Your “Knock It Off; It Ain’t Happening” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

  • There is talk again of expanding replay and making Pass Interference reviewable, like it is in the CFL.
    • It was a totally on-the-table already discussion and not a spur decision brought on by a horrendous call made on Sunday. No sir.

  • Annnnnnnnnnnd now there’s a lawsuit demanding a replay of the game.
    • As PFT dismissively observes:
      • “The New Orleans lawyer, Frank D’Amico, also has issued a press release that copies and pastes extensively from the original PFT story on the issue, without attribution. (Hopefully, D’Amico’s legal skills far exceed his P.R. abilities.)”
        • This is why you always attribute credit, students. Otherwise, Mike Florio makes fun of you on the internets.
  • Oh – and if you want to be part of the problem, there’s a change.org petition in attempts to force a replay of the NFC Championship game:
    • Due to refs’ inability to properly officiate at the game, we the undersigned want a re-match against L.A. on Sunday, Jan. 27. It’s the only fair solution to this travesty of epic proportions.
    • It’s got over a half-million signatures, which should provide the Russians Republicans with a nice voter registry to target in 2020.
  • The window for KC’s Super Bowl is two more years, because the projected extension coming Patrick Mahomes’ way is expected to be $200 million.
    • In contrast, he made $550,000 in base salary this year, and will make $645,000 base in 2019.
    • That would beat the previous high of $150 million given to Matt Ryan.
  • Not going to be there to see it is Chiefs DC Bob Sutton, who was fired today as a result of KC’s inability to stop the Patriots on 3rd down.
    • Lying through his rib-stained teeth, Andy Reid said,
      • “I’ve said before that change can be a good thing, for both parties, and I believe that is the case here for the Chiefs and Bob. This was not an easy decision, but one I feel is in the best interest of the Kansas City Chiefs moving forward.”
  • It’s been a while since I stole from Crimebeat!, but Darren McFadden was arrested after falling asleep in a Whataburger drive-thru lane.
    • The former Run-DMC of the Cowboys & Raiders was charged with DWI and resisting arrest.

Finally, Alex Smith showed up at a Wizards game with a leg that looked like he had Vinny Pazienza attached to it like he’s a modern-day Scuzzlebutt.

   +      =

Your 2019 [Redacteds] starting QB

Site news:

Don’t forget about this week’s “Quotables”. You can relive your rage at the officials one more time, and get in some shots at how the games unfolded. There’s always room for referencing how a true Lewis would have stabbed him instead.

I’m unable to link to the AVN Awards article, because something something school board investigation.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Sharks at Capitals – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Red Wings at Oilers – 9:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Kings at Raptors – 7:00PM | TSN
    • Trail Blazers at Thunder – 8:00PM | NBATV
  • NCAA:
    • Clemson at Florida State – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Mississippi State at Kentucky – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Texas Tech at Kansas State – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Villanova at Butler – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Duke at Pittsburgh – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Mississippi at Alabama – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

I appreciate the zealousness of the fanbase, but the longer they complain the more they sound like Patriots fans. HAVE SOME RESPECT!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Your “Pre-Super Bowl Week Is A Dead Zone” Wednesday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] response to a query posed by Unsurprised last […]

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m still up because I suck, but anyway, this post-season seems to have murdered the site. I don’t care about the NFL, but come the fuck on, folks. This is a good site with good content and people.

WCS

History and geography are defined by people, and always have been. Winners, losers, arbitrary lines on a map weren’t a thing until we gained sentience. We selectively choose who wins, loses, whatever. That has never changed, and I don’t think it will.

Wakezilla

Sounds like you’re not on the hyperglobalist or transformationalist bandwagon when it comes to globalization theory

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Welp, it’s only Tuesday. Fuck this week.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

On the other hand, it’s almost Friday and the start of the Rolex 24!!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It shouldn’t matter whether this woman I knew is being a thirst trap or not on IG (11k followers suggests so), but my question is: Am a fucking idiot for following her? I am, right?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s what IG is for. Quench your thirst.

WCS

I ask myself the same thing every time I log onto Twitter.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Wakezilla

Top 10 influencers under 10? Is that from the NAMBLA Now?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pssst, hey….

I decided to drive up to MD a day early. GF won’t be here until Friday.

Should I wank it on all of her furniture before she gets here? And what if she has one of those blacklights and checks?

