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Word Count Filler Time
In honor of some missing apes around here, let’s talk about apes escaping.
San Diego Zoo: Ken Allen
Ken was an orangutan. As a child he learned how to unscrew light bulbs and dismantle his own crib. By adulthood he became adept at breaking himself and other orangutans out of their cages and going on tours of the zoon by themselves. After doing so 9 times, the zookeepers finally figured out that Ken had made hand and foot holds in the rock wall of his pen. Once those were smoothed over, Ken’s days of exploration were over.
Pittsburgh Zoo: Gorilla
This special primate escaped by jumping over eight feet to a bamboo stalk, climbed it like a rope to the top of a 16 foot wall to escape. They she treated herself with junk food from a concession stand. She was finally returned to her pen by luring her with Hershey’s Kisses to be in range of a tranquilizer dart. The bamboo stalk was subsequently removed.
I’ll leave the rest for next week. I’m on vacation and have a lot of freezer vodka to drink.
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Sexy Time

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Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

Manassas Battlefield, Virginia
https://ibb.co/Mx3Nhd6f
Somehow, things got crazier… I swear to whatever deity yinz pray to I just listened to a riot for 25 minutes.
That was absolutely insane… gonna need a therapist after that.
The caller was the only good thing about that 30-minute insanity. He was brilliant, considering the circumstances happening outside.
I’d hang on to that thought the rest of your shift. Don’t think about the craziness because that doesn’t take anyone anywhere good.
Do they provide any sort of counseling as a benefit? Seems like they should
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hamKl-su8PE&list=RDhamKl-su8PE&start_radio=1&pp=ygUea2Fpc2VyIGNoaWVmcyBpIHByZWRpY3QgYSByaW90oAcB0gcJCU8KAYcqIYzv
I’m drunk on sangria.
Living the life!
I’m getting there, just beer, but IPAish stuff.
That’s some immigrant shit.
/calls ICE
I’m here!
/ runs to desk
// trips over shoelaces
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LpOkj1z5Zs
Did someone mention Music Wars?
E
Dude
Kim Novak and her cat Pyewhacket just cast a spell on James Stewart. I love this movie!
Bell, Book and Candle!
My cat, Shadow played Pyewacket in a local theatrical light opera performance.
He was the most badass awesome cat ever.
He “Mee ow”-ed flawlessly on cue.
After the last performance he ran away.
Headed for the bright lights of Broadway!
I found him about 2 weeks later in a vacant house nearby. He had lost half his weight but he came home and was fine.
We made the local paper.
Just experienced a first: caller saying he has homicidal — not suicidal — thoughts, but thankfully was self-aware and calm enough to call the local mental crisis hotline for help. The crisis line transferred him to me to get police and EMTs started.
I’m a *not* a crisis negotiator, but, again, thankfully, the crisis line operator is, and stayed on with me to keep the caller calm and focused. Responders just arrived, and no one is hurt.
Whew.
You are a fucking hero to deal with that.
No, not really. That’s the woman psychiatrist who actually knows what the hell she’s doing. Those people are definition of “hero.”
All the credit in the multiverse to them, any and everywhere.
Don’t sell yourself short, you’re
a tremendous sloucha good man and we’re lucky you’re around.Good for you and him. It takes a brave person to admit that something isn’t right with them and reach out for help.
If karma exists, you should come back as a rich, popular celebrity.
Dear Lord, I hope you’re wrong.
Hope he gets effective help. My parents’ neighbor had two kids and her son was diagnosed with I think schizophrenia. He was off his meds and there may have been other drugs in play, but he ended up murdering his sister when she met with him and was trying to get him into treatment. He’s clearly not criminally responsible, but still absolutely shattered his mother to essentially lose both kids like that. She died a couple years later and the bank hasn’t done anything with her house since. Really sad story and glad yours was a much happier one.
Shit. Sorry. On a much much lighter note, I went to school with a kid named Scott Safranek and his nickname was Skit. He was a bit of a math prodigy but also kind of an asshole and last I heard he became a coke dealer and also maybe played some poker? I think I might google
Hah! The poker is on his Linkedin and now he’s unemployed but did a bunch of DS crap in the meantime. And he worked for the DNC!
Well that really brightened up the story.
Can’t even.
What’s everyone up to?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Zc4S1shXas&t=24s
Not much other litre.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oqAU5VxFWs
Ghost of TWBS Can I play?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHzOOQfhPFg
Oh goddamn you!
To retell not much of a story, the guitarist (Tom Dumont) is a high school friend; well, ok I knew him. Nice guy. Happy for his success. Was a metalhead back in the day.
I think everyone is gone.
No music wars tonight…
I’m back and kinda buzzed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Hd3uWKFKY
relaxed boozing after getting my team relaxed into a holiday state after last 6 months. then prepping for trip to NYC to see my brothers and nieces over xmas eve to new years eve.
I’m home.
Long fucking week.
Still working and commuting and counting days.
Shit’s really good right now.
Working on getting Youngest right and littlest right here for some days in February.
My most favorite niece and her husband who I love both deeply are coming out to LA and there may be Disneyland.
We’re locking down flights and rooms and holy shit this will be fun.
Friday!
Cheers! My brother!
Dude
This is probably the only time you’ll ever hear me say “the Mariah Carey version is soooo much better…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RWfSUWVP2I
P.S. DOUBLE SHOT!
Dude!
Wrapping presents stoned and half tipsy is an adventure.
Well, for a school that didn’t deserve to be there, they performed good enough to win. What does that translate to in Catholic finger-waving and bitchiness?
PRAISE SHANKLOR
(what happens when the kick is short?)
IT WAS COLD! IT WAS IN THE POOL!!
Deanna Favre quietly laughs?
THIS KICK I CALL IT LOWRATIO…
Oh my goodness…
And that’s all she wrote
– someone referring to Lea Michelle’s autobiography, which consists of a single page containing the text “ak@7a:b9q4÷” in extremely large font
Oh my God, hilarious!
Nailed It!
– B. Walsh
….that last angle looked like it went in.
Hahahahahaha fuck you Sooners!
HAIL SHA’NKLOR
My only regret is that ESPN didn’t have a broadcast of this game that’s a Notre Dame Viewing Party with the players and fans.
https://youtu.be/kpx6MtIEzLQ?t=169
Why the Hell is #71 doing the Crane Kick pose? He didn’t score the TD. He didn’t even score the key block. If I’m a referee, I’m throwing the flag on principle alone.
So the Quebec gin I got from Litre is fucking delicious mixed with a touch of the Fever Tree sparkling pink grapefruit.
Ungava! From way north!
I’m gonna be in arctic Canadia late September, I’m absurdly excited to visit Nunavut because of an old poker joke and also because it seems pretty neat in its own right
Where are you going? I have been to Rankin Inlet, and Iqaluit.
I was actually supposed to visit St Johns and St Pierre and Miquelon in 2020, have a cancelled flight voucher that’s theoretically still good
Dammit, itinerary didn’t attach! Let’s try again
That does sound good. I would have two of those, and start terrorizing the neighborhood with my un-amplified, yet shockingly loud karaoke.
What’s your song?
Feels like a woman? – S. Twain
I have been known to belt Loretta Lynn’s Fist City, under the influence of strong drink.
Not really a great karaoke song, but I think you would appreciate this video
https://youtu.be/_MOavH-Eivw
Could be anything!
RIP
The Whalers would never have made the playoffs without them. Okay, not *never* but definitely less often.
Nawt sure if small earthquake, neighbors jumping around, or drunk with mild indigestion
Small earthquake!
What in the steer fucking rodeo are the Sooners doing?
Choking?
Just tuned in. Has it been a good game?
Depends on your definition of good
Entertaining for a neutral?
Sure
I’m not entirely convinced either team wants to win this game.
I just realized that whoever wins this game, plays Indiana, which means I have to root for the team that cracked my team’s Buckeyes in the not fun-time way.
Oh, why did I choose the non-alcoholic Egg Nog at the store?!
