TGIF! Hope everyone has taken the time to peruse your team’s schedule and count those wins and losses. Just kidding, there’s still real playoffs happening right now.

Survival – Personal Edition

Well now you’ve done it. Done what exactly? Who knows? Ok, well your partner does and they’re not happy. Let’s work through a few guidelines to apologize while figuring out what went wrong.

• Determine how much trouble you’re in. Dilated pupils or flared nostrils? Big trouble! None of those, try a simple compliment or a small joke to elicit a smile. Maybe that apology isn’t necessary!
• Don’t guess what you did wrong. You may bring up something your partner isn’t mad about now or aware of. No need to dig yourself a deeper hole.
• Offer a vague apology. Say you’re sorry, that what you did was stupid, but avoid specifics.
• Offer a vague excuse. Something as simple as you weren’t thinking because you’re tired, or stressed, or distracted.
• Try to extract intel. Ask for guidance on what they specifically expect to you do different. Make sure this is presented as seeking guidance. Once you figure out what you did wrong, go ahead and launch into an actual specific apology, or if you dare, an excuse or explanation.
• Finally, offer your partner reassurance that you will not make that mistake again. Also, thank them for bringing it up so that you can be a better person to them going forward.

There you go, you’ve de-escalated what could have been a fight. Life’s too short to spend it arguing with your partner.

A little bonus content, here are some phrases to use if you’re stuck in the doghouse.

• “You look so cute when you’re mad”
• “We haven’t been to [partner’s favoUrite restaurant] in a while. We should go soon.”
• “I’m going to do some chores around the place. Why don’t you go have a personal day?”
• “I got you flowers” (Content synergy: Nailed it!)
• “The important thing is we have each other”
• “It feels like my mind was being controlled by an alien the past few days. How strange.”
• Last resort: “I was wrong”

[DFO and Author not responsible for partner’s reaction to any of the above phrases]

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!