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Your “My Life’s A Bargain Basement” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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So, today was spent cleaning. Guess my mood.

  

That’s putting it mildly. Luckily, I had some help.

Tonight’s sports:

  • Baseball:
    • MLB: TBA – 8:00PM | FOX
    • College World Series:Game 2: Florida State vs. LSU – 8:00PM | ESPN
  • Futbol:
    • MLS:
      • Toronto FC vs. DC United – 8:00PM | TSN
      • Whitecaps FC vs. FC Dallas – 10:00PM | TSN
  • Auto Racing:
    • 24 Hours of Le Mans – 1:00AM | FS1
  • Australian Rules Football:
    • Western Bulldogs vs. Melbourne – 2:00AM | TSN2

Ooh boy, what will tomorrow bring? I HOPE IN-LAW VISITS!

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Unsurprised

I’m not even going to pretend that the safe-sized gif is worth posting, but this is some fine dancing from last night at EDC. https://gfycat.com/BriefBrightIcefish

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Wakezilla

THESE WESTERN BULLDOGS, I CALL THE DFO AFL TEAM BECAUSE MOST OF THEM LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE NEVER PLAYED AUSSIE RULES FOOTBALL BEFORE.

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Wakezilla

50 point lead?

THESE MELBOURNE DEMONS, I CALL MICHAEL VICK BECAUSE WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO THE BULLDOGS IS ANIMAL CRUELTY

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Wakezilla

Stupid halftime cooling off the tempers. Western is back to looking disinterested and impotent

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Unsurprised

These teams need more Hulks

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Wakezilla

This AFL match has gotten interesting over the past 7 minutes. Bulldogs essentially said ‘fuck it’ and started taking cheap shots at Melbourne players. Now, both teams are more worried about giving their opponent cheap shots/punches and the Bulldogs finished the half on a roll.

I’m not say the Bulldogs are coming back, but, I do love the late hits, punches and accidental cleatings happening.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, I am LMFAO’ing right now….

OK, first, open this in new tab…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnTZa4FY_7I

Then scroll down here to the german shepherd gif playing piano i linked below.

It’s perfectly timed and is funny as fuck.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/might be high

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Unsurprised

Might?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I have to allow for some legal wiggle room until I relocate to a more “stoner friendly” jurisdiction.

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Unsurprised

The law can’t touch you online.

I’m a lawyer.

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Unsurprised

It syncs.

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Unsurprised

It’s a shame the best we can do is the link below showing the gif and video side by side. I’d just repeat the gif over the song for the full length of it were Youtube not manipulated by cunt lawyers from the RIAA and ASCAP into cutting the balls off of anything fun.

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Unsurprised

I had the idea again today during the game when someone else asked why football is so much more popular over soccer (besides soccer being invented by the English, which automatically made Americans hate it) really is the fact that it’s lawyerball. This country’s identity is based upon a set of legalist ideas that no other country can match – at least not to the same extent in scope, breadth, and duration. It doesn’t compute how a game invented by a bunch of Ivy League dicks who decided that rugby wasn’t complicated enough should ever become popular by anyone, let alone the majority of people in this country, if not for some overarching compulsion to master the most obtuse, arcane set of bullshit rules just to play a game, win an argument, or just deal with other human beings. This is the only country that made treaties with the people it colonized, only to use those documents to trick, steal, or otherwise marginalize those people. Everyone else in the history of humanity previous just said “Fuck it, we’re going to kill you all.”

Anyway, our national pasttime is lawyerball and it’s fucking stupid because so are we.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Seems Legit.

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Unsurprised

I am very smart, you see.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I already knew that.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Beerguyrob

The AFL match is not very competitive.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

Yep. I definitely prefer the Russian version of Natalie Dormer.
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Unsurprised

Wow. I finally figured out how to completely stop giving a fuck about Twitter: get an account.

Anyway, the game was fun even if the Thorns lost. Food was eaten. Non-alcoholic beverages were consumed. It was nice. And now I’m home, alone, and wondering why I ever come back home.

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Unsurprised

I need to get in the concession business. $5+ for a fucking 20oz. soda.

