King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
106 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
fleshwound_NPG

the real project 2025

realproj2025.jpg
fleshwound_NPG

it would be the funniest continuous self-owns that would last forever

even our 250th birthday will be remembered for being hosted by that asshole

fleshwound_NPG

my griddle now refuses to ignite (only fired it successfully once outdoors…ironically the day trump got shot) so i had to grill the chicken on the boring stove on a pan in the kitchen. my inner hank hill is forever sad.

no biggie, tho:

  1. house now smells like chicken
  2. the griddle was a freebie gift

i suggest not get the blackstone griddle model 1971

yeah right

Noted.

scotchnaut

Here’s Glen explaining that you can still get a My Yard Reaction even if you slow braise at 250 degrees for 6 hours. Canadians are so stupid! Milkshakes? Nowhere to be found. I’m thinking of unsubscribing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unZDKkE-idY&ab_channel=GlenAndFriendsCooking

Doktor Zymm

Oooohhh, Maillard reaction! Voice to text?

scotchnaut

“Mallard reduction? I’d suggest a Pinot Noir.’

-yeah right

yeah right

I was just gonna say…

scotchnaut

I CALL THIS CANUCK BB TEAM SPINAL TAP BECAUSE THEY’VE TURNED IT UP TO 11.

yeah right

We watched the last hour of the opening ceremony on mute.

There should be an option to watch every event with no commentary.

Kelly fucking Clarkson you assholes?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All jokes aside, the end of the day JD Vance just rubs a lot of people the wrong way, like rough couch upholstery against bare skin.

scotchnaut

The Corduroy Couch of VP candidates, if you will.

Gatoraids

one guy where spending the night on the touch isnt a punishment

Gumbygirl

Friction burns on his dick. That would explain a lot.

scotchnaut

NBA needs to adopt the FIBA rule that allows touching the ball over the cylinder. If memory serves it was put into place because Wilt was so ridiculously dominant way back when but the game/players caught up more than a few decades ago.

scotchnaut

Holy Naismith! Canada might actually be really good at the basketballing!

scotchnaut

I CALL THIS CANUCK BASKETBALL TEAM AN OPTIMISTIC HARRIS POLL BECAUSE THEY’RE UP TEN POINTS.

/apparently I’ll be doing this all game long

scotchnaut

Put some chocolate chips in there and I’ll slit the throat of your worst frenemy from high school. That’s an internet promise.

scotchnaut

Um.. Whoops?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, it’s more fun if it just comes out of nowhere.

scotchnaut

This is me running with it.

Me: “You put chocolate chips in my basketball!”

Also Me: “You put basketball in my chocolate chips!”

Narrator: “Chocolate chips and basketball-two good things that taste great together!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is me running with it.

“ELISHA NELSON MANNING YOU PUT THOSE SCISSORS DOWN RIGHT NOW!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(and make mommy another martini)

Gumbygirl

I didn’t have any, but I did put some walnuts in. I’m assuming you were talking about my banana bread!

scotchnaut

Quite frankly, I’m tired of your sexual innuendos!.

/jk, keep them, uh, coming…

Gumbygirl

I’m making banana bread. It smells so good in here, yumyumyum!

yeah right

Baking things make the best smells. Hopefully you’ve got some aromatics like clove and cinnamon going too.

My kitchen is smelling like an Indian spice market right now.

It’s awesome.

Gumbygirl

I put some pumpkin pie spice in. I mashed up some cinnamon and sugar with the butter I spread on the warm bread, with a splash of hot honey. Sooo good!

Doktor Zymm

Matildas kicking some butt in swimming

ballsofsteelandfury

Ariarne Titmus isn’t just a fun name to say

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At least we got their number in the men’s 4×100.

2Pack

There is a Serena Grande movie on. I think I will change the Olympic fencing for that. She rarely disappoints.

OIP.jpeg
scotchnaut

Does she have huge…tracts of land?

Gumbygirl

Judging from the picture, she appears to have ample acreage.

scotchnaut

She’s invested wisely then. Bravo!

2Pack

Certamente

Gatoraids

Between womens water polo and this basketball game haven’t seen Greece get so cooked hard… err since the fires they seem to be having every year now.

scotchnaut

I CALL THE GREEK BASKETBALL TEAM MY TODDLER AFTER THROWING A TANTRUM BECAUSE THEY NEED A TIMEOUT.

Gatoraids

Scott Hanson on the peacock Gold Zone coverage is a nice warmup for the season.

Doktor Zymm

So about Dressage, here’s a link to the various tests used at the international level: https://inside.fei.org/fei/your-role/organisers/dressage/tests#

Right now I believe it is the Dressage phase of the Eventing competition that is happening and they use different tests because they need to go out tomorrow and tear around a ton of really intimidating jumps and other obstacles on an outdoor course.

