Hey.
What’s new?
Oh, really? You’re busy and wondering why I’m bothering you right in the middle of this important task?
On a Wednesday?
Tough shit.
It’s time for the (now) weekly DFO Fantasy Football Leagues recap. Week 7 is in the books.
Freezer Vodka standings are up first:
Lowratio’s Couch Fetish has slid into the top spot, edging out last week’s leader Musical War Propheteers, who were rubbed out of second place by Sofa Loren. We see six teams now in the fight for the championship with JD’s Chesterfield Dreams, Original Recipe White Claws, and Stoma Fuckers Utd rounding out the top spots.
Ensconced in the Jeff Fisher Zone we have We Are Spamily, AJ Hawk Tuah Tagovailoa, and Heinous Fuckery.
That leaves the Relegation Derby of Dead Hobos, Free Thursday Night Points, Big Bag of Suck, The Schlitzstains and the 0-7 Unnatural Gas.
Remember, True Believer, that the bottom four (4) teams will be relegated to Lowratio League for next season.
Now for the Lowratio League standings:
Still perched astride the throne is Duke’s Chicago Waffles with a perfect 7-0 record. Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks is close behind the leader with War and Peace and Rod Rust never sleeps securely in the Promotion Zone for now.
A crowded field resides in The Jeff Fisher Zone for this week. Only Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses can claim an over .500 record, with Shiba is for the People!, Sebastian’s Swag Team, Ambiguous Aaron Rodgers, Casa do vinho FC, Bearenschiesse Barons and Gimli’s Groin Grabbers just below the .500 threshold.
That leaves Heather’s Horrible Hikes and The Brick Experience looking around like they just woke up in Lowratio’s paddock; naked, dirty and confused.
Poor A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge still sits at the bottom of the (long empty) bourbon barrel with an 0-7 record. I honestly thought they had me beat this week!
Top four (4) from LL get that coveted promotion to Freezer Vodka League for next season.
Bonus Content: Boots On the Ground for Commanders/Panthers
Background: I have a Marine buddy from my time at Camp Lejeune, and his son is part of the drumline for the Commanders Marching Band. Has been for the last three years. As a perk, he gets 2 free tickets and a parking pass to each home game. This has worked out to the Lady LemonJello and I attending at least one game each of the last three seasons. We’ve seen Jags/Commies (on our own dime. DUUUUVAAAALLLLLLL), Bearsenschiesse/Commies (on a Thursday!) and SKOL/Commies so far.
This time, it was Black Panthers/Commies.
The drive up from Fortress LemonJello to Northwest Stadium (previously FedEx Field aka Little Danny’s Slumlord Tenement) was its usual frustration of cruising along then stopping for no reason (repeatedly), making a 65 minute trip take 90 minutes, until I linked up with my buddy and got onto the property. We got there around 2pm for a 4pm kickoff, and the lots were filling up and a good amount of tailgating was underway. There was a hint of Devil’s Lettuce on the crisp early autumn air as we approached the gate.
Entry was uneventful and we were handed a commemorative tchotchke to celebrate the retirement of Darrell Green’s #28.
We made our way through a sizeable crowd on the concourse to the USO tent to have our arduous service thanked and acknowledged as God intended: with free beer and bbq. Beer selection was Bud Light, Michelob Ultra and Stella Artois. Food was from Mission BBQ. Did I mention it was free? Along the way, I started my list of jerseys of teams not participating, but representing here today with the Fuck Lions and NgCp. The few Carolina jerseys were far outnumbered by burgundy and gold [Redacteds], Football Team and Commanders garments.
While we were at the USO, Mark Rypien made an appearance there, signing memorabilia and taking photos. My buddy, a long time Steelers fan, got his disguise (Commanders t-shirt) signed.
Back onto the main concourse and we made our serpentine way to the escalators up to the club level, home field side. Sidenote: over the course of the three years we’ve been doing this, its a bit of a lottery of where your seats will be – visitor side, home side, club level, lower bowl. My buddy and his wife went to a game late last season and wound up in a suite (no food or beverage service included). Anyway, we were processed through to the escalators and I added an Atlanta sighting to the jersey list. Grabbing a fresh round of beers we made our way to our seats (see picture above for the view). Add Philadelphia to the jersey list. Ope, hey there, Minnesota fan, lemme slip right past ya there.
Anthem. C-5 Galaxy flyover. Kickoff and here we go!
Lively crowd in attendance. Stands are filling up, though our section had folks still arriving until almost the end of the 1st quarter. There’s the Red Rifle INT and run back for a TD. Crowd loves it. Commie D is actually looking like a professional squad. The O is clicking. Jayden Daniels is making plays, probably taking hits he shouldn’t (and he needs to practice his sliding). The first ripples of unrest can be heard/felt around us. Daniels is out? Headed to the locker room? Why is Mariotta warming up? The offense keeps clicking, the Panthers keep panther-ing, and as the score builds, the crowd relaxes. Mariotta is doing ok, but what’s the report on Daniels? Ribs? How bad? The diagnoses are offered up; broken, bruised, cracked are bandied about. One thread is consistent: this game is in hand, rest the rookie, no need to put him back out there. Who’s the opponent next week? Chicago. Maybe rest him for that game too?
