Look, at least they’re wearing pads and such so that we can pretend, right? It’s a scrimmage on steroids but we have to stretch our eyeball muscles as well. And who among doesn’t need a little Easton Stick in their lives? I haven’t done this in a while so bear with me…
Tru Da Gamble!
Nope, that’s not it.
Two Le Contest!
That’s not it either.
To The Game! (nailed it)
Chargers/Lions:
-Remember when Goff had that sorta bridge QB status until Detroit found a real guy to put under center? Hendon Hooker, he of the gaudy stats in college had some folks thinking that they’d found the replacement. Oh well. We’ll also get a peek at Trey Lance, who everyone has talked about forever and he’s just 25. Folks, don’t draft a QB that’s got all of 12 college games under his belt.
-Another fella we’ll see calling signals will be the Chargers DJ “The Human Vowel” Uiagalelei!
-Coincidence? Both teams are 2-3 in their last five tilts.
-Can I Look At The Rooks?: Dan Campbell says, “Chew on this-I’m not playing the 1st and 2nd round picks.”
-We will see Lions wideout Isaac TeSlaa-despite being prone to software glitches and battery degradation in rookie mini camp, he will try to earn a place in the wr room.
-Speaking of that spot, now that stalwarts Mike Williams and Keenan Allen are gone, it’s interesting to see how that unit will shake out. The young Ladd acquitted himself nicely last year and now LA is looking for someone to fill the slot spot-Tre Harris has the job off the hop.
-There was a bit of talk as to whether the Lions SB window was closing, what with them losing both their OC and DC but as I mentioned at some point Campbell should have seen this coming last year and prepared for it. I think that most of that yakking was offseason chatter fodder. One reason is that-looking over a few Detroit sites-there’s not a single position battle for starter on either side of the ball. Everything is in place. I wonder what the hell that would be like, Jeezuz!
Welcome back, everyone!
Terry McClaurin wants out of the Commies? He does know Danny Boy doesn’t own them anymore, right?
That’s why he’s still talking to them instead of on a different team 5 months ago I assume
You know, the Stillers have one more shot with Qaron, will be picking their next franchise QB next year, and a pretty ludacris amount of capital in the Draft and salary cap…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wpU1W_1YW8
There was an NFL game tonight? This is the top news from ESPN UK:
https://www.espn.co.uk/nfl/story/_/id/45873844/welsh-rugby-star-louis-rees-zammit-end-nfl-journey
Oh dread, this is one of those Supernatural spinoff episodes…
The store marinated these kalbi short ribs so Yeah Right would hate me but…..wait he already does!
The man with nothing has nothing to lose, YR.
My 11:05PM flight from ATL to BWI is now delayed until 2:00AM due to thunderstorms. But the Atlanta Delta Club bar closes at midnight!
What kind of Southern Hospitality is this shit! I need booze, dammit!
Ah, you should have taken the Midnight Train to Georgia, they serve all night
Spam doesnt understand how I even got to ATL.
You’re in Atlanta? That must have been one hell of a tsunami!
My TV did a version of, “are you really watching this?” and much like Dunstan, I’m checking out.
BIG DUMPER!
I said sorry…where’s the plunger?
This 16 year old refugee kid who used my bathroom during the tsunami clogged up the toilet.
Then he plunged it and I was like — good.
This has got to be the most preposterous box score I have ever seen.
This was a fun watch. I think I enjoyed it more than Redshirt, but only because of the final inning.
/points to 8th inning
See, there’s your problem, right there.
I’m told you should always split 8’s but this is ridiculous.
According to news below, Dunstan has finally checked in!
You’ve been waiting 29 years for this. Happy for you!