The tests have little notes about what the judges are looking for that probably still aren’t super helpful for someone outside the sport, but should give some idea of the types of things they’re trying to do.

Dressage is easily the most interesting equestrian sport to actually do, but by far the most boring to watch. Definitely try to catch the cross-country up next in Eventing as that’s the most exciting!

scotchnaut

/in DM’s

Me: “You ask her.”

Hippo: “I’m not going to ask her. You ask her.”

Me: “FINE!”

“Uh, Zymm, a question. When is the evening dress portion of the competition?”

scotchnaut

Canada up 8-4. I look forward to the inevitable 100-50 Canadian victory.

scotchnaut

Fucking yardwork. I hate it. It’s beer time now and swim time a bit later. But first some Canuckian basketball.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I finished [chore].

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Great! Now you’ll be able to do [other chore that’s not urgent even in the slightest] this afternoon!

blaxabbath

I’m sitting while son is getting his haircut.

Of all four conversations I can here, I can predict the next four minutes of each of them exactly.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Much like when JD Vance is left alone in a green room with a chaise lounge, some things are just inevitable.

litre_cola

Flava Flav sponsoring the women’s water polo team and being a super dude is just the best.

ArmedandHammered

It’s a Timex, so he’s good.

ballsofsteelandfury

Current Olympics status:

TV 1 – handball
TV 2 – surfing
Cell – rugby

litre_cola

Mrs. Cola is an ex Uni rugby player so we are leaving for the movie at the very last minute after this.

blaxabbath

She’s cool. We say hi.

Sorry we’re all high and super boring in real life.

blaxabbath

“IRL’

litre_cola

We just bought our flights for next year. Book the sitter Blax!!!

Blax is in no way boring, and his wife is quite funny and a lovely individual.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE GUYS THE SOUTH AFRICAN SEVENS RUGBY TEAM I CALL THEM JD VANCE LEFT ALONE IN THE LIVING ROOM WITHOUT ANY LATEX GLOVES BECAUSE THERE WAS GREAT POTENTIAL FOR THEM TO GET BURNED.

ballsofsteelandfury

That was a great match

ArmedandHammered

To round out a fully wonderful week of vacation (we go home Monday) I seem to have contracted COVID or something that feels as heinous. Thanks to my lovely wife, we are at least in Residence Inn so we have a suite because it is my jail/home for the next couple of days. FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK. And the couch is ugly and cold.

TheRevanchist

I’m so sorry to hear. Keep us posted on your health.

ballsofsteelandfury

I feel for you!

– JD Vance

litre_cola

This is just superb work right here.

blaxabbath

Order in an IV!!!

TheRevanchist

Rooting for New Zealand. Even a tie will make me happy

Mr. Ayo

Why do you hate America?

TheRevanchist

The support we give to The Tramp and The Couch Fucker?

litre_cola

We also would have accepted that USMNT futbol is a car crash. Gregggg didn’t even use drones for an edge smdh.

blaxabbath

THIS GUY THE REVANCHIST I CALL HIM AARON HERNANDEZ WITH A BEDSHEET BECAUSE AFTER A PRETTY SORTED LIFE THIS GUY WILL BE SATISFIED WITH A GOOD TIE JOB

ArmedandHammered

I wish I could get my life sorted.

blaxabbath

I don’t edit.

Amateurs edit.

ArmedandHammered

OK, I just really do wish I could get my life sorted.

Senor Weaselo

I need to watch TNT Shempions action apparently, because of Jonathan Pearce and the hope he’ll wrongly describe armour as armament.
https://youtu.be/RfaJEwVZiks?si=UM4XFEl3Izh-gKSS

ballsofsteelandfury

I do love watching Olympic events (Dressage) where I have no idea what’s going on or how the scoring works.

scotchnaut

The horse jumps thru the uprights it’s three points just like football. smh…

Mr. Ayo

But no double doinks. Bummer.

Gumbygirl

Unless it’s a ROUGE!

ballsofsteelandfury

The question of the day: is Dok watching Olympic Dressage?

Dunstan

She kind of has to, she’s on the judging panel.

A little irregular for a judge to have a button with a trap door that can send a contestant to a lava-filled pit, mind you.

ArmedandHammered

Scalsi wrote a book (“Starter Villain” I think) where the super villains are the heads of the corporate conglomerations or private equity fund managers. Every year they have a meeting where DudeBros come and pitch their ideas. They like it, you get funding till they kill you and take over the company. They don’t like it you get launched by a spring pad out into Lake Geneva (of course the meeting is in Switzerland) to possibly drown or “land wrong”.

ballsofsteelandfury

I always maintain that speed doesn’t kill. It’s the sudden stop.

litre_cola

The Snoop Dogg and Kevin Hart description during the last Olympics was fucking pricelss.

litre_cola

Shit weather day, looks like we are going to Despicable me 4.

