Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Of course there’s a baseballing thing going on as well. And the Senators! Who could forget that the Sens are playing? [pretty much everyone raises their hands]

Fallout:

-Feelin’ HOT, HOT, HOT: That would be the butts of Dallas DC Eberflus and Cincy’s Al Golden. The Cowboys have given up 250 points and the Bengals have surrendered 253. The next closest team are the Titans way back at 230. Just a note-I’ve not seen someone in career freefall quite like Eberflus-Head Coach, Defensive Coordinator and who knows what next year? Quality Control Consultant? Scout? Gatherer of Potatoes?

-Rich Bleed The Poor, Part The Millionth: Has a Titans fire sale begun?-fairly good slot cb McCreary is off to the Rams for a relative pittance. Please Tennessee, spend your extra draft capital on the offensive line. Trust me.

-Skattebo had successful surgery in Philly last night. Why there? Well, he had an ‘open dislocation’ (GAH!) that needed to be attended to immediately. Gotta love all the Internet folks that pulled on their suspenders and typed, “When I dislocated a joint, blah, blah, blah…”.

To The Game!

Commies/Chiefs:

-In case you forgot (as I did) Daniels is still out so Mariota is in. Out of curiousity I looked up his career earnings-they’re at 83 million and counting. As part of his current contract he gets paid $30,000 every week to not be on the practice squad.

-As of the present it would seem that Washington caught lightning in a bottle last year because they’re staring at their (very likely) third straight loss this evening.

-Good News! Both McLaurin and Deebo should be available tonight. Bad News! That’s not nearly enough to get a W.

-Can I pile on? The Commies have eight defensive starters 28 or older. They’ll get tuckered out this evening.

-K.C. has only lost one Monday Nighter during the Mahomes Era.

-With Kareem Hunt sorta hobbled with a bone bruise look for rook rb Brashard Smith to get a larger piece of the action.

Have at it.

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Redshirt

BB RBI in 3…2…1…

Redshirt

…-43…-44…-45…

WCS

It kind of just dawned on me that the LA contingent here seems… indifferent? to the Dirt Rams’ successes lately. Maybe I’m misreading or misunderstanding, but, for as many Los Angelnos we have, el Dodgeros seem strangely blase.

Sharkbait

They caught Boston Sports Syndrome.

ballsofsteelandfury

You should know by now that LA fans don’t get emotionally invested.

ballsofsteelandfury

We’re trying to beat traffic.

Speaking of, did anyone see the chase that ended when a car intentionally rammed into a motorcycle being pursued by the cops, resulting in the guy on the bike flipping over on the freeway?

Horatio Cornblower

LA baseball fans are famously blasé.

Mr. Ayo

Doyers are fucked. RIP.

Sharkbait

“We are young” playing when Kershaw comes in is certainly a choice. 

WCS
Brick Meathook

Kershaw will blow it.

ballsofsteelandfury

It does seem that way…

Redshirt

The prophecy is coming together…

Horatio Cornblower

Bases clearing double, coming up

Horatio Cornblower

There’s NO chance that call stands. Guy was safe by a mile

Horatio Cornblower

Walking the 9th place hitter just seems like a bad idea.

Redshirt

Actually the #1 hitter is a pitch runner hitting .154. Good call.

Horatio Cornblower

Well the bases are now loaded, so…

Redshirt

“He’s been on base six times. Not a normal DH night.”

He’s the Designated Hitter! He doesn’t have to worry about defense or making outs. His only job is to take at bats and hit the ball! What do you think he goes if the ball goes in play?!

Last edited 4 months ago by Redshirt
Sharkbait

John Henry deserves to step on Legos for the rest of eternity for letting Betts walk.

Redshirt

Uh oh…that was weird. Who called the trainer?

Last edited 4 months ago by Redshirt
Redshirt

If I’m Ohtani, I would’ve at least offer to spot them a strike or two.

Horatio Cornblower

“I’ll give you 1 strike and 4-1 odds you can’t get me out”

Redshirt

“2 strikes will give you 7-1 with a one ball teaser.”

SonOfSpam

Is that a Lance Armstrong sex thing?

Redshirt

Its a betting thing. They lower the spread to tempt you to make another bet outside of your planned amount.

SonOfSpam

Weather preview for games 4-5 in LA…gonna be in the 90s with Santa Ana Winds (those dry as a Shapiro wife desert winds), so there may be delays due to fire.

