2018 Quotables – Conference Finals Weekend (Submissions)

This was the first weekend I’ve sat down by myself and watched football in 2 years. It was definitely a mixed bag. One the one hand, the games were much closer than I could’ve possibly expected and it was a little exciting to see some new blood doing well this deep in the playoffs. On the other hand, the relentless commercials were especially nauseating (if I hear someone sing “nah-nah nah nah” out of tune one more fucking time…) and the outcome was even more so.

I know you’ve all heard this plenty before now, but goddamn was the officiating awful. It’s to the point where I’m shocked the NFL hasn’t already started implementing some kind of pressure and/or position sensors in players helmets and pads. You add one more officiating crew member to monitor that stuff on the sideline, and he can instantly tell you if a quarterback gets hit in the head or not or if the ball crosses the first down marker/pylon. You still have the zebras (zed-e-bras for our Canadian Contingency), but you give something that can overrule them if they act like morons. You want to be the #1 sport in North America? Then act like it, try to fix the problems. embrace technology and think outside the box. With baseball, I can understand the reasoning for wanting the “human element” in the game (it’s still a shitty argument, but at least I get it), but with football? Hell, this sport seems to reinvent itself every decade already! If the XFL or AAF are listening, first of all, I knew Roommate Commander getting an Alexia device for X-mas was going to lead to this, and second, this is a golden opportunity for you two afterthoughts of a league to differentiate yourselves and actually be an industry disruptor! Give the fan a reason to want to check you out, instead of just being the same fucking retread with lesser talent you clearly are. Oh, but thank you for bringing football back to San Diego! I’ll see you on February 17th, live from Jack Murph!

Anyway, that’s enough out of me. Here’s what you actually came here for:

[Banner image via Peter Aiken/Getty Images]