded by $2 billion put up by the Saudis (true),

most likely the quo for Saudi Arabia getting the 2034 Mundial (which sounds like the FIFA I’ve always known and forever will be).

Yes. It’s wrong to develop tolerance for corruption, even when bribes and graft are fucking everywhere. Very well, FIFA will not get my money.

But I’ll be damned if I was gonna miss Flamengo v. Chelsea. It’s free. Through not-illegal streaming even!

BTW, Flamengo won 3-1. Aaaand I missed it.

But I’ve watched many games and I’m into the Mundialito.

THE TEAMS SELECTED ARE A JOKE,

a gripe most heard from Liverpool and Barcelona fans. Them knuckleheads devalue any argument.

Personally, I’m fine with a smattering of regional champions plus the odd domestic league winner. Failing that, a consistent runner up (hello Atlético Madrid).

Look, it can’t be really a “world” cup without teams from each region. Some regions do suck. And bad teams will never improve by always playing their crappy colleagues. I think bad teams can improve through playing higher level teams. And fútbol’s screwy enough that less talented teams can win through defense and one lucky break or moment of brilliance.

To put a name on the region, Oceania. It’s representative is Auckland City, a team made up of students and folks with day jobs. They already played twice, against Bayern Munich (German champion) and Benfica (Shempiens perennial and half of Portugal’s Old Firm). Auckland scored zero goals and conceded SIXTEEN. The “Stop, he’s already dead”” gif isn’t enough.

I imagine Auckland City fans back home watching their team in the biggest of Big Times, normies in scarves, nuts with face paint, all full of nerves and shaking with possibility. Then the game starts and it turns into The Ilyad, with Auckland City being the Hector killed and tied and dragged around getting desecrated by a vengeful demigod.

Getting pulverized and humiliated—what doesn’t kill ya, right? Man, I hope Auckland City’s tournament handler is treating the players well. Take them to Busch Gardens at least for fuck’s sake. For the rest of the Mundialito, those players deserve to have the kind of night life that would get them expelled or fired.

The rest of the field has been more level. These are today’s

GAMES

All times Central, with some borrowing from the wikis.

Mamelodi Sundowns v. Borussia Dortmund – 11:00

The Sundowns are from South Africa, 2016 African champions. It was founded in 1970 (source: team shield).

The opponent, Dortmund, tied 0-0 with Fluminense, and did not impress. Rooting for the Sundowns. Finger guns up! PAK PAK PAK PAK

Inter v. Urawa Reds – 2:00

Here are Inter’s last two games:

-lost FIVE to zero in the Shempiens final against PSG, to the delight of many.

-In the Mundialito, Inter managed a 1-1 tie against Monterrey–Rayados, the pride of Secsi Mexi. Inter, don’t forget, also placed second this season in Serie A. Monterrey’s result is mind-blowing, if you’re a sports fan who’s waaay into the transitive property.

On the other corner, Japan’s Urawa Red Diamonds, founded by Mitsubishi. High-achieving domestic team, won the Asian region in 2022. Its first game was against Argentina’s River Plate, which won 3-1. I watched it; the Red Diamonds had faster players, but were overmatched everywhere else.

Selling point: Inter was the oldest club of the Shempiens lot this season, and it showed in the Final against PSG. After the Monterrey game, Inter complained about the pitch conditions. Old and twee Inter might be ripe for a picking. If the Diamonds wins this, they’ll become the Urawa Red Daves.

Fluminense v. Ulsan – 5:00

/re-reads the prior game preview

Bof. I blame the weed for that one.

Ok, bearings gathered, today might be Trouncing Saturday at the Mundialito. Ulsan is from South Korea, founded by Hyundai. Ulsan showed absolutely nothing, NOTHING against Mamelodi Sundowns. It was the most lopsided 1-0 I’ve seen, so far.

Fluminense ran rings around Dortmund in the first game, which finished 0-0. I think this smells like a 5-0 thrashing.

INCIDENTALLY,

the four, four Brazilian teams are undefeated in the Mundialito so far: five wins and two draws. Aside from Flamengo’s win against Chelsea, woooooooooo!, Botafogo defeated PSG 1-0. Oh, no big deal. Just the current champion of South America 1 – 0 the current champion of Europe.

These Brazilian clubs ain’t on holiday. Watch out.