Holy cats, just SO MANY good matchups today. Almost makes up for it being another stupid international break (in the footy). To the fixtures!
Roll Damn Tide (-2.5) at Mizzou (Noon, ABC)
Nobody knows if Mizzou is legit, but early on they look better despite losing their long-term QB and 2nd round pick Luther Burden. Unexpected, to say the least. We’ll see if they meet cold, hard reality today.
THEEEEE Ohio State (-14.5) at Illinois (Noon, Fox)
Is this the kind of physical, disciplined team that might cause them Tree Nutz some problems? Then again, Indiana beat them by about a hundred.
Indiana Fightin’ Brockys (+7.5) at Oregon (3:30, CBS)
Speaking of, America’s #1 FITBAW Skool takes its act on the road, to meet a daunting test. Likely the Game of the Week, should be plenty of offensing.
Steerfucker Shootout Derby (TX -1.5; 3:30, ABC)
Okies don’t have their QB, Texas does have theirs – and that’s a problem for each squadron. Classic SEC matchup. PPPPPPAAAAWWWWWLLLLLL
Cornfuckers (-6.5) at Maryland (3:30, BTN)
Two equally fraudulent, perennial “September only” squadrons. Yeah, I’mma take the home dog – giving almost a full tuddy???
Pirate Kansas (+11.5) at Tennessee (4:15, SECN)
He had two stints in Louisville, now he starts #2 in Fayetteville. The Yeehaws are in full voice, joping he gets the permanent gig. Win games like this, and he will indeed get it.
Also:
Indiana Fightin’ Brockys (+7.5) at Oregon (3:30, CBS)
My dad likes to joke he’s never known an IU fan before I came along
Oregon fans:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/0Cl120WQ3xo
It hath arriven, yea verily!
I had to pay $30 bucks to buy a windshield washer nozzle off eBay because Ford doesn’t make it anymore, but it’s totally worth it. You don’t know how much you miss your windshield washers until you don’t have them, especially if you live near an ocean.
On a related note, I use a deluxe windshield washer fluid that is made in Germany (and has California cancer warnings on it – the mark of quality) that is so good that when you squirt it on the outside of the glass and run the wipers it cleans the inside of the glass too. I had a bottle of it stored in the back of the Brickmobile-X2000 and in one year it actually dissolved through its own original packaging bottle.
SUDDEN Quackers CHANGE
Hippo worries that Texas done fixed their shit.
…OR maybe Oklahoma is as bad of Sam Houston?
I mean, I like your answer better!
DFO Request – yeah right consumes and reviews an entire order of Arby’s “steak nuggets.”
Mail em to me!
[(High) Blood Sugar Sex Magik plays softly in the background]
I’m all about advancing the culinary sciences but…
Arby’s?
I just saw the ad for the first time.
Alright. Let me get back from Spain then I’ll destroy my arteries.
Sweet. Yeah, you don’t want to have to have that shit on a plane.
It’ll be my first Arby’s visit since the year started with a 19.
When my kids were small, they’d beg sometimes. I’d usually just get a cherry turnover.
I remember potato cakes and horsey sauce and that’s about it.
If your almond matter has the opportunity to play ND and be announced by Princeton Red? I highly recommend that you NOT.
Wolfpackers are playing the Irish?
Yes. Still 7-7, but they have’t been paying good attention. It will be 3+ scores.
UCLA is the hottest 2-4 team in the nation right now.
“Werewolves dressed in tutu’s, orange slices sprinkled with meth, cheerleaders with +3 golf handicaps, the ghost of John Wooden tying his shoelaces, a music department playing John Cage’s 4’33” backwards, a seismology professor that has correctly predicted the exact day that most of California slides into the ocean-this Center of Higher Learning has everything!”
a show with everything but Yul Brenner!
https://bsky.app/profile/normcharlatan.bsky.social/post/3m2wtsi3jxc2v
Wifey has made an absolutely egregious culinary error. She left behind some deviled eggs made for a Thanksgiving get-together. Tonight in the bedroom, SHE RESTS IN A LIVING HELL!
