Hey.
It’s a new season of hot National Football League action and that means…well, probably more of the same mediocrity that we’ve come to expect from the Jaguras, really. Mediocrity? That’s being generous, and possibly an insult to the mediocre.
2024 Season Recap
Pre-season Prediction: 10-7 and a return to the playoffs
Reality: 4-13 (3-3 in the Division). Third in the AFC South.
2024 was a big drunken stumble backwards for the Jags from the 9-8 record of the 2023 campaign and a far cry from the halcyon days of 2022 when they went *checks notes* 9-8, but made it to the divisional round of the playoffs.
James Gladstone replaced Trent Baalke as the General Manager.
Gone is Head Coach Doug Pederson, who definitely made chicken salad out of the chicken shit left him by Urban Meyer.
/spits on ground
The Khans have brought in Liam Coen as their new Head Coach after, uh, one season as OC in Tampa Bay? That’s it? He did have a hand in improving Baker Mayfield’s performance, can that be translated to improved play by our very own Prison Girlfriend? Oh, he was also the RAMMIT! OC in 2022. I’m getting notes of “quarterback whisperer” in the Kool-Aid the franchise would like me to imbibe.
Trevor Lawrence is still the franchise QB with Nick Mullens currently second on the depth chart.
Travis Etienne Jr and Tank Bigsby are the running back tandem with rookies waiting in the wings when the inevitable injury occurs.
Brian Thomas Jr is the #1 receiver.
Cam Little is the Jaguars’ kicker and hit from 70 yards in the pre-season against the Stillers. So they’ve got that going for them, which is nice.
Dammit, Goodell, you intergalactic disgrace.
2025 Free Agency
TE Evan Engram released, picked up by DONKS! WOOOO
WR Christian Kirk traded to an imaginary team for their 2026 7th round pick
WR Gabe Davis released
C Luke Fortner traded to the Saints for DT Khalen Saunders
2025 Draft
1st: WR/CB Travis Hunter (Colorado)
3rd: CB Caleb Ransaw (Tulane) OL Wyatt Milum (West Virginia)
4th: RB Bhayshul Tuten (Virginia Tech) LB Jack Kiser (Notre Dame)
6th: LB Jalen McLeod (Auburn) S Rayuan Lane III (Navy)
7th: OL Jonah Monheim (USC) RB LeQuint Allen Jr (Syracuse)
Most of the talk around the finest Duvall meth dens is about Hunter and which side of the ball he’ll be spending most of his time and/or how long he’ll survive an NFL season playing offense and defense. Prison Girlfriend needs another target to pair with Brian Thomas Jr, but the defense can use some help at the corners. I say we see him playing on both sides of the ball for the first 6 or 7 weeks of the season as a way to test the waters and then his playing time is prioritized wherever he’s needed most **cough cough defense cough** with occasional plays as a WR.
**added on 8/27** WR Tim Patrick signed in a trade from Detroit for a 2026 6th round pick, giving Prison Girlfriend another big target to pair with Thomas Jr and maybe taking some pressure off Hunter to deliver big at WR right away?
The rest of the draft are all positions of need, especially the O-line and Linebackers.
2025 Schedule
Week 7 is the annual London game, in Wembley Stadium. (one of these years I’m going to go to the London game, before ALL the home games are played there)
The Lady LemonJello and I are in the early planning stages of a trip to DUUUUVVVAAAAAALLLLLLLL for the 2026 season. Expect a boots on the ground report if/when that happens.
2025 Season Prediction
8-9 Second in the AFC South. 2 chances to snag a Wildcard berth; Slim and None, and Slim just left town.
Fantasy Football Note:
The second season of the Lowratio League has begun! Look for weekly updates of both Freezer Vodka League and Lowratio League standings on Wednesdays. Top four teams in LL move up to FVL and the bottom four teams in FVL get relegated to LL.
Until Next Time!
I believe this is the year that Blake Bortles breaks out as a true star.
Good work!
Wyatt Millium was a great lineman for the Mountaineers. Here’s to DDDUUUUVVVAAALLLLL and Prison Girlfriend’s protection for the next 3-10 years.
Looking forward to the week 1 catfight against las panteras
Great preview, LJ. Although I disagree. Let me elaborate:
glad to see a straight bet finally, too many woke gay bets imo
We use that Jags fan gif a LOT. Can one of you with better sleuthing skills track him down for a DFO “Where Are They Now?” interview?
From Yahoo on my FVFFL draft. I’m soooo Dead this season
JD’s Chesterfield Dreams just pulled off a draft that would make even the most seasoned fantasy veterans jealous! Picking 13th in a 14-team league is no easy feat, but with an A+ draft grade and a projected record of 14-0-0, it looks like they’ve cracked the code to fantasy success. With a projected finish of 1st, they’re clearly not just playing for participation trophies this season. And with the 12th toughest schedule, it seems like the fantasy gods are smiling down on them, or at least giving them a break this time around.
While some might say that drafting Kaleb Johnson at 97 was a steal, others might raise an eyebrow at the choice of Jauan Jennings at 100. But hey, every draft has its quirks, right? With only two players on bye week 8, JD’s Chesterfield Dreams is set to roll out a strong lineup week after week. So, buckle up, fantasy fans! This team is primed for a season of glory, and we can’t wait to see how they strut their stuff. Here’s to hoping JD’s Chesterfield Dreams doesn’t get too comfortable at the top, or they might just start drafting with their eyes closed!
Also need to come up with a new team name
Fantasy gods? Jesuschrist, AI is so redundant.
Buckle up! Did you try sending the link to the league to that yahoo email they forced me to set up? It’s therealgumbygirl @ yahoo.com
Sent. Hopefully this works
It did not. It sends me to the new team and league yahoo picked for me when they forced me to give them this new email address. I called “customer service”, that was a fucking joke. Got some guy in Bangalore who kept putting me on hold, and then finally said my problem was “outside of his scope.” I don’t know what to do.
Needs more strutting rollercoasters.
As for the team name, I was going to use Jordon’s Apathetic Handjobs but decided Raccoon With A Meth Pipe deserved a couple of week trial run. Yours if you want it.
I’d hate to think she put all that lotion over that rubber cleaning glove for nothing.
So you’re sayin they have a chance?
Two chances at that!
Bravo.
In other matters, today in the shower something occurred to me. I’ll likely never be able to remember the pin to my new credit card, so against all advice, I will write that down. But I will always remember that every bar of Dove soap has a quarter cup of cleansing cream. A repetitive ad campaign does work people… at least on adolescents.
For whoever wants to join the Elimination/Suicide contest, it’s on ESPN and the group name is DFO Crack Suicide Squad.
I lost week 1 last year but back in the game!
Joined, thx
Thanks!
You see, the problem is Khaaaaaaaaan. As a fellow supporter of a Khaaaaaaan owned team I can tell you they ain’t give no fucks about winning. 0 to be exact. They want the notoriety of being in the club and are ONLY there to make money no matter the product on the field/pitch.
And Tony has a massive drug problem that Shad looks past.
Obligatory.
Long as he keep channeling the money to AEW I’m fine