TGIF! Well how about that? One month down for the year. But at least we have no football this weekend!
Survival – Personal Edition
A dilemma as old as time: Husband forgets his Anniversary. First of all, don’t forget! Add a reminder a month in advance to every calendar you own. Instead of hijinks and laugh tracks, here’s some actual tips.
- Try to order a bouquet from a local florist. Many can throw together an arrangement on short notice. If this is more of a last minute thing and it’s between April and June, look for a flowerbed with daisies and shamelessly steal some, wrap them in a ribbon, and give them to your wife.
- Chocolate. Any supermarket or drugstore will have a selection of chocolates. Find a nice boxed set. Do not buy a bunch of candy bars and wrap them in a ribbon. Just eat those for yourself.
- Create a voucher card. Have it describe the wonderful gift you’ve ordered that didn’t arrive or isn’t ready yet. Also, draw a funny or cute picture of the gift.
- Apologize. Like big, demonstrative apologize. Make her almost feel sad for how bad you feel about yourself. Absolutely do not make a single excuse.
- Create some favor cards for her. Include things like a spa day or romantic getaway weekend for the two of you.
Look, you messed up and there are consequences. Just try to minimize them and most importantly learn and don’t screw up next year.
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
There are a lot of great things about working remote, but I’m really appreciating being able to throw on pjs after the gym in the morning and just wear them all day. I don’t even know why I own more than a couple sets of normal clothing
I’m full time remote but went into the office twice last week since we had someone in from Adelade. It was ok. but I much prefer my morning commute walking from the kitchen to my office, rather than public transport to a soulless office park.
Sometimes I hit some traffic around the kitchen, because I haven’t loaded the dishwasher
Thats the worst kind of traffic. Especially when you need more coffee!
T-shirt, robe, pajama pants has been my uniform for months.
It rules.
Barcelona trip is booked, paid for, Euros purchased and I’m in for two 2 excursions. One to Gaudi Parc and another of his works of art and the other to Andorra and France in the Pyrenees alps.
Man, I hope I can bring back some truffles.
Awesome! Can’t wait to see pics.
Were applying for Australian visas this weekend!
I just downloaded the app for that!
Let me know how easy it is. It seems like its straight forward but you never know
Don’t forget the topless beaches!
Oh, I didn’t forget.
They are all topless over here brah…
Happy Trails Brother
I’m at the seaside with lady number 2 this week, thank you for the hustle here Mr Ayo. Wifey actually prefers my hand drawn cartoon cards, so I have a leg up if (when) I forget our next anniversary.
She’s got a look for sure.
It doesn’t get much better than peak Jennifer Hewitt.
Planning tomorrow around a trip to a decent local brewery that is shutting down, (turns out 1.5 good beers isn’t enough to base a lasting business on, but it was still a cool space), and this is heir last weekend, and UConn playing Providence in a top-10 national, huge Hockey East battle later on in Hartford.
Mrs. Horatio is so far refusing to go, because she’s embarrassed about the residual swelling and bruising from her dental surgery. My argument that, if she takes the temporary bridge out and goes to the hockey game missing three teeth and bruised she’ll be looked on as a Demi-goddess is falling on deaf ears.
Do you have a Whalers sweater she can wear?
You say that like I only have one.
Mike Liut or Sean Burke?
Mike Zuke!
Liut, of course.
Just have her gargle with some Freezer Vodka, swallow, and repeat until she’s ready to hop into an Uber and head out with ya!
“Hey honey, maybe it would help if you gargle-”
(Horatio gets the white smacked off him)
You know he’s from Connecticut, right? A smack hard enough to take the white off him would probably kill him.
Mrs. Horatio doesn’t drink.
Which is why I need her to be the designated driver but nooooooooooooooooooooo.
Hm, well if flattery isn’t working and booze isn’t an option, have you tried bribery? Works for SCOTUS!
Can’t believe she doesn’t see the logic.
Right?