So, I’m sure you know this already, but you can totally add alcohol to non_alcoholic eggnog. I would suggest bourbon.
I’ve enjoyed brandy.
In eggnog, not as a hooker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5Ww2NTPlWE
Bama derping their way to win. That does make me laugh in the general direction of South Bend, IN.
I don’t usually look at the lady pics, but I did tonight and I’m not convinced #4 isn’t a man and #5 certainly has ankle problems. That doesn’t say “melting with pleasure” so much as it says “ow, fuck, hold on a second I just sprained my ankle trying to look sexy and if we’re gonna keep going we gotta switch positions”
Thank you for your sacrifice. And I think you’re right about #4
I’m not a big fan of the clit piercing and the barbells, assuming that’s what that is. If it’s not, I don’t want to know what it is
No glass in the ass
No metal in the petal
No china in the vagina
Safety first!
It’s definitely a barbell piercing of some sort, what’s throwing me is the shape and definition of the mons pubis
Yup. Gotta think that’s AI slop. Otherwise, highly sus, as the kids say
Maybe some, er um, modded, frame up restoration with #4, and I’m not certain what #5 is thinking. There’s a fine line between sexy and deformed and she’s spraining the line.
Surveys have shown that most men still can’t find it.
No, the Stair 1 Roof Access is real. You is a myth, though.
Stair 2 never gets enough love …
Its too close to the Emergency Exit. When people enter through Stair 2, its only a matter of time before they look the Emergency Exit’s direction.
Also probably explains why Australian football players are hot, they know to go for the goal square
Looks imaginary.
-DJ Khaleed
Then they need to pull over and ask for directions
Thanks Ayo, it’s lady number 6 today. Got a thing about tan lines.
What the hell happened to that defender’s controller? Its like he got the Vaudeville Hook.
Interesting contest thus far..
I was told Alabama “didn’t belong” in the playoffs
Tell ND there’s some alter boys dressed scantily in their Advent garb in the back vestibule. That will keep them occupied for a while.
I think that’s legal now per Supreme Court ruling in the case of Trump v Common Decency.
Redshirt, I ended up taking Chase Burns 3rd overall (in my sim league rookie draft – I was hoping Roman Anthony would fall to me, but alas), so apologies for when his arm falls off in ST.
Redshirt: “I have one iota of hope.”
Hippo:
…that was supposed to be the Jordan “and I took that personally” meme. I also blame this on you, Hippo.
tuff butt FARE
PPPPAAAAAAWWWWWLLLLLLL!!!!!
Evening
But…but the SEC?! It means more to them, consarn it!
pissing off Notre Dame is its own reward
What in the cousin-fucking family reunion is going on with Bama, PAWWwwwllllll?
I thought it meant more in the ESS EEE CEE?
Hah, suck it vegans!
https://neurosciencenews.com/dairy-consumption-dementia-30060/
That’s great because I fucking LOVE cheese!
y’all are HISTORY’S WORST MONSTERS smgdh
/I really am close to a full vegan now. Except that I eat meat (though even that, not every day).
I might go vegetarian someday, but that pic will ensure I never go vegan.
No Birds?
Go birds, away from my palate.
I dunno. It’ll probably happen in phases. Red meat first.
Whew, I’m safe!
If I knew who you were and who I was and who shit my pants, I’d give you a piece of my mind!
-Mike Holmgren wants to know your location
Oh the Oklahoma crowd is FIRED UP!
oopsie doodle, that looks like Insurmountable Lead
Alabama or Oklahoma? Go Meteor!
Roll Damn Tide
Roll Tide Pods!
(am I doing this right??)
As much as I hate agreeing with Bastard Man? Ah agree with Bastard Man.
Bad time to agree. Got ya!
These are all butt-tastic!!
Thank you!!
.
Yeah, the lowest level of the tree is wider than the flared base. Unsafe!
9 out of 10 doctors agree: no glass in the ass
Actually…
I could be wrong, but I’m guessing those trees are nawt solid glass
I woulda said asstastic, but upon reflection, they’re both right.