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Your Sunday Night Football Finale

scotchnaut

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,

Woof! So many delightful games! (I wrote this around noon-I have no idea) Here’s a preview of another NFC Championship Game. I can hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth from Cowboys fans near and far. And yes, they have a point. We’ll see how things shake out over the course of the season. TO THE GAME!

Packers/Falcons: Green Bay corners House, Rollins and Randall will draw straws to see who gets the honour of covering the most physically dominant wr in the game today (RIP Megatron) Hey, didn’t you think that Calvin Johnson was going to ‘retire’ the one year and come back? I’d have lost the house on that one I was so sure. Where are we? The Pack also has something called a “Nitro” package whereby they throw 6 db’s on to the field at one time-I’m curious to see that. Rodgers has done his part the last two games vs. Atlanta-he’s got a 7-1 TD/Int ratio and over 100 yards rushing. Between the ankle problem and coming down with the flu, the player whose name makes me giggle like a four year-old-Bryan Bulaga-may not suit up tonight. Look, I know in my heart of hearts he’s not a Beluga whale but some small part of me thinks that. When they start ascribing human characteristics to the guy I just lose it. Man, I’ve really lost the thread here.

Okay. Worst. Game. Preview. Ever. In my defense, I’m more alcohol than man at this point. Enjoy the festivities and comment like the unrepentant bastards that I know you are.

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Unsurprised

Beep Beep, dudes!

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Unsurprised

I came to expect more from Rick & Morty. Oh well, it was still interesting.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I thought buying a ticket on StubHub for a game at StubHub Center was inter-dimensional, but today I bought a ticket from a scalper in front of StubHub Center. That’s like the unified field theory of ticket buying.

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WCS

GREGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG pencils this in the NOTEBOOK

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Where’d you get 2,640-1, Al? And did you have any action on it?

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WCS

That’s just his BAC.

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, time to go get high and watch TV with the cat.

None of which is a euphemism.

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Unsurprised

Does the cat get high?

Would it really make a difference?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERm_WNxGs1U

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WCS

FIF

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Probably would make a difference to the cat.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

“And now, Matt Ryan can milk it for all it’s worth.”

Aaron Rodgers: *sigh*

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Gratliff

Just in time to switch to Rick & Morty

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King Hippo

I can’t watch that tired. I waits for Monday.

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Doktor Zymm

I don’t particularly feel the need to watch the rest of this game. Good night all!

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Unsurprised

Later.

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King Hippo

problem w/ GB doing a Sherman’s March is they can’t force a stop

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Sharkbait

SVU is still a thing?

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Unsurprised

Hollywood Americans loves rape.

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King Hippo

Ha! Aaron HAS TO throw to Adams now.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

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Gratliff

I actually know a bunch of people that went to UCF. They’re all crazy.

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...

Same.

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Unsurprised

Same.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Stop, he’s already dead.

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Senor Weaselo

“I don’t know, I think the dead guy won the fight.” -The Canelo-GGG judge

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The Donger Need Food.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

A refreshing change of pace from the folks at Westboro

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Col. Duke LaCross

“Trent Green got hurt?!”

~Trent Green

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Aw yeah. Sean Spicer out there getting his comeuppance.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BARTENDER NEEDS TO CUT HER OFF.

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Gratliff

Celebrities are lining up for pictures with the miserable little fuck. This is our reality. I want to hate fuck his eye socket with the eye still in it.

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Doktor Zymm

Are we sure they know it’s actually him, and not the SNL version of him?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ha! Nice.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s why I was attempting to make a joke.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

“Wait ’til they get a load of me. Which they will, when I shove my butt in their face while they’re in bed.”

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trollsoharduniversity

Rams vs 49ers in prime time is like punching your girlfriend just to see if she’ll come back.

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Senor Weaselo

I thought that would be Ravens-Bengals.

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King Hippo

“And the answer is YES” – Multiple locker room/front office voices

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theeWeeBabySeamus

No, Ravens-Bengals is punching and hoping she doesn’t come back BUT ALSO THAT BITCH BETTER NOT TALK GODDAMMIT SECURITY VIDEO????

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THE GAME WILL STAB YOU IN YOUR SLEEP?

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ballsofsteelandfury

The suicide hotline will be extra busy this Thursday night.