Also, thinking through this a little more, showing up at 2 locales filled with drunks, while holding hands with your wife who is sporting a badly bruised face is probably a good way to get the unholy Christ kicked out of me.
Or, in a red state, to get respectful nods.
[nods respectfully] – Harrison Butker
Canadien threesomes are the worst. I would know, because of those two girlfriends in the Niagara Falls area, who you wouldn’t know because they didn’t go to our school.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlPgq-o3TmA
As long as a vacuum is not involved…
Lowratio’s early years were a struggle, but a dwarf’s gotta eat, too.
Mostly cupcakes though
Don’t want to give Redshirt a heart attack but GOOD GOD WOULD THIS BE GREAT!!
https://www.cincyjungle.com/2025/1/31/24355503/nfl-free-agency-rumors-steelers-bengals-wr-tee-higgins
It’s tricky, because Jamarr’s getting PAID. So who knows what’s left for Higgins. But I feel like he’s be wasted on the Steelers, what with them not having anyone who can throw.
Could see him lining up across the field from Puka. Maybe the Steelers can get Kupp?
They can’t pay BOTH. It’s the Bengals, after all.
The Steelers are VERY familiar with him. They know he would transform the offense with Fields at QB.
Yeah, I still think Fields could be a cromulent starter. And Pickens and Higgins is a tough combo, assuming their diva tendencies can be kept under wraps.
Rams need more of a speed guy anyway (not Elon Musk).
Oh, Pickens is gone. He would line up well opposite Puka…
Fields is absolutely cromulent, it’s just sad he started his career on the Bears, set him back years
I’m happy to try him out for a year or two, if the price is right. I’m hearing $20-25 million a year, for two or three seasons. No thank you.
Make it $15 million a year for a couple years, sure. Let’s see what he has, and draft accordingly from there.
I’m kinda hoping Tee to Washington, though it seems unlikely. But how great would Maclaurin and Higgins be together? And most of their receivers aren’t under contract next year so they need to do quite a bit in the offseason at the position
And the Commies have cap room! SPEND STUPD!
I hate to say it, but Tee to the Commies makes a ton of sense.
On the plus side, it may kill Dan Snyder.
Anything that hurts Snyder is schadenfreude that EVERYONE can enjoy!
Come to New England Tee…
But…he doesn’t fit in
They’ll offer him 3/5 of what he’s worth on the open market.
Thought that was Carolina? Though with Cam Newton they took the opposite approach and just let him get hurt until he was 3/5ths of himself when he was drafted
I’m sure Ol’ Double J will sign him so as to create a ridiculous double-threat with Cee Dee Lamb for Dak! Dak! Dak! to throw to for 8 weeks before the latter tears the quadriceps in both legs and misses the rest of the season.
Just kidding. Jerry’s too busy staging weepy press conferences justifying hiring an OC as head coach when said OC has never had an offense ranked higher than 21st in the NFL and arguably did more than anyone to get Mark Richt fired when he was OC at Georgia.
Anyway, go Bucs!
Poor Dak, but no Dallas QB makes it more than 3 years before total bodily failure. It’s just nature’s way
I thought he was busy protesting school integration?
They certainly would know how to utilize him like JuJu Schmister as WR that is only good because 2 guys are covering the other WR
In other news, Indiana Jones and the Great Circle is excellent. Especially when you can bash a Nazi in the face with a pipe.
On the other hand, Indiana Jones and the Great Circle Jerk did not win an AVN…
AVN results post coming!
*cumming
What a waste of a great circle jerk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDwcHUeG6Nc
Finally, some hope!
https://www.cnn.com/2025/01/31/science/asteroid-2024-yr4-earth-impact-chance/index.html
2032? We’ll have nuked ourselves long before then.
No, I’ll be just about ready to retire then, so an asteroid smacking dead-on balls center to the Earth makes sense.
It will also be right before the Dallas Cowboys return to the Super Bowl and just after the Hurricanes announce they’re returning to Hartford, both of which will occur just after Jerry Jones killed himself and Gary Bettman in a head-on collision.
