So here we are: mid-December, and it’s All Coming Down To This. No more bye weeks. Precious little time for injured players to come back. The Patriots already eliminated from the picture and Darth Hoodie grinding tape of where the hottest MILFs live in The Villages. It’s the HOME STRETCH, BITCHES!
The glut of 7-6 teams in the AFC makes the playoff picture especially murky, with the Clots, the Boncos and the Bills all hovering around 50-50 at the moment, with the Bengals, Steelers and Texans lurking a little below that. Looking at the schedules, things should shake out in the next two weeks or so with some of these teams playing each other. But I fear we are going to go into Week 18 (god, that sounds weird) with one of those massively complicated “If X wins, they own the conference record tie-breaker over Y” diagrams that makes my brain go numb.
Tangent: Time is a cruel bitch- 23 years later:
AAANNNNYWAY:The NFC looks relatively settled in terms of Whose In, with the Vikings, Packers and Rams likely to be the wild cards. The biggest question is which flaming pile of rhino shit finally gives up and claims the NFC South (I’m picking Baker Mayfield as the Man Who Wouldn’t Be King) and who between Dallas and Philly gets the division and who gets the wild card.
Also: Brock Purdy is going to get Jimmy Garoppolo’d on Christmas. Get ready for Playoff Sam Darnold.
NFL NEWS
-Justin Herbert: ded. He fractured his right (throwing) index finger and needs surgery. Gone until next season. Procedurally-generated Madden player Easton Stick will take the reins.
FUN NOTE: Stick was one of three successive North Dakota State quarterbacks to be drafted, having backed up Carson Wentz, with Trey Lance replacing him.
In some respects, this is probably for the best for everyone. The Chargers are 5-8. Their last four games include an angry Chiefs team, a desperate Bills team and a “sure, fuckit, why not?” Denver team. Even running the table would be unlikely to get them into the playoffs. Herbert did not need yet more punishment in meaningless games, and you can absolutely bet that Brandon Staley was going to keep trotting him out their in a desperate attempt to save his job. Staley can now get on with convincing himself that he was star-crossed and waiting for the inevitable Defensive Coordinator position that is every fired white coach’s destiny (until he gets another head gig in three years).
FUN NOTE: search for Staley on Wikipedia and it comes up as “American football player and Former coach”. PROPHETIC WIKI!
-Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid have walked back their tirades about the refs from Sunday’s glorious defeat by the Most Excellent Bills, having now seen that yes, the officials were absolutely correct about Kadarious Toney being offsides. Sucks to suck.
-Speaking of the Vikings, yeahright’s heartbreak of choice will undertake their playoff push by starting…Nick Mullens!
I wish Dobbs had worked out, but I look forward to Mullens doing just enough to push Cousins out the door before reverting to…well…Nick Mullens.
ROMANTIC COME-ON LINE OF THE WEEK:
Day #12
Tonight the Dr. Mrs. insisted on melting the shredded cheese onto the nachos before adding any other ingredients. So from bottom to top, the layers were: chips, cheese, other stuff. I’m honestly at a loss for words.
Nothing wrong with that, it’s pretty common and also how the original nachos were made
The cheese is the part that holds everything together! Without that, everything just tumbles back down whenever you pick up a chip!
Have I always done nachos in some hitherto unknown way or something?
I thought everyone made nachos this way? How the hell else is there, besides dunking into side cups of salsa, cheese, guac, whatever?
Which way are you referring to? To me putting the cheese down first is absolute insanity.
According to the internet a lot of people subscribe to the cheese-first system, though.
Base to top up stacking:
Table/floor/eating surface
Plate/tray/trough
Chips
Just soooo much cheese
Meats and perhaps more chips and jalapenos
CHEESE
Various toppings to “excuse” the pound of cheddar your colon’s about to meet
This sounds about right to me.
It’s always cheese first. Nachos are a cheese-delivery method.
The toppings are bonus
Think of it like pizza.
Perhaps my take on this is different since my application of salsa and sour cream and guacamole takes place in the form of dipping. But I think we can both agree that salsa does not belong between the chips and the cheese, as your pizza analogy would otherwise imply.
