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The Oakland Raiders have decided to add embattled outside linebacker Aldon Smith to their roster, reportedly signing him to a one-year deal. Please make jokes accordingly.
Oakland Raiders Sign Feckless Drunk for Unspecified Number of Bottles of Beer on the Wall
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Tags: quick hits
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Week 7: Aldon Smith makes a bomb threat against O.co Colloseum. Raiders management nods approvingly.
Unforunately, it is during the week prior to the Raiders hosting the Applesauce-led Kansas City Chiefs, so nobody takes the threat seriously.
He is fast and a criminal. Why is this even news?
Honestly, I’m surprised it took the Raiders this long to do it. Zombie Al Davis must have gotten stuck in traffic on the Bay Bridge.
Warned you AFC West bitches! A7don’s coming!
When he comes, does the door… fly open?
Sorry, I just made that awful joke, just to test the html code.
And it didn’t even work!
Thus making him the soberest member of Raider Nation.
I GET ALDON! BUT I GET UP AGAIN! YOU ARE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN
(sentiment not applicable to Albert Haynesworth)
I’ll never not like this .gif.
1) More like Aldui Smith, amirite?
2) This should help the Raiders regain their standing. As the most criminal team in the league.
3) More like Alldrunk Smith, amirite?
4) At least the Bay Area has good public transportation, so he won’t be driving like he was in (checks the Google) San Francisco?
5) More like Aldon Smithwicks, amirite?
6) Al Davis is rolling in his grave right now. Because Junior Tardhair left the lock on the lid.
So….he like won some kind of ‘Invicible’ style fan contest — but for Raider Nation?
So you know that story about how a fan hit a referee in the head with a whiskey bottle following the Hail Mary no-call? I always thought it would be fun to have a contest where people had to:
a.) Drink a 375 ml bottle of whiskey
b.) Soak their hands in an ice bucket for five minutes (or else wear thick gloves), and then
c.) Attempt to hit the head of a referee mannequin from a distance of 50 feet with the empty whiskey bottle hard enough that the glass breaks.
I think it would be really, really, really hard to do.
The city of Philadelphia would like to take you up on this challenge.
I thought the city of Philly holds that contest 8 weeks a year.
I thought it was 171 times a year because you have the Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, and Sixers.
I’ve been to O.co stadium. I’m pretty sure I saw that happen in the parking lot tailgate.
A guy in a Raiders jersey making dozens of attempts but failing to make a single competent throw? No, you’re thinking of Matt Schaub.
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