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Quotable Submissions – End of Regular Season 2017

ballsofsteelandfury

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Happy New Year to everyone!  This is your friendly neighborhood Balls here.  Our usual author, Blaxxy, had himself quite a New Year and is under the weather.

Anywhoo, you get me this week. As I mentioned in the New Year Open Thread, one of my New Year resolutions is to look like this:

I will be chronicling my progress throughout the months.  At the start of 2018, the current Balls/Ryan level is as follows:

Stay tuned for this exciting development!

Speaking of exciting developments, there is a parade coming to Cleveland!

While I was looking for GIFs, I ran across this video.  So good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4GXeHbELpI

Also, the playoffs are about to start!  However, Week 17 of the regular season brought plenty of exciting opportunities for us to make fun of the NFL.  Without further ado, TO THE GIFS!

https://gfycat.com/HeartfeltDecentFoxterrier

Another example of the Jets doing everything in their power to not hurt Tom Brady.

Marvin Lewis gets his last win as a Bengal coach?

A Buffalo touchdown celebration or a preview of things to come?

I’m assuming this was before he sent out Blair Walsh onto the field.

A Brownsian motion?

Ya think he went to the game with his mistress?

Um, guys, don’t you remember that LA Dodger guy got in trouble for this?

I wonder what caught his eye?

And last, but not least:

I know what I’d be saying…

Kick some butt, kids!

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JerBear50

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Not pictured in attendance:
assistant whispers in his ear
Shit, really?
Uhh, never mind I guess.

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Dick E. Phuck

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This isn’t Philly. The water’s too clear and there’s a noticeable lack of rusty oil drums and empty Rolling Rock bottles.

2
Dick E. Phuck

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In their defense that goal post was asking for it.

1
Dick E. Phuck

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By sitting in up the owner’s box, Carson Wentz is THAT much closer to Jesus.

1
Dick E. Phuck

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As much shit as people give Marvin Lewis (and deservedly so) I’d just like to say that in light of recent events, Hue Jackson makes Marvin Lewis look like Bill Walsh by comparison.

1
Dick E. Phuck

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“I can’t believe I gave that scalper my crack supply for tickets to this shitty game. Goddamnit.”

1
Dick E. Phuck

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“Did you know I was Michael Dudikoff’s stunt double in American Ninja? It’s True…Also jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.”

1
Petronel

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“…my only friend.”
“Get back down here, man! Game’s not done yet.”
“MY ONLY FRIEND.”

3
Petronel

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“Hey guys! Coach Lewis just called us back! He says we can come over and share their wings!”
“Can he still do that?”
“Apparently!”

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

https://gfycat.com/HeartfeltDecentFoxterrier

With poor fundamentals and tackling, Gregg wrote “game over” in his little notebook

Or

With the jets Jetsing, theres no need to have the refs help the P*ts.
-Goodel

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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This TD celebration make Erin Andrews uncomfortable

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Did not maintain posesion of the football.Ruling on th filed has been overturned

3
Redshirt

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“I’M THE KING OF BUFFALO!!!!!”

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Redshirt

or

(intro to bridge to My Heart Will Go On softly builds)
♫ You’rrrrrrre!! Hereeerrreee!! There’s nothing I fear! ♫

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Redshirt

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♫ Brown Sugar! How come you taste so good? ♫

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

This seems like the best place to leave this. For anyone who might have missed it…
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Unsurprised

Even Italian footballers see the flop he starts to do at the end as “a bit much.”

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

Indeed. I tried to find a longer version which shows it better. But he went full Marsha Brady before it was over.

Too funny.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Here we go, shoulda checked youtube first anyway…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXIMLlLXqZI

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Unsurprised

HE’S A PHONY!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I know, right?”

Tony Sparano

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I haven’t seen a shot to the face like that in New England since Gronk stopped banging Bibi Jones

5
theeWeeBabySeamus

I have no idea who she is.
As far as you know.

1
Senor Weaselo

“Personal foul, unsportsmanlike conduct, offense, number 11. Personal foul, also assessed to number 11 on the offense, for the player he hit flopping. Both penalties stack, number 11 is ejected for doing that in the same ZIP code as Tom Brady, he will be fined his first-born child, the Jets are docked a win and it is given to the Patriots, and it is a turnover on downs.”

2
JerBear50

Lebron approved.

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LemonJello

https://gfycat.com/gifs/detail/heartfeltdecentfoxterrier
I haven’t seen a group of jets miss a target this badly since Ted Striker led the raid on Macho Grande.

3
LemonJello

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How’d Ryan Leaf afford tickets to this game?

7
montythisseemsstrangetome

or even find his way to the stadium?

2
Unsurprised

The wind.

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Horatio Cornblower

Watching that Brady gif, which I can’t get to show up here for some reason, is like hitting five numbers in a lottery where you need six to win. IT WAS RIGHT THERE!!! WE HAD IT!!!!