Decisions, decisions.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Yes. Everywhere. She’ll appreciate the personal touch.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m trying to figure out how to get porn on her TV without her knowing.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You’re all the porn she needs. Drop those trousers and keep it real.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I might have to go buy an HDMI cable tomorrow. I got my laptop and free internet porn.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A ChromeCast might be cheaper.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Alternately, have you heard of Plex? https://www.plex.tv

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This is the easiest solution. And it’s portable!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s a shame just using any random USB thumb drive is so hit or miss

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes.

Senor Weaselo

Jack it on the hypothetical blacklight!

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Luckily, AOC is a woman of the people and doesn’t ride Acela or else I’d fear for her riding the NYC-DC Amtrak and being accosted by Peter King (racist MMQB, not the racist Congressman) who could literally bore her to death about whatever. Maybe.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait

Raycess Mirror?

Fronkenshteen

Nick Sandmann on encounter with Native American elder Nathan Phillips: 'I respect him' https://t.co/OCTzN1mlIy

— TODAY (@TODAYshow) January 22, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Gratliff

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Another Onion article, last line rules:
Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game

KANSAS CITY, MO—In an effort to gain a competitive advantage against a formidable opponent, the New England Patriots scored two touchdowns against the Chiefs Friday in a preemptive strike before Sunday’s AFC Championship Game. “We knew we had to do something to catch them off guard, so we ran a no-huddle offense before they stepped onto the field and were able to get 16 points on the board after those two-point conversions,” said Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who overcame several dropped passes and a botched snap before finding the end zone twice. “Hopefully it’ll be tough for the Chiefs to overcome this deficit—especially if we win the coin toss and can put another score on the board before they even get a possession. I think it should give our defense the opportunity to pin their ears back and get after the QB. Mahomes tends to get careless with the ball when he’s playing from behind.” At press time, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid had already squandered all of the team’s timeouts before kickoff.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Guy I work with, also from Massachusetts, is a somewhat more stereotypical Pats fan, though he plays the “Tommy from Quinzee” role somewhat tongue-in-cheek. He asked me today if I had heard about the laser being shone in Brady’s eyes in Sunday’s game. I said no, I thought that happened in Mexico a year or two ago. He said maybe it was the same Mexican guy and that the wall would have kept him out of the country and Brady safe (he is a Republican that is chagrined about Trump, like Redshirt, except he won’t come right out and admit it).
I told him that the guy was trying to ingratiate himself by Making America Great Again for all the Patriot Haters.

WCS

So, you’re friends with Bom Trady?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Damn, I thought I had covered my tracks better than that.

Gratliff

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Can “James Woods tried to kill a baby” be the new “Craig James killed five hookers” meme?

/Remembers that James Woods sued someone on Twitter for libel and defamation
//Remembers that it’s more important to motherfuck James Woods whenever possible.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Does anyone else here watch The Magicians?

Sharkbait

Negative, but I do need a new show to binge. Any good?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Everybody fucks, so, yeah, I’ve heard it’s pretty good. I’ve also heard it’s pretty good outside of everyone fucking.

Gratliff

Respect the GOAT.

Kamala Harris Assembles Campaign Staff Of Unpaid California Prison Laborers https://t.co/t3ctLD1zJa pic.twitter.com/mvttaqnr01

— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 22, 2019

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Gratliff

"I’m so grateful to have such an incredible and devoted team headed up by my new campaign manager, Spider, as we work together to fight for American values." https://t.co/Xlg9mqqe0n

— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 23, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Sharkbait

Finally got around to reading the AVN post. Thank web developers for creating incognito mode.

Redshirt

So Cincinnati Media has been exploding over CovCathGate. Everyone’s (who’s not a MAGAdyte) agrees the Native American is in the right, the kids are just kids, and the Black Hebrew Israelites are the real villains here.

My read is the Native American did nothing wrong (though I would’ve said “here’s a prayer song from my people”, but that’s nothing really), the kids shouldn’t have responded to the trolls though they need a lesson in personal space and social cues (if you stand one foot in some random guy’s face with a smirk on your face and you’re not planning on giving a kiss or throwing a punch, you really need to back up about three feet). the chaperones should’ve stayed with the kids instead of sending them into WASHINGTON, DC unsupervised (creating a National Controversy that’s going to follow them their entire lives is really the Best Worst Case Scenario here), and the Black Hebrew Israelites are getting most of the blame the kids are getting.

I’m curious, what is the read in your guys’ camp?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

That smug little fuck that stood in front of the Native American will be in the news again someday as a fratbro involved in a) a hazing death at the frat, b) a rape and coverup at the frat, or c) both and will face no consequences for his actions.

As for the incident itself, I agree with you, but I actually tend to immediately expect the worst out of anyone wearing a MAGA hat.

Redshirt

“I actually tend to immediately expect the worst out of anyone wearing a MAGA hat.”

Yup, that’s why I called them MAGAdytes, but I think I owe an apology to all the troglodytes for disparaging their good name.

scotchnaut

This is all bullshit splitting of hairs that keeps folks distracted-HEY LOOK OVER THERE, A RACIST IS BEING CALLED OUT!!!!

/sneaks over to your camp with a gallon of gasoline and some matches

Redshirt

(holds Insurance Policy)

“Good. Its all going according to plan.”

scotchnaut

When you cash it in it might just be able to pay for one visit to your doctor.

Gratliff

The kids are shitheads, but a drop in the bucket that is their parents’ shittiness, and to some extent, it’s how I expect most groups of shitty teenagers to act. However, it was a blip overall, until Shithead McGee’s mom got in touch with a CNN-affiliated PR firm and spun the motherfuck out of the whole thing, now the kid’s gonna be on the Today Show and the Civility Politics kids are calling for the heads of everyone who isn’t immediately groveling at the feet of the oppressed privileged MAGA kids. Now it’s a matter of principle to say fuck that kid’s mom.

Redshirt

I just did a search for where CovCath is. Its worse that I thought. Its in the rich part of Northern Kentucky, so they’re entitled and rich and Kentuckians.

With Ohio and Kentucky, I’m surprised Southeast Indiana doesn’t sue to be considered part of Extreme Southeast Metro Indianapolis instead of OH-KY-IN Tri-State Area.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is the correct take.

Wakezilla

“the kids are just racist shitheads who should be expelled”

Fixed that for you

Redshirt

That was the general opinion of Cincinnatians. The only thing that can fix that is a stiff drink, one NFL playoff victory or winning MLB playoff series, and several years of extensive psychotherapy.

Senor Weaselo

I think they had a thing on the Black Hebrew Israelites in an episode of Hate Thy Neighbor. I think it might have even been the same one as the Klan.

Well except Jamali Maddox couldn’t go to the rally and all.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The new videos of them harassing random girls and making rape “jokes” at them and generally being shitheads isn’t helping them. Nor is the fact that Covington Catholic is getting rightfully dragged for having rapists, having their students in blackface mocking black students from another school at a basketball game, and being exactly the kind of elitist and racist shithole you can imagine when you hear “all-male Catholic high school in a rich Kentucky suburb.” Also the diocese unsurprisingly has its own flag planted in the pedophile priest lawsuit situation.

But ultimately, this is entirely the fault of the parents and teachers who sent a busload of upper-class white boys across multiple states for a pro-forced birth, pro-women dying rally and indoctrinated them enough to think that such a thing was acceptable and that the appropriate uniform was the MAGA hat.

Burn the school, diocese, and their parents homes and businesses to the fucking ground. Or instead, confiscate all that stuff, turn every private school into public schools, and bring back school bussing. The chaperones still deserve to be literally crucified. Once they let these little fuckers make those rape comments to anyone, of course they were going to escalate because they were being given to green light all day and that was really bright one that said “Be as shitty as you want. Your parents and teachers approve.”

nomonkeyfun

I order the blame this way.

1. The parents. They raised these entitled dipshits, and chose to send precious Braidynnnn to that “school”.
2. The school. For their philosophies and most immediately, not supervising the little assholes. The kids are teenagers, an age that engenders assholish behavior anyway, and at a protest that leads to heightened emotions.
3. The kids themselves. They have all the advantages in the world.
4. The Black Israelites. The only reason the kids are worse, is because I think most of the Black Israelites are mentally ill. This is just from listening to them at Union Square and their unhinged rants.

But really fuck them all, and especially for chanting “build the wall” to an indigenous person.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Watching the rebroadcast of the AFC Championship on NFL Nutwork and trying not to touch myself.

WCS

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Sharkbait

Save up for two weeks from now

scotchnaut

“We’re watching the same game and this a goddamn fantasy cum true.”

-members of The Incredibly Shitty NFL Referees Union

Redshirt

(voice from outside of closed door)

Because I’m such a nice guy and you guys have really embraced me as the DFO’s Token Evil Teammate for being a Conservative, I’ll set you guys up with an easy one.

(Door Flies Open)

Hey guys! Guess what? I’m a Republican and the Trump Republican Tax Reform reduced my tax refund by about 33%.

