Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA USING WHAM SONGS [in bed].
I’m out of the Whamagedon challenge. Of the 2, it feels like its the more difficult as that song seems to be fucking everywhere. I figured I’d be out after the weekend with the youngest home from school and us going Christmas-y things, but managed to make it through. Got knocked out on the turlet Monday morning. It was some mixed drinky thing, was so mad that I just kept going and don’t remember what it was for.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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The entire Ravens organization, including the guys who wipe up the jizz from Romo’s slurping of Rogers, can eat a double shit sandwich washed down with a glass containing sweat wrung out from an old jockstrap worn for an entire season, and never washed, that belonged to Tony Siragusa.
jjfozz

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It’s official, Danny Dimes tore his Achilles. It’s Hector’s revenge!

The Colts will move forward with either Riley Leonard or Nathan Peterman at QB. (Peterman is speculation. By me. Because of lolz.)

Looking forward to the Jones Redemption Arc with Cleveland next season.
SonOfSpam

I’m betting the Colts bring him back on a cheap deal. They can’t really draft anyone since they traded their next 2 first rounders for Sauce

Doktor Zymm

That’s a good call, but he may not be ready in time. So they’ll have to bring in another scrub unless Leonard shows out.

SonOfSpam

When you said “no scrubs” I thought you were talking about an unsupervised Eli Manning in the bath tub.


(not out of malice, of course, it’s just that he gets so distracted playing with the purchase he made using his 2015 signing bonus)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Redshirt

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Who asked for overtime? Not me!
Gumbygirl

(hearing this in Apu singing “Who Needs The Kwik-E-Mart” voice)
SonOfSpam

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I see cromulence has the night off.
Nice of derp to pick up the shift.
NotShogunButShogun

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I walked into the kitchen, announced to Mrs. Fozz that “I think we’re alone now” is stuck in my head. i start singing, grab her and yell “Dance with me!” She laughs, kisses my neck and grabs my junk and then says, “Well we’re done for this week.”
jjfozz

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Apple can eat a hand grenade for monopolizing the Charlie Brown seasonal specials. Seriously eat a flaming bag of dog shit, you fucks.
jjfozz

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The sacks are coming from everywhere.

-Buddy Cole, reporting live from Lindsey Graham’s “Enchantment Christmas Party”
SonOfSpam

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YA BETTA UNRETIRE SOMEBODAAYYYYYYYY

fleshwound_NPG

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Great rundown GTD, always appreciate your fine work.

Big day for the Caveman. Submitted the retirement packet, my second and final. First one was signing papers in the personnel office. This time it was pressing the submit button on a website.

Treating myself and looking forward to the deadbeat lifestyle this coming summer.

2Pack

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Clots signed Rivers to their practice squad.

(Tracy Morgan voice) Whole team’s bout to get pregnant!
SonOfSpam

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Please Sir, I have always said that I find your writing highly entertaining… But don’t distract my going into retirement with these crazy coming out of retirement stories. It really bugs me… Words hurt…
2Pack

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The Iggles have no hope. They have Raiders, Bills, Commies x2 left. Then we will take our beating at home in the ‘yoffs.

OL is shit without Lane.
Hurts has regressed to who I thought he was.
AJ Brown is T.O. part deux
Petullo should never have gotten that job.
Sirianni is a good CEO coach IF he has good coordinators.

In closing, Iggles are doomed, Mighty Whitey sucks, Ice Bombers are trash and we are going to get walloped with -20 C and snow this week.
litre_cola

Someone’s having a nice Tuesday evening!

Mr. Ayo

Well, TO BE FAIR, his team hasn’t won the Super Bowl in a while. Months, even.
SonOfSpam

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The Old Man Rivers jokes pretty much write themselves. I despise him, but it will be fun to watch him play.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HUH? WHAT!? HUH!? FUCK YOU CUMSTAIN! THE ONE AND ONLY KING LASERFACE IS BACK IN YOUR GAME LIKE I BACK INTO MY WIFE’S BUSTED UTERUS! YOU CAN’T CONTROL MARMALARD YOU CAN ONLY HOPE CONTAIN HIM! BY THE TIME I’M DONE WITH THIS BITCH AGAIN, I’LL BE A GREAT-GRANDADDY TO HALF THIS LEAGUE! HAIL TO KING LASERFACE!
YAAAA BEETTTTTAAAA CAAAALLLLLL SOOMMMEEBBOOODDDYYYYYYY
WCS