It’s morning and this debate is over, but gonna lob in a molotov anyway and mention that most versions of chicago pizza have the sauce on top
“Staley can now get on with convincing himself that he was star-crossed and waiting for the inevitable Defensive Coordinator position that is every fired white coach’s destiny…”
In future news, the Cincinnati Bengals announced Brandon Staley as the new Defensive Coordinator to replace departing Lou Anarumo. In other future news, several local liquor stores are reporting an increase in sales.
So, the thing I really dislike about the LDBC, it makes me notice all the crappy music playing everywhere. I used to automatically tune out background music, but now, even not actively participating, the Challenge has prompted my brain to take note, and now everywhere I go is just that extra little bit more irritating.
My resto has an XMAS playlist, LDB is not on it.
This would be a fireable offense.
If I was a Heel Wrestler, I’d come out to LDB just for the Cheap Heat alone.
At the Christmas show, so it wouldn’t be an ambush as there would be an acceptable risk of hearing it in that setting.
I bought Decilitre a Raiders shirt in Vegas. He wore it to class pics and has his tongue out and devil horns… Le sigh.
What else were you expecting with that purchase? Next time get him a Packers shirt and you’ll get a picture of him eating cheese
A Bengals shirt would be cautious optimism followed by resigned resignation.
Did that. As you know Mrs. Cola is a Bengals fan. Deci didn’t bite even though I bought him a jersey
I can get that. To be blunt, I probably only became a Bengals fan because it was my hometown, the Browns and Lions were too far away, the Steelers were only average at the time, and the Colts had Jeff George.
It wasn’t a choice; it was a lack of options!
The devil horns grew in naturally after he put on the shirt. It’s not your fault.*
*It’s not your fault.**
**It’s not your fault.***
***It’s not your fault****
****It’s not your fault*****
*****It’s not your fault
HI I’M MARK DAVIS WHEN IS HE DRAFT ELIGIBLE
The Raiders were surprisingly big in New Zealand. I suppose simply due to the color scheme matching the All-Blacks’ scheme.
I blame BC Dick
Throughly entertaining review Sir. These playoffs are going to be an 8-9, 9-8 extravaganza.
WHo wants in on Lowratio League deux? So far Lemonjello and Gumbygirl are in. 1st come first served.
There will be promotion and relegation from the TWBS memorial lge.
I’m in should I fall to the relegation zone
Oh I would be relegated this year
I could lose in this league so hard!*
*there better be more than 3/4 bench spots though**
**oh look, an empty threat!
Same rules. Lemonjello knows. Has to be the same.
Are we keeping 14 teams?
Yes we are. Then 14 max in Lowratio Ligue Deux.
I actually ended up liking the short bench with 14. We should turn off waivers after the draft though
Ok. That would be wild. I like it. GTD is co commish. What do you think?
God no, with my luck I’d have one warm body starting after week 5
As some folks may have noticed, there’s been a great number of injuries this year.
I mean specifically the waivers that go on immediately after the draft so there’s no way to change your team in the couple of days after the draft, even ifone of your players gets injured and doesn’t play. I wasn’t able to play a full lineup for my first game because of this. Alternative would be to have the draft earlier so players have all cleared waivers before the first game.
Sign me up.
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/andre-braugher-dead-homicide-life-on-the-street-1235747125/
“Huh. Thought he died near the end of The Grenadine Mile a while ago.”
-L. Michele
Honestly, though, that sucks.
Is this the price for Kissinger?
We fell in love in Vegas.
This sealed it.
Wifey wants to watch one of these stupid “Voice” shows with her. Do I ask her to watch any sports contest with me? No, I do not. My limited understanding of these programs is that sob story dumb fucks with better than average vocal ranges fight to the death for the audience’s amusement. Am I far off?*
*not seeking validation, just in a contemptuous mood.
Yeah, I’ve never understood the whole “we must watch stuff together.” If you can find things you both like, great. But I don’t push shows on other people.
Mrs Cola is dialled in to Redzone. Her fantasy team finished second with the most points.
I need a mistress that has no interest in sex but wants to crush/shit talk me in fantasy football. I don’t think wifey would blink an eye if I laid that out to her.