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blaxabbath

I’ve been on my mobile since thurs night. Don’t entirely know how my fantasy roster is set — but know I had a couple guys have monster/disaster games — or how the points sit but I know I have an opponent who I know NOTHING ABOUT.

It’s s crazy feeling to know you have no control over this, the outcome is ultimately unimportant but still you’re both excited and calmly accepting of what the results will be when this is all revealed in its own due time.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This right here is the meaning of life.

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Dunstan

Interestingly, that is also Norv Turner’s coaching philosophy

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ballsofsteelandfury

Am I the only one that can’t do yoga classes because I get an erection?

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King Hippo

just self-harm right before

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The Maestro

That makes it even more of a problem though.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

YOGA PANTS WET SPORT WARNING!
YOGA PANTS WET SPORT WARNING!
YOGA PANTS WET SPORT WARNING!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

or spot, whatever.

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LemonJello

I’ve heard Caitlyn Jenner and Chelsea Manning have the same problem…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

And why exactly can’t you do yoga with an erection?
I’m not sure I understand the problem.

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Dunstan

No. Half the class has stopped going because you keep getting erections.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT WAS NIIIICE.

1
...

So everyone just saw the nationally-televised dick joke commercial, right?

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Senor Weaselo

We have ads?

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Sharkbait

How the fuck is there still 1 quarter left???

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Doktor Zymm

Vengeful God?

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Senor Weaselo

Toyota just used the John Cena theme to hawk the Camry. If you excuse me, I think I need to sell my Corolla now.

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WCS

Toyota has perfected “You Can’t See Me” technology.

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Senor Weaselo

Isn’t that the opposite of what they should be doing?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I want my flying car, dammit. Marty McFly said I’d have one by now.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Also; go Broncos.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Arso; go Bloncos.

FTFY

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I shoulda seen that one coming.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. Sorry, had to.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“It is youl duty.”

-The Ghost of Hines Wald

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trollsoharduniversity

Collinsworth: This is what Atlanta can do. They can run up a big lead and then grind you down.
THE REST OF THE GODDAMN WORLD: 28-3

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blaxabbath

How do these dudes not hear themselves?

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Redshirt

Its hard to hear yourself speak when your head’s up your own ass.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

Ook ook!

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Unsurprised

OOK?

Did you know that in the 60s-70s, comics with gorillas on the cover sold at a markedly higher rate, and so DC’s editor-in-chief eventually had to put a cap on how many covers could have apes on the cover each month.

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blaxabbath

Crazy! I don’t get comics at all. Even tried to get into them as a kid but never took. Love the idea. Love the stories I do hear about. Something it sounds like a pretty fun subculture to be s part of.

Just never got into comics.

1
Gratliff

Better to be comic fan adjacent so they can tell you what few comics are actually worth looking at

1
Shogun Marcus

Gorilla Grodd I do believe!

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Redshirt

See! Harambe deserved to be killed!

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Senor Weaselo

All right everyone, dicks back in.

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Wait a fuck…Cincinnati comes to gb next week.
Cincy looking at kaep.
Gb is where all this kneeling mess started if I’m not mistaken…
SHEEPLE WE ARE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS!

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blaxabbath

That was really fucking funny. One of the best through the looking glass I’ve ever read.

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Redshirt

Yes, but bad things have a tendency to happen when Cincy goes to Green Bay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-Wf7SHmgOE

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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...

HEHEHEHE I’M THE KICK PERSON NOW

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Folks

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blaxabbath

And this is why we leave Trump alone.

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Gratliff

I like literally every other person on that list more. I fucking hate that show and everything about its fans.

1
...

It’s just incredible to see who else was nominated. There’s real talent in those lists and yet it’s CBS’s lowest common denominator crap winning.

This is like a beer festival where Blue Moon wins every goddamned year just because it’s the peak of most folks’ preference.

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blaxabbath

Not even most folk — like, Mormon people are the judges.

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Senor Weaselo

“And for the 20th year in a row, the award for Best Ale goes to Flat Diet Ginger!”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Dunstan

But, it’s such SMART comedy! You can tell because they make a reference to quantum mechanics in between BAZINGAs!

1
Gratliff

Was looking for a good twitchin Ren Hoek pic, but stumbled across the incredibly questionable cap from Pokemon.
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Gratliff

Holy shit. That fap warning is amazing.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/File:James_breasts.jpg

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theeWeeBabySeamus

What? He didn’t win in ’12 for Werewolf Transformations????? I demand a recount you cheating bastards.

