For Jerry Jones so loved his Ego that he gave up all his common sense so that Dallas haters could laugh all the season long.
Oh look, here’s Jerry talking to the media yet again.
I think we’ll get a true picture of just how dysfunctional Dallas is and how all this crap has really affected the players. The Hot-Takers are saying that them Cowboys are going 4-13 but I don’t think it’ll be that bad, what with the firepower they have in the passing game. And this is a passing league I’ve been told.
Look at me, getting ahead of myself. First and foremost, many thanks are owed to all the gerbils that kept the lights on during the offseason and second-most, welcome back those football fans that like our brand of cynicism and snarkiness. Let’s all do it again.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Eagles:
-No pressure Kenny Clark, all you have to do is single-handedly improve the running game, just like your new master said you would. Just wondering, how many snaps is he going to play, what with all of 5(?) practices under his belly? He himself said he’s been cramming, reading the play calls to get a handle on things. Does he play 60% of snaps? Does that sound about right?
-Oh yeah, that Philly running game-according to some cherry-picked metrics, was the best or 2nd best of all the teams. When last we saw Saquon he was ripping off 40 yarders and there’s no reason why he can’t again tonight. The question of whether he can stay healthy for two seasons in a row for the first time in his career is a question for another day.
-Speaking of, Quick! name the Cowboys backfield. Nope. Rico Dowdle is gone, replaced by the less than explosive Javonte Williams in the lead with Panthers castoff (how’d you like that on your football CV?) Miles Sanders. Some are talking up Jaydon Blue but that’s obligatory with rookies that have detritus in front of them in the pecking order.
-I’m a bit curious how the Cowpokes are going to defend A.J. and Devonta: cb Diggs is playing after rehabbing his knee all offseason and that’s a bit of a surprise. Taking on Brown might be too much of an ask, so does nickel guy DaRon Bland-outweighed by a good 30 pounds-take on the responsibility? Or should he stay with the smaller Devonta who has 6 TD’s in eight games vs Dallas? Pick yer poison.
-The last spread I saw was a Fellini-esque 8 1/2 which seems…generous…to the Cowboys. I think the wheels come off right out of the gate.
Enjoy the game folks and those that have been away, do say hello, won’t you?
How has Brown not even been targeted?
careful, that’s how you get ICE
Don’t know about you, but I’m glad to see that the Collinsworth boy was able to find work.
Yay moar time to tut-tut Jalen Carter!
Tony Dungy: “Sure, I spit in other guys’ mouths before conversion therapy, but”
Dok and Lawrence went on walkabout. I fear that it is now my show. At least I kinda know where I am.
/all quite wasted
West side? Call if you get lost
You’re going to be bailing somebody out!
Nah they stumbled back. Dok is on walkabout. She doesnt want to come to the turtle races. Lawrence has no choice
I’ve got in-laws in Tustin, so if you find yourself there I will guide you in to two very surprised elderly people.
Also Mrs. Horatio will murder me.
I went to Catholic school for eight years in Tustin. I may have run past your in-laws’ house in terror once or twice.
THE FUCKIN USA MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S WHERE YOU ARE
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Chris Sims has a weird head.
Hey, don’t shame weird head.
/tapes pic of Barbara Walters over gently used Fleshlight
thought was Sloth’s Son
Joe Biden did this.
Looks like this morning’s run has been perfectly timed.
The Clubhouse could do a much better job of filling weather delay time with hard hitting game analysis and easy banter than these “professionals”.
That creepy clinic with the patients suspended by wires in Coma could do a much better job
“Whaddaya think of the action so far Spam?”
“Collinsworth felches pangolins.”
Tomorrow’s 10:00 am deposition would suck, but it’s remote so I can roll out of bed and do it, and also there’s a video of the whole accident that showed the plaintiff is lying, so the deposition is going to be me asking the plaintiff how the accident happened, then hitting play and saying
Horatio tomorrow:
I hate Friday depositions, but I am looking forward to this one.
We sent them the video; I have no idea why they haven’t fired the client.
They have yet to view it or gave it to someone else to view and does not realize how bad it is.
Money
dude sexy friday is tomorrow
they killed streameast this week and god stuck back
fuck you
It took a minute to remember I get Peacock because Xfinity has a monopoly on my building.
a fuckin hour to hear cris bullshittin?!
off to play the new mechwarrior 5 DLC, fuck off cris
You nerds have weird euphemisms for jerkin it to storage wars
same
back to helldiving for a bit
Old age/lack of patience/Expedition 33 stops me from playing Mechwarrior 5.
if any stadium deserves random conversion of seats to the electric chair its Philly.
Stick Jerry on the roof, his ego is big enough to shield the stadium.
Did someone say let’s find something to fill the time with?
It is raining. That T-shirt should be wet…
That will take way less than the 30 minutes of this delay though.
She seems nice.
And kind of terrified.
Sara Jean Underwood, if you’re looking for her porn videos
Since when did the NFL turn into NASCAR?!?
Buncha pussies… Hell, the lightning would probably HELP the Cowboys!
Someone should hand Collinsworth a long metal rod to hold during the game delay
“Seems like a good time to practice your short game, Cris!”
(Eagles fans throw batteries at Mother Nature)
The Gang Gets Electrocuted
This weather delay wouldn’t have happened if DOGE had done their fucking job and fired everyone.
Fuckin woke NOAA.
Alright, more time to get beer in those Philly fucks. am guessing at least 3 murders before midnight.
Absolutely hammering the over.
Booing the weather in Philly.
Booing the
weather inPhilly.Fixed for you
Throwing batteries at lightning seems like more of an Altoona thing.
Altoona: At least we’re not Johnstown!
You expect different?
