Playoffs?? Are You Kidding Me?? – A Lesser Primer

With respect to our many King’s Afrikan Water Pistols supporters…there ain’t no Title race.  Silver medal is damned fine work, for Handsome Mikel and his very young (by contender standards) squad.  I hope they make it all the way across the line next season, but progress is very rarely a straight-line endeavoUr.

You do still get some Prem, playing out the relegation and European places string – starting with One Foot in the Grave Leeds taking on the Very Angry Bonesaws (7:30, USA).  I may sleep in, because I need the shithead Geordies to win on both fronts (Everton support, Redshite hatred) – and that just feels dirty.  But one look at Gravy Tits on the other touchline…and needs must is assured.

There are 5 matches in the 10:00 window, with no Spotlight Dance.  Just fuck off with that shit.  Villa/Spurs matters for Zooropa purposes, I guess.  Watch that one.

I am not looking forward to my Toffees losing to City of Men’s U-21s (Sunday at 9:00, USA) – but thanks to Monday…it won’t be a stressful watch.  We look to be getting ONLY JUST out of gaol once again.

But back to Jim Mora, Sr.  Let’s enjoy some REAL HIGH stakes, in terms of playoff ties down the pyramid.

The fun started yesterday evening, with Petersborough (heh) taking on Sheffield Wednesday (Addams) as both minnow and historical giant try to escape the tight clutches of League One (which, obviously, is the THIRD tier of English footy).  The basic gist is the better finishers have home field advantage*, meaning they play away FIRST so they know exactly what they need in front of their own supporters.  Apparently, the maths say these matchups are pseudo-lottery, much like MLB playoff series.  As such, they tend to be entertaining as fuck (unlike MLB).

*Wellllll…..it’s an advantage if you don’t dig your own grave in the first/away leg.  Wednesday Addams had a monster season for a non-automatic qualifier (96 points), but went into Dick Town without lubing up and is mighty fookin’ sore today.  4-nil to the minnows.  In like one 5-minute stetch late, there was a missed handball, and P-boro defenders cleared two separate shots off the line.  Was still 3-nil then, first half chance the other way…and it was 4.

These ties can be as brutal as real life itself.

ESPN+ has y’all covered today, with a tasty triple header.  Bolton (giant like Wednesday) gets Barnsley (another minnow) at 9:55, also for escaping League One.  Barnsley looks to be on the yo-yo path, which is still better than many larger clubs have managed.  Bolton against Wednesday in the final (at Wembley in around two weeks) would be an absolute monster matchup/war.  So naturally, I want Petersborough and Barnsley.

Reminder from Other Hippo – don’t wager on Hippo’s pill-addled ramblings.

The Wembley factoUr is pretty kewl – all three EFL playoff finals (along with Notts County v. Chesterfield – sadly NOT on ESPN+ – in the National League final) are at historic Wembley.  No doubt a day that many smaller club supporters will never forget.  Well worth your time and attention.

Let’s next look at the Championship sides duking it out for the last ticket to the Big Time (Prem) – Sunderland Til They Die get Luton Town (12:20), who would be an amazing story if they managed promotion.  The Black Cats are fallen giants (as y’all know), so we get another keen contrast.  Luton play some damned good footy, though.  Their opposite raging semi is a parent/insomniac special (6:50 on Sunday), with Coventry City (another minnow) taking on the far-more-established Middlesborough (aka Boro).  These…are much less high-flying sides, but fuck it – watch anyway.

Last but not least, Salford City (birthplace of Joy Division) and the just-promoted-from-National League (ie, some inspiration for Wrexham) Stockport County (2:40).  Very interesting matchup.  We close the weekend with Bradford City taking on a Smiths lyric (Panic in the streets of Carlisle…) at 1:55 on Sunday.  Will they buuuuurrrrrnnnn down the disco?  One surely hopes.

Here’s a banger of a cover, which you likely ain’t heard before: