Your “First QB To 500 Yards Passing Wins!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

[arrives home late from work, runs to computer] No time for a little story, guys. TO THE GAME!

NO/Car-The last time the 4-5 Saints met the 3-6 Panthers the final score was a very fantasy-friendly 41-38. Brees went bananas and pulled out the win and that was without his full complement of wr’s-this time around Willie Snead will play. Carolina counters with cb’s Bradberry and Johnson being healthy. I think Cam will look in the direction of wr Benjamin quite a bit because he’ll be matched up against a banged-up Breaux or some player that’s even worse. All in all, this looks like another high-scoring and entertaining tilt.

Also, don’t forget to check out Freeballin’ Football’s latest podcast down below. Will the circular scar around Bill’s nipple heal before his wife notices? When will the voices in Nick’s fridge stop telling him to ‘kill all the hobos’ every time he reaches for the mayo? What prompted that cop to arrest Josh for ‘Molesting Church Property’? Will someone finally tell Tim that the Santa Tooth Fairy Rabbit isn’t a real thing? For the answers to these questions and some blather about “The Football”, be sure to tune in. By the way, if you’re a fan of matching voices to avatars, the incredibly tolerable Darkest Timeline Zack Morris is a guest squawker this week. Will his infinite wisdom change the economic course of several nations? There’s only one way to find out…

I’m done-LET’S GET GOING!!!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
348 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Fronkenshteen

MORNING TRIVIA! (that no one will read!)
The Raiders (O.Co Stadium – elevation 43 ft.) will play the Texans (Reliant Stadium – elevation 49 ft.) at Estadio Azteca – elevation 7,349 ft. If the two NFL teams with stadiums with the highest elevations played in Mexico City, what would the matchup be?

Fronkenshteen

Answer below.

Fronkenshteen

Broncos (5280 ft.) vs Cardinals (1070 ft.)

Unsurprised

So I just looked it up and the consensus among the mouth-breathers who interpret dreams, apparently my nightmare(s) portend fear of some sort of catastrophic change or transition, which is weird since I went to bed genuinely excited for the first time in forever about applying for a legal job.

Maybe it’s because this is all I have in my life: applying mostly for jobs I don’t actually want and bitching about shit I don’t and shouldn’t care about with you all and then going to twitter and wanting to go insane reading more about stupid politics. I have no friends, family, hobbies, job, volunteering, or anything else in my life. It’s stupid to volunteer when I have nothing to volunteer except all the time I do have when I’m not applying for jobs because I am also procrastinating due in no small part to 99% of this shit having nothing to do with going through law school twice and taking the bar exam twice over a year and a half. I didn’t do all of that not to be a fucking lawyer, and until yesterday I didn’t even know what kind of lawyer I wanted to be, and now that I do I’m still fucking it up and I am so fucking angry and upset about this I don’t know what to do with myself (and punching a heavy bag doesn’t help because I can’t focus my anger towards it without almost hurting myself because boxing isn’t a joke).

JerBear50

What kind of law are you leaning towards? And until you’re experienced, keep your wrists tight. You’ll punch a lot slower but you won’t end up in a cast.

Beerguyrob

You are older than the kids I work with, but if you were one of mine I’d say, “What kind of _____ do you want to be, since there different kinds of _____?” Then I’d help them find a practical path toward that goal.

My brother went and spent a year studying environmental science before deciding to become a corporate lawyer, because he needed to get that out of his system.

The only advice I can rationally offer right now is to give up twitter and find a local cause you’d like to devote time to this winter season. Directing some of that energy into a cause might help to clear your mind, and could help you find a different career path for your schooling. I ring bells for the Sally Ann every year, and it helps give me my perspective on working with street kids.

Beyond that, you’ve got friends here that can offer other suggestions.

JerBear50

Volunteering also occupies some of the time that you would otherwise be swimming around in your own head getting angrier. Also gets you around other people and potential friends.

Unsurprised

The schadenfreude of a team named the Braves displacing 31 white families is making me tumescent.

http://deadspin.com/cobb-county-plans-to-bulldoze-an-entire-neighborhood-ne-1789117290

Senor Weaselo

Some joke about chopping into their fanbase?

Unsurprised

Cleaving it in twain like cord wood

JerBear50

I understand the need for eminent domain, but I still have my reservations.

Brick Meathook

comment image

laserguru
Senor Weaselo

Goddamn, don’t hurt ’em.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRnvUXP8OwA

laserguru

Let’s try something a little more uplifting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=068AFYvd58E

laserguru

I was told there would be pussytubing!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg

Senor Weaselo

Hey, I get to watch Grand Tour tomorrow! I mean, I could tonight but I want to be more conscious!

JerBear50

I hate when I realize that I watched and deleted something while I was drunk and now can’t remember watching it. On-demand has bailed me out quite a few times.

ALXMAC
laserguru

yep

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

End Of Line is still my favorite way to end e-mails

Unsurprised

I had the worst nightmares this morning/last night.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

If it’s about the Cubs winning the World Series, I have some bad news…

Unsurprised

It was about zombies. I fucking hate zombies.

laserguru

I’ve always loved you Moose.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

“You’re the vice-president, sir. You always have been.”

Unsurprised

God, I hope not

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I need to watch some comedy or something to wash my brain.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/f7892a68110893f1dc5fd115630d030d/tumblr_ogt8zaC4Z91rpf0t3o1_1280.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shit my extended family are all Scots/English/Irish and is more diverse, throw in the by marriage and it ………goddamnit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Found the guy…. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/aea06e616090368247acc4c0d94c8d77/tumblr_inline_ogt9f5iNOT1r7b04z_1280.jpg
Holy shit.

Unsurprised

The butler doesn’t count

Unsurprised

“I guess you could say they extend to when the Anglos met the Saxons”

Unsurprised
Porky Prime

If Mike Pence were any deeper in the closet, he’d be vice-president of fucking Narnia.

Unsurprised

I wish I liked Futurama as much as The Simpsons. Morbotron would be so much more useful.

http://116.imagebam.com/download/-pBh0Iezvlb3oWNIpgihUw/51546/515453074/1184717%20%281%29.gif

Porky Prime

The Whitest Kids U Know

comment image

Senor Weaselo

I have posted this too many fucking times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiyLtMPuWRA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Goddamnit!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Man, that is depressing.

Unsurprised

So are white people

Porky Prime

Same picture, unfiltered.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Night, gents. May your Fridays be un-NFC South-ish

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I need to back the fuck up and think happy thoughts for a while.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/acb8a2e6d846aa1881d3e392d015e0e9/tumblr_odvgm5JC7c1t5dw8io1_1280.jpg

Porky Prime

ESPN.com headlines:

“Cam Newton may have saved Panthers season with one completion.”
“Saints playoff hopes get rejected in Carolina.”

Both teams are 4-6.

Senor Weaselo

NARRATIVE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Actually has ax in closet.

Senor Weaselo

So he didn’t see Allegiance?

Unsurprised

Wouldn’t you just to get the fuck out of Oklahoma as quickly as possible?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

comment image

Senor Weaselo

What’s he doing in the fridge?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOCydGRcv1A

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She has to keep her meat cool or it spoils.

Unsurprised

To quote 30 Rock, “you can’t have a lemon party without old dick.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Watching that game on a plane without purchasing wifi was odd. Missed you weirdos.

Senor Weaselo

Were there infinity yards?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Why, Moose?

Unsurprised

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

A non-ants version for the humans: http://imgur.com/gallery/CoBx4

ALXMAC
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

This reminds me – can one go to one’s local Black Panthers office to let folk know that once the race war starts…we want on their side?? Or can one not do that in a race war?

Unsurprised

There aren’t any to tell that to. You’re just fucked.

Unsurprised

But seriously, there are six times as many whites as blacks. I think you’re safe.

King Hippo

well, technically, it will be “everybody Steve Bannon doesn’t consider white” and there will be considerable StormFront input, I’d imagine. So, the numbers will get whittled down. Plus…fuck those guys, man.

King Hippo

Let tonight remind you – we’re all gonna die soon, but perhaps we can at least get the Divisional Round in first!!

/who says I’m not an optimist?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That “Rocket Mortgage” really bugs me. “Commit to a thirty year loan with just a few taps on your cellphone!”

Unsurprised

But look at all the people who got rich playing the real estate market from 2004-08!

WCS

Rocket Mortgage: Let’s Redo the Housing Bubble!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So not that different from Ashley Madison.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ha, nice. Do you only get half the house then?

Unsurprised

Fuck it. Humanity sucks and the world will be happy to be rid of us.

King Hippo

As Carlin said, “the Earth will shake us off like a bad case of fleas.”

Or RHCP on Mother Earth: “Global abortion, PLEAZ, that is what she needs.”

Gratliff

Fuck your moderation, buggy commenting thing.

Brocky

so, digging through old internet archives today, found this old gem:

comment image

Mr. Ayo

NICE!

Gratliff

The past week is really getting the leftist juices flowing. Oh well, I’m sure the Cory Booker-led mainstream Democrats will save us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RYBDTnS7dg

King Hippo

NOW you can sneak Cam off tackle

Unsurprised

Damn it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

CAROLINA CHARGERS IN DA HOUSE!!!

Unsurprised

Reading up in preparation for Thanksgiving?

Unsurprised

“Not yet” — D. Spanos

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

King Hippo

uh…that was an odd footballing play

Unsurprised

I see Carolina’s defense is more gassed than …

King Hippo

It’s like this is not a super great 4th quarter team.

Unsurprised

I

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Well, that was pointless and stupid.

/Joins the people liveblogging TNF

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Exactly what I just did!