Halftime.
Darrell Green’s number is retired. He’s only the 5th in franchise history to be honored in this way. Josh Harris takes a subtle dig at the Snyder regime, saying in his comments that this should have been done a long time ago. Crowd agrees.
Second half starts, things continue much like the first half. Commies continue their Long March to victory from the first half. I start to wonder what the breaking point will be for fans to start thinking about getting ahead of traffic. Turns out, it’s when the score reaches 37-0. First to go are the Carolina supporters, then Commie fans that have kids with them or work early on Monday. Score hits 37-7 and the exodus picks up in volume. We’re staying to the end because the drumline plays outside the stadium postgame and we’ll listen to my buddy’s son do his thing. Then its time to make the reverse trip down and around DC back to Fortress LemonJello. Getting out of the parking lot was relatively easy. The trip on 495 wasn’t too bad. Get to the 95 “mixing bowl” and its all shit-show, all the time. Not even a wreck to blame it on. Such is life in the DMV.
TL/DR: I’ve not yet had a bad time here. Its pricey, but if its the Lady LJ and I, we usually do a little tailgate/pregame intake of food and beverages to balance that out. We haven’t gotten the sewage shower treatment on any of our visits. If you get the chance, why not give it a go yourself?
I hope you enjoyed this Boots On The Ground.
Until Next Time!
Sounds like a great time at the game! I haven’t been to a Washington home game in a while, will definitely have to look for the drumline when I get there again. Last time I went with a friend of mine in a wheelchair so we got to use the handicapped parking and entrances which saved a lot of time.
And thank you for including the detail about the dig at Snyder, everything about this season is making me like him as an owner!
I voted early today, and now I need help inventing something where, if you show proof that you voted, blocks all TV and radio political ads from getting onto any media device you own.
We’re talking trillions!
I think all the text BS has to be psy-ops to piss Dems off so they don’t vote out of spite.
Turns out my phone has a pretty good spam filter for texts!
It’s been a long time, but the robocalls that began “this is a message about [Democratic candidate]…” and were paid for by GOP candidates (who identified themselves, as per the law at the time, at the very end of the message) were absolutely designed to do that.
For WCS:
“I’m done betting against the Steelers. Whatever dark magic that team has, they just win games.” -Mina Kimes
https://steelersdepot.com/2024/10/im-done-betting-against-the-steelers-mina-kimes-no-longer-doubting-pittsburgh/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNC0sF9KgM4
I think Balls has been writing AI songs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUSky6AG3vk
What a craptacular day. Gumby had chemo, so I had SIL come over to help me get him in the car. We failed miserably, he ended up in a heap on the street and we had to call the fire dept. to get him in. He is not doing well, some hard decisions are coming soon.
I’m soo sorry he’s having a rough time.
My mom had chemo sessions late last year and early this year and I got a small taste of how much it sucked and how badly it can fuck one up. I hope today was just a bad day and that tomorrow is a better one
[edit: spelling]
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. Please let me know if there is anything you need.
Is there any specialized equipment that could help? My FIL was hard to move and to get to the bathroom due to his Parkinson’s. So I understand, hell, the boy and I together had trouble maneuvering him sometimes so I understand your needing help.
🙁
Ah shit, I’m sorry to hear that GG. Good thoughts and well wishes your way.
Be well our dearest. Whatever we can do you know where we are.
I’m so very sorry, Gumbys. I love you guys; hang tough.
Sorry to hear Gumbies. Keep fighting!
When you get to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter is just going to hand you a blunt and shake his head with remorse.
I’m sorry you and GumbyGuy are dealing with this… You’re not alone.
Cancer fucking sucks.
So sorry you two are going through this.
Sending you a big imaginary hug
Goddamn. Wishing you the best in the circumstances.
So sorry to hear that! Lady LemonJello had a fight with colon cancer a few years ago. Cancer sucks all the dicks.
I’ll pray to whichever deity you prefer.
I am so sorry to hear that. Stay strong and prayers fine lady.
Oh no my dear. I hope your days get better!
Sending all the good thoughts to you.
Love me a good BotG. Supporting DUUUUVVVVAAAALLLL and Fookin’ Leeds is a tough row to hoe.
Stoma Fuckers found themselves in a tight spot Monday night, but fortunately they got over the line and were able to finish.
This is fascinating.
I don’t understand a word of it.
I have different fantasies.
They don’t involve football games.
I could really use a message right now…
Peak JLH was really something.
There is a lady I worked with who is now still a friend she looks a lot like her. I enjoy our caffe breaks. Easy on the eyes.
I thought you were in San Diego.
Isn’t LemonJello the San Diego guy, everyone?
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is our Whale’s Vagina resident.
Isn’t there someone else too? Maybe Bogdanski?
A certain dog that likes to rock seems to be a fan.
Nope.
East Coast for most of my adult life. I did “enjoy” 13 weeks in San Diego at the Depot in my youth.
I got to play in the water at Coronado for a week of small boat surf ops. Where did they send you after boot camp?
SOI up the road in Pendleton, the the Virginia/NC swamps for Security Forces school followed by order to Gumby/Gumbygirl territory: NSB Kings Bay.
That’s a good blend of the country.
All of my fleet time was with IIMEF in North Carolina, except for 3 years in Okinawa.
Never could finagle orders to Hawaii.
We got our ANGLICO teams from Lejune when I was at Bragg. Sorry you missed out on Hawaii. My best friend from high school was stationed there and really enjoyed it. I did Italy twice, Germany twice, Bragg, Dahlonega GA and Bliss during my wandering. No regrets I made the best of each assignment.
We were in Charleston SC, then Bremerton and Bangor WA, VA Beach, Scotland, Groton CT, and then Kings Bay GA. That’s just while we were married, Gumby went to boot camp in San Diego, then he was in Groton and Scotland for the first time.
Groton, the Savannah of the Northeast!
Nothing so fancy here. It went Kings Bay, Lejeune, Oki, Lejeune, Quantico, Cherry Point for this guy.
Thank Cthullu that I never got orders to 29 Palms, though I spent time there in schools.
I love Virginia Beach.
Attention Horatio.
https://x.com/bcostellothn/status/1849101150240297299
It truly is the greatest lawnmower ever. NO ONE DENIES THIS.
I am going to find out where this is and how much it costs and then I am going to make some really bad decisions.
$400 and in West Hartford.
Now to convince Mrs. Horatio we need to get rid of my perfectly good John Deere or build another shed to store a Hartford Whaler Zamboni style lawnmower that probably doesn’t work.
Just tell her its for Lowratio.
Doesn’t work yet!
Don’t tell her, just say, Christmas is coming up and it will require a big red bow. Just let advertising and her own mind do the rest. You never said it was a Lexus, just that it needed a big red bow.
Great BOTG! I have never attended a commies game in person and as long as Synder owned them I never would. Will have to rethink that now. The commies and cowboys game should be fun at week 12 should be fun.
Stupid injuries have really killed me, Olave, any Miami offensive players as Tua is out for good (I hope so for his sake), and Stroud shitting the bed on Sunday. So weird to think that Darnold was really the better choice.
The stadium isn’t the most modern, but the new ownership have put some effort into improving the concessions and fan experience.
Even when I was wearing Jaguars colors, the home fans were friendly and good-natured.
As long as the seats are not anal probes in disguise and I can see the field, I don’t really need modern. Do I need warm air blown up my ass? No. Do I want it? Maybe, but if modern needs to be the standard so you don’t have sewage or no sewage seating? Then fuck yeah, I want modern. And some place to plug in my vape.
I’ve been to a soccer game in the new stadium, and soccer and baseball games in the old RFK. Never seen a football game in either, though.
Or did I? Hmm, maybe I saw one at RFK.
What you saw was RFK Jr dumping a dead buck on the side of the highway while you listened to a [*Redacted] s broadcast on your drive. But thanks for a great question.
Thank you for the Boots on the Ground.
Well done and it’s about damn time someone can say something positive about that franchise.
I mean, we were always positive Dan Snyder sucked. That counts, right?
Oh good, the Chiefs got DeAndre Hopkins. Terrific. 10/10. No notes.
Its about time they caught a break.
Somewhere, Rikki is grinding his teeth mercilessly and doesn’t know exactly why…
with the NFL now having 17 games per season what’s the new “Jeff Fisher” target?
8-9
9-8
8-8-1
7-7-2
love it
i guess 0-0-17 would be his perfect season
7-9-1
Remember folks, Yahoo gave itself an A- for the Heather’s Horrible Hikes draft!
Well, they rightly got my draft grade of F correct.
Yahoo doesn’t know shit. I got a D for mine.
“I got a rock”
Dynamite BOTG. PR to DC is a lil’ hop, and I hear this Mariota guy is an able QB. May just go to see the Snyderlesses.
And THANK U for prefacing Unnatural Gas with the 0-7 present record. I’ll leave the rest if you to celebrate your non-achievements—i.e., winning “records” with lotsa points from random plugging of players. Yes, I’ve yet to have my 2nd coffee.
In sum, fuck fantasy football. I’ve already been swept by Hippo AND Ayo in Freezer Verka and Maths Hard. Will not tank and remain vested, until Week 16, or when my teams are handed over to a trustee.
It really is unnatural how Unnatural Gas hasn’t won a game.
Poor choices, expected results. That’s my FF guarantee.
Pleasure doing business with you, sir.
boo
Just like my life, unrealistic expectations meet the reality of being me. But at least I am not Brocky, that poor sucker just can’t catch a break.