Redshirt

Its not rain, play on!

Horatio Cornblower

Could be worse, could be playing in Jamaica.

Horatio Cornblower

The Dodgers better win this in the 11th, because if Kershaw comes in the Blue Jays will put up at least 4.

Redshirt

That may be a tactical decision. Do you want to be down 1-2 with a functioning bullpen or up 2-1 with your entire bullpen on fumes?

Horatio Cornblower

I want to win this game. Emotional boost of winning this game versus the let down of losing it.

Now, if Ohtani’s calf is more than cramped that may be another story.

SonOfSpam

Wait, Johnny Knoxville is rebooting Fear Factor?

I know there’s worse stuff, but fuck this anyway.

Redshirt

If we’re redo everything, can we redo All in the Family? The reactions alone would be worth it.

Last edited 4 months ago by Redshirt
SonOfSpam

Even more people wouldn’t get it.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Sharkbait

Can’t be any worse than Joe Rogan

Redshirt

Joe Rogan: starts speaking
Redshirt: dives into poisonous spider barrel for the sweet release of death

Horatio Cornblower

Smoltz isn’t kidding; he hung that pitch like laundry. Lucky this game is still going on.

Horatio Cornblower

CHARGE THE MOUND!!!

SonOfSpam

“Ok, one felony count of conspiring to impede Los Angeles ICE troops”

-P. Bondi

WCS

James Corden is currently the guest on Jimmy Fallon, and WHY HASN’T THERE BEEN A SURGICAL MISSILE STRIKE ON THE SITE YET??!

Last edited 4 months ago by WCS
Redshirt

Trump, hit the button and I will personally put the crown on your head!

SonOfSpam

Yeah, that’s quite a pair (Triumph voice) FOR ME TO POOP ON

Redshirt

If this game reaches an 11th, the third base coach is going to come onto the field with two bleeding stubs for arms.

SonOfSpam

What odds did you get on that?

Redshirt

Ha, like that…(grabs phone to check)

Sharkbait

Arent you on deck Ohtani?

SonOfSpam

I can multitask.

I mean HA HA GOOD ONE FRIEND SHARKBAIT

Horatio Cornblower

“They needed two perfect throws…”

FFS, Smoltz, the catcher could have eaten a sandwich between the time he caught the ball and the time the runner started his slide; they could have thrown that ball back and forth a couple of times never mind needed a perfect throw.

Redshirt

Okay, one time is just being bravely stupid. But two times brings up possible Black Sox Suspicions.

SonOfSpam

Jays’ 3rd base coach will be seeing Brian Kelly in the unemployment line tomorrow

Horatio Cornblower

“Vlad is up next?”

comment image

Last edited 4 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Sharkbait

Greedy baserunning 2: Electric Boogaloo

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, there’s no excuse for that one.

Horatio Cornblower

I like a good play at that plate but Jesus Christ that runner wasn’t even in the frame when the catcher caught the ball.

Redshirt

Traditional Extra Innings with No Ghost Runner on 2nd, the way God intended!

Bring on the 20+ inning marathon.

Sharkbait

Once again proving the NHL has the best playoff overtime format.

SonOfSpam

Steve Garvey out to pitch the 22nd.

Horatio Cornblower

22nd inning or pitch to his 22nd illegitimate kid?

SonOfSpam

Excellent.

/applies “Steve Garvey is not my Padre” bumper sticker to 1987 Datsun B210

Brick Meathook

A different fish:

IMG_0048
SonOfSpam

(me, a fishknower): “Ah yes, nice koi.”

Mr. Ayo

Free dirt ball!

Mr. Ayo

And more poor choices in base running

Redshirt

Who teaches a runner to hop off the base? Slide over the bag with your leg and body.

Horatio Cornblower

The fuck are you having Ohtani steal with Betts up?

SonOfSpam

“It’s good strategy, on account of their sneakiness”

-B. Parcells

Redshirt
Sharkbait

Fuck John Henry with a thousand cactuses for not paying Mookie Betts

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, you got Jeter Downs and Alex Verdugo back.

Horatio Cornblower

Betts is going to hit one about 420′

Unsurprised

That would require the board to have enough humanity to imagine it.

Sharkbait

That was some greedy baserunning

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, but it took a hell of a throw to get him.

Sharkbait

True, but I think* staying at second is the more prudent move there

*knows nothing about baseball and is more than likely wrong

Horatio Cornblower

He’s not looking to see where the ball is once it gets past Freeman. It’s likely on the 3B coach for waving him on. Still, I don’t hate that play.

Redshirt

If Ohtani hits a walkoff homerun, I will be $500 richer, and baseball would officially be as scripted as Pro Wrestling.

Horatio Cornblower

If the Blue Jays so much as hint at a strike to Ohtani their manager should be deported.

Redshirt

Agreed. We’ve officially reached the Walk Barry Bonds with the Bases Loaded level.

Horatio Cornblower

I hate the Blue Jays, but the Dodgers self-destructing with a bunch of errors and bad base-running, after making fun of the Yankees, (deservedly so), for blowing Game 5 last year doing the same, is making me feel kind of giddy.

That also might be the bourbon.

Sharkbait

This is best case for me. Lol Yankees last year, and hopefully the luxury tax skirting Dodgers get beat.

LemonJello

Game, blouses.

Later, Taters!

Redshirt

…and that’s why I put $5 on Ohtani hitting two home runs.

Horatio Cornblower

Weird, so did he.

SonOfSpam

lol plus a few (many) zeroes (like the planes his grandfather flew)

Horatio Cornblower

Worst kamikaze pilot ever.

Redshirt

Thinking: don’t say it…don’t say it…don’t say it…

With Trump in charge of the FBI, I’m surprised they didn’t lump Ohtani into the Gambling investigation for ICE reasons.

Thinking: SHIT! Well, back to square one with DFO.

Mr. Ayo

This Ohtani guy might be good

Horatio Cornblower

As long as we’re not talking about gambling.

SonOfSpam

Ohtani just tied the game with his 2nd HR. He also has two doubles. He’s pretty good.

Go Jays.

Mr. Ayo

Confirmed good. Thanks.

Horatio Cornblower

Smoltz was talking about keeping the ball away and the pitcher hucked one right down the middle.

Mr. Ayo
Horatio Cornblower

Guy may very well be the best player ever: throw a fastball down the middle and see what happens!

LemonJello

Sky: blue. Water: wet.

Horatio Cornblower

I missed Brian Kelly getting fired; guess this extra bourbon was there for a reason!

WCS

He did recruit you, Mr. Langlois, so Coach Calm must’ve done somethings right for you?

Horatio Cornblower

Article says he was a walk-on under Ed Orgeron.

Redshirt

I would’ve bolted the instant his name was announced.

Horatio Cornblower

I certainly would have if I were a student assistant.

Redshirt

The Canadians just got up a run in an Imaginary Sport’s Championship series.

Doktor Zymm

Did you know Davante Adams used to play basketball?

LemonJello

THESE WASHINGTON COMMANDERS, I CALL THEM THE BATAAN DEATH MARCH BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING DECIMATED AS THE SEASON PROGRESSES

Redshirt

I would like to personally thank Hollywood Brown for not showing up tonight. I didn’t feel like hitting that five-way parlay anyway…

Redshirt

Just realized, he didn’t get hurt did he?

Doktor Zymm

My stream quality is crap, but I’m okay with that because *gestures towards game*

LemonJello

Volcano lairs have poor reception? The things you learn in the clubhouse.

Doktor Zymm

It really depends on the iron content of the magma

Horatio Cornblower

I hate it when I accidentally pour more bourbon into a glass than I meant to.

LemonJello

I don’t throw around the term “Hero” lightly, but in this case…

Horatio Cornblower

The NFL allowing Joe Buck to point out, at length, that Rashee Rice is a scumbag tells me that Rice is probably involved in that NBA poker scam and it’s about to drop.

Redshirt

futuramashocked.gif

SonOfSpam

TAKE TAKE ME HOME
CUZ I DON’T REMEMBER

Back when Phil Collins used a recent convo with Trent Green for lyrical inspiration

WCS

Take, take, take me home…
Cause purplemonkeydishwasher

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh dee duh

LemonJello

McLaurin fucking all these ref’s wives? They are determined to not give him any sideline catches.

Horatio Cornblower

/the pitter-patter of little feet echoes through the refs locker room as a bag of cash mysteriously appears in their locker

Horatio Cornblower

Lemonjello just went from a 5% underdog to an 11% underdog against me in the Lowratio League.

Those goddamn mail-in ballots!!