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A friend of mine said she wanted to start dating again, and I said I would help out by going to some singles events with her. So look forward to some horrifyingly funny stories in January as I meet what I assume will be a bunch of divorced tech bros!
Doktor Zymm

Boots on the ground, or if successful, in the air
SonOfSpam

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Shoguness, a vegan for many many years, craved McDonald’s cheeseburgers post-dose. Guess what we had for dinner?
Weird but true.
NotShogunButShogun

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“Some analogies don’t work, like ‘The Killing Field of Cambodia were The Beatles of human suffering’.”

-Dana Gould
scotchnaut

If you play a CFL game there, could you convert a Khmer Rouge?
Senor Weaselo

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https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/michigan-coach-sherrone-moore-fired-detained-police/

Okay, normally I enjoy Michigan Schadenfreude and without going into details, I set a reminder to call my doctor in 4 hours, but what the hell is happening in Ann Arbor?!

It’s like the Football Gods are giving me the exact opposite of Joe Burrow entering his nihilistic, burn-out phase of his career to cancel everything out.
Redshirt

This sounds familiar. Was he in a Colorado hotel room recently?


Uncertain. Social Media is calling it a cheating scandal and he may have threatened to kill her and himself and that’s why the police got involved.
So….yeah….

Redshirt

Police Bodycam has been released

Redshirt

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How’d we miss this?!

Redshirt

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19 penalties on Atlanta? At what point does someone foul out?
Redshirt

If any individual player gets 10+ penalties his contract is automatically transferred to the Raiders
Doktor Zymm

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Variation on a theme:

THESE GUYS, THE BUCCANEER DEFENSE, I CALL THEM THE HABSBURG DYNASTY BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO BOTH FUCK AND KILL COUSINS!
LemonJello

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I thought Sharkbait was overseas, but apparently he’s been right down the street and didn’t even call.

Give what his ride looks like, however, I’m OK with him not stopping by.

Horatio Cornblower

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I found Balls’ favorite pub

Sharkbait


Is that the rear entrance?
Doktor Zymm

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I just saw someone wearing a Vancouver Grizzlies shirt. Which isn’t THAT unusual except for the fact I’m in Christchurch, NZ.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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My stupid dog went missing this afternoon. She’s not a runner or a wanderer so we were at a loss; we traced our normal walking route and queried everyone we saw without success. In the end it turned out she had snuck into my neighbor’s garage when he was home for lunch and got herself stuck there when he didn’t notice her and left.

I’m so relieved. And I think she was pretty scared. I wish I could send her to bed without dinner for causing me such distress but she wouldn’t learn a thing.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Three inches of snow forecast for Maryland. Widespread panic commences. Bread and toilet paper wiped out. Fuck this state.
jjfozz

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YA BETTA ACTIVATE SOMEBAYYYYY! (Specifically Lazerface)
Senor Weaselo

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200 komments started by TOOL arguments. Congrats Gumbygirl you are our favoUrite.

Anyone got Zamfir taeks? His smug ass and his pan flute?
litre_cola

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Can’t believe Balls hasn’t posted yet about this year’s nominations yet

Doktor Zymm

I think “Sittin’ on the Cock of the Day” is the cleverest, and hopefully has a great soundtrack
Doktor Zymm

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Man oh man. The Patriots are dismantling the Bills as my newborn son naps beside me in front of the Christmas tree. It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon and I have nowhere else to be today other than right here with my boy and with my team.

I may well be the most insufferable man east of the Mississippi River today.
The Maestro

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Its official, Mahomes tore his ACL. I may listen to SNF unmuted to see if Cris cries on the air.
Redshirt

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Lol Seahawks stadium music manager is going off script playing Tool.
ThePirateSloth

HEY! NO TOOL! I just polished the floors!
NotShogunButShogun

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My reaction upon hearing the news that the Kansas City Chiefs have been eliminated from the playoffs (not really an artist’s conception, pretty much the real thing):

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Collinsworth comparing Kneeland shooting himself to death to Kermit injuring his knee is why, if Cris ever tries to cross the street in front of me, the only skid marks will be in reverse, headed back towards his prone body.
Horatio Cornblower

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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