Not Quite Opening Day: Tuesday Open Thread

It’s almost Opening Day, sports fans!

OK, so technically there are already two games in the books, because why not spot the Dodgers a two-game lead?

I try not to be a Cliche Middle Aged White Guy when it comes to baseball, because 1. Nobody likes C.M.A.W.G., and 2. Traditional Baseball had plenty of problems that should be fixed. The shot clock? Unalloyed improvement. The limitations on mound visits and switching out pitchers after a single batter? Both great. The renaissance in stolen bases? Glorious. And I think integrating farm systems, revising service time bullshit and a real salary cap are ideas worth exploring.

HOWEVAH: I have three Yelling At Clouds positions. In no particular order:

1. The designated hitter is shit. It has always been shit, it will always be shit. If I, the manager, have God’s very own shortstop- a man with more range than Freddie Mercury and an arm like a sniper rifle, but he can’t hit for love nor money- am I allowed to have someone hit for him every time through the order? Fuck no- I weigh the tradeoffs and take my lumps. Same thing should apply to pitchers. There is a straight line to be drawn between the DH and the deeply boring Three True Outcomes baseball that threatens to kill the game: offense uber alles.
2. Steroid users and Pete Rose can fuck all the way off from the Hall of Fame. The HoF is pretty stupid to begin with, but it’s still considered an honor. If you undermine the competitive integrity of the game, no cookie for you.
3. Opening Day should…um…open…the season. No early series. No special Opening One Present on Christmas Eve Featured Matchup. Everybody plays their first meaningful game on the same day. Except the West Sacramento Athletics, who haven’t played a meaningful game in five years.

NFL NEWS:

It’s Pro Day season, the long slog between free agency and the draft where every agent is working their tame Access Whores for all they are worth (“Brock Huddlespunk impresses at West Nowhere A&M pro day, sparking rumors of a jump from the seventh round to the Top 10”).

The delightful part is watching teams talk themselves into overdrafting (or even sweeter, panic-trading up) for a deeply mediocre quarterback. This is a Kenny Pickett class in a year where at least four GMs have Manning/Rivers/Roethlisberger needs.

Sometimes overdrafting works out. I will be the first to admit that Bo Nix worked out better than I expected last year. I will be the last to be surprised if he pulls an Anthony Richardson and regresses past the mean this year now that there is Copious Tape on him.

Moves that I foresee:

1. Joe Schoen gets spooked and pulls a Mitch Trubisky: Cleveland bluffs that they are going to pick Shedeur Sanders (or sell the lick to a Mystery Team) and Schoen gives up two second rounders to move up one spot
2. Las Vegas panics and either takes Dart at 6 or trades for a Will Levis/Richardson level young bust, hoping for Weeks 1-17 Sam Darnold
3. Jets take whichever option the Raiders don’t, unless they go for Kirk Cousins.
4. Minnesota misses its pick, because: