Better Know a Macro-Euros Roundtable

King Hippo asked some MOAR knowledgeable, less-inebriated Lesser Footy enthusiasts to weigh in.  Our thoughts are as follows:

King Hippo:

Shempion – FRANCE – when in doubt, pick the Froggers.  I wanted to pitch the Dutch, but their group draw scares me.  In el Sud, URUGUAY – I am all-in on the cult of Bielsa. 

Surprise Package (PHRASING) – Going with MEXICO, even for good reasons (though Balls’ assessment gives me pause, see below).  Nobody has any expectations, but I suspect they at least make the quarters, coin flip for the semis.  On the continent?  ALBANIA.  Because why the fuck NOT Albania?  I do lots of drugs.

Sponge-worthy Performer – Oh man, gimme all the shares of Belgium’s JEREMY DOKU, the next City of Men breakout.  Down South, I will go with Colombia’s YERRY MINA, out of pure sentiment.

Kobe Beef – CANADIA – SoUrry, maple faithful.  Jesse Marsch will be an absolute disaster.  GERMANY will collapse under the host nation pressure.

Euro of Euros – As a new concept in my mind, I plan to treat this as a “championship belt” – but these two Euros happen concurrently, so URUGUAY beats France for the initial iteration.  Next Afrikan Euros champion gets their shot at Bielsa’s men, in an imaginary place and time TBD.

Ballsy:

Shempion – GERMANY. Home field advantage plus they’re a team on the rise. Copa: ARGENTINA. Messi retires from international soccer with one last trophy.

Surprise Package (PHRASING) – MEXICO. Because of how badly they’ll play. Expect one blowout loss.  Euro: ITALY. They’re back, baby!!

Sponge-worthy Performer – RODRIGO will have a hell of a tourney for Brasil.

Kobe Beef – MEXICO. They will suck gigantic balls.

Euro of Euros – Depends on venue. If in Europe, Germany. Anywhere else, Argentina.

Litre:

Shempion – Why do I think that with the world we live in finally England will win this thing and will be even more insufferable. Euro-America? Brasil will dominate, like run the table on these fools. I feel like we are moving into an amount of time (post Neymar) that they are just going to run people into the ground.

Surprise Package (PHRASING) – FREEEEEDDDOMMMMMMM , Scotland will get through to the next round and then get humped. Preddicion is that the tourney opener ends in a draw and the Krauts act reasonably. David Lee Roth’s favoUrite team Panama is tight defensively and will frustrate the fuck out of those in their grupo.

Sponge-worthy Performer – Vini Jr is going to boss the Copa. Just watch Mitrovic bang in 5 goals for the Serbs because sports gods hate me.

Kobe Beef –  I agree with Balls, Mexico is going to be very poor. They are using this as prep for the WC. Young players who are there just for the experience. In Europe the Danish will disappoint. They just don’t have the firepower that they used to.

Euro of Euros – English people are happy that they when the Brasil kicks the everloving shit out of them like 8 nil.

DonT:

Shempion – URUGUAY, presentado por Marcelo Bielsa. Not gonna even pretend to be aiming for objectivity here gimme a fucking break WOOOOOOO. tl dr, coo coo for El Loco y Los Charrúas. Can’t wait. As to the European Euros, uy. Mmm…. I’ve gone over the groups four times and no team jumps at me. If held at gun point ok… OK. TCHERMANY. Being the tourney host (and inclusive, ja), plus the last stop in the We Din’t Deserve Toni Kroos farewell tour is a power wash to the Qatar stank from the German squad.

Surprise Package (PHRASING) – Colombia. They are great, broadcasters will compare them to Brazil until nausea. España does not make it past the group stage in the European Euros, turning the country’s attention back to Real Madrid after a weird coupla weeks. CANADA will make it out of group.

Sponge-worthy Performer – Luis Díaz (COL, unnamed EPL team), has himself a dynamite South American Euro. And I will be rooting for Romania to bring in the noise in Germany. Venezuela will smash to the playoffs.

Kobe Beef – MEXICO, I will not pile on. Also, the goodwill toward Argentina. Blech. After seeing Messi hawking Lay’s and Michelob Ultra, I say enough. Boo.

Euro of Euros – Uruguay @ Germany is abandoned (fans riot after running out of Palestinian and Israeli flags to burn).