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2016 Quotables (Week 4)

blaxabbath

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,

Well….so…..yeah. That was a Week 4 of NFL football. I watched a depressing amount of the London game and pretty much the entire depressing America’s Game of the Week (which could actually be one of multiple games, depending on your location) so, upon initial glance, this week wasn’t as great for highlights. However, with New England scoring 0* at home against the Wolfman D, the Saints ripping off their first win after San Diego watched their lead Lennay Kekua in the 4th quarter, and Cleveland remaining as the sole 0-fer in the NFL — things do seem about on schedule.

I was pretty damn impressed by the comments section from Week 3 so I’m going to go ahead and just deliver this edition without the forms and the entries/results posts. Also, it’s already Wednesday and, as mushy brained Carson Palmer knows, time slows for no man. And finally, I have work obligations killing my time and I want to be amused now. NOW! So do it! Amuse me now!

This is the final play of the Raiders/Ravens game.
This is the last play of Trevor Siemian’s day.
Was this the last play of Cam Newton’s day? I don’t know because Dan Snyder appears to be in charge of the guidelines for protecting Cam.
This is a Dolphins coach inquiring why his player felt the need to rough the punter and put their defense back on the field.
This is….I guess like a reverse-tuck rule?
This is before any plays of the Bills/P*triots game.
This is Michael Floyd in a contract year. He’ll totally be worth the money (and six-year contract) next year, Covalent Blonde.
This is two rich white men celebrating.
This is one rich educated white man celebrating in a bi-racial environment.

 

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Senor Weaselo

Bills/P*ts:

“But is it chippy out there?”

0
Unsurprised

For a defensive mastermind, especially one already suspicious of anything involving jets and New York, Pete Carroll sure dropped the ball on this one. Perhaps it was …

An inside job?

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LemonJello

http://i0.wp.com/thumbs.gfycat.com/CoordinatedHoarseGartersnake-size_restricted.gif?ssl=1

“What are you doing? You have to put your carry-on in the overhead compartment!”

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King Hippo

Trevor Siemian (as John Elway hums/sings to self):

“That-will-make-a-lot-of-glue!”

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Lothar of the Hill People

PARTICIPATION TROPHIES FOR EVERYONE!

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Unsurprised

James Harrison is just going to take them away

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Lothar of the Hill People

1) That’s an ELITE way to kill your receiver.

2) Clinton McDonald just threw a monkey wrench into Siemian’s plan to make it through the season in one piece.

3) After this hit, Cam was feeling a little Fozzy (Whittaker)

4) nothin’

5) nothin’

6) NO, YOU’RE DA QUEEAH!

7) nothin’

8) Dude, you forgot your butt pad.

9) I’d slap you five, but I don’t want to break your spine, too!

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SonOfSpam

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/ObWcm4qBScW0U.gif?resize=480%2C270

A “newton” is how much force is required to make a mass of one kilogram go faster at a rate of one meter per second² but sometimes the force inexplicably stops before the whistle.

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SonOfSpam

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/5OJlUpUsRhb4k.gif?resize=480%2C480

It was really sweet for Make-A-Wish to let that blind ginger coach the Cowboys.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is fucking perfect. This should be on a wall somewhere.

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SonOfSpam

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/aEhec9UB5IaoU.gif?resize=480%2C270

Haven’t seen a Siemian go down this hard since Harambe.

/whips dick out
//gets escorted from KinderCare again

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Bloody Lethal

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/1CgZ2IJSTem8U.gif?resize=480%2C270

I imagine this isn’t the worst instance of a Carr backing into someone at a Raiders game.

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Unsurprised

The Seahawks D got fucking punked by the JETS. That’s shameful.

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LemonJello

Also:
comment image

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Unsurprised

Indeed

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Unsurprised

I don’t get the Floyd joke. That was a brutal hit and I can’t imagine how he could’ve held onto the ball.

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Blaxabbath

There is nothing funny about Michael Floyd’s 2016.

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Unsurprised

THIS GUY, CLINTON MCDONALD. I CALL HIM MULTIPLE MIGGS BECAUSE HE CAN REALLY THROW SIEMIAN

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is VERY good.