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ballsofsteelandfury

That sucks, man.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Obviously, you are not a true Murican, otherwise you would be rich enough to get the benefit, or so poor you don’ t pay taxes anyway. Now you got me worried about ours.

Redshirt

I screwed up in college, so I fall in I think the 30th-40th percentile. Not enough to be considered poor, but not enough to be well off.

Basically I have to choose between “put the surplus money in savings” or “Yay! Playing around money!”. I can’t do both effectively.

WCS

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Sharkbait

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

As a geologist, I don’t see the problem with this.

scotchnaut

As a Republican, this must have come to you as a huge surprise.

WCS

Gamefly commercials make me want to punch newborns.

Gratliff

I’m surprised it’s still holding up with Game Pass and Playstation Now in full swing. Soon, it’ll be the Netflix DVD subscription off in a corner crying while watching an entire generation of kid who’ve never held a physical game disk.

Senor Weaselo

I wonder how many Gen Zers know that Netflix had DVDs. Speaking of, anyone know if Trevor Semen died via Tide Pod or getting hit by a chair from his wrestling or something?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Died from a Stone Cold Stunner gone awry?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Kidding. He probably just found booze and women.

He could’ve at least shared the booze.

Wakezilla

What’s PlayStation now?

Gratliff

It’s a streaming service for PS3/PS4 games. Monthly subscription, and it can be played both on PS4 and PC. I have Xbox One, so I used it to get through Last of Us and Ni No Kuni. Game Pass has the better overall service, especially with new exclusives getting instantly added to it, but it doesn’t stream, it installs and runs, so it requires the computer to be able to handle the game, while the PS4 one is rendered i̵̢̩̱̇n̶̹͇̫̟̳͎̮͉̭̅̈͠ ̴̥͕͗̔̂̚͜ẗ̵̡̛̬̣̬̯̣̜̮̿̓̎̓̃h̷̝̠̪̘̯͛̊͗̃́̕e̴̛͉̻̗͔̝̝͂̾̀͂̉̍͐̕͜͜ ̵̢̞̠͇̩͚͉͙͝c̷͖̫̘̳̬̞̓͆̄̈l̷̫͚͉̹̫̜̬͐̐̔̐̔̋̓͘̚͝o̵̡̦̺̬̪̮̫̳͐͐̈͜͝û̴̧̥̙̼̣̙̞̮̼̉͜d̶͎̋͊, so you can play it on most any PC.

Fronkenshteen

Your comment haz tattoo?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

It takes commercials for you to feel that way? For me it is just having to get up in the morning.

Sharkbait

Gamefly still exists?

WCS

According the never ending series of bloody stool commercials, apparently so.

Gratliff

Just reactivated Netflix for the first time in 4 months, and apparently, every show I’ve ever watched in my life has released a new season since.

Wakezilla

Too bad Larry Walker didn’t get the nod. Martinez, Halladay and Walker had a YUGE impact on Canadian baseball in terms of development.

Ian Scott McCormick

He was never getting in this year, but I would have liked to see him get 65%, so next year’s jump would be a little more reasonable.

scotchnaut

“You forgot about us.”

-Dave Steib, Rusty Staub, Andre Dawson, Gary Carter, Tim Raines, Tim Wallach, Steve Rogers, George Bell, Vlad Guererro, Tom Heinke, John Cerutti, Rick Ceronne, etc, etc.

Ian Scott McCormick

I think he was talking about Canadian born players, though yeah, guys playing in Canada probably did their part as well. Fun fact: Larry Walker had more career WAR than any of those players.
Larry Walker is underrated.

scotchnaut

For sure. I deliberately misinterpreted him because there’s a wealth of fellas that did tons of great work up here but that work tends to be put aside/forgotten completely.

/Thanks, “Advanced Stats” for putting ballers that happened to play north of the 49th onto a more even playing field with those that played in major media markets.

nomonkeyfun

“So I never won a World Series for you hosers?”

-Joe Carter

scotchnaut

No idea who you’re talking about. Is he one of June Carter Cash’s kids?

litre_cola

No, I think he is Aaron Carter’s brother.

/I spared you all an Aaron Carter video.

Ian Scott McCormick

Mariano Rivera got the unanimous vote to the Hall. He was one of my favorites. I only have one shirsey, mostly because I’m a “Durr, what kind of man puts another man’s name on his back” type. I made an exception for Mo.
That said I am the president of #TeamWhoGivesAShit with regards to unanimous votes. Being in the Hall is the honor. Mo wasn’t the best player of all time and this doesn’t make him the best retroactively. He’s in the Hall. That’s all that matters.

Senor Weaselo

Mine is Andy, because I like my lefties, being one myself.

I just sent Senorita Weaselo the All-Star Game entrance in 2008, where I lost my voice along with everyone else there singing “Enter Sandman.” She must know.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Enter, Sandman,” is also what my wife says on every third Saturday. Heyo!

yeah right

Tom Verducci of Sports Illustrated had an amazing stat: Mariano Rivera faced 527 batters in the post season and the number of batters that produced an earned run against him were less than the number of people who have walked on the moon.

I’ll leave that here.

Wakezilla

Sad news; Cardiff City forward Emiliano Sala now missing, presumed dead, according to the AFP.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Maybe they find him, maybe they don’t; que Sala Sala.
/No you’re a bad person.

scotchnaut

I thought my hobo-killing stories were in bad taste…. smgdh

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yeah. “Stories.”

Senor Weaselo

That doesn’t sound like it is going very Wales.

litre_cola

As they say in French, Sala vie! Or not if he is indeed dead.

Redshirt

Ça ne devrait pas être “C’est la mort”. Pardon. Juste un peu d’humour de potence.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“He’s sleeping with the Wales now…” was RIGHT THERE.

Senor Weaselo

No, he was sleeping with the Wales. Now he might be sleeping with the fishes.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

It’s the beginning of Manifest 2: Soccer Boogaloo

Bookmark this post and return in 5 years.

scotchnaut

The book “Down and Out in Paris and London” is in the books. Next up-“Resurrection” by Wolf Haas. I’m also trying to knock off individual chapters of “Istanbul” by Orhan Pamuk while I ‘do my business’ but it is boring as hell.

/gimme the name of a lesser-known author that you enjoy/have enjoyed
//I give you Jason Goodwin-he’s the author of a history of the Ottoman Empire (Lords of the Horizon) and also has a detective series centered around a eunuch

Game Time Decision

Currently reading a book by Patricia Cornwell. Very CSI ish, but I likey that kind of stuff.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Didn’t she invent or effectively invent that forensic science genre of crime fiction?

nomonkeyfun
scotchnaut

Firstly, how could I have possibly forgotten the phrase ‘cunty fingers’? Secondly, how was this not the name of a woman eventually seduced by James Bond?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Ohhh, the title is “Istanbul” now?

scotchnaut

Before anyone posts the relevant video, Them Giants most brilliant tune/vid is “Birdhouse in Your Soul”.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Like this one

scotchnaut

You’ve obviously never heard the song stylings of The 5 Neat Guys. “Who Made The Egg Salad Sandwiches?”, (Everyone Says) “She Does It” and the incomparable “Because Matsy Has The Biggest Breasts in Town”.

Just Lurking
Just Lurking

Currently finishing ‘And then all hell broke loose’ by Richard Engel
His experiences reporting from the middle east

Also I recommend ‘Guests of the Ayatollah’ and a somewhat unknown football book titled ‘Bringing the heat’ by Mark Bowden

scotchnaut

“Football” or soccer?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I haven’t read everything he’s written, but the books I’ve read by Joseph Kanon are pretty solid; mostly post-WWII thrillers/espionage stuff (40s and 50s). One of his books was made into a movie, The Good German with Clooney, Cate Blanchett, and that kid that was Spider-Man. I liked the film and chased the book down, really enjoyed it. In fact, he’s had a couple more come out in the last couple years I need to get caught up with.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

For a fun read The Chronicles of Master Li and Number 10 Ox by Barry Hughart, sort of a Sherlock Holmes story in a fantastical China and based on many of their folktales and mythology.

SonOfSpam

Rumouuuur has it the Chiefs might look at Rex Ryan to be the new DC.

Reid & Ryan: A new show where the two coaches terrorize KC barbecue restaurants.

scotchnaut

I’m not sure Rex Ryan is NFL-employable. He brings so much frottage-I mean, baggage with him to any team that he coaches for.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“We now cut live to the Chief’s Locker Room for the team toilets enacting their suicide pact at the news.”
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scotchnaut

Some Dick anticipated this and set it to music-

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’d still binge watch the FUCK out of a show of Andy Reid and the Ryan Brothers (because you gotta have both for this) touring KC and eventually America and the world trying every BBQ joint. Bonus points for the first time the best they find in a town is from a local gas station or chicken shack.