Was just thinking, hey, I’m gonna grill chicken, could sure use a delay of some kind.
God provides.
Even the gods are sick of this game.
Of all the games for God to attack, this one seems benign.
The ghost of Lombardi wept…
jerrah has seeded the clouds
and the new blonde tennis coach at the Country Club
2024 Cowboys giving advice to 2025 Cowboys:
Not really helping me with my fear of clowns here.
and that’s game. so much for trading scores now
The thunderstorm agrees
SUDDEN CHANGE
That turnover was karma for the bullshit unnecessary roughness penalty
YYYYYEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAWWWWWWWWW
Oh wow, golden boy Anthony Volpe didn’t get it done with 2 men on, looking at strike one and swinging at strike 3 on a ball high and inside.
Haven’t seen him do that since, (checks notes), last night, when he did it three fucking times.
Bullshit call.
I hope I’m not talking out of school, but both of these teams seem a tad undisciplined, no?
-Talking out of a school is how I get most of my dates. M.Gaetz, Florida
hardest hit by a Blankenship since MXC
“Right you are, Ken.”
That had to have been Bill Parcells’s favorite show; so many Japanese people getting hurt.
And Japanese feet!
Turd Ferguson got his bell rang there
Atta boy, Pickens.
There’s the Pickens we saw in Pittsburgh.
Yup. Was usually good for one boneheaded play per game.
I imagine the Stillers brass saw that and had a good chortle.
Cowboys running back getting chased down by a linebacker . . . they might want to see if Zeke Elliott is doing anything next week.
/does quick Google search
I mean, besides practice squad duty for the fightin’ Harbaughs
Those lead paint chips aren’t going to eat themselves.
reaching for the ball gave Sanders 10 more yards.
I don’t know if this is “new” or “news” but Caitlin Clark has a season-ending owie. Is the WNBA playoffs nearing?
my indianapolis andrew luck curse theory hasnt been disproven yet
(sept 14, to answer your question)
If that was the NHL, she’d go on IR and then show up for Game 1 like Mark Stone.
ice up, hon
“We’re playing some NFC East football right now!!” says golly gee aw shucks NFL apologist Cris Collinsworth, who has in fact been announcing an NFC East game for nearly two hours now.
I’m going up for the 49ers/Seahawks game on Sunday and I have absolutely not been using the offseason to get myself into full season beer drinking, sausage dog eating shape.
I am unprepared for this.
Maybe try a couple of McDonald’s meals in the next couple of days, stretch that colon out.
It’s like riding a bike! You will wobble at first, and then you’ll be in pain the next day.
I will be there too. Shoot me an email & maybe we meet for a beverage and toast our imminent death.
The key to the Dallas running game was getting Jalen Carter to be himself and do something so incredibly stupid, (this time not involving vehicular manslaughter, fortunately), that he got ejected before the game got started.
Next game at Dallas, Jerry gets the Local Ford dealership to give Jalen a free Raptor a day before the game.
I would have assumed “Ride the Float” was some dumb gambling strategy from Draft Kings designed to take mortgage payments from the average fan.
Don’t give them ideas.
Well, I suppose I might pay someone some money if I never had to see badly rapping idiots pretending to be football fans in the dumbest NFL commercial in a while — I anticipate an invoice from Goodell will be arriving shortly.
Day ain’t over yet.
Altuve striking out on a breaking ball with the tying runs on base will never not get old for me.
Not so easy when you don’t know what pitch is coming is it, you fucking cheater?
Man they made a pretty long azz FG look routine right there.
Someone turn off Cris’ Pornhub feed. He’s spending WAY too much time talking about guys thighs.
20 fucking years, Pornhub has been America’s porn site even though it sucks donkey dick. It’s the Dallas Cowboys of porn.
Any recommendations?
he just told you “sucks donkey dick”
Pornxp and porntrex
I also use Adblockers and the like, and porntrex doesn’t really like them, but it’s still useable. Pornxp creates popup ads sometimes. But I appreciate their selections of full-length videos. Spankbang still has some vintage stuff I like. Xhamster isn’t as violently opposed to my adblockers as it used to be, and has some vintage stuff I like. I was an Xvideos man for the Bush and Obama presidencies before I switched over to sites that host only full-length videos. There used to be a site called yespornplease that was the best of those until I was shut down around 2020. yespornplease (dot) sexy is the successor site, and it’s fine, but it’s not really my thing.
Looking up influencer/OF when I get the whim is still a crapshoot and not worth the trouble.
I have serious thoughts on what I look for in my porn and porn stars, and frankly, I wish someone would get a move on anything tagged as Remastered because there’s too much crap with piss or excessive inserts I don’t want to see, I don’t like tattoos and that kind of thing except for literally two who way overdo it and it’s like a weird treat, and just because I think it was something critical to my porn habits my peak stars are all from around 2001-04 and 2009-12. But I mentioned before Elly Clutch is a national treasure.
Listen marathon man with the full length videos, no need to brag here…..
I am not relying on anyone else’s editing.
Well, unlike the Cowboys, people have undoubtedly successfully finished due to Pornhub.
Fun fact (I think): it’s Canadian. That’s why Trump hasn’t gone nuke-u-lur with the tariffs.
French-Canadian.
reason he named his son JAC
Has Dallas tried reasoning with this Barkley fellow?
Here so I don’t get fined. Work demands my presence. But I am hearing this venture via terrible radio.
As always, Roger Goodell is a galactic disgrace.
Enjoy my favorite imaginary friends.
Gumbygirl, you’re in the Matchup Of The Week!
Making it bigger:
Whoa, Jumbo.
My team isn’t that bad ! I hope the starters can hang in for a few weeks, or as long as it takes to get back in. Thanks for this, you are mi favorito!
Great name
Thanks!