Edibles engage.

Redshirt

Wherein Litre takes one edible after begrudgingly going to Dispicable Me 4 (Artistic Interpretation)

e49.png
litre_cola

It’s 11 am here. I am contemplating doing work in the garage with a couple Guiness before we go.
There is no grudging, I want to see this one!

So far we are 60%/20%/20% with Decilitres movies.

Good – Migration, Super Mario Bros, Minions movie
Mid – Garfield
Bad – Paw Patrol

Last edited 3 months ago by litre_cola
blaxabbath

It’s….

A contrived ending and then however much pain beforehand.

ArmedandHammered

Is that about the movie or a wedding?

Redshirt

Trump Tells Crowd They ‘Won’t Have To Vote’ Again After Election In Bizarre Remarks (msn.com)

American Hillter in Florida (no, the other one!) just said the quiet part out loud.

Dunstan

NYT Pitchbot: Democrats Oppose Trump’s Plan to Save Tax Dollars and End Divisive Campaigns

2Pack

I just love leaving the TV on all day when the Olympics are on.
Takes my mind off of my usual hobby.

FB_IMG_1721999387850.jpg
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Same here!” – JD Vance

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

I thought we were not allowed to post porn on this site!

Redshirt

What are you talking about? The cushions are in place, the accent pillows are still on and the tea cups are on the ottoman. That is clearly SFW!

litre_cola

To the Saturday morning folks. We have 1 spot remaining in Ligue deux Fantasy Football next year. You will join 27 other DFOers in the chaos.

Who knows you could end up with a Big Turk, Kraft dinner, and shitty vodka if you drink, in the mail!

Last edited 3 months ago by litre_cola
Fronkenshteen

Hell, if you need some content, I have some beaming, positive news to share with you guys. I was offered the teaching position at the High School here in Woodstock and start in a week! It looks like the Economics & Personal Finance elective just became the responsibility of the history department this year, so as the new guy I’ll be “taking one for the team” and teaching three units of this course and one of 11th grade U.S. history.

I want you all to know that I could not have gotten to this point in my life without you, and I mean that most sincerely. I have always silently looked up to you as mentors. While it’s true I started out in awe of your rapid-fire comedic skills in the Deadspin comment section, over the years I’ve observed you all giving each other sensible financial advice, home-buying strategies, and most importantly, career-and-interview advice. Plenty of that has stuck in my head throughout this process, and I can’t thank you enough for what you shared with me.

You have also provided me with the only place in my world where the pace of my output or frequency of my appearances are not questioned or criticized. The collected experience, intelligence, wit, and wisdom here is so powerful it remains an honor to be allowed to even lurk amongst you. My brain literally filters information through the opinion spectrum on DFO in order to formulate my opinions, like it used to do with The Daily Show & Colbert Report back in their heydays, so What You Folks Think matters a great deal to me.

And shit, you guys sat with me through rehab, man. That’s for real. And the way you’ve supported my sobriety has been life-changing, or character-changing at least. I can’t ever give up on the human race again as long as there are people like the crew on this website who can gather in relative anonymity and radiate such kindness and empathy to a guy like me. Thanks again for all your support up to this point, and I promise I won’t let you guys down on this job!

litre_cola

Hell of a bounceback mate. Well fucking done!!!

THis song makes me happy, and am very happy for you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELof8YM1zzU

2Pack

Congratulations. Hard fought and well deserved. That made my day. 30 years sober, I know you are in for much more fulfillment my internet friend.

Mr. Ayo

Congrats! Well deserved!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Congratulations!!

yeah right

That’s great news. We love you brother Fronk.

Go forth and excel!

ArmedandHammered

I am so happy you have been able to take back your life and decide your own future (or what ever your wife tells you to do).

Game Time Decision

Fuck ya, congrats Fronk

scotchnaut

here in Woodstock.

That’s groovy, dude.

blaxabbath

You owe me.

Not anyone else. They’re too humble. I’m proud of them.

Doktor Zymm

Congrats! Teaching Econ should actually be tons of fun at that level

This is the sort of wholesome content I love to see 🙂

Gumbygirl

My darlingest dear, I am so very proud of you! I knew you were going to get this job, and I know you will be an awesome teacher. Those kids will love you like we do! Personal finance is a desperately needed class, I wish they had something like that when I was in high school. You rock, my Fronkish boy, never doubt it! Now the big question…what are you going to coach, lol!