Hey, it’s the last one. How about that? A few weeks from now things get real. (Giants fan shudders) Let’s see what’s going on around the league, shall we?
-Hippo’s heart fluttered and for once it wasn’t a side effect of his ‘medication’. Yes, the Bo Nix era has begun. Apparently he throws the ball in the general direction that he’s told to unlike a certain starting QB on the Steelers.
-Bryce Young is going to start the last game of the exhibitions unlike many of his brethren. I hope this doesn’t blow up in Canalis’ face but that Negative Tepper Mojo is very strong. Young should be better, shouldn’t he?
-Yo Han Dotson was traded from the Commies to the Eagles. I guess someone has to watch Smith and Brown hog all the targets. Ah, who am I kidding, Roseman has been on a roll for a few years, it’s going to work.
-Speaking of going all-in (not you Jerry-this doesn’t involve escorts) the Falcons just gave a bag of money to A.J. Terrell to keep him around. What with the signing of Justin Simmons and the acquisition of edge Matt Judon Atlanta has been smart with their additions. PFF ranked them as the second-best rush D but it was their pass D that failed them, coming in at 28th. All told they ended up middle of the pack because they also weren’t able to generate many turnovers. If the O can unlock the talents-finally-of Bijan, London and Pitts, look out.
-Bills coach McDermott said that the starters wouldn’t get the call for this last game. Why? Because he has no starters to play. Ok, it’s not quite that bad but ESPN reckons that 17% of the final 53 man roster is injured some extent.
To The Games! (very briefly)
Indy/Cincy:
-The Colts will play their starters into the 2nd quarter. Yay!
-That means we’re going to see QB Rocky Lombardi, the fella that was born to play football!
-Near the bottom of the roster there’s a no-holds barred Battle of the Tight End Tanners! Both Hudson and McLachlan are trying to avoid the practice squad. The former was Burrow’s target for one game that I can recall.
Chi/KC:
-The Bears will not play most of their starters. Boo!
-Keep an eye out for Chicago’s UDFA rb Ian Wheeler. He’s 5’11”, 205 and out of Howard. Possessor of 4.3 speed, he scored 2 TD’s last week. Surely he can beat out Travis Homer.
It’s all yours.
*** TRUMP LEADS HARRIS IN LATEST POLL ***
TRUMP 49% HARRIS 47%
-/+ 2%
— Rasmussen
Not great when the only polling company FOX uses is Rasmussen, and that’s the best spin they could put on it.
Fox News viewers wouldn’t know what to do with a number if it dripped off their chili dog onto their undershirt.
Fox does their own polling (and it’s actually quite reliable and pretty well-respected) – the fact that they are reporting a Rasmussen result is, in fact, quite telling.
Here’s the fivethirtyeight aggregator, in case anyone cares:
https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-general/2024/national/
IANA statistician, but from what I see the polls are pretty messed up. People just don’t answer phones anymore, and the pollers’ secret sauces are completely out of whack. For example, the 2022 House campaigns were saying R+20, and it ended up R+4 I think.
What I’m believing at the moment is that the polls are out of whack but their trend lines can be useful.
Random NFL player from the recent past you’ve already forgotten existed:
Carson Wentz
WE WILL NEVER FORGET DAKOTA JESUS
NYT: “BREAKING NEWS KAMALA HARRIS ACCEPTS DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION”
Gee, didn’t see that one coming 🙄
I thought it was done virtually on 8/6 anyway, due to possible problems with Ohio voting. By law, Ohio’s candidates for the election had to be committed by 90 days (8/7). To DeWine’s credit (just saying that makes me want to puke) he was trying to get that fixed but the state legislature was stuffing shit into the proposed bill. At that point the DNC said fuck it, we’ll do it on Zoom.
Whoever does the full report on the “special guest” that wasn’t — I want like, 5,000 words — I will read the hell out of it.
That would be Rockinggggg!
Found a funny:
🛋️
FOX now letting us know that Trump took time during another interview earlier today to take an update about a manhunt in Arizona, possibly linked to an illegal immigrant. Possibly.
This is all the proof the current panel needs know why Kamala just isn’t cut out to manage the border.
RFK has dropped out and endorsed him! Why did Kamala bother accepting the nomination? This race is clearly over!
Sorry if this conveys more bitter and cynical than it could come off. (Huh huh huh heh heh heh).
It never fails to astonish me when someone inside a bubble is forced to outside and wonders why no one agrees with them anymore. FOX is going through that again. It happens once in a while, and it’s really funny to witness.
The bee is referencing Strong Bad dressed as the bee. You know, from nature.
