Greetings! The Olympics are winding down, which means the next few days are going to be jam-packed with gold, silver, and bronze medals being handed out to humanity’s finest physical specimens like cannolis at an Italian deli (and apparently with approximately the same structural integrity). Unfortunately, since AI has functionally broken the internet it’s too much of a nuisance for me to list any of the events I’ll just stick to the two big ones:
Women’s Figure Skating (Long Program): 12:45 p.m. EST
Women’s Ice Hockey Gold Medal Game (U.S. vs. Canada): 1:10 p.m. EST
I suppose there will be other stuff happening, but the website won’t tell me what any of it is past 5:05 a.m., or even what time zone the listings refer to. Is that Eastern Standard Time? Pacific? Local Milano/Cortina time? Who the hell knows, it’s not labeled anywhere. One would presume it’s local time since it lists Thursday as “today” (I’m writing this up on Wednesday evening), but I have a hard time believing that the Men’s Freestyle Skiing Halfpipe Qualifying Run 2 starts at 2:27 in the morning. Thanks a lot, Deloitte! Sure earned your paycheck on this one.
Anyhow, please entertain yourselves in the comment section.
One thing I LOVE about the Olympics is seeing reporters freezing their asses off in the snow.
I’m watching the Nordic Combined Team Sprint and it’s snowing like crazy on the poor NBC chick.
US women BRINGIN it today. Good for them!
That is to say, figure skating gold in addition to hoc-key.
nice of Liu to bring “That’s what I’m fucking talking about” to ice skating
theres a clip
https://bsky.app/profile/cjzero.bsky.social/post/3mfal4psfz226
really putting the world on skates today, go ladies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn4Y3sHyfsg&list=RDKn4Y3sHyfsg
Oh I thought by “bringin’ it” you meant casseroles. But yeah, they did good at the ice skating stuff.
Love the Women’s Olympic hockey medal presentation. Swiss are all smiles getting their bronze medals, the Canadians are “oh great this piece of shit” getting their silvers.
Someday a Swiss athlete is going to lose a game by choking on an easy shot and all the headlines will be “Swiss Miss”. They really should have thought about that before they named their country.
Second and fourth place are the worst positions for team sports.
The Ladies did not lose a game the entire Olympics. THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE
Found a cool:
🏒 🥅 🇺🇸 🇨🇦
Dear Motherfuckers in Washington,
You dickless fucks. If you annex Canada you can’t have fucking phenomenal rivalry hockey games.
In conclusion, scenically go fuck yourselves. I’ve heard Pyongyang is nice this time of year. Or Cleveland.
Sincerely,
An American sports fan
Seven-Day Weather Forecast for Ohio:
You know what you did to deserve it
Dear NBC: Please stop showing sad Canadians, it makes this less fun.
P.S. Nobody gives a shit about that sellout Snoop.
Nah, I’m good with it. This is a great hate rivalry.
If we’re going to be the heel, we might as well win in sports
Full credit to Canada, they played their game for three periods and damn near pulled it out. USA youth and speed was huge 3-on-3 in OT.
I knew that the Canucks would lose if it went to OT. The U.S. team’s roster was put together in an intelligent manner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pU9FEUBPWt4
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
FREEBIRD!
Oh. My. God.
That highlight will play forever. What a move.
OT about to start. Adjuster calls. “Hey Horatio, got a few minutes”
Me: “Absolutely not. Call me tomorrow.”
/Judges in Adjuster
//Continues to chill on DFO
Horatio: “Bill them for an hour.”
Lowratio: “Make it two.”
Horatio: “Two it is!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeUfm7XRV4k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqtpEGHqKWI
Of course this goes to OT. It’s only right.
https://youtu.be/4RHVoFpncgA?list=RD4RHVoFpncgA&t=85
Olympic hockey has just been off the charts insane the last two days.
Apparently “Italian Ice” is a euphemism for “cocaine”.
speaking of cocaine they showed a glimpse into the GoldZone production room
When women commit a boarding penalty they should call it “broading”.
I love the infinite wisdom of two flights boarding within minutes of each other being at side by side gates.
Everyone in the airline industry HATES the passengers, and I can kind of understand. However, I still hope they all breathe too much jet exhaust.
In my wildest dreams I couldn’t run a six-minute mile on flat track at sea level.
https://twitter.com/NBCOlympics/status/2021285243680854130#m
I’d have to lose over 150 pounds and still convert what’s left to pure muscle and I wouldn’t get there.
We were supposed to run a six-minute mile for soccer in high school. I couldn’t do it then but if I trained for it I might be able to do it now.
I am not going to train for it. I hate running.
I got close running XC in high school, but never broke the 6-minute mark.
Don’t think I could go that fast right now now if you dropped me out of a plane.
I’m pretty happy with a sub 15 minute mile at this point in my life
I’m happy when my sub is ready within fifteen minutes.
I XC-ski a lot and this is so far above my abilities it’s not even funny. What Klaebo has been doing just isn’t even human.
If he tests positive for PEDs I will be wildly disappointed.
On that subject I saw the upcoming invasion of Iran described as “Persian Expedition Distraction Operation”.