/just one of the many Circles of Hell she endures in that room
Alabama just ran a wildcat with 360 lbs. lineman as quarterback. Jared Lorenzen is looking down from pie heaven and smiling right now.
UCLA’s sudden cromulence is confusing. But enjoyable!
@herodotus
You’re going to hate Travis Hamonic. His -3 in 12 minutes of playing time the other night is just a wee taste of just what a liability he is.
But he was good 10 years ago!
I mean, so was I.*
*please multiply by 2.5
Good Manitoba boy.
It’s canon that every Lane Kiffin team has a WTF??? loss every season.
Wazzu leads Johnny Reb 7-3 in Oxford, driving with 4 minutes left in the half.
The mention of Lane Kiffin for me is like “Come Sail Away” is for Cartman, but with this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TvJy2Ot48M
Ah, that knee wasn’t supposed to bend that way. Kind of hard to hold on to the ball when your MCL is being stretched to thrice its length.
You’d think they would have pulled all instances of the ad where Matt Leinart is talking about his favorite
stabbinglucky glove.Oh wait, thats the wrong QB
all Troi Boiz look alike
Gentlemen! I need your fantasy football hunches this week. Players who are more than likely on waivers that you suspect, however slightly, might have that one outlier explosion week. I played Barkley Thursday night and got shot in the nuts by Skattebo, then took a rock salt load in the back from Goedert to chase me into the woods to bleed out and die. But I did not die. I have returned with vengeance in my heart. But I need a weapon to exact my revenge. I beseech the clubhouse, help give me a run for my money this weekend, because going into Sunday afternoon down 50 sucks.
Sterling Shepard or Kyle Pitts
Xavier Legette playing vs the Cowboys who have given up more points to the position than any other team.
Seconded. Any offensive player going against the Cowboys D is probably a viable option.
Ryan Flournoy went off as the Dallas WR#2 last week.
Thank you, everyone!
What is Reestablishing Yourself On the Field of Play for a Catch, JV Edition!
Alright, the Adventures of Momshirt and Son of Dadshirt is over. You may begin Saturday Football Festivities now.
competitive portion of THEEEEE fixture is over, though. Maybe a nap?
I’ve learned never to sleep on Illinois. In 2007, the game was tied at 14 in halftime, I muted the TV for a quick nap and woke up with Illinois up two scores with Ohio Stadium in shock, and before you know it, they’re running off with Illibuck while throwing our perfect record into the Olentangy River on their way out.
Which one of your submarines gets the screen door replaced?
GREAT fookin idea – The Gang does an It’s Always Sunny crossover episode with…the Manning-cast of an Iggles fixture. WHO SAYS NO???
I presume all those folks have a pretty strong improv background so that could definitely work. The important thing is to prevent Eli and Peyton from playing along; they would work much better as straight men.
Got up early and [takes deep breath] washed the car, went to the grocery store, got an oil change then went to the doctor for a flu shot.
Time to start cooking and almost time to start packing.
What you got, Saturday?!?
That reminds me, I need to schedule an oil check with my doctor too.
I’ve gotta see if my vehicle is fully vaccinated.
I’m actually serious; I’m getting to the age where butt stuff has become a medical thing and not a fun thing.
I do the blood test thingy yearly and get a colonoscopy every five years.
It can be both things. Nothing wrong incorporating a doctor/nurse fetish.
“You’ve been a naughty boy! Someone needs…” (snaps whip) “…an enema.”
judges Redshirt in WASP
Wish the wife and kids would get the hell outta my house so I can begin drinking proper.
Football talkin guys: These Ohio staters have the two best players in football, one on offense one on defense.
Me, an enlightened individual: So one of them will win the Heisman Trophy, given to the best player in college football, right?
Football talkin guys: Oh my no, of course not.
I pity the Buckeye freshman running back by the unfortunate name of…Bo Jackson.
But it’s short for Boseph, so its fine.
Does he know?
Back-to-back nattys in the Entropy Era of JV NFL would be mighty damned impressive. And it sure looks plausible to me.
Oh, SNAP
Okay, didn’t fall.
