Your “Football Like Substance Has Returned!” Hall of Fame Game Thursday Night Open Thread

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Our long national nightmare is over. No, not that one, but at least tonight is the return of NFL (preseason) game action to your lives and television sets. Also, this post marks the end of scotchy’s two week vacation, though like most modern workers he couldn’t disconnect completely, checking in because he knew we I would fuck up one way or another. Hell, even the Jalen Ramsey Show is back!

Tonight, my friends, tonight you can tune your TVs/laptops/iPads/Metaglasses or whatever bullshit Silicon Valley is now peddling to us and see two different sets of large men put on identifying laundry and bash into each other while about half of them are not going to be on the team in a matter of weeks. Almost poetry. Speaking of poetry…

I have to admit
I am pretty out of fucks
With the NFL

Not a moral stand, despite my recent bloviating/stilted attempt at a treatise on morality. We can park that for a while, because that’s exactly what football is for, to distract us from the pain and corruption and crushing disappointment all around us and keep us something close to content or at least full of animus towards the aforementioned rival laundry rather than the powers that be intent on keeping us divided.

But I digress. As Rev covered the other night, the NFC South is a bowl of suck with the Bryce Young-led Panthers as likely as the other suckers to win the right to get blown the fuck out in the playoffs. We don’t even need a team preview to know that the Buzzsaw will also suck. Sure, they did some addition by subtraction with Kyler “Call of Doody” Murray going to Mini-sota, and while the DFO Clubhouse has more faith in Jacoby Brissett than most, this is an organization that clearly doesn’t understand who their #1 running back is and is virtually guaranteed to piss away any good opportunities as long as the Bidwill family continues to be involved in football decisions. And Coaches LaFleur and Hackett have said they’ll be resting like 30-35 of the starters, so….guess it’s better to watch them play Rikki’s Raiders next week? No, no, we’re excited about football being back….we’re excited about football being back….we’re excited about football being back….everyone needs a mantra.

The NFL offers you this, take it or leave it: Panthers vs Cardinals tonight, HOF inductions this weekend, and then a fullish slate of preseason games next weekend (including next Thursday night).

If you have thoughts on your favorite (or a random) NFL team, let us know in the comments and YOU could be commissioned into writing about them for no pay  exposure! And know that even if all of this is meaningless, hell, even if we’re all living in a simulation, at least you’ll have contributed content for some imaginary online friends to drink beer and commiserate to while reading. And that’s a hell of a lot better than being a Bidwill, right, blaxabbath?

Sports on TV Tonight–

Are you serious? 

Pigskin:

Panthers vs Cardinals in Canton, Ohio at 7pm DFO time on Peacock/NFL Network

But if you’re going to skip the purity likely crapfest that is preseason Thursday night football in Ohio, there are some other options.

Little White Ball:

Twins at Royals, 6:30pm DFO time on ESPN

Big Orange Ball:

Aces at Fever, 6pm DFO time on Prime

Sparks at Lynx, 8pm DFO time on Prime

Big White Ball

Some MLS “Leagues Cup” thing on AppleTV starting at 6:30pm DFO time

Oblong Red or Yellow Ball

Brisbane vs Hawthorn at 4:40am DFO time on FS2 and  WatchAFL app

A veritable buffet of choices. Plus the new season of Ted Lasso has debuted, so the (sports)world is your oyster. I declare this NFL (preseason) gameday thread open! To the comments!