Chef’s kiss
Slew-footing sounds vaguely dirty, like something that Rex Ryan would be into.
/US player with an open shot at the net
//holds puck until Canadian player has maneuvered into position for a block
///fires puck into Canadian player
(as I was typing this Mlezcko even called this out)
Maybe she wanted to hit the player on purpose?
Love these 10th Mountain Division ads where they’re advancing through the snow while wearing white snow pants and jungle camouflage tops.
THEY’RE GONNA SEE YOU!!!!
THIS FAN I CALL HIM OBERON BECAUSE HE IS VERY PLEASED TO HAVE CONTROL OF THAT PUCK.
/groans in Middle English
A Puck is a very dangerous fae
I think the USA women need to smile more.
/just fucking buried under a hail of hockey equipment
I disagree with the US’s apparent strategy of “go for a line change every time you get possession of the puck”. I would argue that trying to develop an attack at some point after gaining the puck is the better approach.
All these changes, where do these women think they are, Macy’s?
Women be shoppin’, amirite?
1-0 Canadia
THE SYRUP DOTH FLOW
“Must crush Judicial System!”
The Polish lady figure skater reminds me of a number of girls I went to high school with.
You went to high school with Polish figure skaters?
Well come to think of it… we did skate. Sledding was much better winter fun. You could get some quality grinding in on a toboggan…
Canada has to lose those red-and-black jerseys. Just awful.
Canuckistani ladies may have been sandbagging a bit in that initial game. Either that or MPP being on the bench has simply terrified the rest of them into turning their game up about 4 notches.
Both seem equally likely, and reasonable, to me.
Yeah, they definitely seem more likely to score the first goal than the U.S. right now.
The general consensus (at my workplace) was that the States is younger and faster so Canada had to slow down the pace and be the more physical team in order to win.
USA: “We can’t investigate the government; the system will fall apart!”
UK: “Well now, we just arrested The King’s brother.”
https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/19/uk/andrew-mountbatten-windsor-arrest-what-we-know-intl
They arrested him on his birthday, lolololol!
“At least it wasn’t the King. They treat their leaders with the respect and reverence they deserve!” (reads on) “They did what to Charles I?!” -Donald T., Washington, DC
Well, Charles was a Papist. And a Scot.
It’s not surprising that he had enemies. He’s just lucky the Japanese didn’t get to him first.
Happy birthday, now come out with your hands up!
Trump’s birthday is June 14th. That’s more than enough time to get the warrant in order.
Bit of a sticky wicket, inn’t
There’s a long tradition of detaining and murdering relatives of the King. He’s lucky the Tower is just a museum nowadays
THIS SKI MOUNTAINEERING EVENT I CALL IT A COLLEGE CAMPUS RIOT BECAUSE IT INVOLVES BURNING QUADS.
Ooof. Just thinking about that made my legs ache.
THIS CHINESE SPEED SKATER I CALL HIM ELISHA NELSON MANNING FIFTEEN MINUTES AFTER OLIVIA HAS RETURNED FROM THE GROCERY STORE BECAUSE HE IS EXCESSIVELY ENERGETIC AND I SUSPECT HE MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN HIS HANDS ON SOME JUICE.
Whew!
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
This is my working therian policy: you be you, keep at least 20 ft. away from me at all times.
That was CLOSE, but the gutty little Americans won. Now let’s indict our president!
“Eagleburgers are back on the menu ladies!”
-Canadian Women’s Hockey Team
US Women’s Hockey team coaches on how to deal with Poulin:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag1ywcLI3Xo
Scotchy gave me an idea for a draft,
things I hate about Don T,I mean, something else entirely, and MPP is going to be my #1 pick when I run it.U.S. Women’s Curling just gave up 3 in the final end to let the Swiss tie it up. Like giving up a Hail Mary touchdown.
Ugh, I have to write my self review today. Way more lightweight than at Meta, and only once a year, but still, bleh
Seems pretty easy to me.
Volcano Lair Management: Exceeds Expectations
Minion Employment Efficiency: Exceeds Expectations
World Domination Planning: Exceeds Expectations
Control of Puppet Governments and Their Leaders: Met Expectations*
*Got to leave some room for improvement for next year
“Overall awesomeness increased by 11%, exceeding original projection (7%).”
“My only fault is that I’m too perfect.”
One year I wrote “if I were doing any better I’d need to be twins to handle it” and then they stopped asking me to do self-reviews.
I stole that line from somewhere, can’t recall the source now, but would like to thank them for getting out of self-reviews.
Is it “Bounties” – as in players you’d pay have targeted and taken out of the game? Because if not that might be a fun topic too.
I can’t find it in a movie, but it’s apparently common in the world
So I think times are listed in your time zone, knowing that Milan is 9 hours ahead.
That makes sense. Don’t know why it refused to show the full schedule; I hope I got the times right for the skating and the hockey!
Lol imports grew in 2025
And don’t go backcountry skiing during heavy snowfall then ignore avalanche warnings and not wear one of those parachute dealys. Just common sense.
And don’t go
Right. No injuries on the couch.
My life’s motto
Plus watch out where the huskies go…
Currently watching Ladies Curling, or as it’s affectionately known, “Gurling”.