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Unsurprised

Yoooo

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Brick Meathook

“Our Wedding Day – 1943”
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Romonobyl

Wright Cyclone. Sounds like 200 old Harley Davidsons idling.

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Romonobyl

Then some dude up and ruins it.

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Mr. Ayo

Did it recover?

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Unsurprised

What’s painted on the other side of that van?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoever is still around, get your derrieres (that’s for you Canuckian sorts) to POKER!!!!
http://www.casinodaniabeach.com/images/poker_room/poker_tournaments/p_tournament1.jpg

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Senor Weaselo

So in today’s post-opera schmoozing it’s just become sex things. Obviously I’m mostly silent.

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Beerguyrob

Tell them you have a friend who is trying to work a blowjob into Father’s Day, and how could he convince his other half to grant him that wish.

Conversation helper and DFO helper in one!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Possibly wrong age demographic…

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Senor Weaselo

I may have been useless on that front but at least I know what a Russian Candy Cane is now?

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Romonobyl

I’ll take all the help I can get!

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Romonobyl

So I’m trying to convince a certain Mrs. somebody that there’s an ancient American tradition known as the Father’s Day blowjob.
Little help here?

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Brick Meathook

Who are you going to blow?

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Romonobyl

With my back?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Theme of today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbNlMtqrYS0

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Live fast, die young, why question the definition of your existence?”

-At the doughnut shop

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dallas, TX; c.1946

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And every couple combination of those pictured has happened already.

*Except Bullit; he’s fast and wary.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

God damn it! That was even funnier with a fucking poodle.

Too bad that’s impossible to banner.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

P.S.; what did you search?

“Bullit gets some amateur gif animated”?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

dog humps person funny gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah,,,,,, better NOT being too specific.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s cat people.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Good to see HRTN is finally getting animated.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl

Weight and balance is important, ppl forget that.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Time for coffee! The sun is rising and only 9.5 hours until the checkered flag at Le Mans!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z19T5k95CH8

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Le Mans? I would like to know more about this sporting event…”

– Aaron Rodgers

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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litre_cola

Shouldnt that quote be attributed to Buddy Cole?

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Redshirt

Aw. Its not the same driver that’s driving the complete 24 hour race? That’s disappointing.

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Mr. Ayo

The race would be over with all dead at this point.

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Unsurprised

That would be worth watching.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

This is the first season I’m watching Doctor Who, and I can see why people like Peter Capaldi. He shows the perfect mixture of compassion, rage, sarcasm and contempt. You can’t help but like him.

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Shogun Marcus

Yes. And this is the last one with him. Because of course it is.

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Redshirt

The Reds add another statue in front of Great American Ball Park to honor an icon of the franchise, city and sport. And 1/2 mile west at the Bengals Stadium, Mike Brown is considering replacing all the grass outside the stadium with AstroTurf to save money on Landscaping.

http://ww2.hdnux.com/photos/62/00/51/13109857/3/920×920.jpg

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry, but Pete’s hair NEVAR looked that good. Like never. Ever, ever.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I don’t know. Its pretty close, but its too close cropped.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Turrible sound on that….sooooorrryy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Mike Brown comes off to me as the kind of guy who would kill a first year cheerleader after she spurred his sexual advances.

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Redshirt

Actually the sad thing is he’s actually a nice charitable guy and a great businessman. Its just that he absolutely sucks as a GM and won’t give the job to his daughter because he wants to win a Super Bowl so he father’s ghost will love him or something.

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Unsurprised

I’m okay with this. Stadiums are already wastes of money and we’re going to run out of water within 50 years anyway.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Well, Roman Polanski proposed it, Ben Roethlisberger validated it, and Bill Cosby confirmed it.

Famous people are allowed to get you drunk and sexually assault you, I guess.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think President Trump confirmed you don’t have to be drunk, just famous.

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Doktor Zymm

If famous movies are anything to go by, sexual assault is pretty much always allowed

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I don’t feel like the public reaction to those scenes in Unfaithful and A History of Violence really advanced the ball.

/has not seen either movie.

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Redshirt

You should watch “40 Days and 40 Nights”. A guy is essential raped and it is assumed that he cheated on his girlfriend. If they did that story with a girl, heads would literally roll.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have seen 40 days and 40 nights. Remember when Shannon Sossymon used to be a thing? I do! She was the first celebrity I saw when I moved to L.A.!

