Be thee warned in advance, I started a round of prednizone Sunday morning, so I am grumpy as fuck.Β Also…gesticulates at Wolven Sort.Β This will be less than half-arsed.
We mandatorily got up and watched a shitshow from Ireland, Yinzburgh beating SKOL 24-21 (score deceptively close thanks to ample garbage time production).
Seven in the early window, and many of these were also not-really-inspiring.Β Philly away to MRSA Men looked good on paper, but it seemed well in hand despite a mammoth, 65-yard FG to end the half (24-6 to the Iggles).Β But these squadrons are both TOTES Drama Queens, and long TD strikes to Egbuka and Irving cut this thing down to a 1-score margin, for most/perhaps all of Q4.Β But Philly juuuuuusssssttttt held in time on two late drives, ending the score on an intentional safety at 31-25.Β Baker showed his full arsenal (good and bad), but his magick finally ran out.
Jaxson Dart…winner??Β Strange but true, in a game otherwise mostly notable for deaths (Malik Nabers, Clips’ other OT).Β The 2nd death would prove decisive, as Herbert the Duck was quacking for his life all day long.Β They didn’t get the ball to Omarion Hampton (who had a TD, but STILL – twelve carries?Β 17 total touches?) nearly enough, and it bit ’em.Β Vertically Enhanced Persons hold on for the Very Pyrrhic 21-18 home win.
Those of us who have (or have had) outdoor cats know the “playing with their food” routine, when the little predator gets bored mid-kill.Β That was Buffalo, pretty much all day.Β They were knotted at 7 after the first Saints drive, and looked to be down 22-21 before VAR came to their rescue (rightly).Β The post-VAR placement made it 21-19 instead, Brokeback settled everyone down and drove for the kill shot TD.Β Bills Mafia added a late FG of their own for the final margin,.31-19.Β Hey, you fuck up and only win by 12, might be a pretty good team/season.
Detroit was the other mainstream (and Hippo’s) Survivor pool pick, and they started much like the Bills – but thankfully righted the ship a bit quicker.Β After digging a nil-7 hole, they used all 3 phases (but offense the least) to close on a 34-3 run to put #ThePauls firmly back in their place.Β Welcome back to first place, Fuck LioUns (pending SNF).
Sherman’s Ashes were absolute dogshit last week, somehow losing by 30 to the Panthers.Β Back home in front of a sparse, listless crowd…the offense was firing on all cylinders again.Β London, Pitts, BOTH tailbacks found the endzone in a comfortable-if-not-dominant 34-27 win over the Commies.Β We are all week to week, especially at the NFL level.Β Still no real idea who Washington is this season.
Speaking of those Black Panthers, would they build on last week’s momentum?Β Β Yeah, that’ll be a NO.Β Early TD lead, but missed the extra point.Β But the P*ts took the lead for good with a punt reurn tuddy, followed by 5 other, mostly effortless TD drives.Β Red Rocket garbage time made it 42-13, New England runaway and hide winners.
Despite coming into the fixture 0-3, the 500s kept a clean sheet and beat DonT’s sorry-just-no-excude-they’s-FLAT Tits, 26-nil.Β Woody Marks, welcome to fantasy relevance.Β Tennessee is 0-4, and God help DonT if heΒ really has to listen to Beth Mowins and the even worse Ross Tucker most weeks.Β YEESH.
Four in the latesies, with Romo and Nantz ball-gargling 1-2 Balmer away to the 1-2 Chefs.Β I paid almost no attention to this, even early.Β It’s mandatory WATCH, not mandatory GOODLY ATTENTION PAID.Β I started Tyquan Thornton, so that jinxing is on me.Β Cooper Rush entered for Lamar! at 13-30, and YIKES no MOAR needs saying.Β Ended 37-20.
Santa Clara still strikes me as barely cromulent, but they come into this week at 3-0, and you’d think hosting the Jaguras would be easy-peasy.Β But that’s why they play the games, innit?Β Duuuuuvvvvaaaalllll even got a 4th down stop, up 26-14 in Q4.Β Toonces the Driving Cat (the Cat who could back up George Kittle) scored to close the margin to 5, before JAX missed a midrance FG to give Purdy Mouth a clear shot at the comeback.Β How about a 4th turnover to break the Tomsulas’ back?Β Don’t mind if they do!Β Jaguras prevail, 26-21.
Chi**** had maybe 60% of the Vegas crowd.Β Jeebus, you can’t say they don’t outkick their coverage, in the amount of loyalty/support they get.Β Team is ass, though.Β Know who else is ass?Β Β Geno Smith.Β Β But Ashton Jeanty finally had his long-awaited breakout game, scoring thrice.Β But a late drive put the Bearistocrats! up 25-24 (missed the two), and Geno took the reins with 1:27 to play and this line – 11 for 18, 98 yards, THREE pickerceptions.Β And that was almost the line of the WINNING quartered back (after a few easy check downs, following an excellent kickoff return) – except Chi**** blocked a 54-yard FG attempt.Β Everyone in the NFC North is at least .500 again.
The game I really was interested in?Β RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! hosting the Fat Humps.Β Two teams looking to muscle their way into the “legitimate, semi-scary playoff team” echelon.Β You may have had a bad day at the office before, but I bet you ain’t NEVAR had Adonai Mitchell’s day.Β Q3, he DSJ-drops the ball fucking around before the goal line (at 10-13 down, negating a long TD reception).Β Q4, he gets called for an unecessary downfield holding BLEERGH, negating a long TD run (at 20-20, around the 2-minute mark).Β Indy would punt, and then lose 27-20 on a Fatty to Tutu Atwell bomb a few seconds later.Β Guess who is getting cut in the morning?
You want to talk about “only here so I don’t get fined?”Β Having to watch Packers/Non-Gendered Cowpersons on SNF.Β It’s mandatory WATCH, not mandatory LISTEN TO FUCKING COLLINSWORTH.Β I even had the unpleasant sensation of strongly pulling for Green Bay to win (or AT LEASTΒ Most Gloriously DRAW).Β It’s like reading Bill Kristol every weekday morning, and agreeing with him.Β Which NEVAR stops feeling odd, lemme tell ya.Β Anyway, between Romeo Doubs killing my soul with TD catches inside the fucking 2, the ‘Persons at least managed a 2-point blocked XP return.Β That was fun!Β But nowhere near enough, until the Packers got super lazy, then even stupider than lazy.Β Fuck, I don’t want to write any further.Β Will watch 2H from upstairs in bed, as God intended.
Mercifully, Monday Night will NOT be mandatory.Β Staggered doubleheader of Fish/Jest and Bungles/Donks.Β Wow, Shield.Β Just WOW.
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