Pretty soon I’ll be adding this to the list of things I’m getting too old to do, like helping people move.
Shit, I am too old now to help MY KIDS move. When I helped oldest HippoSpawn take her stuff to London, Ontario…I told all of them that Dad had performed the last Festivus Feats of Strength. They can bribe a friend, and ask me to contribute. And they all have plenty of platonic male friends.
Or as the late Charlie Kirk privately referred to them, “beta cucks”.
You wouldn’t want Charlie helping ya move for sure, what with all that arterial spew going on…
Whelp, I am hungover as fuck, but the M’s won, so all is good.
Time to have some espresso and a bong hit or three…
I feel like Lenny, waiting for the sunbeam to creak into “drinking time”
I’m about to climb on my roof to install a chimney cap.
Stupid birds got in last year, not sure how since birds aren’t even real. smgdh
I hate going on the roof. I always make a point of staying hyper-focused the entire time I’m up there (usually to clean the solar panels) so it’s always an exhausting endeavor.
Also, stupid birds need the most attention.
That’s why my parents always yelled at me when I’d go on the roof or a ladder when they are not home. So, I would be distracted by them constantly going “UH!” “OH!” “BE CAREFUL!” “DON’T STRETCH TOO FAR!” “YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION!”
How often do I need to clean solar panels?
I’m not really sure. We used to pay someone to do it every other year or so. Now that he’s moved on (or died or whatever, I don’t know, I am not my brother’s keeper) I’ve done it maybe twice in the last five years. One of those times was motivated by wanting to clear out ash from the firepocalypse. It does seem to make a mild difference in terms of how much we produce. I probably should have done it midway through this summer but it’s hot as fuck up there and it’s a pain to go up – I have to borrow a ladder and go out through one of the windows in the master bedroom, and then haul all my supplies up via rope.
Oh, right, I’m woke. I meant to say “primary bedroom”.
I think we say “socio-economically privelaged” bedroom now
Because I am a terrible person, I sang a version of this when my oldest was at her most demanding babyhood (Day’s never finished, Emma’s got me workin’ – someday Emma turn 18)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzKeHGbsXtU
Roof Adventure Story: Wife and I once had a house with a low-sloping roof. During heavy snowfall winters I’d have to get up there a few times to shovel it off. Did I fall off that roof twice? Yes I did. (there was ice under the snow so you had to be careful)
/it was only about nine feet to the ground, less with all the snow piled
//it was fun shoveling all the snow again because we had front and rear walkways/entrances
“Ohio State on one channel, JV Cincinnati on the other. This 12:00 window is going to be awesome!”
(phone rings)
“Hello? Of course, Mom. I have no problem driving you to Lowe’s to pick out a screen door.”
(solemnly closes 12:00 window)
We’re experiencing Big Rain. The boy is on fall break* so taking the fam and dog to Kartchner Caverns today. Gonna glamp there then do Tombstone tomorrow. I’m trying to plant the seed we use oir old timey western photo for Xmas cards. Then I don’t know a night in Tucson (that place sucks) and home on Monday.
*I swear – they came back to school, did evaluations, had parent conferences and them went on break. This school is never in session.
Great job sneaking an ad for Congressional Elementary
Going spelunking while it’s raining? What could possib-lie go wrong?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tham_Luang_cave_rescue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-a3aZ_XDoU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXw6DkoT5dE
Duke WCS’ birthday (party) requires good music.
Elisha has your back:
https://doorfliesopen.com/2019/05/23/dfo-radio-elis-slumber-party-mixtape-volume-1-kid-stuff/
Blink twice if you’re stuck at Chuck E. Cheese.
We’ll send a team.
Could be worse. Lemme see if I can pull the picture:
Morning… St. Augustine of Hippo said “He who sings prays twice.” YEP
https://youtu.be/xEHHKxaX_6Y?si=ecZT5rN4fBs-wEWo
Their new stuff really is quite bangin!
Manic, shouty, stupid-smart, and stylish. The Best (imho).
Another week, another gem from A.G…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AkFcS5e1Zo
& that’s a mighty shapely shoulder that guitar is hanging on…