Sexy Friday – 20260515

TGIF! No ice sports tonight, so it’s all hardwood entertainment for your sports viewing. I’ll be watching something else. Or napping. Also, just found out I’m an onychophagiac! Neat.

Word Count Filler Time

Oh here’s a fun one: Stagecoaches! First, a visual!

Of course movies have made stagecoaches a popular thing. However, the truth is they absolutely sucked all the shit. These things were slow. They had zero suspension systems and did not travel on paved roads. There were no windows, no air conditioning, nothing. By the time you were done with a long journey your back was fucked, your outfit was ruined, and your lungs were filled with dust. Since the ride was so rough, Wells Fargo (yes, the bank that used stagecoaches to transport actual money) had some rules for riding their stagecoaches. Hope the fare was cheap because these rules are ridiculous.

1. Liquor
   Not allowed. Well, if you must, you should share it with your fellow riders.
2. Ladies (1)
   If a lady is aboard you must abstain from smoking cigars and cigarettes. Good forbid their delicate lungs could possibly handle second hand smoke plus the dust. Chewing tobacco is fine but you must spit out the side with the wind.
3. Language
   No cursing in front of ladies or children, bless their innocent hearts.
4. Robes
   In cold weather, Wells Fargo would provide riders with Buffalo Robes. However, under no circumstances, were Hogging Robes permitted. If a Hogging Robe was all you had, you’d have to sit with the driver at the front of the stagecoach.
5. Sleeping
   If you wanted to sleep, you best not be snoring. Also, much like today’s norms, you can’t use your fellow passengers’ shoulders as a pillow.
6. Guns
   2d amendment means of course you can carry along a firearm of any sort during travel. However, that firearm should never be used for pleasure or to shoot wild animals. The problem, of course, is that the discharge of firearm scared the horses pulling the stagecoach.
7. Chaos
   Right, back to the horses. Sometimes, for absolutely no sane reason, horses get spooked. Even ones tethered to a stagecoach. When that happens, the stagecoach suddenly surges forward in some odd direction and with a ton of speed. The rule was that riders were supposed to remain calm and stay inside the stagecoach. After all, jumping out would welcome gruesome injuries, subject to the weather, vulnerable to the hostile local Native Americans, and of course any starving wildlife.
8. Chatting
   Just like our modern times there were topics of discussion that were verboten. These were centered around the main anixities of stagecoach travel. So no talking about the latest stagecoach robbery or Native American uprising and killing spree.
9. Chivalry
   This was a good rule actually. If any man was less than a gentleman to a passenger lady, they were ejected and left to walk back home. I assume such assholes were given a warning first, but that seems way too nice.

Woah, way over the word count. Let’s move on.

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Sexy Time

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!