3
Unsurprised

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Someone on the other side of the stadium said “69.”

Nice.

1
LemonJello

There IS a certain “Gronk-ness” to his appearance, isn’t there?

1
Unsurprised

That’s not Gronk? Shit. It didn’t hit me like a Duracell that the woman is wearing an Eagles coat, either.

Anyway, all white football players look alike.

1
LemonJello

Isn’t it Carson Wentz?

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Unsurprised

I seriously thought it was Gronk until you replied. Seeing the Eagles jacket makes me think that you’re right and it’s Wentz.

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LemonJello

I was trying to think up a Wentz-Gronk comment earlier, then thought I’d been huffing too much ether and was seeing a similarity that wasn’t really there.

Maybe Wentz is the Bizarro-Gronk?

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

But did he play the basket ball in highschool?

Every announcer

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I haven’t seen a bunch of Bills end up discarded on the lawn like that since the last time Warren Sapp went out to get his mail.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Goal weight.”
–Joey Julius

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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THESE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS I CALL THEM THE NASHVILLE MARRIOTT BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT PEOPLE LOOKING THROUGH THINGS THEY SHOULDN’T

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Unsurprised

A small black penis with the inner foreskin exposed.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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At least two of these people are masturbating

1
LemonJello

“What’s the o/u?”
-K. Hippo, Esq.

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“We all know 7-0 is safe, right?”

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Well, I can tell you that 6-0 isn’t.”

– Josh McDaniels circa 2009

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Jag off

2
LemonJello

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Is this some weird alternate ending where Red escapes Shawshank, leaving Andy behind?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love this.

1
JerBear50

There’s a poster of Rita Hayworth in his office covering the hole of perfect mediocrity he dug through Paul Brown Stadium.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Ooooh, so when Richie Incognito lays down with a bunch of men it’s ok?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Usually it’s a lack of hugs that leads to a young man ending up with his legs dangling in the air like that, wouldn’t you agree Coach Dungy?

9
Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit.

3
JerBear50

For some reason this is not the banner yet and I’ll be damned if I know why.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“That’s just terrible technique. But who will coach the coaches?”

– Ray Rice

3
Unsurprised

I hear OJ has some free time, if he wants to draw from the USC well again.

0
JerBear50

Janay Rice would like to apologize for her role in this video.

I know, I know… but horse meat is so goddamn tough if you don’t tenderize it.

0
LemonJello

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“See how effective a wall can be?!? Now, just imagine it being two, three times as tall! with guns! and spikes! and barbed wire! Oooohhh, maybe some flame cannons too!”
-Anonymous, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave

2
Unsurprised

That’s all facing the crowd, right?

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LemonJello

Whichever side is poorest. So, yes.

2
LemonJello

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“Scouting road trip with the boss!”

2
montythisseemsstrangetome

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“Woo! Best NFL team in Ohio!”

5
montythisseemsstrangetome

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Titans #67: Shit, I can’t reach him now that he’s up that high.

1
LemonJello

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What are these Saints so interested in? Hidden camera live-feed of the altar boys changing room?

4
Unsurprised

That cuts deep.

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blaxabbath

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“Jeez, act like you’ve been there before.” -Titans Fan, sipping champagne and protesting against the removal of Confederate statues.

3
ArmedandHammered

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The same reaction Rivers’ wife has after every pregnancy test.

8
blaxabbath

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(Per Wikipedia)
Assistant coaches under Marvin Lewis who have become NFL head coaches:

Leslie Frazier, Minnesota Vikings (2010–2013)
Hue Jackson, Oakland Raiders (2011), Cleveland Browns (2016–present)
Jay Gruden, Washington Redskins (2014–present)
Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings (2014–present)
Vance Joseph, Denver Broncos (2017-present)

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s less of a coaching tree and more of a coaching stump

2
Unsurprised

Hanging tree.

2
ArmedandHammered

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I am not Jame Harrison! He don’t play for us no more (as if he was before he left anyway).

1
ArmedandHammered

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Right up in there like a government controlled jet into a skyscraper!

3
Unsurprised

“What isn’t a reaction to a Blair Walsh kick, Alex?”

0
LemonJello

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“I call this move, ‘Duracell’. Its Zoolander-approved!”

0
Unsurprised

With those ears, I’d assume it would be the ‘Maxi-pad with wings.’

1
LemonJello

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That’s a nice tribute to their fans. Too bad the refs wouldn’t let them bring the folding tables into the end zone.

11
rockingdog

I like the…
“A buffalo TD or a preview of things to come” one.

2
montythisseemsstrangetome

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I haven’t seen this many bills falling since Wes Welker went to the Kentucky Derby.

9
montythisseemsstrangetome

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BOOM! Time off in January!

7
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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