Monday Morning Mock Draft: Draw The Line

Guten Tag Drones.

I barely remembered the draft this weekend, but here we are at 11:05 pm Sunday night throwing words on a computer to avoid doing any work on Monday.  Gotta love this timeline.

I’ve been noticing a lot of folk around here starting to get pretty excited about the return of football, even if it’s preseason, to which I say

Preseason football is worse than methadone.

I, uh, assume.

Bunch of no names you’ll never see outside of Canada, the XFL, or an arena within four weeks, interrupted by 4-5 play appearances by players you do recognize.  All while it’s sunny and warm out and you should be outside.  Or at least inside, watching baseball, as God intended!

OK, OK, look, I can pander withe the best of them.  If it’s football you want, football you shall have.

Last off-season we did a few drafts taking offensive players, but I don’t think we ever did the defensive side.  Could I easily check and find out if this is the case?  Yes.  Will I?  No.  Why?  Because it’s 11:13 pm and I’m not getting paid for this.

This week we take NFL linebackers.  3-4, 4-3, inside, outside, middle, doesn’t matter.  If they played linebacker in the NFL they are eligible.

As always when drafting professional football players, (and comedians), it’s what they do professionally that matters.  What they did, allegedly or otherwise, off the field has no bearing on their value here, nor does it reflect on your complete lack of morals drafting them.

Although it should.

I’m giving the first pick to Scotchnaut, because he gives me a lot of suggestions, because as, (I think) the only and certainly long-suffering New York Football Giants fan in the clubhouse he should be making this pick, and because, much like Highlander, in this draft there can be only one for the first pick, I’m just going to assign him Lawrence Taylor.

Objections can be made in the back room, which I won’t read because I can’t get in there.

With the second pick I’m going to take Randy White, a holy terror for the Cowboys defense back when I started watching football.

Here’s Randy about to make Jim Zorn question every life decision he made to get him to that point.

The rest of you are on the clock.