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Unsurprised

That final play is more depressing than that Ravens fan getting hospitalized

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Bloody Lethal

Oh my.

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Bloody Lethal

My brain is not working quite right.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trent Green, everybody!

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LemonJello

“Really, where?”

-Trent Green

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nomonkeyfun

That joke will never get old. Just like Trent Green.

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LemonJello

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/LPpAYjayWp8Ck.gif?resize=480%2C270

“Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!”

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Bloody Lethal

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/VsfqIrBIjvEg8.gif?resize=480%2C270

Think of all the contract money that gets left on the table because of this play.

I mean Gregg Williams would pay good money for a concussion.

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Bloody Lethal

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/aEhec9UB5IaoU.gif?resize=480%2C270

The last time a Buccaneer lineman threw Seaman that hard, he got fired.

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LemonJello

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/aEhec9UB5IaoU.gif

“Whhhheeeeeeee” *CRACK**POP* “OwieOwieOwieOwie”

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Bloody Lethal

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/V152jm7XIBDuE.gif?resize=480%2C270

See that’s a hard worker that uses his fundamentals. Show off me-first types never use the bounce pass.

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yeah right

Flacco: “If I would have put just a bit more mayo on that pass we could have had a chance.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will Poupon this comment!

*Well done.

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Enrico Pallazzo

Someone needs to teach Clinton McDonald how to ride the sybian.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The New Sybian Prostate Buzzer!

Somebody went to milking school!

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LemonJello

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/lJ1tNsq5pivzG.gif

“I’d like to apologize for my role in this incomplete pass.”

-Janay Rice

0
...

I was really looking for a GIF that I could caption “The Age of Man is over. It’s the Fire’s turn.” but nothing quite fits.

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nomonkeyfun

This also works.

comment image

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nomonkeyfun

Oh no, it’s too big.

That’s what she said.
comment image?w=1000

0
Brett Favres Colonoscopy

Garrett: High fives are like back up quarterbacks; best when they don’t have to connect

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Brett Favres Colonoscopy

http://i0.wp.com/thumbs.gfycat.com/CoordinatedHoarseGartersnake-size_restricted.gif?ssl=1

Looks like somebody got into Tony Montana’s stash again

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ravens/Raiders: Flacco’s internal thoughts: Buck Showalter will put Ubaldo Jimenez on the mound in a couple days in a do or die playoff game, so I don’t have to worry if this play works or not…Triple Coverage Here I Come.
(yes, I’m still pissed and will be for a while)

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

KEEP THE HATE! FAN THE EMBERS!

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nomonkeyfun

Balto: Only the truly Elite can lead receiver into such a big hit.

Denver: Looks like Bucco Bruce is about to give Trevor a taste of his surname.

Carolina: Helmet to helmet rules don’t apply to any of those glory boy QB’s.
-PK

Dallas: Do you honestly believe I would touch any of you squalid people (and I use the term loosely) from the B1G.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders/Ravens: “Sarah Thomas would have ruled that as a catch followed by a fumble followed by a recovery by the Hackensack Bulls.”

Siemian: “Listen, I’m just trying to get you prepared for Hurricane Matthew.”

—

Dolphins: “Did you really just push down someone smaller and weaker than you? We are the Miami Dolphins! We don’t do that sort of thing here! Anymore.”

—

Patriots/Bills: “Fake tough guys from New York and Boston ineffectually pushing each other around? If it weren’t for the shoulder pads I would have sworn I was watching a baseball game.”

Cardinals: “Man, Floyd’s urine is gonna be pink after that one.”

Del Rio/Carr: “I haven’t seen a quarterback go flying ass-first into rejection since Aaron Rodgers something something.”

Garrett: “Do none of these simpletons know the Foxtail Society handshake?”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

We have to try again before we have last week’s results? What are we doing here, trying to get pregnant?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“People TRY to get pregnant???”

– Antonio Cromartie

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Blaxabbath

Everyone’s a winner. Whatever. My team is 1-3 in a SB or bust year. Why should I care about any of this?

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