Surprisingly, it will turn out that Bettman was the one on the wrong side of the road while coked out of his mind, but the asteroid will hit three hours after that news breaks, so I won’t even get to bask in that afterglow.
The Hartford thing is much more likely than the Cowboys thing.
Unless Jerrah is somehow gone.
I’m hoping for retirement in 2034 but thinking maybe 2036. But maybe asteroid takes care of everything!
Maybe the asteroid is full of resources like a giant pinata!
Buddy, if you think JJ is gonna be around in 2032…
I dunno man, billionaires live an annoyingly long time.
So do shitty people.
And Jerrah’s one of each.
Looking it up he’d “only” be 89, so it’s quite likely he’ll still be with us.
Judging from his current state it won’t be pretty.
Wouldn’t be the first time.
Hartford needs a new building before even being remotely considered for a return. I went there multiple times while working for the Bridgeport Sound Tigers (fuck off with the Bridgeport Islanders nonsense. A fictional creature as a name is better than calling a costal city an island) and at least the visiting team rooms need a major overhaul.
Though as a fun anecdote, I was hanging out in the trainers room between periods with the head medical trainer and our backup goalie. He gave me (15 at the time) some life advice as to never date a librarian because they were terrible in bed. The backup went on to a decent playing career and is still on tv as an analyst.
That was sage advice about the librarian.
I know a librarian who dated Ron Jeremy (before all the rape stuff)
Nina Hartley in costume doesn’t really count.
I have a friend who is a librarian (the same one who showed me that issue of Hustler where the pictures she submitted got printed) but I never hooked up with her.
Kevin Weekes?
No way in hell Jerral drives his own car
Fair point.
Tough break for the chauffeur.
Their opponent in said Super Bowl will be the Raiders.
Our NEO guys at work are all over this.
I am loser wasted at 9 am. Because I plan and shit. Am 48 should grow up
I think the first problem is that you think it’s morning…
Hey, it’s 9 am somewhere!
Cant drink all day unless you start in the morning
Hey, that’s my plan for tomorrow!
Eh, growing up is overrated.
And learn the difference between am and pm.
But stop beating yourself up. It’s Friday and the world is going to shit. We cope.
I think it’s quite responsible to be drunk early enough to get a good night’s sleep!
If you had any ambition you’d be drunk by 7:45 AM.
At least I waited until 11:46 EST.
Like a lady!!
Wait, wait, I didn’t mean…Ah fuck it.
No shame in getting pegged by a dwarf.
Well, maybe a little.
Bruce Springsteen is a terrible singer. Always was, always will be.
Like Bob Dylan, he should let others sing his songs.
Don’t tell that to my father in law. But also, this is superior to the Springsteen original
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzk3x3HZbJI
I mean that’s wrong, but I respect your right as a mostly white man to say whatever you want without consequences.
These are bad opinions, and you should feel bad.
Been watching ‘American Primeval’ in order to justify paying for Netflix every month. I can’t decide if it’s good, or if I’m just supposed to like it because it’s a Western filmed in washed out colors.
Hell of a lot of screaming, though.
Watching Landman on Paramount and the acting is very good.
I’m calling out the plot lines 5 minutes before they appear on screen but.
Smoking hot Texas girls don’t hurt the viewing either.
Taylor Sheridan has the touch when it comes to writing popular shows, but his plot twists are about as obvious as the cable guy not fixing the cable in one of those movies Balls is always going on about.
Technically she’s right.
And Jesus didn’t make it past 33.
What’s her point?
I mean she’s right because Jesus never existed. Unless she’s talking about my Uncle Jesus but he was kind of a dick and he did have electricity.
Better ask Biff, his friend.
Such a great book.
Well, he didn’t and did.
Good effort on the ‘shock’ pun, but had potential to be so much more 4/10
Here’s AI done right!