I’m not gonna lie-it was a long haul on the Sploitation journey
Dunstan Does Emmanuelle, 9 1/2 Weeks of Dunstan, The Opening of Misty Dunstan, DeepDunstan, Busty Dunstan and the Three Bears, Teenage Dunstan and the Curious Professor, Nude Biker Dunstan, Dunstan’s Paula Deen Adventure, Chainsaw Dunstan’s Sweaty Fastball, How To Undress In Front of Dunstan, Shaving Dunstan, High School Memories of Dunstan’s Anal Proclivities, Dunstan and the Infinite Double DD Bra.*
*I could go on
I’m not gonna lie, those bears were terrible to work with.
The first one was too hard…
Dammit, Spam! I was just going to lurk to see what I missed, but I had to scroll the whole way to the bottom to log in (again!) just so I could +1 this. Don’t you realize Gumbygirl is old and tired?
DO I HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN ALERT:
For those hot Italian sausage makers the world over-HOW THE FUCKBALLS COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT THE ADDITION OF SO MUCH FENNEL AND THAT BLACK LICORICE AFTERTASTE IS A GOOD THING? SERIOUSLY? JUST UNBELIEVABLE!
I like fennel, but I agree it can be a bit overwhelming. You can tone it down with wine. Drink 3 or 4 glasses and your tastebuds will be numb. Speaking of wine, I’m having a glass of Joel Gott Sauvignon Blanc. It’s light and fruity, nice on a hot evening.
Joel Gott rubbed my upper thigh in a non-sexual way in the spring of 2018 on a gently sloping hillside in Picardy. Thanks for bringing back that treasured memory.
So Joel’s a bit light and fruity himself?
I’d have wine but I have to pick the Dr. Mrs. up from the airport. Then, wine.
Have you vacuumed the entire house? Tick tock.
I actually have cleaned the floors.
Its an acquired taste…
/ he uses any excuse to post Marika pics in case you haven’t noticed…
(reading phone “Update: Atlanta 11 – Cincinnati 3”)
Me: “Oh, I hope this is a preseason NFL game.”
8 runs in the 8th inning. Way to go Bullpen!
And so many errors. Glad MLB TV had it on for the laughs.
…and on cue, we’re flirting with going plaid.
The courting has begun!
PLAID confirmed. Damn.
Maybe they did go to Paycor for the 8th Inning.
gaaaaah what a halftime of horror hosts
Well, I’ve done it. After over two decades in my current Fortress of Bachelortude, I’m going to be moving to a new place with my girlfriend.
CONGRATS!
I hope that she has loosened the ligatures at least 20% to celebrate the occasion!
Here’s to hoping that air pressure remains constant on the West Coast for the near future!
.
“This new place-is there a rear exit that is unlocked?”
-Balls, thinking about back doors and other things
My liquor cabinet is fiercely guarded.
Don’t leave the toilet seat up.
It’s ok, I’ve been peeing sitting down for years. Standing is exhausting!
Hero.
A video representation of Mike Brown negotiating with Trey Hendrickson-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu3dX00U4ak
The upside of the Dr. Mrs.’ flight being delayed by like four hours is that it gives me extra time to shoo away all the blackjack and hookers.
You told me she liked hookers!
Oh, wait, no, I guess you said “Hoovers.”
be sweet to leave a bunch of vacuum cleaner cards on sidewalks of vegas
TeSlaa has a magnificent mullet!
I was NAWT expecting that hair!
And the sign says Long Haired Freaky People need Not Apply
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BstFHCwt9E4
The NFL is too rough for such a gentle soul. I feel like he’d be more at home working as a bartender on love-themed cruise ship.
/customer texts me after 8pm, wanting to add on to an order
Wifey: “You’ve got to set some boundaries.”
/20 minutes later
Wifey: [answers call from a client]
Me: “You’ve got to set some boundaries.”
/turns out said client was being rushed to the hospital but hey…
Ok, I’ve seen enough. Clips are winning the Owl, place yer bets!
Boltman would celebrate but he was sold by Spanos to be consumed by Grok to generate shitty AI gambling ads
A story about Grok ingesting Boltman only to become Boltman would be great for Halloween.