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Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

Anyone can do this! Every Christmas season we sing Baby It’s Cold Outside!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Giants fan wins, courtesy of the Houston fan pulling an Earnest Byner in the final round.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Went out to the biergarten to get some schnitzel and a beer. The woman next to me ordered a margarita and her friend ordered a vodka soda and a bulleit rye back. Impressive, but then why a biergarten?

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litre_cola

to pick up men.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Judging by how they’re drooling over the bartender, I think you’re on to something

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litre_cola

As a bartender, you can always tell people intentions within about 2 drinks if they are sitting at the wood.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I miss having that occasion revelation of “oh, hey, I’m getting laid tonight!”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jets fan finishes in third? It’s just like the AFC East!

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litre_cola

No sports is no fun. Can’t go out, gotta look after the little one. 1 AFL game in the middle of the night and that’s all. Hate this time of year unless I am on a patio drinking. I am not.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No sports and no drinking on the patio make litre_cola something something.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Houston fan is talking about wanting to impress the folks back home. In particular his friends Bing Bong and Hobbes.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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blaxabbath

When does campaigning for midterms start?

And, not because I see it as likely but given the DNC’s luck, I could see a lot of the vulnerable GOP legislators simply being primaried by Republicans who just promise to impeach Trump? and then their districts stay GOP.

As a result, Pence takes over with a high-approval GOP Congress ready to trade in some political capital on tax cuts.

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...

I highly doubt there will be many GOP primary challenges of that variety.

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blaxabbath

I know. But the DNC is going to manage to blow this; I’m trying to not be surprised when it happens.

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...

I’ll love it when they target only GOP seats in districts Hillary won but come up one or two seats short of a majority when their centrist candidates can’t win anywhere else. I’m already excited to see them celebrate picking off Arizona while losing no fewer than three states in middle America.

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blaxabbath

One seat AZ seat is Kyrsten (sp?) Sinema who is about as unreliable a progressive as one can be but, since she’s a lesbian, no one in the Democratic Party will call her out. Besides, they’re just happy to have a blue speck on the map in Maricopa County, regardless of how glad the GOP is that Sinema is what passes as the left these days.

I feel like the Dems SHOULD pick up three seats in the House from AZ — but it seems just as likely that they screw that up by running Sinema against Flake who — despite what you see on TV, is not vulnerable unless that tan turns to black and he joins a mosque — (fun fact: Sinema has never been a part of a majority party in a legislature. She’s made a career of going, “Well, you know, it doesn’t matter what I say anyways so I’m taking off at 4:45p.”) then lose that seat plus one of the three they should gain, resulting in just a +1 for 2018

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Oh, no. That means I get to look forward to commercials saying “I love Trump more”.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders fan goes home first. Judges better hope their car insurance covers slashed tires.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

— Alameda County Courthouse Reporter

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve decided my travel goal for next year is to view/hold as many baby animals as possible. Sloth, panda and sea turtles are all on the list.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fourways Lion Park outside of Johannesburg. You can play with lion cubs there. I got to see baby hyenas too but didn’t get to touch them (no regrets on that, either).

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Doktor Zymm

Awesome. That’s going on the list.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They were in the news not too long ago cause someone who worked on Game of Thrones got killed by a lion there. But it was cause she had her car window down in an area where they make it very clear to NOT HAVE YOUR FUCKING CAR WINDOW DOWN so take from that what you will.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s also a place on the coast called Monkeyland which is kind of like a monkey strip club – they can touch you but you’re not allowed to touch them.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I would NOT want to see that VIP room.

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Unsurprised

Very popular with ze Germans

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

But what if you too really well?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So we’re watching an episode of Chopped where the chefs are football fans. One Giants, one Jets (who “hates losing”) one Raiders, and one guy from Houston so I guess they are including college teams too.

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Doktor Zymm

Wouldn’t the Houston guy be a Cowboys fan?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, but he was wearing red in his promos, so I assumed University of Houston. Maybe Texas Tech?

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WCS

Houston is a big A&M town. Has to be them.

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