All week, Moestert or Mixon or Ekeler???? She finished last in her league last year and is very competitive (rugby player in U sports). She came back with a vengeance this year
I am still sick, I’m dying and no one in my house could give a fuck. Actually thinking about taking a sick day tomorrow and sleeping. Throw down some medicine, chase it with bourbon, and hallucinate while watching old reruns of Price is Right.
Throw down some medicine, chase it with bourbon, and hallucinate while watching old reruns of Price is Right
Just a regular Wednesday morning at Buddy’s.
Back in the day when I got really sick (cold, flu whatever) I would do a double Neo Citran with a very healthy dollop of gin. That is one helluva sleep, my friend.
Neo and rye over here
I say hunt up Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Drew Carey is/was a good comedian but a shitty game show host.
Got a steak taking a hot bath in the sous vide, an espresso martini going while I decide tonight’s wine and make the side dishes.
Haven’t decided what this year’s Christmas dinner will be. There has been talk of ham — anyone got a recommendation for something really worth special ordering?
Hotdogs are ham, right?
Hotdogs are ham sandwiches
-The Maestro
In the sense that the Jets are a football team, yes.
Whoops!
Seriously, people, I mentioned ham and a couple of hours later there are no Andy Reid jokes. What is happening to this place?
Chinese in a restaurant, or takeout. Everybody at my household except for me and my wife are too lazy to cook or do dishes. We were thinking prime rib, but I don’t feel like celebrating the birth of Christ by spending six hours in the kitchen, a’la Thanksgiving.
Worst Talking Heads cover? With bonus: “I’m an ordinary girl” amended lyric!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqJcCmxZYdM&ab_channel=BonnieRaittVEVO
It would have been pretty damed funny if TLC did a cover of this.
Worst Talking Heads cover?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYuldgIOelY&ab_channel=TomJonesVEVO
Not dead just yet in LDB but the boys in the warehouse play the local radio so it’s kinda amazing I’ve made it this far. Here’s my annual reminder of an outstanding Xmas tune that I never hear get played.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IippcraBPKA&ab_channel=rtenewsontwo
Similarly:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq6Q_uaJF4k
I like the band Low because they have a song called “Monkey”. Every band should have a song about monkeys.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvqegVZMfvo
Time To Release The Kraken!
I’d love to reply with “Release The Senators!” but I’d rather not be prosecuted as an accessory to a number of sexual assault charges.
Also, the Sens are getting their asses handed to them.
Haven’t had a shot on net in over nine minutes and counting but everything is fine. Really.
You Didn’t Hear It From Me: There’s a link between Jimmy Hoffa and Tommy “Cutlets” DeVito. Back in the late ’70’s/’80’s the New York/Jersey crime families were squabbling amongst themselves-boundaries were being argued, there were, shall we say, slight disagreements regarding sharing the money from certain rackets.
I’m telling you that so I can tell you this. A certain family had Hoffa wacked and the story goes that he got the ceremonial concrete casket somewhere in the foundation of Giants Stadium back in ’82. What’s done is done, right?
Not so fast, paesan. A certain Tom Sr. and Alexandra DeVito are enlisted years later by a certain other competing family to raise a certain undrafted local boy to play quarterback and then be invited to the New York Giants camp. Long shot, right? You keep thinking that.
When it looks like the Giants are sitting in the catbird’s seat to draft a new franchise quarterback in the 2024 draft, well, whadda you know-here comes this DeVito kid outta nowhere to lead them to a few victories and out of a spot high in the draft.
The Lesson? You bury a golden boy in someone’s backyard in Giants Stadium? Well, another golden boy is gonna wreck the franchise for a few more years.
Before anyone asks, no. I will not.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/12/food/doritos-nacho-cheese-spirit/index.html
We KNOW you won’t do anal. Your commitment to CHRIST is just too strong!
This has got to be in the hall of shame with Malort
I’m in
American Graffiti (1973), d. G Lucas
John Milner gets stuck with Carol (Paul LeMat, Mackenzie Phillips)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MRZ6mlmKPc
If only fantasy football played by the lesser footy rules of winning the league outright. I’d have the TWBS Memorial locked up by now.
Need to get yourself one of these: