Houston Going To Play For Real Stakes?

They could very will nudge the Chiefs out of the playoffs with a win here. Are they capable? Let’s take an ill-informed look.

To The Game!

Texans/Chiefs:

-K.C. is in “do or die” mode and they have to face that defensive front that fears no one. “Not Good, Bob!”

-These fellas met twice last year with the Chiefs winning both times.

-One can revel in Houston’s incredible defense but that O is horrible in the Red Zone. As well, though they’re not as feared as in years past, the K.C. D at home is allowing the fewest points allowed per play.

-Does Woody Marks’ rushing prop of 49.5 look a bit low to you? Speaking of, Jayden Higgins’ prop of 35.5 receiving yards looks very beatable despite the fact he’s only the 2nd-best Higgins in the league.

-Mahomes has started looking for Kelce again and the tight end has responded-he’s scored a TD in three of his last five fixtures.

Gimme some of that good stuff.

 

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Horatio Cornblower
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m turning fifty in just four days, and the universe has seen fit to gift me with Notre Dame getting frozen out of the playoffs, and the Chiefs effectively getting knocked out of the postseason ON THE SAME DAY.

I’m not sure what I should be wrapping my wing-wang with, but do prepare to cover your ears because I will be shortly* be running through the clubhouse shouting “WOOOOOO!” louder than I ever have before in my life.

*RIP Doug Martin

Horatio Cornblower

Just make sure you don’t trip over the vacuum cord.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or try to use it for autoerotic asphyxiation

Horatio Cornblower

I used to love watching ESPN on Sunday night. Great way to close the weekend. Now it’s Scott Van Pelt blowing whoever won the late game while bitching about his gambling losses.

Anyway, time to google 70’s porn while preparing to shriek and hit delete whenever Traci Lords comes up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Traci Lords is already in her seventies? Man, time flies.

Doktor Zymm

Is there a word like demoralized but for morals instead of morale? Or maybe for morels, where you make someone sad by pointing out their lack of tasty mushrooms

Unsurprised

Shamed and Damned

Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
Horatio Cornblower

Lowratio is so angry right now.

Gatoraids

dunno think we can see him celebrating there

Horatio Cornblower

Demeco Ryans just might be a good coach.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure everyone who’s left their seats in the stadium is just trying to beat the line to Gates BBQ.

Redshirt

I thought about stealing this but it was too good.

IMG_2638
Horatio Cornblower

Go ahead and steal it; I seriously doubt anything those pricks post is original anyway.

Doktor Zymm

I will always hate the expression “rate of speed”.
Just say speed! We all know it’s a rate!

Unsurprised

ATM machine

PIN number

SNAFU situation

Doktor Zymm

1) yeah, that one is annoying too
2) doesn’t bother me for some reason
3) don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say that but not sure

Also, those are all acronyms, while speed isn’t, so the meaning is more hidden. Technically, saying rate of speed should refer to acceleration since you can have a rate of a rate, so it’s not just redundant but also potentially changes the meaning. More like a double negative, and it probably is used as an intensifier since it’s usually “high rate of speed” and not “low rate of speed”

Unsurprised

Nerd

Horatio Cornblower

“‘Song Sung Blue’: We gave Jim Belushi a job!”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw Jim Belushi’s kid in a play one time. He wasn’t half bad!

Redshirt

Mahomes should’ve thrown the ball to himself.

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

I can’t wait to go to Watch Hill*, RI next summer, go to the only bar in town, and get in a fight with a drunk and retired Jason Kelce.

I will lose so, so, so badly.

*Taylor Swift owns a very large home there, you see.

Doktor Zymm

We’ll look for you on the news! Try not to get stabbed!

Horatio Cornblower

I seriously doubt he’s gonna need a weapon.

Doktor Zymm

Like he’s gonna remember to put down his butter knife when he hits you

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You mean Travis Kelce?

Horatio Cornblower

I assume his brother will be there.

/yes, I meant Travis. Goddammit, first the LDB challenge and now I can’t tell my Kelces apart.

Beerguyrob

Hard to blame Kelce there when Mahomes throws it that far behind him.

Horatio Cornblower

Cris found a way to do it.

Beerguyrob

So, watching a dynasty die in real time is oddly satisfying.

Doktor Zymm

It’s extra special since it’s not due to people retiring or even getting particularly old

Doktor Zymm

They’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel for drug names

Horatio Cornblower

Sorry Mr. Rice: didn’t mean to throw that ball right into your fucking hands there.

Horatio Cornblower

Do you suppose that, when Snoop Dogg is on ‘The Voice,’ he ever talks about the guy he (allegedly) killed?

Doktor Zymm

Ok, NOW it’s an insurmountable lead

Horatio Cornblower

I live in Connecticut and cannot legally vote for Mark Kelly, and I had to block his emails, so this hits home.

https://bsky.app/profile/jadomian.bsky.social/post/3m7h4ufcrts2j

Gumbygirl

I get a ton from Ossoff. Haven’t lived in Georgia since 2006?

Horatio Cornblower

Man, Andy Reid’s looking so upset I bet he doesn’t even have the emotional bandwidth left to deal with his children’s myriad problems and needs.

Oh, wait.

Mr. Ayo

These Chefs are cooked

WCS

They need a Snickers. Andy will be fine with just a box.

Horatio Cornblower

“You shut your whore mouth”

-A. Reid

Doktor Zymm

“But don’t shut it on the Snickers, I’ll be eating that”

Don T

I bet the Texans’ Hunter is the world’s second deadliest Danielle.

Horatio Cornblower

Collinsworth’s squirting aside, that was a really good tackle.

Horatio Cornblower

Collinsworth: “none of the offensive linemen have put on any of their overcoats this entire game”. Those guys sure are tou…

HYPOTHERMIA DOESN’T CARE!!!

WCS
Mr. Ayo

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Horatio Cornblower

AGH!!! GAH!!! FUCK!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE AND SOW THE GRAVE WITH GARLIC SO IT CAN’T COME BACK!!

/tips hat to Thatcher-hating Scotswoman for that last bit

BugEyedBoo

I think all but #2 were helmet-to-helmet.

Horatio Cornblower

Ball wash that horrible throw for an INT, Collinsworth.

Unsurprised

I don’t know what they sell at Duluth Trading Co., but this ad makes me hope the owners get dunked into a vat of acid.

Doktor Zymm

It can’t be Duluth, no one would want that

Gumbygirl

The one near Atlanta has all of the good Asian restos. Buford Highway!

Doktor Zymm

Wow, what a hit

Unsurprised

Wow. What a hit!

/chef’s kiss

Mr. Ayo

JACKED UP!

Horatio Cornblower

I think the reta special ed helmet gave him a big assist.

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