And then out pops a dancing goblin!
https://youtu.be/JI40I8n_sj4?si=COCGkcroYNHAoWhW
Not-quite Hispanic lady on FOX News is suddenly VERY CONCERNED about the budget deficits a Harris/Walz could bring!
The debt is suddenly a BIG PROBLEM for conservatives!
Ooooo I see they’re doing the greatest hits tonight! Are they gonna play “Migrant caravans” next?
One of Duke Ellington’s lesser-known works.
Is the solution to then…..get rid of Harris and deepen the top level tax cuts the GOP forced through?
So long as is it makes uppity Latinas shut up and get back to cleaning the tile grout, I’m down.
Hey, there was a walk-off rouge in the CFL tonight!
Exciting!
The fact that you had that ready to go raises a lot of questions.
Oh please. You complimented me on my coloring the one time we met.
You did have an excellent smoky eye.
Pfft. It’s nothing compared to Jason Pierre-Paul’s smoky hand.
Purple monkey dishwasher to you too, Trent!
FOX immediately Donnie to react. FAIR AND BALANCED FOLKS.
I’m sure his response is measured and articulate.
Per his NotTwitter account, no.
You mean the one whose stock is doing really well?
You spelled “blatant money laundering shell company” wrong
That may be a good thing. It can highlight the difference between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump.
And then they basically cut him off and hung up on him. Also he was so frantic that he was accidentally pressing buttons on his phone.
https://www.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/2eab2d47-04ef-43dc-beae-174831c5142c
What a weird interview
Everything he says should be blasted far and wide! Sharks vs electrocution? WTF?His nuclear warming responses to Elon? I’m so happy we have a liberal media that ignores all that shit but can laser focus on Hunter Biden’s laptop. Congrats, fuckers, I will never vote Hunter for any gov’t position
Did they ever catch that Ben Gazzi guy who stole Seth Rich’s emails from Q’s pizza place?
(subscribes to WCS’s newsletter)
That’s my senator!
“Pocahontas? More like Poke-a-hot-couch amirite?”
-E. Warren, not quitting while ahead
Hey, before she was your senator, she was my professor!
Did you learn via smoke signals?
Bold of you to assume I learned.
Holy hell client audits suck
You bring in a 4th String QB only to do kneeldowns? That’s cold, Zac. Belichick-level cold.
With end of fiscal year budget closeout season upon me I’m reminded of how much I dislike Excel.
My whole day is spent bitching about Word, Outlook, Excel, and Teams, in that order.
Our Microsoft hell.
I have only 18 more months until retirement, and a new, more vegetative state of mind.
So one more budget cycle to go, before I take a flamethrower to it all.
On earth the glass is always full, it’s just what’s it full of
/pushes up glasses
//self wedgie on the out
Haldo. Guess yinz are stuck with me again.
Sorry about that.
Maybe you can help. I just called 922 because of an emergency (itchy shin) and no one answered. Do you guys have like a FAQ page?
When you call, be sure to either yell louder than you thought you were capable, or so softly, you may as well be not talking at all. We really like that, and it really helps speed the process.
Awesome, that’s some good insider knowledge.
Also refuse to give your location, that also speeds up the process
And be sure to repeatedly ask why they’re not there yet. Repeatedly.
And either yell louder, if possible, when told that it’s nawt a police matter or tell the operator that since you pay their salaries, that you need to listen to them, or both
I can’t believe everyone fell for the obvious head-fake of the “bee” announcement. The special guest is obviously going to be a hologram of Susan B. Anthony performing her signature hit “SUFFRAGE NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS”.
Damn, I was hoping for Bea Arthur
Amazing that she had such a career despite being born blind and deaf
Does she play pinball? – Tommy
I misread that as paintball, which gave me a wonderfully different image
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAKentKiGOY
She did well considering her mother was Casey.
Leon Panetta hyping the crowd!
(Beyonce’s opener choice is odd)
Preseason Bearsenschiesse is…different. Not better in any measurable, discernible way, just…different.
That’s no way to talk to an illegitimate son of Zeus
He gave up those privileges when he played the professor in God’s not dead
I don’t blame Zeus for disowning him
I’m thinking he took a war hammer to the noggin back in the day.
So many of these guys are just DYING to hear the n-word. Like, I wonder if there’s a deal to be struck where they vote Democrat if we agree they can yell that word at the top of their lungs once a year with no recriminations.
No joke, former college athletes should sue for reparations.
Meanwhile, that Amazon Prime show is freaking me the fuck out.
Hey man, penguin being a chick isn’t THAT weird
Oh hey, Puerto Rico is only about 200 miles to my left!