The AI trailer for the new Flintstones movie:
https://www.facebook.com/reel/608014665512167
Holy shit. Wilma. Betty. Those random chicks at the end there. Had to have much more imagination with cartoons back in our days.
Yeah, that was impressive
When ex-wifey and I were living in Philly, we lived maybe ten minutes away from this. I walked there a few times. It was a long walk, but close enough.
So just fly there when it’s cold out then?
Tomorrow is officially rained out, and if Sunday rains out then I’m 100% on finding a flight for a quick away weekend. LA is probably the strongest possibility, but maybe Seattle or Denver. Or I could fly to Chicago to do laundry.
Well if you choose Seattle, we can RELEASE THE KRAKEN together Sunday.
The absolute second I eventually make my way to Seattle for a game, I’m reaching out to you
That’s a threat.
Nah, he’s no scotchy. Hopefully!
Like Scotchy would tell you he was coming.
No need. You can tell by his O-Face.
That would actually be really fun, I haven’t been to a hockey game since pre-pandemic and who doesn’t like eldritch tentacles?
DFOCon centered around a hockey game absolutely needs to happen.
Apparently Bono put this song and video together after forgetting his wife’s birthday.
So instead of the stuff Mr. Ayo suggested above when you forget an anniversary you should do this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WybiA263bw
Assuming, of course, you’re one of the biggest rock stars on the planet, and you forget the anniversary in question while at the height of your powers.
Found a funny:
lemon: mix me with sugar for a refreshing summer treat
lime: spritz me over some tacos to add an acidic punch
grapefruit: i’m in your cell walls. i’m fucking up your lipitor
These kind of articles always crack me up.
” the other thing that really bothered me about them over there (was) their way of living and their way of doing things,” she says.
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/she-relocated-spain-2022-struggling-134002810.html
Fucking dumbasses…
“the couple, who were based in Fort Meyers, Florida…”
Having spent a considerable amount of time in the Ft. Meyers area this article makes total sense.
No excuse for not researching the local weather. As far as laws go, a several month long extended vacation before buying (highly recommended) would have brought that out. The rest is mostly arrogance. The afternoon breaks were made so families had time together, made-up for by extending evening closing times. Overall a pretty Karen attitude.
The last pic is AI creepy
AI= Actually Indian or Actually Italian?
Can’t get anything by this guy.
Sorry to be a buzz kill but,
Ummmm this doesn’t seem rocking
https://www.wired.com/story/elon-musk-lackeys-general-services-administration/
Spying on the employees to get dirt on them to fire them “for cause.” Motherfuckers. Elon needs to be strapped to one of his rockets.
And fire him into the sun?
What did the sun ever do to you?
Let’s just lock him in a Tesla until it inevitably explodes.
-It knows what it did. Jimmy Buffet
That’s nothing. They’re taking over the code.
I cannot believe they wrote project 2025 and people are like “what the the hell playbook are they following?!”
hey if you want something to go bankrupt, drive of half its user base and fill it with Nazis then Elon is the right man for the job
slightly rocking til hes fired Monday from old Ksk bobby big wheel
https://bsky.app/profile/theophite.bsky.social/post/3lh32rlx5q22u
We’re only 10 days into this shit!!
Awesome!!
And just look how much they’ve fucked up what they want to do already. It’ll all end in tears, but there will be a lot of absurdity along the way.
And at least one 1/6er has been shot to death and another’s back in jail. Frankly I’m thrilled.
#1 and #9 for me this week!
Is that a BMW in #9?
No, man, no. That’s a Porsche 911 convertible.
Qaaron is playing at the WM Open on Wednesday’s ProAm. I’ll be at my bank’s suite on Eigh18een for the action.
https://burncitysports.com/2025/01/31/cardinals-head-coach-phoenix-open/
The Waste Management Phoenix Open
These jokes just write themselves
If I FedEx you a used diaper, could you throw it at him please?
Need your address, I’ll fill the diaper.
If I FedEx you a 30.06 would you be (post deleted)
You sound like a deep state FBI agent trying to entrap me.