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe Don Cheadle will cut him.

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

blech

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Oh damn. That’s hot.

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Unsurprised

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Gratliff

So I’m a month in to running on an eliptical for 30 mins every other day and I’ve hated every moment of it. At what point do I not want to kill myself? Is it really worth it? Is death so much worse?

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Unsurprised

At what point do I not want to kill myself?

Never.

Is it really worth it?

Yes.

Is death so much worse?

It depends.

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blaxabbath

You got bum knees or something?

I recommend upping to 4-5 days a week and a little intensity never hurts. It’s amazing the noticeable improvements you’ll experience and that should make it more bearable.

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Gratliff

Actually, intensity may be why I don’t get as much out of it as I should. I crank the shit out of resistance and probably lose a lot of cardio in the process.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Mix up your cardiovascular workouts.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Zone out to music and feel what your body is doing.

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Gratliff

Mostly sweating and telling me I’m an idiot for doing this. My body makes good points.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do you have a pulse monitor/ recorder? That way you can bank your improvements.

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Doktor Zymm

It’ll always be boring and unpleasant as shit. Gotta find some way to do it while also distracting yourself. I do tennis or small group classes. Yoga doesn’t suck but isn’t super cardioish unless you’re doing a fast paced Vinyasa class

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Gratliff

I did yoga in college to knock out that pesky PE credit during my last semester there where I was the only male in a class of 30. Was easier to get motivated for it back then, but I never kept it up after the class. The meditation techniques are the only thing that really stuck. Teacher was a hippy of the highest order

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ballsofsteelandfury

remember the most important part:

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Col. Duke LaCross

Go intervals. I throw on my little iPod shuffle and go one song at a moderate pace, one song fast and alternate back and forth on the treadmill.

1
Wakezilla

1) Get a mid or back row eliptical.
2) Hope you have a good gym where attractive women workout
3) Enjoy the show

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Wakezilla

1) Go to the back row
2) Hope you go when attractive women work out
3) Enjoy the view

But the answer mostly is no.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For anyone watching The Orville – I once got the guy who plays LaMarr to go all-in against me after I flopped a royal flush.

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Senor Weaselo

Long story short, that’s how Rikki will get royalty checks for The Orville!

2
King Hippo

He’ll be getting 7 cents a month all the way to 2021!!

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blaxabbath

What ‘lister’ are you exactly?

So I can tell people I dickjoke blog with such a level celebrity.

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ballsofsteelandfury

The man has shared an elevator with the AT&T girl. YOU MAKE THE CALL!

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Redshirt

Questions:

1. Other people in the elevator or just him and my future ex-wife.
2. Where was the elevator? Popular place or residential?
3. Was idle conversation started or was she reaching for her mace?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Just him.
Residential.
Yes, but he’s married, so…

0
Redshirt

Seems legit.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Really just passed her on my way in while she was on her way out. Residential – same building as poker and she is friends with the host but has never actually played.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

M, maybe M-and-a-half.

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WCS

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Redshirt

Nice play. Normally people would run away after a flush on the flop, let alone with paint. They wouldn’t have a high flush because you had the highest flush.

What was the pot for?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a $10 buy in game, so maybe total chip share amounted to $7 or so. He’s actually quite a good player and usually moneys.

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Redshirt

Oh, okay. Still pretty good that you got someone to call with a Royal Flush on the board. Every time I catch Quads, the table runs away.

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blaxabbath

As the price of beer continues to rise, if I had the right kind of brewing skills, I’d have a brewery that does like Designer Imposters but for beer. And then we’d just make all your favorites under one roof and they’d be cheaper.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’d think eventually food science will improve to the point where they could just add a bunch of chemicals together to replicate things.

1
Senor Weaselo

Ester beer!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We used to paint beers and have an Easter Beer hunt at my dorm. Except one year they bought toxic paint so we played beer can baseball instead.

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Unsurprised

I’m sure it’s being studied extensively by AB-Inbev.

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blaxabbath

Jelly belly could make it happen.

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Col. Duke LaCross

Doesn’t break my heart to see Green Bay get humiliated on national TV again. At least the Bears have the common decency to get humiliated in regional coverage.

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