Your “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

• Well, the Niners decided to go with Colin Kaepernick versus the Bills this Sunday. I guess a white guy can’t catch a break on a Chip Kelly team.
• Clipboard Jesus has been released by the Browns. So much for him being better by Wednesday.
• On the heels of losing the undefeated streak, the Eagles got the news today that Lane Johnson has had his 10-game suspension upheld. See you against Dallas in Week 17, LJ.
• Gary Kubiak has been ruled out for coaching in San Diego this Thursday, proving Boltman does answer prayers, forcing the Chargers to come up with a valiant post-game excuse for this week’s inventive failure.
• Marc Trestman is out in Baltimore, so why not bring in Marty Mornhinweg?
  • By the way, FUCK YOU ESPN! There’s only one type of “Marty Ball”, and that’s the kind with a head coach that fails to get to the Super Bowl with three separate teams.
• JERRAL says Romo’s back is fine, and that he’s throwing & getting “into game shape”.
  • I’d put my money on November 6th versus Cleveland as the first time we see Tony Romo in the game-day lineup.
    • Some lunatics say October 30th versus the Eagles, but that would just guarantee another “Bounty Bowl”.

According to PFT, prime-time football got murdered in the ratings again this week. The Sunday night game was down 22% versus last year, but that was due to the angry grandparents and their TV town hall, plus playoff baseball. Numbers were down everywhere but Wisconsin, which showed no negligible change. Worse was that the Monday Night game was down nearly 25% from the previous year, the drop no doubt aided by two 1-3 teams coming up against baseball playoffs. The rating of 6.5 adds up to just over 8.75 million viewers, or the lowest number for Week 5 of the season since ESPN acquired the rights in 2005.

Finally, Greg Hardy has given up on trying to sign with a NFL team and is looking to get into MMA. It won’t likely be the UFC, as Jay Glazer has apparently used whatever influence he has to scorch the earth on that path. Plus, after War Machine, I don’t think any reputable MMA organization wants to take a flier on a woman-beater. I hope he enjoys The Philippines.

Well, the Red Sox are out of the MLB playoffs. THANK GOD! We all know ‘those’ type of insufferable Red Sox fans – the ones whose knowledge goes all the way back to 2004, and think “Pudge” is Ivan Rodriguez. Hopefully, Big Papi’s retirement means most casual fans can return to casually rooting for the Patriots until Dreamboat retires. Hopefully Cubs fans will have a little more discretion, because who can they choose? The Bears? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!11!1!

Thanks to everyone who has contributed game-day experiences. Keep ’em coming. Learning what to enjoy and what to avoid gives life to any review.

I wish there was access to lasers in the stadium beer lines:

“Honey, do I want Bud Light?”

“What’s an ‘IPA’?”

On the topic of killing all one’s enemies and beer lines idiocy, it’s a tad long but worth your time: The Ringer has a long-form piece on the Hank Scorpio Simpsons episode, “You Only Move Twice”.

I, too, would like to be asked to kill someone on the way out. But, just one?

Tonight’s sports:

• International Friendly Soccer: U.S. vs. New Zealand – 8:00 PM | ESPN
• WNBA Finals: Game 2: Los Angeles at Minnesota – 8:00 PM | ESPN2
• MLB Playoff: Cubs @ Giants – 8:30PM | FS1/Sportsnet

Hockey season starts tomorrow. GO CANU—ahh; I can’t even be bothered.

It’s gonna be a long season.