*waves at DonT*
hope your plane has paper towel air-dropping capability
Pink (P!nk?) is singing with some kids. I’m calling Child Services. (There are plenty of available reps since the RNC is over)
I got into an altercation with my mother today, and my goody-two shoes older sister said, “Mom just gave you an evil look.”
And I said, “I’m fucking 55, that look never scared me when I was 15.”
Didn’t know my mother was still in the room.
I’ll be iced out by her for a week.
Is there a downside to that?
Only if she’s wealthy and still in touch with her probate attorney.
There’s nothing left. Everything my father made, she spent. Even after years of us telling her that she didn’t have to continue to spoil our children. I mean, give us a check for college, not buy a bunch of toys that gather dust.
Nope, she’s gotten very selfish in her golden years. My sisters constantly enable her and give her everything she wants. I’m odd man out.
Going to make some Nashville hot chicken tenders tonight because I haven’t tortured my gut lately.
“Oh just fuck off”
-Dunstan’s Sentient Sphincter (possible FFL team name)
House of Pain approves!
Since it’s a preseason game, will half of Tyler Swift show up? You could get an industrial strength laser and split the difference.
It’s the preseason. Her backup singers will show up.
Huh, down by 7 to the Steelers in the 9th Quarter. What a minute? The Bengals aren’t playing the Steelers and they don’t go to overtime in the preseason, let alone Quintuple Overtime.
.
..
…
Damn it, Redlegs!
When Colin Allred was speaking, the crowd started chanting “Beat Ted Cruz” and I wondered, yes, but with what specifically?
The weapons should be based on astrological signs, befitting the Zodiac Killer himself.
No idea why, but my first thought was ‘tyre iron’, with that spelling
Damn Anglophiles.
Because of the Canada!
Bike chain
It wouldn’t take much to make him cry
That interview with Burrow was painful.
Did he tear his ACL during it?
That would’ve been hilarious.
Bad news: my father took a genetic test and his ALS…is NOT genetic!
You’re gonna be stuck with me for years and years!
God wants the extra years to screw with your fantasy teams
“I don’t want to spoil it, but you’re not going to believe what my dad has in store for Redshirt.”
Countless Years From Now…
Satan: “Wow, uh…yeah. We’ve decided to give you a pass on the Eternal Punishment. We can’t top that. So, here’s the keys to your condo. The…here’s a map showing off the stores and restaurants. And…uh….What did you do to piss Him off?! Oh, here’s the WiFi password…and uh, enjoy Hell.”
Confident Redshirts have such a great track record…
Not sure if I’ll have what my dad has, but if I do, i’ve already told my wife I’m going out on whiskey and fentanyl. I’m not sitting around, shitting my pants, and forgetting who my children are. No fucking way.
Yep, told my son the same thing, even gave him an obvious point to give me the pill(s). I watched my father’s dementia first hand and to quote Cypress Hill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7p-ihYOG5s
Skyline for everyone!
The Doom of Being a Bengals Fan, eternity of depression and loss.
Not if you piss Scotchy off!
Things happened. Not looking forward to tomorrow’s hands-on 16 hour warehouse shift. Fuck balls…
Maybe the world will end and tomorrow won’t arrive!
Are you not telling us something, Dok? Another “Lab Experiment” gone awry?
COVID-24 incoming…
That hardly ever happens, though I should probably check the plasma cores anyway
They found the body???
“The”? I should be so lucky!
If you say so…
Folks, against all odds, I am good on lemon water for the moment.
I won’t say for the night, I’m here for the whole thing, probably until 11:30–12.
White House Political Director just posted an image of a bee.
So.
BEEyonce?
or Sting?
or Sophie BEE Hawkins?
A bee? Not a WASP?
That’s the RNC.
Either that or they’re teasing Trump for calling her Comrade Kamala.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workers_and_Socialist_Party
Just KHive nonsense
Cincinnati Talk Radio
Caller: “Tonight is the final night for them to figure it out. They have everything they need to win this thing, as long as they don’t blow it like they usually do .”
Host: “Are you talking about the Bengals or the Democrats?”
Caller: “Yes.”
(reposting)
Lotsa speculation going on about who the “surprise speaker” at the DNC is going to be…
Personally, I think it’s gonna be Clint Eastwood talking to a empty couch.
“God, it’s me, Redshirt. I know Your Hatred for my successes, both personal and sports, knows no bounds, but if you can find it in Your Heart to have Ivanka Trump be the surprise speaker tonight at the DNC, I’ll be eternally grateful.”
WILDCARD!
It’s Ivana. She’s back!
And she brought Marla Maples with her!!!!