I can turn this off after Q1, yeah? That should be enough NFL Healing, and we can get those goshdarned guns back in our schools where they BELONG!
the tesla diner isnt even 3rd grade school lunch lady levels of quality
https://bsky.app/profile/rmac.bsky.social/post/3lvcbasej5k2n
at least the last gilded age gave us the invention of the automobile. this gilded age is just nerds ruining everything on speedruns
MOAR TESTICLES MEANS MOAR IRON!
looking like food where you make even more money by putting 20 dollar fees on restroom usage
I was thinking that top left thing could be called Liquid Diarrhea.
part of the Fart-to-table movement
Shartcuterie.
It’s Doinkmas in July!
DOINKKK!!!
This game used to be methadone for football fans; these days it’s methadone for fans of gambling on football.
Happy goddamn football everyone! I’ll be doing homework all night, and I might only be drinking fizzy water, but holy crap does this feel nice. I’m not even annoyed with Colinsworth…oh, wait. Yes I am.
nfl football in july, even if it is a fake game, is an extreme un-christian act. nowhere in the bible nor quran does it say play football on the 7th month
almost as bad as school beginning in the first week of august
yeah our is starting 2nd week of august , super shitty for high school football players down here
even worse for field turf stadiums, but at least it isnt astro turf fumes in the hot august sun slowly killing 1990s phillies baseball players levels of bad
that we know of
July football is for the CFL, damnit!
Melissa Stark: “It’s preseason-do you still want players that bite off kneecaps?”
Coach Campbell: “The first preseason game? We can’t be that intense for all the games. This early, I’ll be happy with a few skin tags.”
100% of plays reviewed so far!
I would say that’s a bad omen for the lions, but both of these teams are cursed, so who knows
This is already more commercials than I watched during the entire offseason
Ginger Hammer just wants HEALING
is that a name of a town in England to move the Jags to?
They won’t be moving to West Bromwich, they already have a footy team with a kickass mascot
Weird way to spell “plausible deniability” but OK.
My Cleats, My Cause would be cool if it gave us all players wearing shoes that support shooting up the NFL offices.
Here’s where I am on the 120 Minutes playlist assembly:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J3ZjxIQgFE
If TeSlaa can trap a ball even half as well as his namesake car traps passengers while on fire and/or sinking into a lake then he’s got a bright future in this league!
BREAKING:
Bengals sign …….
Noah Fant.
Jesus, Redshirt. Pick a better team.
Hey, they just wanta Fant(a)
Are those names or flavors
Just (salad) tossing it out there-Buddy’s favourite is Lola.
.
I was trying to summon Buddy, but I just got one of my ancient neighbors knocking on my door. I need to work on my spellcasting!
Hey Dungy, what did football teach you about parenting you fuck?
Treat them like training camp fodder?
Just hang in there and hope it works out?
What have we done that we deserve Collinsworth part 2 electric boogaloo?
That’s easy. We touch ourselves.
It’s Scuzzlebutt’s leg!
My own feeling is that if Jim hadn’t been subjected to the relentless discipline of his father Jack Harbaugh he’d have made all the Cocaine Cowboys look like part-time dime bag monkeys.
I notice you left out the fact that we get Tirico and Collinsworth.
MUTE BUTTON ENGAGED!
Aaaaaaaaaargh! What the fuck are those talking HOF busts!
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Will listen briefly to hear if Collinsworth sounds any closer to death then hit mute.
THERE IS ANOTHER ONE!!!! HIS FUCKING SON!
Is there SAP available, at least?
SAP is just Dan Dierdorf and Dennis Miller
They might be too woke. It’s Ted Nugent and Emil Bove.
“This game is as exciting as the 269 move draw between Ivan Nikolic and Goran Arsovic that took place in Belgrade back in 1989!”
-the desiccated corpse of Dennis Miller’s reputation