Tonight’s post category comes from my dirty dirty dirty mouth. One cannot call oneself an American if one cannot use the word “shit” in at least 25 different ways.

This article does a good job of displaying the fun dexterity of the word. We all have our different and preferred ways of using the word. The defining thing about idioms is that unless you know the proper usage, you can’t readily understand what the phrases mean just by listening or reading them and I LOVE that! Tonight I’m discussing my favourite ones.

As I mentioned in the first post, the plan is for this to be an ongoing off-season series on Saturday nights in which I present to you my five favourite somethings and then you comment and tell me:

• How I’m wrong
• Your Top Five
• Suggestions for the next top five list

Without further ado, I present to you my Top Five American Idioms or Phrases that use the S word!

1 – I Shit You Not

Literally, you can take that to mean that I will not poop on you, which is a nice thing and appreciated widely outside of Germany. The real meaning, though, is that, no matter how outrageous my story is, it is true.

I always say that if you hear someone say, “to tell you the truth”, or “if I’m being honest”, they’re lying to you. You can rely on someone that says “I shit you not” to tell you the truth.

Pros:

Very effective

Not that hard to pick up if you’re unfamiliar with it.

Cons:

The “Not” jokes made this one not too popular.

2 – Get Your Shit Together

I first encountered this one playing sports as a Wee Balls. I had one particular baseball coach that loved to swear every other word. Whenever he got frustrated with our dumb asses, he’d pull this beauty out.

If you take it literally, it makes no sense. Isn’t the shit together when you poop it out? You want me to separate it and then put it together again?

Used the proper way, however, it works very effectively to get the message across that you need to change your behaviour. You are doing something wrong and you need to fix it. Now.

Pros:

So good that it’s almost universally known and understood in all English-speaking countries.

You can combine it with other shit phrases like in the poster above to comic effect.

Cons:

It is hard to know what you need to fix when you use this phrase. It begs for clarification. Unless you’re a hot mess and you need to fix everything.

3 – No Shit, Sherlock!

“No Shit” has been a fun one to say since I was a kid. Back then, we added “Sherlock” at the end for a bit of whimsy and fun. Of course, the response was always, “Keep digging, Watson!”

The addition of “Sherlock” also gives the regular “no shit” more of a sense of urgency, annoyance, and irritation. You’re calling someone an idiot at the same time you are saying they’re telling you something obvious.

One thing to note is that when you add a question mark at the end of “no shit” and omit the “Sherlock”, the meaning changes completely.

Pros:

Double the insult for only 50% more words!

Cons:

Too many illiterate people don’t know who Sherlock Holmes was.

4 – Talk Shit

I love “Talk Shit” because just those two words can mean different things depending on the context. I could say, “I talk so much shit” and mean that I brag or boast a lot. If I add an “about Joe” at the end, however, that means I’m saying mean things about dumbass Joe.

You can also use it in the sense that you’re saying someone is lying.

In the sense of the picture above, it also means to criticize someone and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Pros:

This is a very versatile phrase.

Cons:

You will need to know the context in order to understand what the meaning is.

5 – The Shit

This one is great because at first glance you think it’s a bad thing, but it really isn’t. The word “The” is the crucial difference between good and bad.

If you say, like in the t-shirt above, “México is The Shit”, that means that you think México is great. If you say “México is Shit”, then you’re saying it sucks.

I love that it applies to everything that can be good or bad. Even shit.

The shit I took this morning was The Shit!

Pros:

It’s both good and evil.

Cons:

Sometimes, the volume or pronunciation of “The” can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and murders.

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What say you in the comments?